A month later, I was lying on an exam table with Diane and Alex beside me waiting for the doctor to come in and give me the most crucial ultrasound of my pregnancy. Everything had been normal so far, easy even. Things between Alex, Nicky and I had greatly improved since our respective girls weekends and one night a week I gave Nicky custody of Alex with the promise that "She'd have Cinderella home by midnight with both glass slippers intact," as she liked to joke. I used that night to go out with my own friends or enjoy some alone time in Brooklyn. The three of us did lunch one day a month and once a month a double date with her and Lorna. I had given up running shortly after returning from Hawaii and now preferred a light jog or a long walk with my wife, our son and new four-legged FBI Academy dropout, Hera. We had just finished with renovations at our dream house and were moving in just after Easter. We had started the kindergarten application process but had also toured the local elementary school by our new house as a backup and had liked it. We struggled with knowing how even good quality public education had failed both of us when it came to nurturing our extraordinary gifts, Alex in academics, me in athletics and both of us in innovative and independent thinking.
At that moment, however, I could think of nothing but all the things that could go wrong with our daughters and their shared placenta, I couldn't wait for the doctor to come in and offer us some reassurance. I wanted to be full of excitement and wonder at the prospect of seeing the little girls I loved like Diane and Alex were but I couldn't be. Everything had seemed good and my belly was getting big but until I saw them I couldn't be for sure. It was so easy, even easier than when I had been pregnant with Geo to find the horror stories of women with the reasonably normal side effects of pregnancy and going to their second trimester ultrasound only to find out something was drastically wrong despite how they felt. Or they could find TTTS, which I knew this early in pregnancy could be fatal or at least extremely dangerous. Alex wasn't an optimist so much as an overly confident realist who held strongly to her belief that she was an expert enough doctor and mother that if something were horribly wrong with her daughters then she would know about it. I didn't even try to argue with that version of my wife anymore. I just said, "yes, honey" and smiled just enough to let her know I thought she was being a cocky idiot. Even if that was my least favorite version of her, I still loved her every second of every day. Diane was just thrilled to be there, to get to see her granddaughters moving and doing the things babies did in the womb in person instead of through videos on her daughters' phones or pictures we posted or otherwise showed her.
"You worrying again, babe," Alex asked as she ran her warm hand over my cool forehead.
"Yeah. I just know I'm at that point where so much could go wrong. They're so close to being big enough for me to meet them and I'm so attached. I don't know what I'd do if one of them didn't survive."
"You don't have any of the signs of TTTS and your belly is large for a twin pregnancy but it always has been. In medicine when it comes to babies, we make plot points along a line and look if it stays on a consistent path and they are. If there was anything to be worried about you know I'd be the first one freaking the fuck out, babe. And I know I don't need to ask for the millionth time if you trust me," Alex said with the sort of piercing glare that even I didn't dare create a witty comeback for, although I knew it wasn't nearly as commanding as she wanted it to be. I knew my wife's smallest tells by now as to when she was scared and vulnerable. And I hated seeing the strong, smart woman I loved in pain and going out of her mind. It didn't just break my heart, it broke every part of me down to my most basic elemental, soul-crushing level.
I raised my arms and took her head in my hands to pull her down to my level then kissed her until I heard Diane tell the doctor, "Don't mind my ridiculous children. They don't know what you give to your mother, you get back in spades from your own daughter and then some. God knows I have."
"Yeah, I'm used to the Vauses, I think we all are at this point. Everybody wanted to see Dr. Vause settle down and now that she has, it's a be careful what you wish for situation. Hey, Vause, how about you stop making out with my patient," the doctor hollered in our direction and after one last long kiss Alex finally let go of my lips.
"Hey, she started it," Alex asserted as she rolled her eyes in my direction.
"Uh, did Vause just admit to being topped," my doctor teased, not so much a doctor or even colleague as a friend in that moment.
"Yes, but doctor-patient confidentiality, right," Alex quickly responded, playing along with her friend.
"Uh, your wife is my patient, you are just my patient's partner. So I can send out a mass email to every doctor in the hospital that Dr. Alex Vause is a secret bottom."
