Notes: Little late I know but anyone who plays Stellaris understands how time disappears.

Dyn's section music. Luke and Leia by John Williams

Word of the day... Buy'ce olar, kar'ta ogir: Helmet on, heart gone.

Chapter 18: Buy'ce Olar, Kar'ta Ogir

Getting to the Falcon had been a trial of patience, endurance, and dealing with reality. Patience came from the fact that he had to convince one of Dyn's younger Mandalorian colleagues that they needed to leave the Razorcrest behind to go help him and Jaina. Part of Yarv had to question the barbarism of Mandalorian culture if they were arming sixteen year olds with this much military grade equipment. Shouldn't she be in school gossiping about fellow classmates without a care in the galaxy? Then again, the Jedi of old usually started training toddlers the ways of the force. He reflected that Mandalorians and Jedi weren't that far apart in the end when it came to training their young. His endurance was tested having to reach Dyn and Jaina after waking up from the crash. Following the sounds of battle was easy enough, running there without tripping over dead bodies was the hard part. Meeting Jacen in person for the first time in many years was like being smacked in the face with a healthy dose of realism.

Yarv was probably just as shellshocked as Dyn over what had happened over the last few minutes, even if it was for different reasons. Seeing Jacen again, talking to him, feeling the dark side corruption that clouded him, it was all a massive wake up call. Luke had trusted Jacen to be able to resist the call of the darkness because the boy had said as much when he volunteered for this assignment. They should have pulled him out when Luke realized finding the dagger of Mortis wasn't going to be as easy as all the masters first predicted. Although he couldn't be in the Grand Masters head, he suspected Luke thought the information Jacen provided about Snoke's plans were too valuable to throw away since he believed his nephew was still ok. That was on Jacen for not being able to communicate his doubts and conflicted feelings in his reports over the years to the Council. Jacen also had to be using his powers of force concealment to hide his true emotions from the Council anyways. Now though Yarv was going to have to explain to Han why he had to shoot at his son to guarantee his daughter was able to get onboard the Falcon.

A choice had been made by the majority of the Council to keep Han out of the plan for a similar reason they decided to wipe Jaina's memory. Father like daughter would never agree to it and want to go after him for his apparent crimes. It had obviously been a mistake not to tell Jaina, however, Yarv could understand that. The force bond connecting the two of them radiated so much raw force energy that Snoke believed it could restore him to his full strength. Not only was it a bad idea to allow a Sith Lord to obtain more power, Jacen claimed the way Snoke discussed the procedure indicated they would die in the process. As a result, they couldn't continuously argue with Jaina about not going to save her brother and have her secretly ship herself to him anyways. Han on the other hand was much harder for Yarv to justify. The most probable and yet disappointing reason was that no one on the Council wanted to tell him they knew what was better for his kids than he did. Leia eventually told him about Jaina after Ben's assassination attempt on her but, he could sense she still hasn't told him of Jacen's true fate.

Han's voice yelled down at them from the cockpit reminding him they were still in trouble, "Jag, get those Clawcraft off of us or things are about to get very messy."

Jag was shouting in an air of frustration, "I'm working on it Han!" He reactivated his commlink, "Attack squadron Delta this is Crown Prince Jagged Fel, authentication code 30029980, I'm ordering you to stand down. Immediately."

In the confusion of getting on to the Falcon and dealing with Jacen, he had completely missed the fact that Jag and his men were right behind them to witness the whole event. After all the incident started due to the assassination of the Chiss defense minister so it made sense for a security team to respond. Even though Jag had been able to differentiate between the good Solo's from the bad, his forces weren't as strong critical thinkers. To them, Jacen killing Ottolah followed almost instantly by the Millennium Falcon arriving on the scene suggested that the New Republic was sanctioning the attack. Jag tried to keep the peace only for blaster fire to be exchanged causing Jag to flee with the rest of them. If he couldn't calm the tensions in his men soon, war between the two governments appeared inevitable. The Jedi were supposed to be keepers of the peace, turning away from that was what led the previous Order to it's downfall. Problem was the child was too important not to fight for and trying to get involved now would only make things worse.

The anonymous voice of the pilot sounded harsh, "Of course you would try to defend the Solo's despite knowing they just killed Ottolah. I'm not listening to an order that comes out of your kriffing mouth."

Jag gritted his teeth guessing what was going to happen next, "Then I suggest you don't get too comfortable with your job, the King will hear about this. That is, if you live of course." He turned his head towards the cockpit, "Han, they aren't going to break off."

