Roles Reversed


Jude walked down the docks with Mirren in her stroller, looking around for her father. When her mother called her and explained in detail what was going on, and how worried she was about her dad leaving the house in the state he was in, she knew she had to go out and find him, and talk to him.

Sean was at work which meant she had to take Mirren with her in the stroller. Luckily she was a sleeping angel at this time of night.

She continued to walk down the docks, eventually noticing her father sitting on a stack of wood planks. She walked over to him, watching him lift his head and notice her, the look of dread already on his face regardless.

"Hey." Jude said softly, putting the stroller on break close beside her as she sat down beside him.

"What are you doing here?" Punk asked her, "Well, actually… I know why you're here. Mom probably called you, right?" He turned to her as Jude nodded.

"She's real worried." Jude said, "She said she thought you were having a panic attack when you left the house." She said as Punk nodded.

"That's because I was." Punk said. He figured there was no point in hiding it. Not now.

"And you thought running away was gonna help it?" Jude asked him.

"Yeah. It did." Punk turned to her, "See, not panicking anymore." He pointed to himself as Jude frowned a little, "I just need a bit of space, Jude."

"Well I'm not giving you space." Jude insisted as he looked at her, "You can't avoid things. Trust me." She said.

"Did she tell you?" Punk wondered as Jude nodded to him, "And you… you're fine with it?" He questioned.

"No, I'm not fine with it." Jude shook her head with confusion, "I'm not fine with the fact you were so broken, so beside yourself and lost that you snapped." She said, "I know you. You wouldn't hurt a fly. You wouldn't even kill spiders in the house when were little." She smiled as he nodded to himself, "But none of us can ever understand what it was like to be in the position you were in." She said, "Yeah, we all suffered but at least me, mom, Thea and Cass all had each other. If we were having a bad day we could pick each other up. You didn't have anyone." She said, "And as if that wasn't bad enough, you were dealing with some lunatic who had it out for you." She said.

"I couldn't take it anymore." Punk shook his head, "I just remember feeling nothing in that moment. Nothing held me back. I just wanted it to stop." He said as Jude nodded.

"No one blames you for that." Jude assured him, "Living in those conditions, being mentally challenged every day, losing your family." She said.

"I just… I didn't feel like myself. For so long I just felt like a version of myself." He said, "And I had no control over anything." He nodded.

"Sounds kinda familiar." Jude nodded to him as he turned to her.

"What I went through is nothing like what you went through. You were attacked-"

"So were you." Jude assured him, "It doesn't matter what was worse. It still fucks with your head. When you go through anything traumatic, it's always there. Therapy can help, sure. Talking can help." She nodded, "But it's with you. All the time. That's the hardest part." She nodded.

"I thought I'd buried it away." Punk admitted, "I thought I'd dealt with it."

"Burying it to the back of your mind and not telling anyone isn't dealing with it, dad." Jude said, "It's just prolonging the healing." She said.

"It was so long ago, though." Punk sighed with frustration, "I wish I could just take it out of my head." He shook his head as Jude nodded.

"I know." Jude said, "But whatever you think of yourself isn't what we all think of you. The people who judge us the most are ourselves." She said, "I spent so long thinking that what happened to me was my fault. Even though, now I know it's very obvious it wasn't my fault at all, but there was a time I did think it was down to me." She nodded.

"What I did was my fault, though." Punk emphasised.

"But you're completely disregarding what this man did to you. The mental and physical torture. Seven years of it." Jude said, "You can only take so much."

"I just can't stop thinking about it." Punk shook his head, "It's getting worse." He recognised.

"The longer you ignore it, the worse it'll get. You know that. You were the one who would tell me that." She said.

"Well, it's my job to protect you." Punk said.

"Yeah and it's also your job to protect yourself." Jude reminded him, "Practise what you preach, right?" She said as Punk rolled his eyes, "Sounds to me like you're suffering PTSD." She nodded as Punk turned to her.

"No." Punk scoffed as Jude nodded.

"Yeah." She said simply as he turned to her, "I never thought that's what I suffered from. I was always focused on the anxiety and depression. I thought that was why I was so scared to go to bars. Or why I couldn't leave the house sometimes." She said, "But… it's all stress related to what happened to me." She nodded, "That's where it stems from. I can't go out for dinner with fiancé because I… I have it in my head that people are staring at me. I haven't worn a dress since I was twenty-one." She said, "Because it scares me." She said. She hoped if she could tell him the certain things that affected her, in unlikely ways, that it might have opened his eyes a little.

