On a normal day Lily would have worried about gathering attention and raising suspicions by running through the castle as a lone red fox. Certainly it was unwise of her to use the main stairs and almost trip up a very surprised Raul Pucey as he was on his way down to dinner in the great hall. But right then all she cared about was getting to Alasdair as soon as possible in order to hear him debunk Poppy's outlandish theories about his alleged deceitfulness.
She imagined his eyebrows bunching together and his mouth twitching upwards into the look of amused disdain that he had shown her on several occasions in the past whenever he was unconvinced of a plan she had formulated or an idea she had put to him.
But when she arrived at the dusty old ballroom in Ravenclaw tower- the very one in which she had first met Alasdair- he was nowhere to be seen. Lily had spotted him there on the Marauders map just moments before taking off from the owlery. She had certainly done her best to get there as fast as she could but now it seemed as though he had already moved on. Her sharp canine eyes followed the light that was reflecting off of the gigantic chandelier at the centre of the room and onto the four walls around her. But everything was silent and still.
Lily transformed back into her witch self and let out a sigh. Then she turned around and begun to head towards the door thinking that she would search the surrounding rooms when something caught her eye.
It was Alasdair's clear blue eyes reflecting off of one of the many mirrors lining the enormous room.
Instinctively Lily stepped towards the mirror. Alasdair chuckled and stepped out from the shadows behind her.
'I seem to remember you making that same mistake the last time we were here' he commented in amusement.
Lily whipped around to face him.
'Alasdair…'
Though he was smiling at her Lily did not have it in her to return it. She was too bogged down with the thoughts that Poppy had sent scattering through her head.
'You've seen the other pages then I take it?' The Scottish boy noted her sullen expression and let out a long sigh.
'You know that Poppy and Lysander took them?' Lily was surprised.
'She's a clever one that Balfour…' Alasdair admitted reluctantly.
'But she really should have tried harder not to be seen by the portraits. You know how they talk'
'Did you lie to us Alasdair?'
Lily didn't know how to begin so she went straight to the heart of the matter. But this achieved nothing but to make Alasdair purse his lips.
'Did you know that the blood bond would be dangerous?' She prompted him again. Though he stood silently, the stony look on his face had already caused her stomach to clench with dread.
'I knew that Noirmorter would be more dangerous' Alasdair retorted finally.
Lily closed her weary eyes and let out a whimper. She felt as though she were in a bad dream; one in which everyone she knew was acting like strangers.
'You asked me to do you a favor when we first met. Yet you never mentioned what it was you wanted…' Lily left her eyes shut for a moment, trying to stay calm and gather her thoughts.
'…When I asked you to read Hufflepuff's diary, was that you doing me a favor or me doing you one?' She finally opened her eyes to study Alasdair's expression.
'It was your destiny to read those pages…' Alasdair's face was a picture of calm and clarity. It was not the expression Lily expected to encounter during this conversation.
'…I only helped it to happen. I needed you to see them'
'You used my pixie dust on me?' Lily's voice wavered in anger.
'I needed you to see those pages' Alasdair repeated.
'You wrote squib on my robes?' Lily felt her hands begin to shake and so too did the chandelier at the centre of the room.
'You spread those rumors about me in first year?'
There was a shattering sound as the crystals on the enormous ornament began to shatter one by one under the strain of Lily's anger.
'Lily, you have to understand how important this all was' Alasdair said calmly. 'I told you I would need you to do something for me-'
'Well I've done you your stupid favor now, so you can leave me alone and never speak to me again!' Lily yelled venomously.
There was a moment of silence between them in which all that could be heard was Lily's deep breaths.
'That wasn't it' Alasdair's reply was so soft it was hardly audible.
'Then what is it?' Lily spat back. 'What on earth do you want Alasdair?'
'I told you' his voice came out in a rusty whisper. 'I want to lie in the soft brown earth with the grasses waving above my he-'
'So you want to die?' Lily yelled callously over him. She had no more patience for his games or riddles. 'Well then go ahead! Why are you still here?'
'Because I can't go until I've laid to rest what kept me back as a ghost in the first place!' It was Alasdair's turn to yell now.
'I can't go until the girl I saw on my deathbed does what I saw she would. I can't go until you perform the blood bond and stop Noirmorter from spreading at Hogwarts again!'
'What on earth are you talking about Alasdair?' Lily shook her head and narrowed her eyes at him.
'The vision I had' Alasdair spoke forcefully.
'The vision I had when I contracted Noirmorter- whilst I was dying. I saw a girl with pale skin, almond shaped eyes and deep red hair cut open her hand before transforming into a fox. I saw light shimmering in the darkness and the shadows of four animals performing the pact…'
Lily stopped shaking her head and froze. After catching Noirmorter herself she had asked Alasdair about his vision and he had told her about this girl… but she had never thought about who she might be- never imagined…
'I didn't see everything clearly' Alasdair admitted.
'But I did see you Lily. I saw your face as plain as day. Centuries before your birth. And I waited. I waited so long for you, for the girl that I saw, to show up at Hogwarts. I didn't know when it would be but year after year I looked for you amongst the first years…'
Lily swallowed hard. Her head was spinning. The idea that Alasdair had seen her even before she had been born- before her parents had even been born was mind boggling.
