Neon Genesis Goonvangelion Book 3: Pointless Kombat
Chapter 6: Victory Configuration / Into Darkness
Andy appeared in a women's restroom a few doors down from Ritsuko's office. John rested, lazily, over his shoulder like a sack of flour. Unlike his last Instant Transmission jaunt, this one concluded with a pause, and Andy glancing with worry at his surroundings and cargo. He steeled himself before speaking. "Um... Ritsuko-san?"
A muffled curse issued from the only closed stall. Andy's face turned beet red and he marched outside before the doctor could form a more coherent response, or an armed one.
He had just finished propping John into a semi-sitting position in the hallway-such as one would assume when drunk into unconsciousness or recently knocked out with a bit of lead pipe-when Ritsuko stormed out of the bathroom with murder boiling in her eyes.
"I don't believe this! I'd expect this kind of thing from-"
Andy braced himself in the gale of Ritsuko's anger and spoke calmly and in plain Japanese. "Jared's missing and John's catatonic."
"-Waddell so don't... what?"
"Jared's missing and John's catatonic."
Anger deflated, Ritsuko gave the goon a careful glance, then looked at John before holding Andy's nervous gaze. "Details."
"There's a giant shadow over the city, the pilots are en-route to their Evas, Jared has gone missing without a word, and John's catatonic."
A full seconds passed before the Doctor switched into take-charge mode. "Grab John and take him to the interior hospital's third wing. Dump him in a bed and flag down Dr. Miyamoto." She tapped at her Mini-MAGI. "Misato, what's-"
"Not now Ritsuko! I'm... I'm... oh... oh... oh... OH GOD!"
Ritsuko closed the connection and rested her face in her palm. "Right... It's her day off."
"Doctor..."
"Quiet, Mucha." Ritsuko watched some seconds tick by on her Mini-MAGI's holographic display while Andy paced and whined like a puppy. Then she called Misato's line again. "Major?"
"Damn it, Rit-chan! Day off! If that call had been from anyone else-"
"Mucha just showed up here with Genoni, and Waddell has gone missing. His Mini-MAGI signal has flat-lined."
"HOLY SHIT!"
"While distressing, I don't think that's the appropriate response-"
"There's a giant... thing floating over the city!"
"Told you!" Andy said from the side of his mouth.
"Major, we haven't had the chance to figure out what this thing actually is. Mucha, stop pacing! Maya-" Ritsuko stopped and sighed, remembering she wasn't on this party line.
The general alarm began sounding. "Well, Misato, I'll see you on the Command Deck shortly." She closed the connection, and looked at Mucha. "What's wrong with John?"
Andy raised an eyebrow. "It's 'John' now?"
Ritsuko shook her head, already looking at some feeds on her Mini-MAGI's display. "Get going, point Miyamoto at him, then join the other pilots. Until we know what we're facing, I want all of you ready to launch."
"I wonder who hit the panic button first, I-"
"GO!"
Andy sighed. "Going." He grabbed John and put two fingers to his forehead.
"Unit-01, ready to go!" Shinji called from his steed.
"Unit-02, on-line and ready to rock and roll!" Asuka shouted from the crimson menace.
"Uh... Unit-07, activated!" Toji declared from the newest operational Eva.
"unit-05 is operational." Rei intoned from the blue wonder.
Via camera, the other pilots exchanged worried looks, and Shinji spoke up. "Rei, you know, you could be a little more enthusiastic.
Rei nodded. "Hai⦠Boo yeah."
"That's... uh, okay that's technically a little more-"
"Ayanami!" Asuka interrupted. "Do you want to die up there?"
"I will if it is necessary."
Asuka pushed ahead. "Okay, if it's necessary for you to fight and live, will you try not to die?"
"I will," Rei answered.
"Then make me believe it," Asuka demanded.
Rei's red eyes narrowed slightly. "I will follow my orders, sohryu."
The redhead's intense expression remained stiffly plastered upon her face for a few eternal seconds, then she gave the albino a single curt nod. "Satisfactory..." She looked away from the camera, eyes distant, calculating yet afraid.
Many floors up and more than a kilometer and a half away, Andy finished strapping John to a sturdy-looking gurney. Once the last strap was tight, the prone goon spoke in a sing-song voice splicing innocent wonder with murderous insanity. "Do you know? Do you know? Do you what I know?"