"Some help you are!" Han said sarcastically while starting to get up from his seat, "Chewie take the controls, I'm gonna go to the top quad turret."

Jaina rushed past Jag to get to the ladder without acknowledging him, "I'm on it! You stay there, you were already a better pilot anyways."

"Hey now, no need to brag kid. Your old man still has a few surprises left in him." Han shouted before flipping the Falcon to avoid some blaster fire.

"Already ahead of you aruteii!" Mirta called out from the bottom turret before the sound of it unleashing blaster bolts filled his ears.

Yarv loved to fly since he was very young. To be able to explore the stars where literally anything was possible had fascinated him. Unfortunately, being stuck in a freighter in the middle of a fighter chase wasn't something he enjoyed. Being the pilot in a single person craft allowed him to be responsible for his own fate, here he was helpless. It wasn't that he didn't trust Han's capabilities, far from it, he just knew there were hundreds of different factors that could turn the Falcon to dust along the ice wastes of Nirauan. Needing anything else to focus on, Yarv's green eyes landed on Ben who hadn't moved since Chewie tossed him on the couch. He didn't think Ben could have surrounded himself with more pain but yet he could feel it eating away at who he used to be. Losing a loved one was hard, he needed company whether he liked it or not.

Jag grabbed his arm before he could walk towards Ben, "She doesn't remember me does she?"

He shrugged while giving him the best sympathetic smile he could come up with, "I don't know, some sort of Sith artifact restored parts of her memory. She could get more back or this is it. Try talking to her and see what happens."

His grip only got tighter on Yarv's arm, "I thought you people were supposed to be protecting her! Why in the force's name are you letting her come into contact with Sith anything?"

"We didn't do it on purpose Jag. That golden orb hanging on your castles landing arm was a Sith meditation sphere. You might want to figure out who that belonged to before pointing the finger at us." Yarv physically yanked himself free so he could keep moving towards Ben while ignoring Jag's stunned silence.

The droids were now the only thing between them, "Greetings, I am C-3PO human-cyborg relations. And this is my counterpart R-"

Artoo let out a fury of beeps and whistles, "Bwe bwoo boop. Dreet deep beelp!"

3PO was clearly offended, "How would he know who we are, you overzealous tin can?! Did you wipe my memory again? Because I would distinctly remember encountering such a fierce Mandalorian."

Ben took his helmet off prior to Yarv being able to say anything, "Because it's me 3PO."

The droids might have been excited to see him again with Artoo bouncing from side to side and 3PO spouting off how much it was a pleasure to see him again but it was clear he wasn't taking much of it in. His eyes were red, swollen, and filled with tears mourning the loss of Goran. Yarv had been through break ups, it was a natural part of life, yet he had never lost someone he had romantic feelings towards to the force. Add on top of that the possibility he wasn't going to be able to save his child now that Jacen got the kill on Ottolah and you had a recipe for depression. Ben needed someone that understood what he was going through, that wasn't the droids who couldn't grasp emotions the same way he could. Or be able to see the gaping wound in the force that would only get bigger if he didn't do something.

Yarv put a hand on 3PO's shoulder, "I think it goes without saying we're all happy to see Ben again. Could you two just...give us a minute though? There's some things we have to talk about."

Artoo drooped a little letting out a dull tone, "Dwoooo..."

Ben forced a half smile patting the droid on the top of it's domed head, "I'll be ok Artoo. I'm just a little sad right now, I promise we'll get in one game of Dejarik before I leave."

Ben and Artoo had been very close when he was growing up. Having followed three generations of Skywalkers now without a memory wipe, the droid had a strange almost parental sense of duty when it came to Ben. The two of them played together on Tython, and the droid kept him company when one or both of his parents were away on a mission. Artoo even served as a recording device for the family in the few instances they had been able to go on vacations as a family. Yarv had to wonder if he still had any of those vids, they might be a good reminder of what he left behind when he felt a little better. He knew at the moment it was important just to be a shoulder to cry on as well as protect him from whatever wrath Han might direct his way after they got out of this chase. Then things were going to get worse for Ben before they got better. Yarv wouldn't be able to shield him from the painful truth when both of the Solo's present would be demanding answers.

Artoo beeped defiantly, "Mreet bet deet!"

Ben reacted with a harsh laugh, "I mean it. You didn't think I was going to let you be champion forever did you?"

