When they got back upstairs, Sebastian asked, "What was his comment about his 10-year plan about?"
Kurt headed to their room. "Back when he was in the hospital after his attempt, he and I talked. He and I did a little imagining. Ten years from then he wanted to be a sports agent and live in a big city with the man of his dreams and their toddler son."
"I see. So, he graduating with a degree in sports management, going to law school, moving with Erik to Chicago, and he's on his way to his 10-year plan."
"Yep. I'm happy for him. From everything I can tell Erik is a sweetheart. I need to get my stuff together and get to NYADA." Kurt pulled a few things out of his dresser and put them into his duffle. He turned to Sebastian and hugged him. "I'll see you later." He kissed him and headed back downstairs.
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The afternoon show went smoothly. Sebastian was waiting for him in his usual spot afterwards. David, Trent, Wes, Jon, and Thad came through the cast line and got autographs and selfies with him and pulled Sebastian into the photos as well before they headed out.
Sebastian went backstage with Kurt afterwards again. He sat in the chair next to Kurt's and just watched him gather his stuff up and put everything back in his duffle.
Kurt looked up at him. "You're staring."
Sebastian winked. "I love you, so get used to it."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "I'll try." He picked his bag up. "Do you think that outdoors or camping or whatever place is open today? We didn't make it there yesterday to get something to keep my ring safe."
"I'm sure it is. We just need to get going. I'm sure it closes early like everywhere else on Sunday." He got up and offered his hand to Kurt. He stepped even closer and kissed him gently.
They left and made it to the store before it closed. They asked for help from a salesclerk who took them right to the area they needed to find. They looked through their options.
"This one is perfect, I think." Kurt took it off the shelf. He unscrewed the lid, took his ring off, put it inside, and put the lid back on. "It fits with just a tiny bit of extra room. I could line it with some thin fabric to keep the stainless steel from rubbing against the stone inlay."
"And it's a two pack. I'll need to take mine off when we start going back to stage combat club."
Kurt put his ring back on and they got in line. When they were in line, Kurt saw a clear container with some really tiny carabiners that screwed closed, rather than the traditional hinged closure. "These would work better than the ones that come with containers. These carabiners are much thinner, so they could go through the opening in a zipper pull, but they would for sure stay in place because they screw closed." Kurt looked through the container and pulled out a black one and a silver one to match the travel cases.
After they paid, they took the subway back home. Sebastian opened the door and let Kurt in. He stepped inside and found the table had been set for two with the table runner, candles, and a vase of orange gerbera daisies in the center.
"You are the sweetest man." He wrapped his arms around Sebastian's neck as soon as he dropped his bag. "It's beautiful. Thank you."
Sebastian smiled from Kurt's enthusiasm. "You're welcome. Go ahead and go do your facial cleansing to get all the stage make up off. The food should be here in five minutes. I'll be right back up with it."
Kurt kissed him before he let go. He went in the bathroom and when he came back out, Sebastian was tapping on the door. He opened it and locked it behind Sebastian. He followed Sebastian to the kitchen and helped him unpack the food.
"It may not be exactly romantic, but we haven't had Mexican in a while and it all sounded good. I ordered pretty much one chicken and one beef of everything. Tacos, burritos, enchiladas, flautas, and a single order of rice. Oh, and a side of salsa and guacamole."
"It's romantic because you did it for me. It smells good."
Kurt grabbed the plates from the table and put them on the counter. He also grabbed a sharp knife and a small cutting board. He cut each item in half as Sebastian pulled them out. Sebastian put a spoon in the salsa, guacamole, and rice and carried them to the table. He went back and poured them glasses of lemonade. Kurt took the plates to the table. He pulled his chair around to the end of the table like usual, so they could sit closer together, but still look at each other while they talked. Sebastian lit the candles before he sat down.
Kurt picked Sebastian's hand up and kissed it. "Thank you."
"My pleasure. It's the first meal we have just the two of us since we got married. I wanted it to be fun."
"And tasty." Kurt took another bite. "I love your variety idea. I love all of this stuff. It's like a buffet."
Sebastian put salsa and guacamole on his chicken taco and took a bite. "Delicious."
They ate for a few minutes in silence. Both of them were really hungry since they hadn't eaten since 10:00 that morning.
"I have another surprise."
"What?"
"I took advantage of Grandma's generosity and took a car back from Costco. I know it's such a contradictory thing to do, but I knew that you'd be tired and I just can't get all of our food home by myself on the subway. So, I left as soon as I set the table."
"You're right that it seems antithetical to take a car back from a place we joined to save money, but everything we get is there and it was sweet that you did it to give us more time together here at home this evening. We can count it as a wedding gift to assuage our guilt."
Sebastian chuckled. He leaned towards Kurt and pecked him on the lips. "Deal. Guilt assuaged."
"And I really appreciate it. I am pretty beat and this will be a long week for both of us with you having midterms and my performances since they last later than the rehearsals for Dear Evan Hansen did."
They finished eating, enjoying the quiet and calm of it just being the two of them. Kurt started playing footsie under the table. He leaned towards Sebastian offering kisses all throughout their meal.
Once they finished, they loaded the dishwasher, grabbed their stuff to study, and moved to the sofa.
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They got the pillows situated and got themselves comfortable with their legs intertwined and what they needed close by and organized.
"I know this isn't your favorite subject, but have you decided about the school loans issue? The longer you wait to decide, the more interest that accrues."
"I'm going to accept her offer to pay them off now and repay her using the simple interest plan she offered. It's a good deal financially for both of us and I don't feel like a mooch. I'm sure she would prefer to just pay them off, but I don't feel that's reasonable. I was an adult when I made the choice to borrow so much money and I feel that it is my responsibility to pay it back, but it's also financially responsible to take an offer of a loan at a lower overall repayment cost. I'll text her and let her know. I had actually made up my mind a while ago, but I've been busy and when we've been with her and I've thought about it, other people have been around."
"Right. Not exactly a group topic of discussion."
"I've also decided that I'm going to talk to Rachel over spring break. She sent me a congratulations message on Facebook. She seemed sincere."
"I looked Brown up. They have spring break this week, so Tina should be back at school while we're on spring break. We can take the train out to where Sam lives, and then it's a two and a half hour drive to Providence from there."
"That could work. We could leave super early one morning and get to Providence at 9:00. I could ask off for that afternoon, I guess. That way I wouldn't need to be back until about 5:00. That still wouldn't give us much time there since we'd need to leave by 1:00 or so. I'll talk to Sam too since he'd have to skip class to go with us, but I feel like I need him there since they were still on friendly terms until he took my side. I don't know. It's not like I'm trying to get her to be a part of my life, but she's so angry. I feel like I must have done something personally to her that I just haven't figured out."
"We'll work on it. We've got a week."
They got busy on their work. Three hours later, Sebastian was basically sitting in Kurt's lap with his head tipped back on Kurt's shoulder and his eyes closed with his book in his hand.
"Sebastian?" Kurt asked gently.
"Hmm?"
"You're not really studying."
"I'm connecting ideas and putting things together. Am I bothering you?"
"Not at all." He kissed Sebastian on the cheek. "I just didn't want to startle you. I'm going to swap what's in my hand for something else." He put his script to the side and picked up his Kindle and started to read. He slipped his hand under the edge of Sebastian shirt and just left it there while he read.
