Chapter Five: Secrets
Angela (POV)
Issac was screaming, which meant it was a Friday. He always screamed when mom fed him, he just screamed louder on Friday's when she gave him green peas for breakfast. You would think she would have some compassion for the kid, but she insisted that he get a taste of something nutritious so that he would grow up making healthy choices. My mother, the health teacher.
I crawled out of bed feeling oddly out of it, tired in a way I hadn't felt in months. It wasn't as if I had done anything wildly different. Although we did stay at the Cullen's house a little later than usual, Alice had insisted on a girl's night. Five hours of talking, manicures, make-overs and an awful sappy movie later and I was exhausted and covered in glitter, makeup and hair spray. At least my nails looked amazing, the rest took me almost half an hour to take off before bed.
It was strange though. Alice had coordinated a special night for no reason that I could tell, on a Thursday evening no less. Not that it mattered, the shower helped wash away the last of my sleepiness, and the promise of eggs and coffee helped get me going. Dad was reading when I sat down for breakfast but put down his book when I did. Mom almost immediately placed a plate of food in front of me. While I loved the omelet, the rubber turkey bacon and cauliflower hash left something to be desired.
"Any plans this weekend Angela?" Dad asked after taking a sip of coffee.
"Not yet. Although I imagine I'll end up over at Bella's or Alice's at some point." I said with a small smile and a nod, taking a bite of omelet and a large swig of coffee.
"Well, I hope you're not too busy. Your mom and I are going to a function on Sunday in Seattle, and we were hoping you could watch your brothers." He wasn't actually asking, but it was nice of him to imply that I did have a choice.
"Of course, Dad, when are you leaving?" I said between mouthfuls.
"Around noon, we should be back after dinner. I'll leave money for delivery." He said with a smile and looked over at mom. I didn't have to ask where they were going, it was the last week of the month. They always went to Seattle for a 'function' that probably meant a date and things I didn't want to think about.
"I'll be here, I might ask Bella over to study she's helping me with biology and we're helping each other with Calculus." I didn't need to elaborate; they had never had an issue with Bella coming over. Plus, she was great with the twins.
"Of course, but Tyler and Edward are not allowed as usual." Mom said over my shoulder. I looked back and rolled my eyes at her. As if either of those boys looked at me, they were both obsessed with Bella. I didn't begrudge our strange friend circle, and Bella was the sister I never knew I wanted.
The problem was the Edward situation, as I liked to call it, and it was difficult to watch. There was almost no doubt in my mind they were desperately in love with each other. Except he insisted on pushing her around the grounds of Forks High like some sort of bizarre chauffeur. His excuse was simple, he didn't want her to overexert herself after she transitioned to a manual wheelchair. But while she accepted his friendship, there was a strange tension she held whenever he was around. Occasionally she tried to subtly steal glances at him, but in her eyes, I could see that she thought she wasn't worthy of his attention. After a while, it was hard to grasp what their true dynamic was, because the true tragedy was, he was blindly committed to her, and she refused to acknowledge and accept that devotion or even admit to her own feelings.
The upside was at least it let me spend time with Alice. I found that while I had a lot in common with Bella, she appealed more to my intellectual side, literature and science. In a lot of ways Bella was my sister, but Alice was like my platonic soul mate. Everything she did was perfect, and the way she dressed was like a permanent fashion show. I could let myself be silly with Alice, so I could be serious with Bella.
"I know mom, no boys. You do know I'm not dating either of them, neither is Bella." I finally said, hoping for once they would listen to me about my love life, or lack thereof.
"I've seen the Cullen boy around her, and while he acts polite, he may not be a gentleman. And Tyler, that boy is a walking poster for the male libido." Dad said reiterating his opinion on the boys visiting the house argument.
"Edward Cullen is old fashioned dad; he is probably more of a gentleman than you are." I scrunched my nose and finished up my eggs and coffee. "Sorry, I know the rules, and you're probably right about Tyler. See you tonight!" I got up, kissed Issac and Joshua goodbye on the way out and grabbed my book bag that I had left by the door.