C-3PO patted the astromech's head, "Come along R2, he can't leave while we're all stuck in this dreadful part of space."

He observed Artoo was watching him even as he rolled in the opposite direction, "He isn't the only one to miss you that badly you know. That kyber crystal you picked out for me on Ilum? I kept it in my current saber."

The Mandalorian shield returned when Ben disappeared into the helmet, "You don't have to talk to me like I'm on suicide watch Yarv. Someone else is eventually going to take care of that. Buy'ce olar, kar'ta ogir."

Yarv tilted his head in curiosity, "My Mandalorian is pretty rusty, what did any of that mean?"

Ben sounded emotionally exhausted when he answered, "Helmet on, heart gone. Means I'm just gonna to take as many jobs as I can until it kills me."

He wasn't a therapist, how was he supposed to make Ben not ready to die? Reminding him how much the Order could use his talents right now was pointless since he believed they were the cause of his pain. Talking to him about the child wouldn't do any good either given the fact that Jacen was probably already on his way back to Nar Shaddaa to collect the reward. They had to stop him although from the beginning Ben had been clear that Greef Karga would be impossible to find due to his stealth ship. It was possible Han might know a way through his underworld contacts or if it came down to it, Jaina might be able to use her connection with Jacen to give them a general direction to go in. He just didn't want to give Ben a sense of false hope in case all of that wouldn't work. Just being his friend was the only thing Yarv could do right now, force willing that would be enough.

"Don't say that... Ben, you're allowed to be upset right now. You just lost someone that you-" He began to try to console him.

Ben interjected, his tone a mix of anger and skepticism, "Before we crashed you were happy to hear Jacen. Why? Has Luke really kept you all in the dark about who he really is? Did you just forget what he did?"

His mind was racing to come up with the right words that wouldn't push him over the edge. Ideally, Luke would be here right now to explain everything himself. They weren't in an ideal world. Yarv wasn't going to lie to him, that would only cause more harm later and something a Sith could exploit. What was making him hesitate was Ben's habit of jumping to the worst possible conclusions when it came to his father. As soon as he would explain Jacen had been a spy for the Jedi, Ben would assume Mara's death was always part of the plan. Luke perhaps should have told everyone his plans, it could have saved a lot of heartbreak, but he wasn't a murderer for the sake of it. Keeping everyone in the dark made all of their responses feel more real and thus giving Jacen the edge he needed to infiltrate Snoke's inner circle. Mara's fall and the fighter display hadn't been coordinated beforehand, he just had to figure out a way to say that prior to Ben shutting down.

Before he could come up with anything the Falcon's hyperdrive engaged and Han was walking out of the cockpit towards them in the main hold, "I have a lot of questions kid, who wants to go first?"

Ben stood up and rubbed his hands together, "I had a bad day just now so I'm not going to sweeten it. Jacen betrayed the temple, he fought mom and Jaina accidentally killed her trying to break up the fight."

"What?! No, Leia said Jacen went on an extended mission and we had to make the public think we lost him and Jaina. Something about a Sith wanting to use them for their power." Han declared with the determination of a man who truly believed that was the truth.

Jaina's eyes were full of tears as she emerged from the cockpit, "D...dad, I don't think he's lying. I've had nightmares of water and bloody rocks... I pushed her didn't I?"

He could tell Ben was on the verge of bursting into tears again from the way he was moving, "Yeah...which is why a year later I went to Tatooine to try to kill you. I was just angry and wanted someone to blame."

Jaina started crying herself as she moved to hug Ben tightly, "I'm so sorry I would never want to do that on purpose. Why don't I remember any of this?"

Han put his hands awkwardly on both of their shoulders at a loss on how to respond but was glaring at Yarv, "And why wasn't I told?"

Here it was the moment of truth. A part of him was tempted to make something up to avoid all the consequences of the truth. This wasn't even his secret to begin with, Luke was the one who should have been in his place right now. Saying that out loud to the group wasn't going to be an acceptable answer though. They deserved to know about Luke's failings, no matter how painful it might be. Yarv resigned himself to just saying everything all at once. Getting into a long conversation when each one of them had an objection would only drag out the pain. Of course he would attempt to answer any questions they might have, just after he was done talking. Yarv found that looking at them was the hardest part so far, he cared about them all a lot and knew what he was about to tell them was going to hurt. Did anyone want to hurt their extended family? The normal reply for most beings would be a resounding no, but sometimes it had to be done so they could heal their wounds.