"I didn't know you still felt like that." Punk admitted.

"I do." Jude nodded, "So many things that didn't scare me before, things I wouldn't think twice about, terrifies me now." She said, "Obviously I know how to deal with it better but… that's the thing, there's no time limit on suffering these kind of things." She said as he nodded to himself, "So telling yourself that you've been out of prison for so long… doesn't really matter. It still happened and you still suffered." She said, "You gotta acknowledge that and stop being so hard on yourself." She nodded as Punk looked at her, "It's not gonna feel heavy like this forever." She assured him as he nodded.

He trusted Jude's word. That wasn't to say he didn't trust his wife and his other two children. But he'd saw what Jude had overcome, right in front of his eyes. He respected what she had to say about getting through things.

"Do you remember what happened? In the visiting room?" He wondered as she looked at him and nodded.

"Yeah." Jude nodded.

"I thought you wouldn't come back after that." He admitted.

"Why?" She questioned as he shrugged.

"I thought you'd be scared." He said.

"I was." Jude said, "But not of you. Never of you." She said.

"I don't forget that you still came to see me." He made clear as she nodded.

"I know." Jude smiled, "Maybe… it'd help for you to speak to someone professionally." She nodded as he huffed a little, "I know how thrilled that would make you but… clearly we're at the stage now where you need to consider it." She said, "Cause you don't have to suffer."

"It doesn't feel like anyone can say anything to make it go away." Punk said.

"You just think that." Jude said.

"I can't exactly show up and tell some therapist that I murdered someone in prison and I'm kinda having a hard time with it." Punk scoffed.

"Truthfully, I don't think it's just that that's bothering you. Seven years of this guy on your case. Confined in that small space. Seeing him every day, hearing him every day." Jude said, "It's nothing I can understand but talking about it with someone might help." She said.

"I don't know." Punk sighed to himself, "My head feels like it's burning with it." He shook his head, running his hands through his hair.

"You've kept it in for so long. Soon it'll start feeling like a relief that you put it out there." Jude said, "And it will get better. Trust me?" She questioned as he looked at her.

"You are the smart one. Don't tell Thea or Cassie I said that." He warned as she chuckled a little, "I just can't stop reliving it."

"It'll get better." She rubbed his arm softly, "And whatever you do, don't push mom away. She's there for you. She's upset, thinking that she shouldn't have stopped visiting you. Wishing she was there for you." She said.

"It's not her fault." Punk shook his head, "I just don't want her to think of me like that."

"She doesn't, that's the thing." Jude reminded him, "None of us will. You're like Superman to us." She smiled.

"I don't like Superman." He turned to her sadly as she chuckled and rolled her eyes.

"You're like Batman then." She corrected as he smiled like a child, "And you've always been there for me when I needed you." She said, "And I never believed you when you told me that things would get better… but they did so… there's your proof. It still gets hard, doesn't disappear but… it gets better." She said as he nodded.

"Maybe I'll just come to you for therapy." Punk said as she smiled.

"As long as you're talking to someone." She nodded, listening as she heard Mirren making noise in her stroller. She stood up and leaned in, lifting her out carefully into her arms as Punk watched with a smile.

She'd come such a long way in the past few weeks. From not bonding properly with Mirren, struggling to cope, to now handling her like it was second nature. It inspired him. His daughters always inspired him. They gave him hope. Strength.

"What's wrong?" Jude asked softly, sitting back down beside him, holding Mirren in her arms as Punk looked on with a smile.

"She looks a lot like you." Punk nodded.

"You think? I think she looks like Sean." Jude said, looking down at Mirren.

"Nah, she's all you." Punk nodded, "How hard are you gonna judge her fridge pictures when she gets older?" He smiled.

"Oh, so hard. I'll be expecting a certain level from her." She teased as Punk smiled.

"Can I hold her?" Punk asked as Jude nodded, passing her over to him as he held her in his arms. He did have a family behind him. A damn good one. Everything he went through was his own. His reasoning for keeping it to himself with his own, not anything to do with them. But he heard Jude loud and clear. It would get better.

"You still got it." Jude smiled, noticing Mirren's little eyes closing over as Punk rocked her a little.

"I'll always have it." He winked as Jude smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder and linking her arm through his.