I do not own Phineas and Ferb.
Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode.
Escape From Phineas Tower Bloopers
Take One
"Wow!" exclaimed Phineas. "What's that thing?"
"Oh, this? It's an escape chamber from an old vaudeville show," explained Lawrence. "In the old days, men would go into these things and pretend to be locked inside and then they would 'escape' to the amazement of the crowd. Here, let me show you."
Lawrence approached the wooden chamber and tugged on the handle, but it wouldn't open. Ferb smirked. "Looks like someone forgot to unlock it."
The director gave an annoyed sigh. "Someone go and get me the prop guy."
Take Two
When Lawrence stepped fully into the box, Phineas ran up behind him and yanked the door shut. He quickly locked it and he took off with a cackle. "Oi!" cried Lawrence, pounding on the door. "Let me out!"
"Let me get this straight," spoke the director, running a hand down his face. "Not only did you not have the prop set up in the first place, but you gave the key to the prop to Phineas?"
The prop guy quailed under the director's piercing glare. "He said he wanted to hold onto it," he said feebly.
"Are you new here?" asked the director incredulously.
"Er…yeah, actually. It's my first day."
After a moment of blank staring, the director turned to his assistant. "Remind me to put a few extra notes into the orientation folders. Also, find someone to chase down Phineas."
"How about Ferb?" she suggested, gesturing to the boy, who had been observing the conversation with a great deal of amusement.
"I'll do it for fifty dollars," spoke Ferb with a grin.
The director snorted. "I pay you enough as it is."
"Clearly we're not looking at the same paycheck."
"Will someone please let me out of here?"
…
Take One
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! My brother and I are here today to give you a thrilling display of escapement arts as we attempt to extricate ourselves from this, the most complicated trap ever devised by man or child! A computer-controlled tower so fiendishly clever that—"
Phineas cut himself off and hunched over, gasping in mouthfuls of air. "Too much talking," he wheezed. "Not enough breathing."
"You're supposed to do them at the same time," said Isabella with a roll of her eyes. "Or have you still not mastered that yet?"
Take Two
"But what if you do not come out?" asked Baljeet in concern.
"If we're not out in fifteen minutes, you can smash the machine and rescue us, just like in the old days," said Phineas cheerfully.
"Sounds like a party," said Buford, holding out a mallet.
"Cut!" cried the director. "Who gave Buford a real mallet?!"
"I'm a method actor," deadpanned Buford, causing his friends to burst into laughter.
"I've worked with you for years. That is completely false."
"Rude."
Take Three
"Ferb? Start the timer please!"
Ferb walked over and pulled on the lever of their oversized digital clock. The red zeroes changed to a fifteen and Buford called, "Synchronizing watches!"
"Women and children and the faint of heart may wish to leave now," spoke Phineas as he and Ferb climbed the elevator platform and pushed the button. The elevator rose several feet into the air but came to a sudden screeching halt before they reached the top of the contraption.
Isabella set her hands on her hips. "Should I call the fire department?"
"Perhaps our ladder will reach them," suggested Baljeet.
"Nah, they can make that jump," dismissed Buford.
…
Perry glanced at the sign that read 'Please Wipe Feet!' He paused for a second before shrugging and rubbing his webbed feet against the plush mat. A trapdoor opened up beneath him and he found himself enclosed in a cat suit, his head poking out of the opening in the neck.
Heinz burst into laughter. "Oh man, this is so stupid! If only you could see it from my point of view! It's like, the head of a platypus attached to the body of a cat!"
"That's the point, Heinz!" snapped the director. "All right, everyone reset!"
…
Trussed up in strait-jackets, Phineas turned to Ferb and said, "Strait-jackets. Classic. Ready?"
He tried to stand on his head, but couldn't find his balance and tipped over, rolling across the floor. Ferb shook his head. "We're going to be here a while."
"You know what, that's a good look for you two," said the director dryly.
"Uh…can someone help me up?"
…
"It would be terrible if they did not come out," said Baljeet, his eyes focussing on constructing a card tower on a sleeping Candace's stomach.
"I know," said Isabella feelingly, squirting some shaving cream into her hair.
Candace's eyes flew open and she shot upwards. "No one said anything about shaving cream!" she wailed.
"Candace! All you have to do is pretend to be asleep!" cried the director.
"She's putting shaving cream in my hair! That wasn't in the script!"
Isabella shrugged. "I'm improvising."
"Well, unimprovise!"
"That's not even a word."
"Candace, lay back down," ordered the director. "The shaving cream stays. Good idea, Isabella."
"Thanks, Boss!"
"Yeah," said Candace, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Thanks Boss."
…
"And to speak further on this topic, it is my great pleasure to introduce the Ambassador from England, the most etiquette-y country in the world and my personal friend—oh, my goodness, what an ugly-shaped head that man has. With an ugly face to match."
Outrage flooded Heinz's expression as Roger turned to face him with a smirk. "Hey! This is harassment! Someone phone H.R.!"
"Yeah right," grumbled the director. "I can't even get H.R. to help me."
…
"Wait wait wait!" Phineas looked up from his script to regard Ferb with wide eyes. "You can untie knots with your toes?"
"Yes."
"How did the writers even find that out?"
"We have conversations. But I feel like you should be more concerned with the fact that we're going to have to dodge darts flying from the walls and avoid giant red balls."
"Oh. Right. Well, at least the darts will be foam." Phineas' brow furrowed. "Er, I think."
…
With the shooting finished up for the day, the kids crossed through the parking lot. Phineas rubbed his sore arm, a slight scowl on his features. "Yeah. Those were real darts."
"Hello, boys and girl."
Candace strode out from behind a parked car, her eyes narrowed into slits. Phineas and Ferb exchanged grins and gave the others a wide berth. Baljeet held his hands up in a placating manner.
"Don't be a sore loser, Candace. It's Boss' fault for letting us improvise."
"I can't kick the butt of our boss," said Candace. "But I'm more than happy to kick your butts. Do you want to know something about the hand-in-warm-water trick, Baljeet?"
"What?" he asked nervously, not liking the dark look that spread across her face.
"It works."
Baljeet screamed and took off running. Buford and Isabella were close behind and Candace pursued them with a war cry. Ferb jogged after them, pulling out his phone and recording the chase. Phineas crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head.
"Poor Candace. Not even in an episode where she's sleeping can she catch a break."