He decided to stare directly at Ben since he needed most of the support, "Because that's not entirely what happened... Luke and Mara ran into a Sith, a real Sith, who had figured out a path to immortality. Having no idea what they were fully dealing with, the Council decided we needed someone on the inside who could be our eyes and ears. At first, Mara said she would go, she had a holocron belonging to Palpatine she could give the Sith as a gift yet Luke believed her history with the dark side would make her vulnerable to falling again. I don't know everything that happened after that because his marriage isn't any of my business."

Ben's voice was shaking, "What are you trying to say Yarv...?"

The Lasat continued doing his best to ignore the question, "What I do know is that they fought about it often. She thought she was strong enough to fight the darkness and he didn't. Just before Luke planned on leaving himself to spy on the Sith, Jacen volunteered to go. He said he could be believable as a disgruntled apprentice who turned against the Order. That he could then slip intelligence to us, Mara was still upset so she left for a few days. She came back the night Jacen planned on leaving and tried to stop him... You know what happened after that."

Ben was furious marching straight to him and got in his face, "You're telling me my mom died because Luke neglected to mention Jacen was going to be a spy for him?!"

Yarv frowned sad disappointment and empathy written across his features, "It's not that simple. Everyone in the Order besides the Council had to believe it was a genuine coup. We have no idea what kind of information gathering this Sith has. If everyone was being nice to Jacen, or acting as though we hadn't lost him, he would be in more danger from the Sith. His loss had to be real to everyone."

Han's voice was just as angry, "Luke didn't think I deserved to know that MY son had decided to turn himself over to a Sith? Did he think I would tell everyone I know he was safe and sound on a secret mission?"

"Of course not Han but, it's not just physical outward emotions that we had to take into consideration. No matter how hard you could pretend to be broken up about the loss, your heart would still be relieved he was ok. You're not a Jedi, you can't hide your feelings from a Sith the same way we can." Yarv explained as calmly as possible despite all of the anger being thrown his way.

Now it was Jaina's turn to berate him as the Luke surrogate he was, "Then why didn't he tell me?! I have the force! I could have shielded myself! Why can I only remember fragments of who I am?!"

Jag was the first to speak, "I think because you weren't even supposed to be on Tython when it happened. I had to cancel our weekend together last minute."

"Who are you exactly?" Jaina huffed annoyed her frustrations were being dragged away from Yarv.

Jag's voice was full of sorrow, "A friend."

Yarv took the silence as opportunity to speak again, "To add to that, Luke was afraid you'd want to go with him or go after him. Which is exactly what you were saying you'd do after the incident. Snoke needs you and Jacen together to drain the power from your bond to regain his power. We were afraid you wouldn't listen to reason and go anyways so Luke had Kate Kestis use her Nightsister magic to wipe your memory temporarily. The Order left a map back to Tython that you would eventually find when the threat passed. Things just took longer than expected."

"So now your saying my mom died because Luke wanted to trick a Sith Lord and didn't want to fill in his own family. Wow." Ben started storming off to one of the private rooms on the Falcon.

While it was true he was missing a lot of the importance that Yarv desperately wanted to explain, "Ben, it isn't like that. Please if you would just listen to me and not-"

_o0o_

Dyn let the door to the private room slam behind him. Of all things his brief argument with Jin was echoing back into his mind. The Zabrak's voice on the verge of yelling, "You were twelve! Did it ever not occur to you that you might not be getting the whole picture?" This was what he meant by that. His parents arguments about something he was too young to understand? They were about who was going to play double agent for Snoke. Luke's refusal to go after Jacen, memory wiping Jaina and throwing her on Tatooine, all of it clicked into place. And all of it would have been so easily avoided. Why couldn't Luke have had a family meeting with all of them to explain what he was thinking? What was at stake? Surely the family as a whole could have played along if they just knew what game they were playing. Then again, why did they have to play a game to begin with? Why not just send the entire Order at Snoke and keep hitting him until he stayed dead?

His comm beeped and Mirta sent a message to his HUD, "Don't make me break down that door to make sure you don't shoot yourself. Someone has to come home with me so I can brag about how many Clawcraft I destroyed. And I want that to be you ner vod. Everyone here seems like di'kuts if you ask me, except maybe the astromech droid."

He thought about what to type back when a voice from behind him, "There you are, you've been a hard guy to find these days."