"And you know I'm more than that," Alex replied commandingly as she reminded the doctor that she was higher ranking in the Obstetrics department than she was and that she was a high-level director on the board of the hospital.
"Yeah, thanks for reminding me and your secret is safe. Let's see if these girls had the good sense to get your good looks, unless you'd rather kiss cause I'm getting reimbursed either way," the doctor teased.
"That sounds like medical negligence to me. Maybe I should file a report," Alex teased as she returned to her seat and helped push down the panel on my jeans before the doctor squeezed the cool gel on my belly, Alex mouthed amateurs as I winced at the sudden chill on my skin so that both me and the doctor could see. The doctor didn't say anything, just rolled her eyes, shook her head and checked the machine.
"You're sure you want her in here for the whole thing," the doctor asked, motioning over to Diane.
"Yeah, I've told her about the potential things she could see. I work here too. I trained in high-risk Obstetrics; I've seen the worst with multiple pregnancy. I know it's not the protocol and I know why but she knows. And c'mon you know how my mom and I are, I tell her everything," she added as she threw her arm around her mom's shoulders.
"Yeah, whether I want to hear it or not. Except for 'hey mom, I froze my eggs' or 'hey mom, you know those grandkids you've been askin' for? Well, they're chillin' in a freezer in Beverly Hills.' That's where my ridiculous biological child draws the line at too much in regards to sexual behavior, whether hers or anyone else's."
"I still can't believe it, nobody around here can. Although when we found out it made sense why Alex was being so secretive and at the doctors or flying to California so much during that two year period. Are you ladies ready to see these babies, because I am," she moved the wand around until she found the placenta, "Water around baby A looks good, I still think there's a film between them. I know there's been some discussion about whether they are in their own sacs or not. I believe they are but we'll be monitoring your fluids and you both know what to look for. I know about the heart monitor you borrowed from Obstetrics, cause Vause is among our celebrity doctors and gets anything she wants. They won't let me take home an Aspirin but you get new medical equipment. Placenta looks good, baby B's cord is a little thinner than I'd like but her size is good so I'm not worried yet. I think I just might recommend weekly ultrasounds earlier than I was planning. Are you feeling them kick regularly?"
"We both are, it's fucking amazing. They notice when I touch Piper's belly, and I can almost make out Baby A's foot sometimes. I'm still crying," Alex interrupted.
"If I didn't know you as well as I do, I'd be surprised but I'm not. You're a big softie. I am so looking forward to being in the room when your wife gives birth to your daughters, I'll treasure those memories for always," she teased and Alex responded in a commanding tone, "treasure the memory is all you're gonna do."
"Stop it, Vause and I might let you help deliver your own kid. So, you know, choose," she teased as Alex glared at her friend turning the brunette's own line against her before returning back to her professional role and pointing out the organs for baby A, pronouncing her definitely a girl and healthy before letting us see her face. It was a near perfect copy of Alex's own. She had her hand by her mouth and was moving and pushing when the doctor turned on the 4-D video. After a few moments the doctor smiled, "As much as I'm sure you're enjoying watching her, I have all the measurements I need for this baby. I really wish you'd at least trust me with their names."
"They don't even trust me. So good luck," Diane declared, "Personally, I think they're bluffing and want people to think they have names for their kids. Botha my girls are too spontaneous and impulsive to name a kid like four months before they're born or a day before the county tells them they have to for the birth certificates. They have middle names but I'm sworn to secrecy and while my daughter doesn't scare me, I want her to trust me enough to come to me with anything so I won't betray her confidence."
"Shut up, mom," Alex yelled across the room as she swatted at the air.