Getting to school I found an unusually bouncy Bella being unloaded from their van by her father. She waved happily at me before heading off in a different direction to class. Charlie watched her go, then turned to me and smiled.
"Angela, Bella has news. I'm struggling with it." He shook his head. In the months I had been Bella's closest friend, I had formed a bond with her father. There weren't any untoward feelings between us, but he trusted me and occasionally confided in me.
"Another surgery?" I guessed.
"Yeah, but this one… I don't know. Cullen is convincing, I'll say that." He frowned and closed the van's side door a little too hard. "Sorry, it's been a morning. I'm happy she's happy, but I'm worried."
"She'll probably bring it up at lunch, I'll get details from her later." I nodded. "She'll be okay, she always pulls through."
"I hope your right." He gave me a tired half smile and got in the van. I waved and went into the school.
I was right, at lunch she told us about the experimental surgery that could possibly restore her legs. I knew enough of medicine to know that it sounded too good to be true, but I trusted Doctor Cullen as much as Bella did. I was practically a fixture at his house.
On the way to our shared afternoon Calculus class I finally had a chance to ask more probing questions.
"So, this surgery, it sounds weird to me. Is Carlisle sure about his?" I asked with genuine worry. She stopped and looked over at me. Her frown seemed almost forced, as if there was nothing that could sour her mounting excitement.
"Weird how?" She sounded a touch angry, or maybe indignant about my reaction.
"I don't know. It sounds almost too good to be true." I said with a small cock of my head, my face twisted slightly in worry. Yet I loved the idea of something that could help her walk, or fully fix her arm, or relieve the pain she was always in.
"I thought as much too, and don't get me started on how long it took to convince Dad. Of course, we could just wait until Tuesday and I could sign the forms myself. But I wanted mom and dad to be a part of this, they have both been so miserable since the crash." Bella's clear enthusiasm lessened my own worries a little, and I allowed a smile.
"It's happening next week. That soon?" I was a bit startled about the timing,
"Monday morning, and it's supposed to be a long one too." She pouted slightly, but it was only show. After as many surgeries as Bella has gone through, she had developed a rather blasé approach to the process.
"Oh, well I'll make sure mom and dad stay home then. The twins can't take the long waits." I furrowed my brow; I knew they only came to wait to support me anyway.
"You don't have to wait either." She gave me a half smile; our game was simple; she never said the truth about the chance she could die, and I never admitted it was a possibility.
"Screw that, you know there's nothing that would keep me away from that stupid musty room. The seat by the window has a groove in it shaped like my ass." Bella snorted with laughter, and then shook her head at me.
"It's your torment, not mine. I'll be nice and unconscious for it." We got in a nice laugh before class started. The lecture was also insanely boring, but I didn't even notice the time dragging by. Once we made our way out of class I gave Edward, who was standing silently like a marble statue, a bright smile. But he wasn't happy, his dark eyes were almost dangerous with a strange desperation. I could tell he was still angry about Bella's news.
"Hey Eddie." I only used his hated abbreviated name when he irritated me. And his current expression irritated me. He was apparently mortified that Bella was about to have surgery, not that it was any of his business.
"You know I hate that." He raised his eyebrows in frustration.
"That's why I do it." I stuck my tongue out at him in jest.
"We're going to be late for class." His expression had fallen into a typical deadpan, but his eyes were still alive with that strange desperation.
"Am I still being reckless?" Bella looked up into his eyes and immediately looked away.
"Yes, but it is your choice. I would like to know the details; my father hasn't spoken to me about it." Edward looked down at her and from that point on there was no point in even attempting to talk to him. She related the details she knew as he pushed her towards their next class. I didn't have classes with Bella for the rest of the day, but after school we talked for a few minutes. It was clear that while she was still excited, Edward's uncharacteristically sour mood had really gotten to Bella. I was about to launch into a diatribe about Edward, when Charlie showed up unexpectedly.
"Dad is taking me to dinner with my mom. It's going to be so much fun." Bella smirked as she looked at the van. "See you Sunday?" She asked, confirming the plan for her to come over and help me babysit my brothers.
"Sunday." I smiled and waved at Charlie before heading to my car.