About a half-hour later, Sebastian sat up enough to reach for his page-marking post-it notes. He leaned back against Kurt again and began looking through the book, putting post-it notes on different pages and writing things on them. Once he had finished and had laid the book to the side, Kurt began to stroke his thumb across Sebastian's skin. He slowly moved his hand down lower. Sebastian unzipped his pants, Kurt's cue to continue.
"Do you want to move to the bedroom?"
"Nope. I'm comfy right here." He unbuttoned his shirt as well. He rearranged just enough that he could still lie back, but also kiss Kurt.
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When the teasing got too much for Sebastian, they did move into the bedroom. They eventually undressed and gave each other the massages they had planned for Saturday morning.
"We smell like hot fudge sundaes with cherry and vanilla ice cream," Kurt said.
"Mmm hmm. I like the cherry too."
"Me too. I don't want to move." Kurt kissed Sebastian gently. "If it were warmer, I would just stay like this and sleep on you."
"I wouldn't mind one bit, but we'll get really chilled with this oil on us and no covers, which of course we don't want to get the oil all over."
"Five more minutes and then we'll go shower."
A few minutes later, Kurt forced himself to get out of the bed. Sebastian reluctantly moved and got up as well. Kurt grabbed the towels they were lying on, threw them into the washer, and turned it on. He got in the shower with Sebastian.
"Do you have anything else you need to do before tomorrow morning?" Kurt asked.
"Nope. Not a thing."
Kurt reached for Sebastian's shampoo and began to wash his hair. "You're amazing, you know. I don't know how you managed to do everything you've done in the last week, but I want you to know how much I appreciate it. We had a beautiful wedding and I love you."
He rinsed his hair. "And I love you." He kissed Kurt as he reached for Kurt's shampoo. "That's what we can do if you don't have anything else you have to do before tomorrow. We could look through the photos on the DVD. We can pick a couple to print. I can do it tomorrow after I leave NYADA on my way to my morning class."
Kurt nodded since he couldn't answer. After he rinsed his hair, he said, "I do want to look at them."
"And you're welcome. I didn't mind at all, you know. I actually really enjoy doing things for you. It's not a chore or anything. And I agree about the wedding being beautiful." He kissed Kurt. "I've put all of the emails that Letti and Noelle have sent in a folder. We can look through them during spring break. I know that Isabelle wants you to come back, but would you consider telling her that you can't?"
Kurt looked Sebastian in the eyes and saw sincerity mixed with desperation. He nodded. "I will. I'll tell her that I need time to recover. I honestly think it may just be time to admit that I can't work at Vogue until school is over. I can't do it all without shortchanging something. I need to put 100% of my effort into the Dear Evan Hansen rehearsals that week. I've been excused from rehearsals this coming week and my understudy is rehearsing in my place. Spring break week will be our last week to rehearse before tech week and Previews starting."
Sebastian's eyes lit up. "You mean it?"
"I do. I'll tell her tomorrow so that she has time to try to work things out. I feel bad, but she can get more help. If I go back, I'll be distracted and everything else will suffer too. It's not easy to give up because I love working there."
"I know you do and Isabelle loves having you there. You know she loves you, right? I know it's bit weird having your boss love you, but she's like my aunt. She played a big role in me getting better. And she loves both of us. And Caitlyn is the second best assistant she's had in a long time. She says no one is as good as you." Sebastian pecked him on the lips. "Which of course is true."
"You're biased."
"Absolutely. But that doesn't make me wrong."
He turned the water off and Kurt grabbed for their towels. After he stepped out, Sebastian dried off and sat down on the edge of the counter, letting Kurt put moisturizer on him before he left the room. He grabbed a pair of pajama pants and a hoodie to wear before he went to get his laptop. By the time Kurt had come out, he was sitting on the bed waiting for Kurt to look through the photos.
Kurt dressed quickly and sat down next to him. They looked through all of the photos. Kurt went in their spare room and brought back the flash drive that Sebastian used to print stuff and put it in the laptop. Sebastian went back through the photos again and they picked two to print the next day. One with all eight of them and the other was of just the two of them. Sebastian put his laptop away and put the flash drive in his bag. He stopped and moved the towels to the dryer before going back into their room. He saw that Kurt had put his hoodie on the keyboard bench and was putting the pajama pants back in the drawer. He did the same and they got back in bed. Kurt turned his light off. He rolled back and lay on his side facing Sebastian.
"I'll text Sam and see whether Tuesday or Wednesday would work better for him to go see Tina. Monday morning, I want to go get our driver's licenses updated."
"I have to say goodbye to the beard in a week. I know."
"Yep. Hello super clean shaven face."
"You're gorgeous either way." Sebastian reached out and put his hand on the side of Kurt's neck and ran his thumb along his jaw.
"So, Mr. Hummel-Smythe, is there anything else on your agenda for tonight?"
"Just talking to my favorite person and snuggling. Maybe some kissing." He scooted a little closer and kissed Kurt.
"Mmm. Sounds good to me. How about you tell me about that book you just finished reading?"
"Well, it's definitely different. It's my first foray into South American surrealism…"
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Nearly a week later, Kurt and Sebastian were still asleep at 8:30 on Saturday morning. Kurt carefully checked the time. He turned back over and started kissing across Sebastian's shoulders in between speaking the words he knew Sebastian needed to hear. "Generous." Kiss. "Kind." Kiss. "Faithful." Kiss. "Funny." Kiss. "Hard working." Kiss. "Supportive." Kiss. "Loving."
He didn't make it any farther because Sebastian turned over and wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in close.
Kurt nuzzled into Sebastian's neck. "Good morning, mon abri."
"You're cheerful."
"We have no schoolwork to worry about. I don't have to leave for four hours. We can just lie here and be together."
"That's true. And it's an excellent reason to be cheerful. How about we get up long enough to eat and then we get back in bed?"
"Sure. I have to figure out what to do about my eating schedule. I'm used to getting up early and eating early meals. But I've been coming home and eating late at night because of the performances, but once the Dear Evan Hansen performances start, it's going to change my whole schedule permanently. I don't want to eat late at night or eat four meals a day, but I'm going to have to work on what to do. It will affect our menu, so maybe we should work on that."
"Not today. This is our first free morning in ages."
"You're right. You're completely right." He moved his hand from Sebastian's back up to stroke Sebastian's hair, and then he ran his fingers through his hair. He took a deep breath and let it out. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"Reminding me to breathe."
Sebastian kissed him on the forehead. "Let's go eat something now and get back in bed."
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"Montrésor," Sebastian stated, as Kurt ran his hand along Sebastian's upper arms. Sebastian was reclined back against Kurt's chest and he was running his fingertips along Kurt's thighs.
"Montrésor?" It took him a second to realize what Sebastian was referring to. "It was amazing there."
"That's where I want to go for our honeymoon. It was really beautiful and peaceful. Once we get a chance to go back, that's where I want to stay for three or four days. Maybe arrive late Monday night and stay through Thursday evening, when there will be fewer other people visiting since more people take weekend trips."
"Are you sure?"
"Sure?"