The larger goon jumped back as if John's body suddenly hosted electrical current. He began edging towards the door, John's voice haunting him through the aperture.
"Do you wonder? Do you wonder? Do you wonder what I wonder?"
Andy gulped. "I have witnessed something not of this world, an evil which I have not the hands to stop."
So stated, he turned and ran.
Twenty-five minutes after the general alarm sounded, Misato strode into Central Dogma. Hastily dressed, hair a mess, she still calmly took command of the situation. "Update!"
Shigeru swiveled in his chair. "Nothing to report ma'am. The object hasn't moved since it was first spotted."
"Doctor Akagi?"
Ritsuko stood next to Maya at the technician's terminal. "All we know is that it appears to be a giant shadow. Our preliminary scan insists there's nothing there."
"I can see the shadow on the ground. What is that thing." Misato gestured generally above, meaning the round object hovering over the city.
"That thing is the shadow to which I'm referring. According to our readings, something we cannot detect is casting shadows, and the shadows are what we're seeing."
Misato rubbed at her eyes. "This is a collective hallucination?"
"Don't be silly. We'll complete a more thorough scan in a minute."
"Any update on Pilot Waddell?"
"None."
"Last known location?"
"Next to the other pilots while they were walking towards a public NERV access point. According to the security force tailing them, a dark shadow with no definite origin appeared around the pilots for a few seconds and during that time Waddell... disappeared."
Misato frowned. "So we have a shadow that eats people and casts a shadow that looks like a solid object hovering over the city like an alien spacecraft. Fucking Tuesdays, am I right?"
Maya spoke up in alarm. "Pilot Genoni is moving towards Receiving sector four."
Ritsuko sighed. "How did he... never mind. Where's Mucha?"
"In pursuit."
"Doctor?" Misato prompted.
"Genoni's behavior has become odd, even for him."
"Why isn't Mucha in his Eva demanding to blow up the city?"
"The day is young, Major."
Misato sighed, and found a marginally comfortable chair and some coffee. A few minutes later, Maya reported that Mucha and Genoni were nearing Central Dogma. A few seconds later, Andy used the doors to enter the room, instantly putting everyone inside on alert.
"I-"
Genoni burst through the door and tackled him from behind. It took a second for everyone to realize it was Genoni, as the goon had swapped his business casual clothes for the long tan robes of a priest. After a few seconds of struggle, he got on top of Andy, hoisting an executive paperweight over his head. "His blood must cleanse this earth! The destroyer has come!"
Andy sighed. "Not this again..." The goon bucked Genoni off, and after a short struggle, beat John into unconsciousness. "I'll... be right back."
Forty minutes later, Fuyutsuki showed up to take Gendo's usual chair. The city had been long ago evacuated and the main display showed a camera's up-close view of the oddly shaded sphere hovering over the city like a piece of abstract art turned alien invader.
"The MAGI have finished their analysis," Ritsuko announced.
"What is it?" Misato asked, looking up from her paperback.
Ritsuko frowned and began explaining. "The image we're seeing is a trans-dimensional shadow of the 12th Angel, which exists as a curve in spacetime. The image has no measurable mass, but deflects light so that it appears solid."
"Sounds like a hologram," Commented Misato.
Andy appeared next to the Major, automatically pushing aside the business end of her sidearm as it tried to center on his head. "We're seeing a three-dimensional shadow of its fourth-dimensional body. Since the body holds the AT-Field in the fourth dimension, we have not yet read a blue pattern from it."
"You three are banned from doing that... appearing thing in Central Dogma without authorization!"
Andy tried to recapture his nonexistent momentum. "The only way to destroy it is to drop all of our nine hundred and ninety-two N2 mines-"
"That's nine hundred and ninety now, thanks to you and your missing friend."
An "ooooh!" echoed through the command deck.
Andy glared and pressed on. "-on the black shadow which represents a portal to this world that is the only physical manifestation the Angel is capable of. The force of the explosion will-"
"Annihilate this entire hemisphere?"
"I notice you still haven't put that gun away."
"Aren't you observant."
Andy snorted, then blinked. "Oh! I meant that we insert the explosives into the Angel by passing them through the shadow portal."
"What shadow?"
"That shadow that this object alone controls through a means we can't affect at the moment?"