Two days flew by again, as usual for my weekends at home. Errands with my mother, game night with my family, time spent studying, dinners. My family kept my life busy, which was usually a good thing. But I was distracted thinking about what was about to happen on Monday. Both mom and dad agreed to let me out of school to support Bella, which was gracious of them.
Then Sunday afternoon came, and the doorbell rang as my parents were getting ready to leave. I answered and Charlie waved as he pulled away in the van. I waved back and then focused my attention on Bella who was on my front porch already shivering. She had never liked the cold, but the season had already been a bit worse than usual.
"Coffee?" I asked as I stepped aside for her to come in.
"Yes, pleeease!" She said as she rolled into the living room. The boys were both in their playpen and stood up and reached out to her immediately. A wide smile crossed her lips and she went over to them. I turned and headed for the kitchen to make coffee. I heard my parents coming downstairs and I poked my head out to say goodbye. My dad stopped and greeted Bella.
"Good luck on Monday, I'll keep you in my prayers. The news of your surgery tomorrow was all anyone could talk about at church today." He said with a touch of pride.
"How did they know? It's not like it is in the paper." Bella said through a forced smile, she hated when people talked about her.
"I mentioned it in my sermon this morning. To me it is a sign of divinity, the restoration of your legs would be a miracle." He explained, and Bella's eyes widened ever so slightly. She wasn't the religious type.
"Dad, you guys should get going." I interrupted. Dad gave me a look, but mom backed me up and led him out of the house. Once the door was closed Bella's smile dropped and she gave me a bit of a warning glare.
"Couldn't you stop him, I thought he practiced his sermons with you." She was a little angry, but I knew it was mostly embarrassment at the thought of so many people sharing news about her.
"Not this time, I was very surprised. I was also the focus of most of those questions, I think I had to explain it like a dozen times this morning. I'm so glad we left early so they could do their thing today." I tried not to shudder at the thought of my parents having sex.
"I'm so sorry." Bella said with a smirk, rolled her eyes and sighed once. The argument over.
"Is Alice coming?" I asked, she hadn't confirmed when I invited her on Saturday.
"I don't know, I haven't talked to her since Friday." Bella shrugged, then her attention returned to the twins who were both acting up because no one was paying attention to them. Mom of course kissed them goodbye, but the conversation had distracted us from them completely.
Hours ticked by, and Alice never showed. Dinner came, and the pizza was about as good as I hoped although Bella didn't eat as per usual the day before a surgery. Then Charlie showed up again to take her home, and as I waved goodbye, I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that remained throughout the night. I had trouble sleeping, my dreams tumbling through nightmare scenarios.
The next morning, I slept through my alarm, and almost missed breakfast had it not been for mom calling me downstairs. I made it to the hospital hoping to see Bella before she was taken into surgery, and when I walked into the waiting room, I was startled to see practically everyone I knew. Renee, Tyler, and the entire Cullen clan, including Edward. Alice came over to me as I found a seat and sat down next to me.
"Sorry about yesterday, there was some minor family drama." She said with a small smirk, the frustration in her eyes was clear though, and there was something else. Something elusive in her expression that I couldn't place, but as I looked around the room it was shared by her entire family.
"No worries, although I missed your company." I said waving away the small social faux paus.
"Thank you for that, was Bella disappointed?" She asked, oddly hopeful in her expression.
"A bit, but you know Bella. She never expects anyone to show up." I said with a small sigh.
Then Bella arrived. We both hugged her and then a nurse appeared, and she was immediately wheeled away. Charlie sat down away from everyone else and started to brood. We all knew his routine, and no one tried to approach him. When she was in surgery like this, it was better to leave him alone. He couldn't handle any kind of in-depth conversation or even forced politeness.
After about an hour Tyler and most of the Cullen's save Alice, Edward and Esme left. The wait was interminable, and no one wanted to talk. It drew out the time, and as hour after hour passed the ball in my stomach seemed to grow bigger and bigger. I could almost feel what was coming, yet nothing could prepare me when Doctor Cullen finally came out.