'I must admit, when your grandmother came I was sure it was her' Alasdair went on.
'But no matter how hard I tried I never managed to get her to read the diary and so she never became an animagus. I spent years thinking I'd failed. That I would be stuck as a ghost forever-'
'But you chose to be a ghost' Lily pointed out. She didn't feel even an ounce of pity for Alasdair in that moment.
'If you were so desperate to die Alasdair why did you? You could have ignored the vision you saw of the future. The vision is there to give you a choice isn't it? To help you decide whether you are ready to rest in peace or whether you have something left to stay for?'
'I couldn't choose to die knowing that Hogwarts might one day be overtaken by the Anguis if I did…' Alasdair sounded as though he had something caught in his throat as he spoke and his eyes shone with a wretched pain that Lily had never seen in them before.
'…the guilt would have plagued me in my grave. It wouldn't have been a peaceful rest. It would have been torture'
'Why should you feel guilty for what the Anguis-?' Lily shot back. But her own words caught in her throat and she let out a shaky breath.
'Unless..you were…?'
Alasdair's piercing blue eyes shifted to the side and he fiddled with his Slytherin tie as Lily had often seen him do when he was feeling stressed.
'But that doesn't make sense' Lily cried in horror. 'You died of Noirmorter! why would the Anguis kill one of their own?'
'I wasn't just one of them Lily…' Alasdair looked into her eyes and let out a heavy sigh.
'…I was Corvinus Gaunt's chosen one. I was the protector of the Chamber of Secrets'
'You?' Lily cried out in shock and her words echoed around the huge room. 'You were the one Corvinus Gaunt gave the locket he made to? You were the owner of the replica of Slytherin's locket?'
The pain in Alasdair's eyes intensified as he stared back at Lily. In his rush to explain, words tumbled out of his mouth in what sounded more like a plea than a confession.
'He asked me to open the chamber to kill one of the four heads of houses. They had formed a Hetaeria Sodalitas Lily. It was the only thing stopping another Noirmorter attack. All I had to do was let the basilisk kill one of them and the bond would be broken. Then Corvinus and the other Anguis would be able to attack the muggle-born students with the curse of the black death-'
'It was your fault?' Lily's voice rose a few octaves and she felt as though she were loosing her grip on reality. She was hardly able to fathom how someone so close to her could have lied for so long, let alone that he could have been involved in the plotting of a massacre of innocent students.
'You opened the chamber of Secrets? You let the basilisk kill the professor? You brought Noirmorter to Hogwarts again?' She backed away from him in disgust.
A lone silvery, transparent tear ran down Alasdairs' face, the calm expression from a few moments ago shattered.
'I regretted it Lily…I regretted it the moment I opened that chamber. I tried to warn everyone… I tried to get Wiggenweld to the muggleborns… but they found out- the other Anguis saw me trying to save them and so they killed me too-'
Lily could hardly focus on what he was saying. Every moment she had spent with Alasdair was running through her mind and she was wildly trying to sort through it all in search of some kind of sign that might have warned her of who he truly was. But none of it made sense, none of it seemed to add up, not least of all her own sense of affection and trust towards her Slytherin friend.
'But that day by the lake' Lily spluttered through tears. 'You told me you didn't regret your mistakes-'
'I said I didn't regret my failures' Alasdair corrected her.
'Helping Corvinus Gaunt was a failure, not a mistake. Because it wasn't an accident. I knew I was doing the wrong thing and it was easy to keep doing it. What I regret is not doing my best to right it.'
'Well if you felt so much regret Alasdair, why didn't you just tell us the truth?' Lily cried. 'Why did you continue to plot and to lie?'
'Don't you see?' Alasdair returned her question with another in a dispirited tone.
'It's because I regret it so much that I needed you to read that diary and I needed you to perform the blood bond. One cannot die with regrets so strong as the ones I have. I have to make sure I've done everything I can to stop Noirmorter. It's the only way I'll get peace. The only way I can finally rest…'
Lily took a moment to wipe her tear stained face with the back of her hand before looking back up and glaring at him.
'You don't deserve it Alasdair' she said quietly.
His lips parted and he stepped forward preemptively but she had already turned and darted out of his reach. She slammed the doors behind her as she fled leaving him alone in the large, lifeless room.
Lily didn't stop running until she reached her dormitory where all of the Gryffindor third year girls were preparing for bed. Ignoring their looks of surprise at her sudden entrance and swollen eyes, she thrust the four-poster bed curtains shut around herself before flinging herself onto her bed to lay sobbing pitifully on it.
A few moments later, Lily heard the sound of the curtains opening slightly as someone stepped inside. She lifted her blotchy face up from the mattress and saw Poppy place her red wizarding wireless on the bedside table and switch it on. Celestina Warbeck was belting out a melancholy tune.
Lily rolled back over and let herself wail loudly into her bedding, no longer as concerned about disturbing her dorm mates.
She felt the bed shift as Poppy quietly lay down beside her and began to pat her softly on the back.
A/N: Please review! I'd love to know if anyone saw all that coming. (p.s. From next chapter, it will actually be book 3 (Lily's fourth year & fifth year) which means more mature themes... which means... well, you'll have to find out hehe...)