"Yes! It's a folded space created by the Angel's AT-Field. We put some poisoned bait there, and... BOOM! Whee!"
"The MAGI already... No one has the report that..." Ritsuko looked faintly ill. "Who are and what have you done with Pilot Mucha?"
Andy scoffed. "Just send an Eva out there with some bombs strapped to it... maybe that whiny pilot in Unit-01..."
"That would destroy the Evangelion and kill the pilot!" Misato shouted.
"Gun?" Andy prompted.
"I know what I'm doing."
"Must I make all the decisions around here?! Send Unit-01 out there-"
"Unit-01 is not going anywhere!" Fuyutsuki shouted.
"Where's Waddell?" Misato pressed.
"Gun?"
Misato put the iron away, but kept it visible, a hand hovering nearby.
"My guess is that he's inside the 12th Angel. He disappeared after the shadow passed over him."
"So your plan would also kill Waddell," Misato concluded.
Andy frowned, trying to parse that statement. "And?"
Fuyutsuki was already on the phone. "I'm ordering the N2 devices right now!"
"Plotting coordinates!" Makoto reported.
"Alerting auxiliary forces!" Shigeru added.
Andy shouted triumphantly. "And I'll form the head!"
Everyone stopped and stared at the Goon. The air conditioning blew a tumbleweed by Andy's feet.
"Sorry, I... I just got swept up in the emotion."
The silence continued for another dozen seconds, when John interrupted by swinging onto the lower level of Central Dogma on a thin rope and landing like a cat behind Andy. A black T-shirt had been stolen at some point and tied around his head so that only his bloodshot, crazed eyes showed. He assumed a pose that had nothing to do with martial arts. "Fear the Shirt Ninja!"
Andy looked over his shoulder and raised a single eyebrow in response. "Aren't you supposed to be in the hospital?"
Bets were harvested. Ritsuko blew a raspberry at a grumbling Misato while fingering a large wad of cash.
John ignored the background and changed poses, pointing accusingly at Andy. "FOOL! The Shirt Ninja cannot be held by any mere HOSPITAL!"
"Uh, is John back to normal?" Misato stage whispered to Ritusko.
"Define normal."
"Ah."
Andy sighed, then charged. "HAVE AT THEE!"
In the Eva cages, another kind of insanity was brewing.
"orange eva-zord, go!"
"Purple Eva-zord, go!"
"Red Eva-zord, go!"
"Pur-uh, other Purple Eva-zord, go!"
None had realized that Misato had the comm on the whole time.
"What the fuck are you guys yelling about? There is an Angel above us-an Angel that could kill us all before I finish this sentence and you think now is a good time to start joking around? I know you're not adults, but you're all we've got. Am I making myself completely clear?"
"sorry, we were getting bored, ma'am."
"Well that Angel is not getting bored, it's getting ready to wipe us out! Are you all ready for battle?!"
Pilots shouted in unison. "YES MA'AM!" Then waited in silence until their breathing returned to normal.
Asuka braved the first quip. "Who poisoned her beer?"
In Central Dogma, Misato stood at attention, taking deep breaths in an effort to calm down.
"Major, pilot Mucha is heading for the surface at an alarming speed."
"Tell the JSSDF they can fire at will if he gets too close to them or the Angel."
"Yes ma'am."
A moment later, Shigeru reported, "The JSSDF reply that quote, it's all yours, end quote. They're referring to the Angel."
"Thank you for relaying that, Shigeru-kun. Tell the JSSDF to quote, suck it, end quote."
The technician smiled, glasses catching just a bit of lense flare. "With pleasure, ma'am."
The Major nodded, then glanced at Ritsuko. "I just realized... if this thing can shift through dimensions, there's no effective barrier we can place around Terminal Dogma to protect it from the Angel."
"That's not entirely true. There is a magnetic lock around Terminal Dogma designed specifically to prevent that."
"How can we have a defense engineered for this Angel if we've never encountered it before?"
"It's a known property of the AT Fields, Major. We've known about that possible method of attack for a decade."
"Right." Misato sighed. "What's in Terminal Dogma?"
Ritsuko turned away, not answering. "You know, it will take some time to gather the N^2 devices. If we wish to keep up a credible defense, you should let the pilots get some rest."
"I'll have them put on rotations. Shigeru?"