Charlie was on his feet the instant Carlisle could be seen through the small window in the swinging doors to the surgery wing. Everyone else followed, and almost immediately I knew something was wrong. Carlisle rarely looked upset; he was always calm in every situation. He appeared to be at the point of tears.
"No, no… nononono…" Charlie started, already reading into Carlisle's expression. Carlisle flinched a little at Charlie's reaction, and then cleared his throat before starting to relay the news we all feared.
"After several hours in surgery, Bella's heart gave out. We tried every lifesaving procedure we could, but we were never able to restart her heart. I'm so sorry." Carlisle clearly wanted to reach out and comfort Charlie, Renee, any of us. But he had to remain professional. "I will be available for questions soon, but there are few things I need to take care of first. Again, my sincerest condolences."
"You lying bastard!" Renee spat out, her vitriol surprising all of us, and Charlie most of all. Charlie caught her attention and shook his head.
"We can't Renee, she's gone. There's no point." Charlie turned and walked out of the waiting room, holding back the tears already clouding his vision. Renee looked after him, and then bolted through the other door towards the main parking lot, her own anger currently outweighing the devastation.
Edward had his eyes closed, and Alice was sitting with her head in her hands. I was still in shock, and a part of me refused to believe that she was gone. I sat down next to Alice and took her cold hand in mine, and let the pain start to pour out of me. I must have cried for twenty minutes, uncontrollably.
Alice never let go.
"Angela." Doctor Cullen surprised me a time later. "What are you still doing here? You should go home, be with your family."
"I don't know, I can't think right now." I muttered, not feeling entirely coherent.
"Come, let's talk." He offered a hand, and Alice nodded and let me go. He led me to his office and offered me some water as I sat down. I hadn't realized how parched I was, and the cool liquid seemed to relive some of the pain I was feeling.
"I have something to ask you." Carlisle took a deep breath and waited for me to respond.
"Anything. Ask me anything." I replied quickly, I trusted him implicitly. Even though he was partially responsible for Bella's death.
"I need you to understand that what I would like to tell is extremely dangerous. Having this knowledge will lead you down a path may end in your death." Carlisle met my eyes as he spoke, and I felt a strange sense of weight as if he was about to reveal the secrets of the universe or something.
"I don't even know how to react to that." I said feeling confused and touch frightened.
"That's natural. Okay, let me start slightly differently. Having spent time with my family, have you ever felt uncomfortable or afraid of us for no reason?" The question was totally serious, but I couldn't understand what he was trying to get at.
"At first maybe, your house is so big, and your family is… well gorgeous." I answered trying to think back. Truth be told there was a moment when I first visited their house when I felt an odd sense of danger, as if entering their home was crossing a line that I could never step back over.
"I'm talking about a more instinctual fear, something maybe in the back of your mind." Carlisle was dancing around something, and I didn't have the patience I usually had.
"I'm sorry, I can't do this right now." I shook my head and looked down at my hands, because I couldn't look at him anymore.
He was silent for almost a full minute, and it started to feel a little uncomfortable sitting there in silence. I looked up and his expression was seriously conflicted.
"Angela, I'm about to trust you with a secret that will feel impossible, but for Bella's sake I need you to listen." Carlisle's expression hadn't changed, but I could tell he had decided on something.
"Bella?" I asked, the ball in my stomach returning with a vengeance.
"Yes Bella. She's alive." I couldn't believe what I was hearing, my first reaction was anger. How could lie to her family like that?
"Why couldn't you tell her family? They deserve to know." I asked the first question that made sense to me, trying to tamp down the anger I was feeling.
"It's complicated but the short answer is she will be different, volatile. Exposing her parents to those changes could be… lethal." He shook his head. "I'm not happy about concealing her from her parents, but it is an unfortunate consequence of my choice."
"Your choice?" I was back to confused, and still angry. Yet I was elated at the idea that she wasn't gone. It was just starting to filter in that I hadn't just lost my best friend.
"I'm going about this all wrong." He paused for a moment before continuing, "my family is different from most of our kind, we value human life and made a vow to never take a life unless there was no other choice. It is why I struggled so long with my decision to… help Bella." Suddenly I was afraid, his choice of words were distinct and terrifying.