"It's a good thing you two make cute babies or I would beat your ass for telling your mama to shut up, Dr. Alex Pearl Vause. You may be grown and bigger than me but that does not mean I can't put you in your place," Diane commanded as the doctor started looking at Baby B, quickly pronouncing that she was healthy as well. Her face was a little harder to see and she was a bit more petite than her chunkier sister but she looked almost exactly like her. But I guess that was to be expected. Yet still, I could already see the differences between my two identical daughters and now knew exactly what parents of identical multiples meant when people asked them how they told their kids apart. In my eyes, sure the basic structures were the same but I could already tell they were otherwise nothing alike. Their personalities and even some of their features were completely different. I could have laid there for hours, watching my little girls do not very much but one of them was laying on my full bladder and lying on my back was becoming painful so with Alex's help I wiped off the gel and got up. I knew soon enough I would be free to do nothing but stare into their little faces. Alex grabbed my hand and I remembered that unlike with Geo, I would have to share. Lucky for both of us, there were two of them and except for one being completely laid back and the other being a wild fireball, exactly alike.
An hour later, we had our appointment, all was fine except for anemia, which they expected by this point with monochromatic twins. They prescribed supplements and suggested foods I could add to my diet to help with the anemia. They also told me that if it got really bad then I would need regular blood transfusions. Luckily, since Alex was a licensed OB/GYN they would be willing to allow me to do them as an outpatient, if it came to that. They told me to get rest and recommended I start childbirth classes by week twenty-eight if I wanted to take them, which Alex and I still weren't sure was necessary, and have my bags and birth plan ready. My first pregnancy had felt as long as that of an elephant but this one seemed to be going at rabbit speed. I just wanted everything to slow down but I also couldn't wait to officially meet them. To kiss them and hold them close. To figure out if those full heads of hair would be red and eyes the same shade of green as their biological mother's emerald orbs.
Diane could see the tears in my eyes while we waited for Alex to come back from the coffee cart where she was getting us some, "Wipe your eyes, kid. Your babies are growing. That's a good thing. Believe me, you have a long time with them. Our bellies aren't designed to hold 'em forever but our arms are. And you do things right and more than just your arms will hold them until the end of time. So pull yourself together and be glad that the worst part is over half over."
"Yeah, I guess. I kinda liked being selfish. Being the only one who could feel them move. I'm not ready to share them."
"You worried the world won't love them or people will think you are weird cause you didn't make your babies like most people?"
"Kinda to both. Sometimes I worry I won't love them the same as Geo. He's my first and my bio child. How can they ever compete with that?"
"Your kids are gonna be awesome cause they're raised by you and Alex. I know I tell her constantly that she's an idiot but she's not. I love my little girl more than anything. I used to think nobody could love her and see her the way I do but she has friends and she has you. And your girls will find their tribe like my baby found hers. And I have more babies I didn't carry than I did so I know your love just grows and that hole in your heart melts away as the babies you're meant to have find you. I only gave birth once. Sometimes I regret it but I know it wouldn't have been the best thing for Alex and I knew I couldn't have the feelings I did for Alex's daddy for anyone else and I didn't want to make a baby just to get pregnant again. Just because I wanted another baby but not so much another kid. Maybe if Alex had ever expressed any desire for a sibling then I might have made different choices but she was happy with her used books. She didn't ever have the need for friends let alone siblings until she was in her twenties. Thanks for asking me to come today. I know you didn't have to."
"And your daughter didn't have to figure out her crush had a toddler and not just fall anyway but love us both but she did and so here we are. All because you raised an amazing daughter with the most precious heart. Her beauty and intelligence only add to her specialness. And of course, I would have you here. I know it means a lot to you and I spent months wishing my mother would take even passing interest in my first pregnancy. My dad is more interested in my wife and kids than my mom and I knew you wanted to come but would never ask. And I knew Alex wanted you to come, that it was important to her but she also would never ask."
"What are we going to do with her," Diane responded as she held me tighter then whispered, "C'mon let's make Alex buy us an expensive lunch," before smelling that spot only mothers and soulmates knew and kissing my temple and releasing me from her arms.
"I'm craving pork belly. Asian fusion on the Lower East Side?"
"Sounds good to me. C'mon, kid. Let's get you and those babies of ours fed," Diane wrapped her arms around me once more and rubbed my back until she saw Alex coming back. She kissed my forehead before letting me go and then asking Alex to go to one of our favorite restaurants with a wink in my direction as I grasped Alex's hand.