Dyn had heard the stories of Obi-Wan Kenobi's force ghost visiting Luke in times of crisis. Up until Tatooine he had mostly set aside those stories as inspirational tales for the younger generation of force users. To know they had someone from the beyond that was watching out for them. Then Mara's voice had called out to him so he could see his ad'ika for the first time. And now he was staring a ghost in the face. His curly brown hair that went down to his shoulders and his blue eyes identified him as Anakin Skywalker. He was a little disappointed it wasn't Mara, if anyone he wanted to talk to her right now. Why didn't she come tell him the truth sooner? Why hadn't she come to talk to him at all over the years just to talk? Anakin would always mean more to Luke then he ever would to him. Maybe he just didn't understand how force ghosts functioned. If they could come and go at will he was sure they would be all over the place.

"Probably because I have no interest in talking to any of you. There's a reason I left you know." Dyn said in a bit of stubborn defiance.

Anakin groaned as he sat down on the bed, "You're angry. You feel like you're being kept in the dark unfairly. That Luke failed you."

Dyn snorted raising an eyebrow, "You don't think any of that is true? Because where I'm standing everything you just said is the truth. If he had just told me and Jaina what was going on we wouldn't be standing here right now."

Anakin's gaze shined with understanding, "That might be true.. But who knows what that could've created in it's place. What if this Snoke searched your mind and saw the truth? Jacen would be dead and the Jedi would have no idea what he was planning. I once felt the same way you do, and that-"

Dyn stopped him holding up a hand, "I know what happened to you. And that's why I'm going to go out swinging. Kill as many as I can before I get taken down. No one can turn me to the dark side if I'm dead."

Anakin put his hands in his lap, "Where does that leave little Goran? Giving up so fast on him isn't very Mandalorian of you."

That was a cheap blow to the gut and yet, he was telling the truth. Goran's death and his failure to get to Ottolah first made him want to give into the inevitable. How could he save the child now that Jacen was probably already on his way to Nar Shaddaa to collect his reward? Sure, it would take a few days of hyperspace travel to the planet. His dilemma was that wasn't enough time to come up with a way to reach Karga before Jacen. He had bloody robes to prove he killed Ottolah so Dyn trying to lie his way onto the yacht wouldn't work. Thinking about those black eyes staring up at him and depending on him only for him to not be able to do anything about it hurt him so much that he almost just didn't want to think about it. When Anakin called him little Goran as though it was fact energized him to do something to save his ad'ika.

Dyn sat down next to him taking his helmet off, "I don't know what I can do to save him. Can you just give me Karga's coordinates?"

A hearty laugh spilled out from Anakin as he grinned, "I'm afraid that's not how this works. I wish I could but...maybe you should talk to the other people on the ship, they might already be coming up with a plan as you sulk over here."

Dyn glanced at the door before turning his attention back to Anakin, "You probably can't tell me this either, I just won't forgive myself if I don't ask. Was the prophecy wrong? Are you not the one who restored balance to the force? Is that even possible?"

Anakin made eye contact with him, "Prophecies are vague, it didn't say when or how I would help to restore balance. And there's a reason I'm encouraging you to save my great grandson. Maybe you should keep talking to Yarv too, he seems nice."

Dyn smirked gazing at his grandfather in a mixture of suspicion and amusement, "I hope the force ghost thing doesn't have a lot of rules. Because that was about as subtle as a Bantha charge."

"I broke a lot of rules in the Order, they're used to it by now. But more seriously... There's going to be a time sooner than you think where you have to decide between what you want and what is right. You're going to be tempted to take revenge. Don't go down the same path I did. And make amends with Luke, no matter what happens your going to need each other. That doesn't mean you have to forgive him immediately, you just have to be able to talk to him. The force is calling to you, just let it in..." Anakin whispered before fading away.

"GRAAWRGH!" Chewie roared as he smashed the door down.

Mirta snuck past him only to let out a breath of relief, "Oh thank osik, you didn't answer me so I thought the worst." She rushed over to him to give him a gentle Keldabe kiss.

He patted her shoulders watching Han and Yarv visibly slump from being able to stop worrying, "Sorry, I was visited by an old friend." He made a point to stare at Han, "I know I have no right to ask this after what I tried to do to Jaina. I uhh I could use a favor."

Han had his signature grin, "Kid, we're already on our way to a friend. She owes me big time and I think she can arrange a meeting between us and Karga. You didn't have to ask , we're family."

Even though nothing significant had actually changed, and he had no idea if Han's mysterious friend was going to be enough, he felt just a little better. He didn't have to do this alone.