Carlisle Cullen, and the rest of his family, were not human.
"What are you?" I asked feeling defensive and borderline terrified.
"There are many words, and the most appropriate while accurate does not paint a complete picture." He said, and then paused as if cementing his resolve. "I am a vampire, and I have been like this for three-hundred and forty-three years."
"Holy shit." Was all I could think of to say.
"Soon Bella will be like me, she will be healthy and able to walk again. She will never suffer from the pain of the accident again, and hopefully in time she will be happy." He allowed a small smile as he spoke of her happiness.
"Why tell me, I don't understand." I furrowed my brow; I was happy to be in on the secret that could allow me to be a part of Bella's life, but I had no idea why.
"Two reasons. One I know I can trust you to keep our secret, most of us already consider you a part of the family. And two, because Bella will need someone, she can confide in. While confident that she loves us, and will be happy in our family, I feel she needs at least one connection to her human life. In time we may have to move on, perhaps sooner rather than later. It depends on her ability to adapt to our way of life, or even if she will want to." As he spoke, I realized how deeply he cared, and that almost paternal love eased my mind a little.
"I think I'm missing something." I said, finding the details confusing.
"As I said before, we are unlike most of our kind. We do not drink the blood of humans. It is a moral choice, but not an easy one. The pull of human blood for us can be extreme. Edward for example had to leave for Alaska when he first met Bella to keep from killing her. In time he has managed to control that thirst, but even we are not immune to enticements. Bella in her first few months will be unable to control her impulses and cravings; we will teach her as best we can, but it'll be difficult. Eventually she will have to decide whether she wants to stay with us and pursue our lifestyle or strike out on her own. We're hoping that talking with you over the phone will help her with that control, and perhaps your influence can help her choose which path she would like to follow." His explanation made sense as far as this crazy new reality's rules went, but for some reason I couldn't help but let out a small snort of laughter, the entire situation felt absurd. Then the other shoe dropped, and I realized there was one question I needed an answer to.
"Knowing this, it's a big secret right? I mean the world thinks you are fantasy monsters. If the world found out you were real?" It was a two plus two moment, but it made a lot of sense.
"War, outrage, we would be hunted with your modern weapons and while we are strong, we would eventually lose. This secret is our primary law, telling you could condemn me to death." He sounded sad, but resolute. His choice already made.
"Why risk it then?" I had to ask; I couldn't understand why they would trust me like this.
"It's selfish, and reckless. But that seems to be what I do lately. Alice had a vision; she could see you with us waiting for someone to arrive. Bella was there, turned. It was enough to convince me that not only could you be trusted, but that you would be a part of our lives. There is a possibility that you may become one of us someday. Although that is something that would have to be your choice." Carlisle gave me a tired smile, his internal conflict written on his face. Even I could tell he was torn about his choices but resigned and confidant they were the right ones.
"Heh. Immortality. I could never hurt anyone… this is too much. I need some time to think." I started, and then what he said hit me. "Wait, Alice has visions?" My delayed response felt almost comical, but I chalked it up to feeling overwhelmed.
"That is a much longer conversation. Take all the time you need; however, I must know. Angela, will you keep our secret?" He took a deep breath in preparation for my answer. I wondered briefly if I answered no, would he be forced to kill me? Did I really have an option? With the consequences on the table, me telling the world felt like solid leverage. Yet, who would believe me? Of course, it didn't matter, I loved them and would keep their secret no matter what.
"Yes. I just need to think about everything else. Can I see her though? I think I need to see her to know you're telling me the truth." All of this was based on trust, my trust in Carlisle and his trust in me. It was a matter of faith, yet I had to have some form of proof about the more outlandish aspects of his story. Then later, I would probably have a nervous breakdown.
"I'll take you down to see her now. The next few days are going to be difficult for her. She hasn't moved since we administered anesthesia, combined with the morphine, I'm hoping she won't suffer as much through the transition." He said with a touch of hope in his voice. With a deep breath he stood up and led me to an employee's only elevator, and then down into a lower level where they had a small morgue and coroner's office.