"Sure that you don't want to go somewhere else?"
"Well, maybe a second place if we have time. I'm not sure how long we'll be able to stay or when we'll even be able to go since you've already gotten a lead off-Broadway. But yes, I'm sure that I want to go there."
"There's something I've never told you."
"What's that?"
"Back when I was trying to figure out what I was going to do about the internship and my classes, Sam asked me if I could do anything without regard to the cost or other issues, what would I do."
"What did you tell him?"
"That I'd go to France and visit the amazing castles."
Sebastian leaned to the side a bit so that he could see Kurt's face. "Did you think I knew?"
"No. You had spent too much time telling me about different places and the history and you were much too into all of it for it to have been an effort to sway me to come with you. You made everything perfect and magical. I loved every minute of it. It felt like you gave me my fantasy trip."
"So, that's why you were always so interested in everything I talked about. I sometimes wondered if you were just humoring me, but you seemed sincere, so I shared my pet interest with you."
"You made my fantasy become this absolutely amazing reality. You brought all of it to life in words first, and then we actually went to see the places you had talked about and some that you hadn't. It was so much better than I had ever imagined it to be because I had never considered how much more amazing it would be to go with someone who was so into it. I had never given it a moment's consideration that I would find someone who would love every moment of it as much or more than I would." He wrapped his arms around Sebastian's chest. "Sometimes it still surprises me how comfortable I am with this."
"With us being together?"
"No. I've been comfortable with us being together for over a year."
"Over a year?"
"Yeah, pretty much since you got over acting penitent all the time, probably when you went to France. I missed you and I realized that I liked you as a person and you've always been very attractive. After you came back and we started spending time together, I found out how compatible we are. The thought of us as a couple did occur to me that long ago, but neither of us was ready then and I thought you were leaving right after your birthday, so I just put you in the 'I can't do that to myself' category where I had put Adam. It was hard enough to let myself open up and let myself love the two of you knowing that you were both leaving. I decided that it was worth the risk and it was. I miss Adam, but I'm glad we had the time together that we did. And you turned out to be absolutely amazing and perfect and wonderful." Kurt tickled him just slightly and kissed him above his ear.
Sebastian turned his head and met Kurt's lips with his own and kissed him gently.
Kurt continued, "What surprises me is how comfortable I am in my own skin now."
"Well, I am glad that you are." Sebastian ran his fingers along Kurt's thighs just a little more lightly than he had been, causing Kurt to squirm just a bit. "I'm quite fond of looking at you and touching you." He went back to caressing Kurt without tickling him. "But more importantly than that, it's your whole self. You've gotten more comfortable in your skin, but you've also gotten more comfortable with yourself as a whole. Remember when we talked back after your parents came the first time?"
"Yeah."
"You still shrank back sometimes. You retracted in on yourself. Like I said, it was almost like you were trying to take up less space. You don't do that anymore. You don't hesitate now. You're more comfortable as yourself. No more Vogue Kurt, NYADA Kurt, or the other masks. Now, you're just your fabulous self all the time, not just with me and Sam."
"Thank you. It may seem weird to say that, but it means a lot to me. I've worked really hard to let go of the things that held me back from being myself and to integrate the various aspects of myself that excelled in different situations into a single Kurt."
Sebastian tickled him. "Nope. No single Kurt anymore." He pulled his right arm up and hooked over Kurt's shoulders and rolled back causing Kurt to roll onto him, and then over again so he was on top. They ended up in a heap of entwined limbs. He kissed Kurt teasingly and then passionately. When they broke for air, he looked him in the eyes. "You, Kurt Eli Hummel-Smythe are a married man."
"A very happily married man." He lifted his head and kissed Sebastian again. "I won't ever refer to myself as single, even though you knew what I said had nothing to do with my availability. Which is taken – forever. Always yours." Kurt managed to free himself just enough to flip them back over so he was the one pinning Sebastian down. He started kissing Sebastian's neck just the way he knew drove him crazy. He let up and pushed up just enough to look into Sebastian's eyes. He winked at him.
I only have eyes for you.
Sebastian laughed. "Only you. You have a song for everything."
"The perils of being married to a musical theatre major." He kissed him again.
"Mmm. Definitely worth the danger."
Kurt began to hum "Danger Zone."
Sebastian just chuckled.
Kurt plopped down to Sebastian's side. Sebastian made room for him to lay his head on his chest.
"I know how hard you've worked. And it's paid off."
"And you worked hard too."
"I did. We've worked for what we have and I'm not going to let it slip away." He kissed Kurt on top of his head. "Speaking of working hard, did you send that review to your dad yet?"
"Oh! No, I still need to do that. I told him about it, but I didn't send it to him. I'll ask him whether he wants me to mail it to him or just wait and give it to him in two weeks when they come."
"How did your exam go yesterday?"
"It was fine. What about yours?"
"I think it went well. I didn't blank out on any of the questions or anything." He ran his hand over Kurt's shoulder and down his upper arm and squeezed a little. "We have half a semester left and then we're done."
"It seems like eons ago when I started. I still don't know whether it was a good idea or not. I've learned a lot, but I could have learned a lot at other schools as well. Oh! I forgot to tell you."
"What?"
"Elliott got a job at a music store, which is much more to his liking. And it's in the daytime, so the band can take more evening gigs now."
"That's good. At least he'll enjoy his day job while he's working on the other stuff."
"Maybe they'll take a Monday gig somewhere close enough that we can go watch them at some point."
"Hey," Sebastian tipped Kurt's chin up and kissed him. "Don't let the success guilt get you again."
"I'll try." He snuggled back into Sebastian's side.
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Sunday morning, they woke up at 8:00. They lay in bed snuggling and talking quietly until 9:00 when they got ready for their morning double date with Sam and Lexi, who were still asleep in their extra bedroom. They had come in about 2:00am.
They let the two of them sleep as late as possible. Once they came out of the bedroom, Sebastian handed them ziptop bags with thick slices of banana bread in them and two thermoses of coffee made they way they each liked it. They ate while they walked to the subway.
They made it to the theater 15 minutes before the movie started, got their tickets, and went inside and picked the middle of the row two-thirds of the way up the stairs. Kurt and Sam sat in the center.
"I'm so excited to see this," Sam said. "The previews have been great."
"I haven't see any of the previews, so I'm going in blind and trusting your judgment on this," Kurt said, shoulder bumping Sam.
Five minutes into the movie, Kurt leaned into Sam, "You were right. I like it already."
"I knew you would," Sam said.
Once the movie ended, they stayed in their seats through the credits. Kurt pulled his phone out and looked up the lyrics. He sang a little bit of the beginning.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. . .
When they got outside, they headed toward the subway.
"That was a lot of fun!" Lexi said. "I loved it."
"Me too," Kurt said.
When they came back up onto the sidewalk, Kurt started to sing.
I won't give up. No, I won't give in
'Til I reach the end. And then I'll start again.
No, I won't leave. I wanna try everything.
I wanna try, even though I could fail.
"It's catchy and good for people to sing. Kudos to the composer and lyricist," Kurt said.
When they got up to the apartment, they ate the soup they was ready in the crockpot. Once they had eaten, Kurt had to leave to go to NYADA for the final show. He hugged Lexi and Sam before he left. He hugged and kissed Sebastian on the way out the door.