"Ma'am,"
"Have the pilots put on four hour rotations, divided into three groups. " Misato put on a smile flavored with artificial sweeteners. "Dr. Akagi?"
The doctor hid her worry well as she met Misato's eyes.
"Would you be a dear and check on the condition of pilots Genoni and Mucha? It would be beneficial to have as many able pilots on base as possible, you understand?"
"Yes." Ritsuko walked past Misato, whispering under her breath. "Some day, I shall murder you in your sleep."
"Major, I'm reading a strange energy surge."
"Is it from the Angel?"
"Checking... no, it's from pilot Mucha!"
Misato groaned. "Where?"
"I've got a feed."
Perched atop the corner of a condemned building less than a kilometer from the shadow of the Twelfth Angel, Andy glared at the target while his ki whirled and cackled about him like a pet snake made of lightning. The energy slowly contracted into a glowing ball in his hands and he took aim. "FINAL FLAAAAAASH!"
The light exploded from Andy's hands, rivaling the sun in brightness, and screamed towards the shadow. Then through the shadow. Then right over the mountain in the distance. After a dozen seconds, the light winked out.
Andy stared for a moment, then slowly loosened himself out of his stance and sat down heavily. "Oh well."
A distant but blinding flash signaled the detonation.
Andy remained silent.
In Central Dogma, the bridge crew endured a state of mild panic.
"It definitely detonated above the surface. There's a wave forming, but it's only a few feet high."
Misato sighed. "That little bastard almost made this day worse! What was he thinking?! HE'S the one who just told us that's a shadow! Why-"
"Misato, please do not use the Americans' names and the word 'thinking' in the same sentence."
She left. Misato popped some aspirin to stave off the coming headache.
Ritsuko stepped into John's hospital room. The goon mumbled incoherently. She stood over him for a moment, and while her face showed no emotion, her lack of commentary said the most about her feelings. After a minute of watching the goon sail completely out of the bounds of his mind, she quietly left, wiping at her eyes.
Later that day, N^2 mines were moved into place. The city remained in a state of uneasy lock down, even though the shadow committed itself to no more threatening acts. Andy remained on his building quietly watching, occasionally busting out a N256 portable, watching cable, or blowing up random ground targets with small ki blasts, but more or less just watching and waiting.
Within NERV, the tension could be cut with a knife and served with a fork. The pilots, sequestered within the staging rooms and sleeping in shifts, awaited news from above, anxious at every check-in, fearing and anticipating the worst.
And in Central Dogma, difficult decisions were being pondered.
"It's been sixteen hours, Major." Doctor said gravely.
"I am aware of the time, Doctor."
"No change, ma'am." Shigeru added.
"He still hasn't..." The doctor said.
"No."
"What about Pilot Genoni?" Misato asked.
"Singing nursery rhymes again... still in alphabetical order, this time singing each song in reverse." Shigeru shrugged helplessly.
"How long has it been since he threatened to steal souls?"
The technician consulted his notes, repeating a figure Ritsuko knew by heart. "Four hours, ma'am."
"At least he's staying put."
Silence slowly engulfed the area, like a rising tide of black death. Every eye again drifted toward the main view screen; centered on the target of their worry.
"What do you think our chances of survival are?" The Major asked.
"With these odds? I wouldn't even make a bet."
Misato sighed at the answer, worry dancing across her brow. "He hasn't... said boom whee..."
"I know Misato... I'm scared too."
Time passed, lots of it. Pilots cycled in and out of their Evangelions, sleeping shifts. The citizens of the city got nice and intimate with their emergency shelters. The larger buildings remained retracted, while the JSSDF moved into place with tanks, VTOL craft, and numerous ground troops.
The silent icon of humanity's end chose to remain motionless and unresponsive while plans were executed to ensure its destruction.
One funeral was held for Pilot Waddell.
Then, more than forty hours after his disappearance, the Angel twitched.
Misato managed to recover from choking on her coffee. "What just happened?"
"Energy spike! I'm reading a neutrino surge... and an AT-Field!"
Alarms roared to life.
"Blue pattern confirmed!" Maya shouted.
"No! We're not ready!" Ritsuko added.
Misato ignored the complaints and started giving orders. "All pilots to their Evas! Ground units take cover! Secure the N^2 mines! Lock elevators 214 through 238! Graph these readings on the main monitor! Open a direct line to pilot Mucha! Order the air forces to pull back! Evacuate the mall! Cancel the three-ring circus! And someone get me some fresh coffee!"