It was clean and no where near as creepy as typically pictured in the movies, but the metal tables were real. Bella was partially covered with a white cloth, and her chest was exposed with a clip board lying on her stomach from where the medical examiner must have forgotten it. Carlisle momentarily shook his head and moved over to her, covering her up and placing the paperwork in a holder on the wall near the table.
"Small towns." He said almost embarrassed. "I made sure there would be no autopsy. She will be transferred to the Crowley's funeral home, where I believe Renee is arranging a viewing. From there she would be cremated, and her ashes buried. Instead, we will intercept her and bring her home. The timing isn't ideal, the viewing is supposed to be tomorrow, and I'm not sure how long she will be in transition."
"Why is that?" I asked, curiosity breaking through the macabre description of my best friend's honestly terrifying journey over the next couple of days.
"It is different for everyone, physical size, weight and metabolism make a difference. If the person is overweight the fat is excised from them, and that is… unpleasant. Typically, though the process takes about two to three days."
"Wednesday. And she'll be buried on her birthday. Can she hear us?" I said reaching out, and then pulling my hand back suddenly afraid I would hurt her.
"Possibly, transition is very painful. Usually ending in screaming, she seems almost too calm. You can touch her if you like." Carlisle motioned towards Bella, nodded softly.
"Calm, she isn't moving at all, is she even breathing?" I lifted an edge of the sheet and wrapped a hand in one of hers, and then looked back.
"No, the venom has already transformed her heart and lungs. That engine is working on turning the rest of her body. Do you ask from curiosity, or are you interested in medicine?" Carlisle's clinical description was oddly comforting, it put context to the changes I could already see.
"I like science, and yes I thought about applying to medical school." I looked up at him and realized he could be an unbelievable resource and teacher if I wanted to pursue that life. "Although I was waffling between human medicine and becoming a veterinarian."
"My focus has always been on humans, I spent centuries perfecting my control and techniques. I would love to teach you what I know. If you're willing." His warm expression made me finally feel that everything was going to be okay, and I gently removed my hand from Bella's. I decided to ignore his offer for now, until I knew what my life was going to look like.
"How long will I have to stay away from her?" I asked with a feeling of longing. I didn't know when I would see her again, and I was now very curious what she would be like when she woke up from this transformation.
"We don't know for sure; it will really be up to Bella. It could take several months, maybe up to a couple of years." Lovely, I would have to deal with a drugged-up Bella jonesing for her next blood fix. I could see it clearly, her nightly calls begging me to be her blood doll so she could suck on my neck like a lollipop. But if that was what she needed; I would do it. She was my best friend, and nothing would ever change that. I noticed a stray hair stretched across her forehead, so I brushed it away, and then leaned down to whisper in her year.
"I hope you can hear me. If you can, I think they only meant to help you, and I know that this will be frightening. But I promise I'll be there for you, even if that means I can't be in the same room with you. Give me a call when you can, and remember I'll always be there for you. I Love you Isabella, you will always be my best friend." Then I leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead. "I'm ready to get out of here; I can't see her like this anymore."
I felt torn leaving her alone. I had no doubt that Edward loved her. But love could twist easily into something dark. But what could I do, they were so strong? I couldn't tell anyone without looking like a lunatic. Neither my parents nor Bella's would understand. If they are being truthful then she will either love it or hate it. I only wished I could anticipate which, at least she was going to walk again. That was enough to make me sigh with joy. I just hoped the rest of it was good for her.
"Of course, I'll make sure she knows she can call you. Thank you for this Angela, if there is anything, we can ever do for you please let us know." Carlisle almost startled me as lost in thought as I was, but his pleasant smile put me at ease, again. Then he nodded at me with an appreciative nod, he was genuinely thankful that I was willing to help.
Together we left Bella on that slab, and I felt so mixed about everything. In less than an hour my entire life changed, the consequences of that change were intangible and far reaching. There was a very real possibility I could be headed down a path that would lead to my death, or eternity as a vampire. As I got in my car and started to drive home, I started to cry, and didn't really stop until the next day.