After he left, Sam, Lexi, and Sebastian went to Ikea and picked up the ottoman that Grandma Smythe wanted and took it to her place and assembled it for her. Sam dropped Sebastian off at NYADA as he and Lexi left town. Sebastian waited for Kurt in his normal spot. He pulled his Kindle out to read while he waited.
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Kurt looked around the area backstage. He sat down in his chair one last time and took a selfie in the mirror. He put the daisy in a ziptop bag and slipped it into a binder in his duffle when Sebastian was in the bathroom. When Sebastian came back, Kurt put his strap over his head and adjusted the bag so he could walk holding Sebastian's hand. Kurt led them to the exterior entrance into the auditorium and had them stand in front of the poster for the show, so he could take one final selfie.
"Ready to go to the barbershop?" Sebastian asked, as he turned to the left as they walked away from the auditorium.
"Barbershop?"
"I made an appointment for you for a shave and a haircut. It's a trendy barbershop. Old mixed with new. The guy's going to do your highlights. I showed him a photo when I made the appointment."
"Sounds like an experience. I've never had a barbershop shave."
"I figured you'd like to look clean shaven with no razor burn or knicks for your driver's license tomorrow."
"You're a sweetie."
When they got there, Sebastian took a photo of Kurt on a stool that had a sign hanging over it that could be flipped. One side said "BEFORE" and the other side "AFTER".
Kurt discussed the need for his highlights to be temporary before the barber went to work on him. Sebastian took Kurt's duffle, sat in the empty seat next to Kurt's, and chatted with Liam the barber and Kurt during Kurt's transformation.
Kurt tipped Liam well and thanked him. He sat back down on the stool. Sebastian flipped the sign and took a new photo. He showed them both to Kurt.
"I look so totally different." He ran his hand along his jaw line. "It's so much smoother than when I do it. Very nice."
Sebastian ran his thumb along Kurt's cheek and kissed him. "You look gorgeous – all the time." He took his hand and got in line to pay.
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It was nearing lunchtime Monday before they made it out of the DMV with their new driver's licenses, even though they had taken four inches worth of paperwork in with them to prove who they were. Eventually they came out with their update licenses.
Kurt looked at his. "At least I look personable. It's better than my first one for sure where the lady pressed the button as she said "three" and refused to retake it. Plus in that one, I looked like I was 13 or 14. I was like 5'5" maybe."
Sebastian chuckled. "Well, you don't look 13 anymore." He leaned towards him and kissed him. "Even though you do looks decades younger than you did yesterday." He took Kurt's hand and led him away from the metro station.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Why are we going this way?"
"Ah, because we are on spring break and we haven't done anything touristy or silly like we did last spring semester and the summer before we left, so when I realized that the DMV wasn't that far from the cheese shop, I added it to our itinerary."
"Sounds tasty and if I eat it this early in the morning, the effects should wear off before I have to sing later."
"And after that, we're going to that vintage shop that you and Isabelle love. She came down with a terrible migraine and went home for lunch. She's putting workout clothes on as we speak."
Kurt chuckled.
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"Who are the sunglasses for?" Isabelle asked once they met up around the corner after they left the shop.
"Rachel. I'm meeting her Wednesday morning for breakfast. I thought a $5 pair of shades would make a nice inexpensive gift. She loves the big 70's style sunglasses."
Isabelle took them out of the bag and tried them on. "They should fit. And they block the sun."
"Perfect. What did you find?"
"Another vintage necklace that I love. I'm pretty sure is genuine Bakelite. What about you, Sebastian?" She put the necklace on and slipped it under her track jacket.
He took a really soft vintage Levi's gray chambray shirt out of the bag he was holding. "I hadn't really planned on buying anything, but I saw this and I tried it on and it fit, so I splurged."
Kurt looked at it and then at Sebastian and winked at him. "I like it."
Sebastian smiled and folded it back up and put it back in the bag.
"I like your hair. The clean-shaven face is a change after two months of the beard."
"It was a change for me too. I looked in the mirror this morning and it was strange. The highlights are just temporary. Edgy and fashionable would not be the way to describe Evan. I'll be sporting a non-descript typical teen boy look every evening pretty soon. Slightly tapered khaki pants, a boxy blue striped polo that's a size or two bigger than I would ever wear, and some very plain New Balance sneakers."
"Well, that will be different," Isabelle said.
"For sure. At least it's a comfortable costume."
"Well, I've had my fun for the day, guys. I have to go back to work." She hugged them both. The car she had called for when they came out pulled up. "Get in if you want him to take you home."
Sebastian shook his head. "Thanks, but not today."
She pulled the door shut and the car drove off.
"You have other plans?" Kurt asked.
"It's a nice day. I thought we might just wander around a bit and browse before we go out for a late lunch."
"Sounds fun. I like this shirt you got."
"I thought you would." He reached out for Kurt's hand and interlaced their fingers.
They looked around the area and stopped at a Vietnamese restaurant for lunch before heading home.
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Tuesday morning they got up and took the train before dawn to meet Sam. From there, they drove the rest of the way to Providence. They parked in a visitor's lot and walked to Tina's dorm. They waited and caught the door when someone came out and they walked up to the second floor and knocked on her door.
She opened it and was shocked to see the three of them. "I have no interest in seeing any of you. Just go away."
Kurt said, "Tina, listen. We've come a long way this morning just to talk to you. Please either let us in, or go with us some place equally private, so we can talk."
"Fine. Come on in." She shut the door behind them. "What do you want?"
Kurt looked around the room and saw that she had a futon bunk bed. He sat down in the center of the futon. Sam and Sebastian sat next to him. He reached out to both of them and took held their hands, intertwining his fingers with Sebastian's. Tina pulled her wood desk chair away from her desk and sat down facing them.
"Why are you so angry at me, Tina? Did I actually personally do something to you? We used to be friends. And then when Blaine cheated on me, you took his side and you've stayed Team Blaine for three and a half years."
"You broke his heart."
"Tina, he broke my heart. He cheated on me. And then he blamed me for it."
"He was lonely without you."
"I was the one in a metropolis with only one person I knew. I was lonely without him, but he had a plane ticket to come see me the middle of October. I had been gone two weeks. Two weeks, Tina. How much could he have missed me in two weeks when he was being chosen the 'New Rachel' and being elected Student Body President?"
"It was two weeks?"
"Two weeks," he stated firmly.
"But still, he said you kept ignoring his calls and didn't have time to talk to him. He said you were probably already seeing someone else at Vogue."
"I was hit on by some guys at Vogue, but I turned them down. I wouldn't have cheated on him."
"It wasn't a big deal, but you made a big deal of it. He told me that he apologized repeatedly, but that you wouldn't accept his apology."
"He told me that 'It didn't mean anything.' as well. But he did not apologize. Not once. He minimized it. He blamed me. He told me that 'He needed me and I wasn't there.' That's not even close to an apology. That's called 'blame shifting'. He blamed me for a choice he made. He sent me a lot of gifts. Maybe that was his idea of apologizing. This wasn't 'I kissed someone while drunk and playing Spin the Bottle.' He had sex with someone he met on Facebook."