Back at the surface, the shadow looked alive. The sphere above the city writhed and twisted about itself almost organically. Only the fact that it was... well, a giant ball of something floating in the fucking air gave away the fact that it was not a lost animal.
Andy took in the show, and readied another Final Flash. "The moment I've been waiting for. Just open up, you bastard..."
Ever disobedient, the Angel spit out Jared. The pilot's body streaked through the air like a missile, flying a good two hundred meters before the Angel compressed its AT Field into a point as small as it possibly could. The laws of physics finally tore into its body, converting a substantial part of it into raw energy.
The shock wave shattered buildings like gingerbread houses. Andy and his Final Flash were blown clean off of the building he chose, while massive piles of N^2 mines were tossed around like pop cans in a hurricane. The Final Flash was left of a fraction of a second too late, and removed a patch of snow from Mt. Fuji. Tanks were shoved down the streets, and the dust cloud could be seen from orbit.
And John finally shut up.
Shigeru held fast to his console a la Star Trek, while the other bridge techs lay on the floor. Ritsuko bent over another console, clutching reams of printout with one hand, while Maya clinged to one of her legs. Misato was sprawled on the floor, revealing to interested passerby that she wore no underwear. Fuyutsuki hunched over Gendo's desk, his knuckles white and just barely holding him upright.
Silence ruled as everyone recovered and moved slowly into more normal positions. Sensors were checked, reports verified, and bets harvested.
Misato molested a modest mountain of money. "What the hell just happened?"
Ritsuko checked Maya's console. "I can say for sure that the Angel is gone. I can't for sure say why or how." She faced Misato and shrugged. "It blowed up but good?"
"Do you think it's safe to send out a recovery unit?"
"There's no unusual emissions," Maya put in.
"Good enough. Send out medical units to assist the JSSDF. Put pilots Mucha and Waddell on ice. We'll have a few days to ready the surgical theatre."
Shigeru worked the cameras like a DJ on crystal meth and quickly filled the screen with both goons. Andy was in the middle of a large crater straddling the street and sidewalk, with pink bits of car scattered around him. The comically crinkled remains of a delivery truck featured Jared hanging lifelessly out of the side.
After a moment of silence, the startling fact that both of the Americans are actually breathing sunk in. More Yen changed hands, and Shigeru began sobbing quietly at his post.
Misato dropped to her knees and beat her hands upon the floor while crying out to the heavens. "You bastards! He's still alive! He's still aliiiive! NOOOOOOOOO!"
Ritsuko wait a moment. "Are you done?"
The Major stood and brushed some dust from her knees. "Yes. Let's start picking up this mess. For starters, the PR department left a death threat on my desk after Waddell leveled that new freeway interchange, so I think we're going to have to do the creative thinking for the moment. Does someone have a bright idea for how we're going to explain this one?"
Fuyutsuki enthusiastically put his hand in the air like an over-eager school boy. "Oh! Oh! Me! Me!"
"Yes, Commander Fuyutsuki?"
"Downed power line!"
Misato's eyebrow twitched. "You heard the man, a downed power line that finally came in contact with... a gasoline tanker, as we feared it might. Big explosion, yadda yadda. Now get moving! Chop chop!"
The Great God-King of Combat was roused by the background prattle of peons in a field of darkness.
"He's stirring."
"His signs have been stable for a while now, I'm surprised he took this long to wake up."
The God-King ignored their words, marshalling his spirit for the moment of his glorious rise to... his feet.
"Relax, sir. You're lucky to be alive."
Andy decided to let the peon off with a warning, eyeing the poor man as a hyena would eye a piece of raw meat. "Unhand me."
The medical technician stepped back, graciously giving his ruler room.
Andy shook off some of the wreckage still stuck to his body, then nodded at the peon. "Luck had nothing to do with it. I am the strongest of all! Now, where's Waddell?"
"They're taking him inside, to hospital unit two. He's not seriously injured, but he's a little dehydrated and was pretty incoherent. Babbling in strings of numbers and something about a Melanie-"
"Fuck! FUCK!"
"Hey, wha-"
Andy used his Incredible Speed to trigger his Instant Transmission so he did not need to hear another word of the man's complaining.
To be Continued...
