I do not own Phineas and Ferb.
Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode.
Face Your Fear Bloopers
Phineas and Ferb stood near the sidewalk, skateboards clutched under their arms. "Okay, guys, now you try it!" Phineas called.
Isabella sailed down the sidewalk and executed a perfect jump over a fire hydrant. Baljeet went next, but the end of his skateboard caught the hydrant and he went sprawling against the concrete. "Ow," he whimpered, gingerly climbing to his feet. "That smarts."
"Is there a reason we're not wearing knee pads and elbow pads?" asked Isabella suspiciously.
"Costume department lost them," replied the director.
Baljeet scowled. "What a quality production you are running."
…
Take One
Perry hoisted himself into the tub and slapped on his fedora. He turned the nozzle attached to the showerhead but instead of rotating, it gushed cold water directly into his face. Perry spluttered and tried to turn the water off, only to find the nozzle now stuck.
"Good thing he's semi-aquatic," quipped the director. "Someone grab a wrench and help him out."
Take Two
Francis walked into frame, shuddering and batting at his body. "Ooh, ooh, oh, get it off! Get it off! Ooh! Uh, just walked through a spiderweb. Don't you just hate that? You spend the rest of the day worried there's a spider on you. Gives me the willies.
"Anyhoo, our sources tell us there's a cowboy hat in front of Doof's building. Normally, that wouldn't be of any interest to us, since this is the week of the Danville Hootenanny, but it is a rather large hat and, in spite of its name, the Danville Hootenanny is a dignified affair. I wish I had more information, but Carl said there was a big bee by the surveillance equipment. So get out there, Agent P!"
As Perry ran off the set, Francis turned around to look at Carl, who was out of the camera's view. "Carl, is there a spider on my head?"
"No sir," answered Carl. "There's no spider on your head."
"Cut!" called the director.
The amount of terror on Carl's face caused Francis to frown. "What's wrong? You look like there's actually a spider on me."
"Um…"
"Don't worry about it," interjected the director, shooting Carl a glare.
Having a terrible feeling in his gut, Francis slowly reached a hand behind his back—and felt a giant hairy thing attached to his back. "Great Googly Moogly! What is it?!"
"A tarantula," squeaked Carl, shrinking away as the spider started to wiggle.
Also feeling the movement, Francis screamed and started to run around the set, shaking his body madly in an attempt to dislodge it. "You put a tarantula on my back?! A real one?! That wasn't in the script!"
"It wasn't in your script," corrected the director. "Someone get the wildlife guy and put that thing back in its cage before Francis hurts it and we get sued."
"You are a cruel man!"
"Yeah, working on this show can do that to a person."
…
As they walked through the space laboratory, Candace turned to Jeremy and asked curiously, "So what does your father do here?"
"Oh, he's part of a team that makes and manages recognizant satellites. They actually had a couple—"
"Whoa." Candace set a hand on his shoulder and grinned. "Hate to cut you off, but you so did not say the right word."
Jeremy furrowed his brow. "What did I say?"
"You said recognizant satellites. It's reconnaissance satellites."
"Oh."
"What the heck does recognizant mean, anyway?"
"I don't know, clearly," replied Jeremy.
…
"Scram, you flying gerbil!" Heinz shrieked as he ran away from the tiny bat. "Amscray! You're making me miss—agh! It's in my hair! Get it out! Get it out!'
…
There were three padded circular contraptions on the floor of the sound stage. They were huge in size and had several foam pieces installed. They were hooked up to a machine that would spin them at designated speeds. It was, as far as the set department was concerned, their greatest masterpiece.
When the director came on the set it was to see Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Buford and Baljeet on their knees next to the foam structures, openly sobbing. He regarded them for a moment before turning to his assistant, who was amused compared to his exasperation.
"What are they doing?"
"They didn't think you'd actually give them a foam set," she replied. "They're very grateful."
"It's soft!" wailed Buford, pressing his hand against the material. "It's actually soft!"
"No broken bones!" Baljeet raised his hands in the air. "I will not have to worry about getting hurt!"
"It's a miracle," Phineas said with a sniff.
The director made a pained expression. "Heaven help me. No, scratch that. Heaven help them."
…
Vanessa regarded the giant, animatronic bat in awe. "Wow, cool! It looks like your cousin, Narthelliot."
"No sudden movements or loud noises, Vanessa!" warned Heinz.
"Dad, relax. It's just a bat. They just eat bugs."
"But it's a very big bat!"
Shaking her head, the girl knelt down to help Heinz to his feet. "Now, come on. Just stand up. It's time to face your fear."
"Well, okay," said Heinz doubtfully.
He approached the bat, who promptly grabbed him in his mouth. As Heinz screamed, Vanessa gasped and smacked it repeatedly in the stomach. "No, no, no! Bad bat! Spit him out!"
The bat's jaw unhinged and Heinz came spilling out to the floor, drenched in a slimy substance. He opened his mouth to deliver his line but was overcome by a gagging fit. "Ugh! It's in my mouth! It tastes awful! I think I'm going to throw up!"
Vanessa plugged her nose and said nasally, "Yeah, you also smell terrible. What the heck is in this stuff?"
"Nobody answer that!" shouted Heinz. "I don't want to know!"
…
"So, having fun yet?" Jeremy asked as he poked at his lunch with a fork.
"Oh, you know I am," Candace replied before taking a sip of her drink.
"You know, my dad goes on and on about the cafeteria here and I think he's right. The food is—"
He was promptly cut off by Candace doing a spit take. But instead of doing it straight forward like she was supposed to, she turned her head and did it directly into his face. Jeremy spluttered in surprise and jumped out of his seat, scrubbing madly at his stinging eyes.
"Candace! That's disgusting!"
"Oh, come on! I had to!"
"No you didn't!"