She blushed and looked confused. "Wait, what?"
"Yes." Sam spoke for the first time. "It's true, Tina. You can even ask Artie. Blaine slept with a guy named Eli C. that he met on Facebook. They met up and hooked up. That same day, Blaine flew to New York, which was two weeks before Kurt was expecting him."
"That's nuts."
Kurt said, "Tell me about it. Finn had shown up unexpectedly earlier that week. I was lecturing him about how he couldn't go to Callbacks in 'dad jeans' and there was a knock on the door. It was Blaine. We ended up all going out to Callbacks together. Blaine got up and sang this overly emotional version of 'Teenage Dream'. After we left, we were walking through Battery Park. I asked him why he was so emotional. He confessed and blamed me."
"He said you had been ignoring his calls."
"I didn't answer two calls. He called me once on my cell phone when I was talking to people while I was still at work one evening and I swiped to reject his call so my phone would stop buzzing. I called him back later. The other time he called in on the landline at work, even though I had just called him and talked to him a little earlier and told him that I had to take the calls that were coming in. That was the same day he cheated on me. He flew to New York and initially acted like nothing was wrong. He brought me a huge bouquet of red roses."
Sam said, "Why did you blush when Kurt said that it wasn't a drunken Spin the Bottle kiss?"
"We went to this party with some other people from school that we didn't' really know that well when he was trying to meet new people to get more people to vote for him."
"Where was I?" Sam asked.
"You had gone to Kentucky for the weekend."
"I remember now. That was the weekend before the election. Go on."
"So, it went a lot like it did the night that he and Rachel kissed. It was magical for me. I missed Mike desperately. He had broken up with me Labor Day weekend, right before I was going to show him the tattoo I had gotten. He had been in Chicago since the second week of August. I was looking forward to seeing him because he'd been gone for three weeks. I missed him so much, even though we still talked all the time. He came back for the long weekend and told me that he couldn't handle the distance. I had prepared myself to be the New Rachel all summer. Rachel herself encouraged me to take my rightful place as the female lead the spring before. But then Artie picked Blaine to be the new Rachel. There was Marley and Unique and Kitty. Marley and Unique hit it off and were like joined at the hip. Kitty was, well, Kitty. That left Brittany – and Sugar, when she showed up. And Brittany's nice enough, but she was hard to be friends with when she got caught up in that apocalypse stuff that Kitty's book club discussed and then the Mayan apocalypse."
Sam nodded.
Kurt clarified, "Back to the beginning of that. You and Blaine kissed while drunk?"
"Yes."
"And that's how you thought he cheated on me?"
"Yes. I mean I enjoyed it, as did he, but he was pretty drunk. I knew he was gay, but he was really into it. It fueled my broken-hearted, addled brain into believing that he could be bi. I was the second girl he was really into kissing when drunk. And I'd tell myself that he was gay, but then he'd hold my hand, stand close, and compliment me. It was just so confusing. He paid so much more attention to me than anyone else. It felt good to be wanted."
"I get that, Tina. I really do. I want you to watch something, okay?"
"Yeah, sure." She reached forward and took his phone and watched. "So, I became his 'supply'?"
"We both did," Sam said. "Rachel and Kurt had been his sources before. Kurt most of all."
"You and Sam gave him the affirmation and admiration that he needed. You supported him. He used your unwavering support to fuel his lamebrain idea that we were soulmates – that he deserved me back and I was just being ridiculous for not forgiving him."
"I'll tell you something that not many people know, just because I think it's relevant to understanding my behavior. I was clinically depressed by that point. I had no interest in my own life anymore. My only lifeline was Glee, really. I had a terrible GPA, horrible SAT scores, and I got no help even though I'm dyslexic. I had to repeat my senior year. Kurt and Finn were gone. Burt was gone a lot, and Carole some of the time. I was living in their home alone a lot of the time. I went to see my family about once a month because that's all I could afford. I let Blaine's enthusiasm be my only source of positivity in my life. I 'supplied' him with support and the bits and pieces of positive reinforcement he gave me kept me going."
"Depressed?"
"I didn't end up getting help until I went back to Lima after spending the school year in New York. After seeing a therapist, I got better. Then, when everyone came back, it all started slipping back to the way it had been. I found myself casually dating Rachel. Me dating Rachel?" He shook his head. "That was all kinds of nuts. I sat at the wedding reception thinking over what had happened that day and the previous couple of months. I started talking to Mercedes and we put a lot of things together. We took Kurt and Blaine to separate hotels after the reception. They were both pretty out of it, which was really odd for Kurt. Anyway, Mercedes and I talked a lot that evening. I shared what I had figured out from my therapy. We ended up sharing it with both Kurt and Blaine. Kurt saw the light. Blaine denied seeing himself in the articles."
"You think he has NPD?"
All three of the guys nodded.
"No." She rejected their idea. "You're just trying to manipulate me. He and I are friends. We have been for three and a half years. That's longer than I was friends with either of you. Blaine's smart and kind and supportive and he deserves better than you, Kurt. I supported him getting you back because he said you meant everything to him and that he loved you. After I finally got it through my thick skull that him holding my hand and putting his hand on my shoulder and standing close and all of that stuff was just HIM – the way he treats people he cares about. After I got past that, I wanted him to be happy above all. So, I supported him getting back together with you and proposing to you. But when you broke it off with him again, that was it. You broke him. He turned to Karofsky of all people, but Dave had changed. So, had you obviously, and not for the better. He broke it off with Karofsky to get back together with you. And you ditched him and vanished after the wedding. You're a terrible person, Kurt Hummel." She took a deep breath and let it out. "He went to New York to be with you. He said you were overwhelmed by schoolwork because the internship at McKinley wasn't working out because there weren't enough students to compete and you had to go back to New York to fix it somehow. He got a place for the two of you. And how did you repay him? By having an affair with Sebastian. Now, you what? You divorced him and married Sebastian instead? Which is a totally ridiculous thing to have done."
"What?" Kurt asked, wishing he had heard wrong.
"Well, how else do you explain the fact that he had photos of you going in and out of Sebastian's apartment building with him for ages before you left him?"
"He cheated on Dave," Kurt said.
"What?"
"That night after the party at Rachel's. He kissed me outside before he left. He and Dave were still together then."
"What does that have to do what with I just said?"
"What you just said was a fabrication on Blaine's part and what I just said was true. He actually cheated on me and on Dave. I never cheated on him. Those photos you saw – I was living with Sebastian. So was Sam. Sam and I shared Sebastian's extra bedroom when we went back to New York after the wedding."
"Sam went back to Kentucky."
Sam looked confused. "Nope. I went with Kurt. We stayed in DC with Burt and Carole for a few weeks, and then we went to New York. Kurt got his job back at Vogue and we moved into Sebastian's place. I got a job at a coffee shop and at Vogue as well, as an intern in the art department until last May. Then I started college in June. I'm missing class to be here talking to you."
Sebastian finally joined in. "The two of them moved in with me the middle of November."
"Why would you move in with him?"
"As if living with him would be worse than living with Santana and Rachel? Please. Living with those two should have qualified me for sainthood. At least I had a really decent chance of him not waking me up at 5:30 in the morning doing vocal warm ups at the top of his lungs while working on strengthening his upper register."
Sam cracked up. "Oh, God. She can be so screechy. It's one thing to hit one of those notes like she did in 'Halo', but to listen to her do five note runs up and down with those notes at 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning makes anyone want to put a very small pillow over her mouth to keep her from projecting. Or maybe a mute, like for a trumpet."
Kurt chuckled. "And his place had two bathrooms, so I wouldn't be relegated to barely five minutes of almost cold water after waiting for 30 minutes for Rachel to get out of the bathroom. Plus, it's on the Upper West Side and not an hour commute from school and Vogue."
"Fine. His place was convenient and available."
"Yes. We moved in the day I went back to New York." Kurt looked at his phone. "November 17th, to be exact. I never lived with Blaine in the apartment in he lives in."
"I see. He posted stuff to Facebook and sent me other photos, but then he started sending me ones of you and Sebastian together – of you cheating on him."
"I broke it off with him two days after the ceremony. There was no cheating on my part. Ever. Plus, there was no marriage license. We were never legally married."
"Why should I believe you over him? He's been there for me for the last three years."
"I tried to be friends with you. You screamed at me in a public place. You remember the reception for the wedding-that-wasn't? You didn't start to have anything to do with me again until I got back together with Blaine. This is on you. I came here today to try to get to the bottom of it because you couldn't just be mad and stay out of my life. It's like you want to ruin my happiness."
"You don't deserve to be happy while Blaine and I are all alone."
Kurt pressed his lips together and then pursed them. He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. He felt Sebastian squeeze his hand gently. "You are entitled to your opinion. We don't have to agree. I think you should take a serious look at yourself and realize that you being alone has nothing to do with me. Blaine being alone is his issue, not yours. The three of us have benefitted greatly from getting some outside help. Consider seeing a counselor, therapist, or a psychologist. You need some help. You're angry and hurt. I didn't cause that. Actually none of the three of us caused that."
Sam said, "Do you like going to school here?"
"Not really."
"Why are you still here then?" Sam countered.
"I made such a huge deal out of coming here that telling my parents that I don't like it seems like such a slap in the face."
Sam encouraged her. "Look into transferring. It's just the middle of March. Go visit some other schools. See if your credits will transfer. Find some place you love. Find yourself again. I hate to see you so angry and upset."
Kurt said, "Honestly, I don't know what else to say. I came here to find out what I had done to you and to apologize, but you don't have any real grievances against me. You're letting Blaine's anger funnel through you. There are a long list of real reasons why Blaine wasn't the Prince Charming you think he is. My reasons for not being with him are real. I will never be a part of his life again. I love Sebastian. We're happy together. I'm never leaving him. What we have is balanced and loving and amazing."
"You and Blaine were perfect together."
"No," Sam interjected. "No, they weren't. You didn't live with them. You didn't see what I saw. You haven't heard Blaine say what I have. Just no. They were not perfect together."
Kurt said, "I'm sorry to hear that you're not happy here. I had hoped that you would really like it. Maybe if you can't transfer, you could do a semester or a summer abroad. Go somewhere else for a while, even if it's just this summer or the fall semester. Get some perspective. Get some counseling, both personal and for your future career. Spending over two months in France made a huge difference for me."
"I'll think about it."
"I know you don't talk to her anymore, but try talking to Mercedes. Or even Rachel. She's the one that moved in with Blaine when he moved back to New York."
Sam said, "Really, seriously consider getting some professional help. Like Kurt said, it can really turn your life around."
Kurt let go of Sam's hand and stood up. "I'm willing to let all of this drop. Blaine manipulated me. He manipulated everyone around him, including you. I can't hold against you what I fell prey to. I'll leave it up to you what you do from here. We'll go and you can think it over. I'm not going to force the issue. I only came to try to figure out if I had actually done something. And since I haven't, there's nothing left for me to do. I'll unblock your number, in case you ever want to call. But if you send me unkind texts or leave unkind voicemails, I'll reblock you permanently. I hope you find a way to enjoy your last year of college." He turned to head out of her room.
"Wait."
He turned back.
"Can Sam and Sebastian step outside?"
"Yeah, sure," Sam said.
Sebastian squeezed his hand before letting go, causing Kurt to smile briefly.
Once they were out, she said, "You really do love him, don't you?"
"With everything in me. He's amazing. He's loving, honest, trustworthy, and generous with his time. He cooks with me and eats with me. We spend time together even when we're not doing the same thing. He likes to be with me that much. He's an adult. He doesn't need micro-managed. He's responsible. He's kind and sweet. He tells me how much I mean to him. He tells me I'm beautiful or gorgeous or handsome every day. I never have to wonder how he feels because he tells me that he loves me. Not because I've done something for him or because he wants something from me. Just because he wants me to know. If he doesn't like something, he just says so kindly. He came to meet me after every evening rehearsal or performance just so that I wouldn't have to go back to our apartment alone in the dark late at night after he saw me get nervous and anxious when I had some flashbacks not long after we moved in with him, which was a long time before we started to date. He never made me feel like a baby about it. He did it because he cares."
"Did Blaine not do those things?"
"Blaine did none of those things. In the entirety of the time we were together, he never once told me that I was good looking. He always treated me like I was the girl. Who wore an engagement ring? Me. Not him. When we'd dance, he always took the lead, which made dancing together less comfortable because the lead is designed to be the taller person. The movements are designed to be more danceable with the taller person leading. But he was the man, so he led. When I trained to get stronger after the bashing in the alleyway, he got jealous and basically accused me of being manorexic. He told me to my face that he liked it better when I was scared and needed his protection, like when I went to Dalton. There's so much you don't know, Tina. I'm not going to stand here and rehash my grievances against Blaine. He's not a part of my life anymore and he never will be again. And there are real reasons for that. I'm married to Sebastian now, which is amazing. He and I fit together. We're driven and snarky and like to tease. We enjoy doing a lot of the same things, but we're not identical. We're just really good together. I'm myself with him all the time. There's no show or façade. We're not in competition with each other. It's just different in the most amazing way."
Tina started to cry. "I thought I had that with Mike. I still love him with everything I am, but he doesn't want me."
"Are you sure about that? Did he actually say that he doesn't love you anymore? You're here in Rhode Island. He's in Chicago. It's not a drivable distance. If he's staying in Chicago this summer, find a seminar or an I-don't-know-what, something, that's in Chicago this summer and sign up for it. Live in the same town with him. He's a smart man. He knows that he can't be your boyfriend from that far away. If you had really wanted to try to work it out with him, you should have chosen a school in Chicago, but you moved, what, a 15-hour drive from Chicago to go to school?"
"I know. I know. But how you can you be with Sebastian? He was such an awful person. He nearly blinded Blaine."
"Blaine's blinded you and it hasn't taken a slushie to do it. You know as well as I do that Blaine is shorter than me and he dove into it. It would have hit me in the stomach. You and I have been hit with enough slushies to be able to judge the trajectory accurately. I put my hands up to block my face and turned away as a reflex. Blaine had never been slushied before and didn't close his eyes. Sebastian feels terrible about that. But he meant to mess up my clothes, not actually injure anyone."
"But still."
"Take a look in the mirror. Are you who you were in high school? Think back. Can you actually imagine yourself behaving towards me the way you did when we were first friends? How many times were we slushied together? I thought we'd be friends until we died, Tina. And my boyfriend, the only one I had ever had and that I thought I would spend my life with, someone I thought actually loved me got mad because I couldn't take any more of his calls at work one day and he went out and had sex with a random from Facebook. And you defended him. You attacked me. All you had to do was sit down and talk to me. Ask me what happened and listen to what I said. Even if you didn't know that he had slept with someone else, you could have found out if you had asked me. And yes, I ended up sleeping with him at the wedding and I accepted his proposal. All of you pushed me back to him over and over again. It was always WHEN I would give up being a bitch about it and go back to him. It was never a question of 'if' it was always 'when'. I was pushed back into a relationship with him that I didn't want. I didn't have enough self-esteem by that point to stand up for myself. When I wasn't with Blaine, you hated me. Everyone else was Team Blaine, even my dad. He had everyone and I had no one. Instead of caring, you attacked me. So, when you try to pull up 'Sebastian wasn't a nice person when he was a junior in high school', it's a bit hypocritical. He insulted the way I dressed. You told me I deserved to be cheated on. Those are light years apart. I didn't know him. You had been one of my first real friends." Tears streamed down Kurt's cheeks. "Back then, Sebastian was just another stuck-up, preppy guy with too much money and a smart mouth. He meant nothing to me because I didn't know him. What he said was annoying, but I gave as good as I got. What you said hurt me because I had trusted you."
Sebastian opened the door a bit. "Is everything okay in here?" He saw Kurt crying.
He stepped towards him and Kurt turned and buried his face in Sebastian's shoulder.
Sam followed him in and saw Tina crying. He hugged her.
She practically collapsed in his arms. He sat on her chair and let her sit in his lap and wrapped her in his arms. "You give the best hugs. I've missed them."
"Well, stop being stupid and be our friend again. Sebastian gives good hugs too. You could have three friends that give good hugs."
She wiped her eyes and nodded. "You're right, Kurt." She took a deep breath and sighed loudly. "I shouldn't judge how people are as adults based on the way they behaved in high school. I'm sorry for the rude text I sent you, Sebastian." She stood up and let Sam up. She sat back down in the chair alone.
The other three sat back down on the futon together.
Sebastian nodded. "I accept your apology." He took Kurt's hand and interlaced their fingers again.
"You've obviously matured and I'm just angry all the time."
"I've been there before," Sebastian said. "Trust me. And I've taken it out on people who didn't deserve it. Fortunately for me, two of those people have forgiven me and don't hold it against me. Blaine hasn't and he's the one that stepped in the way."
"God, I'm a mess." She got up and grabbed a couple of tissues and wiped her nose and eyes.
"Yeah, well, Sam and I have been there too. It took us a fair bit of counseling to get past what we allowed ourselves to be pulled into. Forgiving yourself is hard, but not entirely impossible," Kurt said. "And in some really weird way, maybe it will help knowing that you're not the only one. And you have proof that the counseling can actually help." Kurt pointed to himself and to Sam and Sebastian. "Don't be afraid to try more than one person. The first person I went to wasn't of any help."
She nodded.
Kurt continued. "Your lot in life is not to be unloved and friendless. What have you joined?"
"Joined?"
"You know, campus groups. Like a campus choir or an improv group or a dance group?"
"Oh. I haven't really joined anything."
"That will make it hard to make new friends," Sam deadpanned.
Tina rolled her eyes. "Point taken."
None of them said anything for a couple of minutes.
Kurt broke the silence. "So, to summarize. You were unaware of the nature of Blaine's indiscretion. Now, you know the truth of what happened. You also know that anything he's said about the two of us being together since the Monday after the wedding was also inaccurate. To verify those two things, you could contact Rachel. Artie knows about Eli."
Sam said, "Consider seeing someone. And do more reading if you have time. Join a group or two."
"Look into studying somewhere else, even if it's just for the summer or the fall semester," Kurt added.
"All good ideas."
Sam got up. "We need to get going. I have a class later this afternoon that I can't miss."
"And I have rehearsal," Kurt said.
Tina nodded. "How did you find out where I live?"
Kurt answered. "From Mike. I told him that I was trying to right old wrongs or at least figure out where things went wrong." Kurt stood, still holding hands with Sebastian. "You know how to get in contact with me, if you want to."
Sam opened the door. They left and went back out to the parking lot.
They enjoyed the scenic drive back, but didn't really talk much. They stopped and pulled off the highway and walked along the beach in western Connecticut for a while. When they got back to the train station, Kurt and Sebastian hugged Sam and thanked him for going with them before they headed to catch their train.
{]:[} {]:[} {]:[} {]:[}
Wednesday morning, Kurt met Rachel at the same nearby restaurant where they had gone before. When he arrived, Rachel was already there. The server seated them as soon as Rachel let her know they were ready.
"So, yesterday afternoon, I got an unexpected call from Tina."
"Sebastian, Sam, and I went to see her yesterday morning."
"She grilled me about a few things. I was honest. I also suggested a therapist or counselor. She said that you had suggested seeing someone."
"I did. I am worried about her and Blaine both though. If she's been the only one he's been turning to for the last 17 months, her finding all of that out yesterday may very well leave him with no one to talk to."
"I'll keep an eye on him"
"I don't want you to get caught back up in his web."
The server came by and took their orders.
"By 'I'll' do it', I mean that I'll have Jesse do it. He's not likely to buy into Blaine's shenanigans. He's not into guys and even if he were, Jesse likes the spotlight on himself far too much to get involved with someone who would want to steal it from him."
"How will Jesse keep an eye on him and it not be totally obvious?"
"That's right. You probably don't know. Blaine's going to be working on the show for a couple of weeks. One of our chorus/crew injured himself and has to stay off of his foot for a week and then go easy on it for another."
"I see."
"He got in contact with me a few weeks ago and asked me to let him know if there was ever any opening, no matter how small."
"That doesn't surprise me. He asked me to put in a good word for him and help him get anything as well."
"On Mamma Mia!?"
"That was NYADA students only."
"I know. That's why it seemed so weird."
"Not on Mamma Mia! On Dear Evan Hansen."
"I don't understand."
"You have heard that Dear Evan Hansen is opening off-Broadway in a week and a half."
"Yes."
"I'm playing Evan."
"Oh, Kurt! That's amazing. Congratulations!"
"Thanks."
The server came back with their food.
"Thank you," Kurt said. Once she walked away, Kurt asked, "Are you and Jesse dating exclusively?"
"We have been for quite some time, exclusively since a little over a year ago. I moved in with him back in January when my lease was up. He lives much closer to the theater district than I did. It's a quick walk home together after the show each evening."
"Are you happy?"
"I am. Finally. It's taken a lot of work, but I've grown up a lot. Working on Summer of Love is completely different from being Fanny. I already had the quintessential Fanny in my mind. Segovia Shade was new. No one had played her before. I got to bring part of myself to the role. I think I had been Fanny in my mind for far too long. I was trying to channel Barbra. I just didn't connect with the other actors. I ruined that myself by making such an ass of myself over Santana being my understudy. She was actually fantastic. I was awful back then. My career crashing and burning early was the best thing that happened to me. I was too stubborn to listen to you or Madame Tibideaux or Santana. I thought I knew everything. Dealing with the reality of adult life being very different than I had imagined it to be has changed me, especially seeing my dads struggle."
They both ate for a while without talking.
"I realized that you and Blaine were like my dads in that you didn't voice your relationship problems to other people. Whereas, everyone else in the New Directions talked pretty openly about their issues or at least people saw them argue or struggling."
"That's true. I kept what was going on between us to myself and Blaine was far too interested in maintaining his 'dapper Blaine' persona to say anything that could have led people to thinking less of him somehow."
"We talked about how I viewed you as being like me and Blaine being perfect for me so I viewed him as perfect for you."
"I remember."
"Combining that with the lack of evidence that you two were anything but perfectly happy in your relationship made me view your relationship as this coveted fairy tale that ended with happily ever after. I just couldn't reconcile that with how he behaved when he sang 'It's Not Right' in Glee that day or how he could have cheated on you."
"You came around for a while. You encouraged me to go out with Adam. I think Finn dying had something to do with you flipping sides and suddenly supporting a Kurt and Blaine reunion. It's like you had lost your high school dream and you pushed me back towards mine, even though I no longer had that dream for myself. You and everyone else pushed me back towards him."
"I was wrong to do that. I didn't know how to listen back then. I didn't know how to read the people around me because I never paid attention to them long enough to know them well enough to read them. I pushed for what I wanted. My vision was the only one that mattered. When you first made that comment about me not having a role in your story anymore, I was hurt. In time, I thought about it. I told my therapist at some point. I get it now. Every time you tried to do something for yourself, I pushed my way in and wouldn't support your choice. But if someone said something against something I had chosen, I just didn't listen."
"That's true. But it had worked for you for so long, I can see why you kept it up."
"I mentioned my dads earlier. In dealing with them over the last nine months since you and I last sat down and talked, I've seen how much they kept their issues to themselves and they still do, but I've seen the cracks in their façades. I've seen the pain underneath. I saw the pain firsthand with you and somehow I let myself forget that when the proposal was being planned. All I could think about was the pageantry and how I would have loved to been proposed to that way by Blaine. I was still thinking of myself in your place. Not only did I see you as an extra in my story, I kept inserting myself in your role in your own life and I was only supportive when it benefitted me or Blaine. I'm sorry for that."
"I accept your apology. But I have a request."
"Yes?"
"Can we please stop talking about the past? You apologized. I accepted it. I'm glad for your sake that you've been re-evaluating your past behavior. I know that you may still be dealing with issues from the past in your therapy. And the call from Tina yesterday blasted the past right into the present."
"Yes, it did."
Their server came back around, took their plates, and offered them more coffee, which they turned down.
"I went to see her to right old wrongs and to close that chapter in my life. I'm not sure if she'll ever contact me, but at least she's no longer operating under false information. But I'm not interested in rehashing the past if we let you into our lives."
"Yes, of course."
"You getting Blaine a job and having to interact with him is on you. It was a choice you made, but I'm not interested in anything related to him other than knowing that he's not dead because he decided that his life isn't worth living anymore. I don't want him dead. But I'm not interested in him being part of my narrative from now on. I've moved on. I went to him and I gave both of us closure back the same day that you and I had breakfast together the last time – back in June. He didn't abide by my request. He came to Mamma Mia! Saturday and got upset that I had married Sebastian and wanted to 'talk'. To get him to leave the area, I agreed. I had our attorney write up a cease and desist letter, which I gave him that afternoon. That's it. No more Blaine. I realize that you just said you got him a temporary role in Summer of Love. What I need to know is why you want us to be friends again. I know you had mentioned that you were lonely, but it seems that you've worked through that. You're living with Jesse now, which seems like a good move according to what you've said. Why did you come over in December and extend an offer of friendship?"
She didn't answer right away.
"I'm really not trying to be mean. I'm just thoroughly confused."
"I miss you, to be honest. When I wasn't being a ridiculous diva, we had fun together. The makeover in the Vogue Vault. The kiki. Eating pizza and drinking cheap wine. Watching old TV shows together. I don't have any friends besides Jesse. One thing I've learned from starting at the top twice is that the top is not where you make friends. You make your friends on the way up. Once you're at the top, it's a lot harder. You'll see that soon. Just like Blaine slipping out of the shadows asking me to help him find a role of any sort. When you meet knew people who want to get to know you, it's hard to distinguish between who is using you for your status and who is legitimately interested in getting to know you. And there's always the press to watch out for. It' hard to know which people will sell what they can get out of you to the press. Even colleagues that are hard up for cash have been known to sell information or photos."
"I see. I've yet to experience that, but I don't doubt what you're saying. I've seen enough sycophants at NYADA to know that loyalty lasts as long as the perks."
"And I got so caught up in it" She sighed. "I thought you were just jealous of me."
"I was never jealous of you, Rachel. I was aggravated quite frequently that you demanded to be given privileged status and got it."
"I see that now. At the time, I believed I deserved it. I couldn't see past my own nose."
"Which I also helped save."
Rachel started to laugh. "You did. You really did." She drank the last of her coffee, which had long gone cold. "You saved the musical, even after the terrible things I did."
"I have something to ask you. Are you friends with Mr. Schue? Will me agreeing to potentially rekindle our friendship involve me having to spend time with him?"
"We're sort of friends. I do go out to lunch with him on occasion. But I could be sure to never invite the two of you to do anything together. Why?"
"He's the reason I didn't get into NYADA the first time."
"What do you mean?"
"He didn't send in the required evaluation letter, so my application was incomplete."
"That's terrible."
"Rachel, he never thought I had any potential. I was a good person to have in the group because I can fill in a harmony across the parts wherever one was needed, but he didn't believe in me. He didn't believe in most of us. You just didn't see it because he believed in you and Finn. You said that you've done a lot of growing up and I'm assuming that means that you can see that Mercedes and Santana were just as talented as you. And with some training, Tina could be as well. I loved Finn and his presence brought the everyday hometown vibe, but Artie was a better singer."
"You're right about them. I just couldn't admit it back then."
"I'm not interested in dinner parties or outings that involve Mr. Schue."
She nodded. "That's fine."
"And I'll be up front, I probably won't have time until the semester ends. I'll have eight or nine shows a week starting a week from Saturday. And I'll still have all of my NYADA classes during the day."
"Do you know when your midweek matinees will be?"
"Wednesdays."
"Well, then I'll come see you some Wednesday afternoon."
When the server came around a third time, they each paid their own bill.
"I'm still not sure of where you want this to go, but I'm willing to give you a chance. I did the same with Tina yesterday. If this reverts to some childish drama, I'm out. I love my no-drama life with Sebastian. I'm not willing to give that up."
"I understand. I'm glad you're happy."
"Thank you. I really am."
They left together. When they got outside, Kurt opened his bag and offered her the sunglasses wrapped in some tissue paper.
She unwrapped them and put them on. "They're perfect. Thank you. I'm going to hug you now." She gave him a quick hug.
Kurt smiled. "You're welcome. Let me know when you're coming. We can grab something to eat afterwards."
"I'll do that." She waved as she walked away.
