Two months had gone by since Spencer and J.J. started dating. He proved to be just as romantic as she always expected he would be. He catered to her needs and was always thinking of her, something she wasn't used to. Will was a good man, but he was a typical man. He didn't think to stop at the store and get groceries or run her a warm bath to relax and relieve her of Mommy duties.
With Spencer, it was as if he could read her mind. He seemed to always know what she needed right when she needed it. He was amazing with the boys and they were handling the separation beyond her expectations. It almost seemed too good to be true, but she knew that it was working so well because of Spencer and Will.
Yes, everything was settling beautifully in to place and she couldn't be happier or more grateful. The only thing she still worried about was the fact that they still hadn't been intimate. With the exception of a couple kisses that got slightly PG, Spencer kept his distance.
She knew why, but after two months of waiting and wanting, she started to allow doubt into her mind. Perhaps he was having second thoughts. Maybe he liked the idea of being close to her, but it didn't reach beyond that. Maybe he didn't crave her the way she craved him.
As time went on, she started wondering if maybe her baby body worried him. Maybe the few stretch marks on her abdomen were a turn off. She found herself looking more closely at her body in the mirror. She was fit, but there were signs of aging and being a mom.
Her breasts were smaller than Emily and Penelope's, but they seemed ok. She turned around and saw the few stretch marks on her ass. The ugly pink lines mocking her. She looked at her face and saw the wrinkles beginning to form around her eyes. She lost the young, baby face and looked more like her late 30's.
She was never one to judge herself before, but now it seemed that was all she could see. There had to be something wrong with her, because she was practically throwing herself at Spencer and he was pushing her away.
Her rational side told her to talk to him about her insecurities, but her irrational side won the battle and decided that getting drunk at Rossi's birthday party was the perfect way to handle things.
It was a warm night and she wore a short blue romper, that had a longer thin piece of fabric in the back that blew in the evening breeze. Spencer per usual, wore black pants and a black dress shirt, adding a splash of blue with his tie. He had spent most of the evening talking with Luke and Derek, occasionally indulging J.J. in a dance here and there, though he was clearly uncomfortable doing it.
Cat strikes again, J.J. thought to herself.
Spencer had his arms nestled on her waist, her arms draped on his shoulders, her fingers playing with the fuzz of hair by his neck. She leaned back to look at him and smiled in her drunken haze. He smiled back at her.
"You're so sexy," she whispered.
He let out a small chuckle and his cheeks turned pink. She moved her one hand around to his chest and slowly slid it up and down.
"You know what I want to do right now," she purred.
"What's that," he asked amused by her drunkenness.
"I want to take you somewhere in Rossi's house and ride you til I scream," she said leaning forward to nip at his neck.
Spencer jumped a little but played it off with a laugh.
"Or the car," she shrugged. "I'm not picky."
"I think you've had a lot to drink," he grinned as he grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle kiss.
"I'm drunk, but not too drunk," she said as she slid her hand down to grab his crotch.
Spencer yelped, moved back and looked around nervously.
"J.J. stop," he admonished.
"Seriously?" she said incredulously.
"I'm very serious. This isn't appropriate –"
"When is it appropriate, Spence? Huh? I may not have been happy with Will, but at least with him I didn't have to beg," she snapped before stomping off.
Spencer ran after her as she stormed up the patio steps and into the mansion. Everyone's eyes were on them much to his dismay. Inside Penelope and Luke were watching curiously as he zipped past them.
J.J. walked into the guest room to grab her bag and sweater when he finally reached her. He closed the door behind himself.
"What was that all about?" he asked with a hint of anger and concern.
"You're a genius, figure it out," she snapped.
"Jennifer, talk to me," he said reaching for her arm, that she shook from his grip.
"There's nothing to say," she mumbled as she picked up her purse and sweater off the pile on the bed.
"Obviously there is, or you wouldn't have caused a scene."
"I've been patient with you. I've been supportive of your recovery, but it is clearly beyond that," she said trying to walk past him.
He reached out and stopped her, blocking the doorway.
"Beyond what?"
"Sex, Spencer, geez! I'm sick of throwing myself at you and being turned down. It's obvious that you aren't sexually attracted to me and I wish you would've just been a man about it and told me, instead of me continuing to put myself out there and get hurt. Now, move so I can go home," she said trying to push past him.
"You think I'm not sexually attracted to you?" he said as he continued to move in her path, blocking the way. "Jennifer, that couldn't be further from the truth."
She rolled her eyes dramatically and crossed her arms over her chest, giving up on exiting the room at the moment. She watched his shoulders sag and his eyes drop sadly.
"This is a big deal to me. I screwed this up once already, it's not a game with unlimited lives, Jen. Everything I do has to be perfect. If I make the wrong move or I don't do it right, I could lose you forever. If I give in to my desires and misstep …" he swallowed hard.
"Ah, shit," J.J. sighed, sobering as though she'd been hit with ice water. "I'm sorry. I never even considered the pressure you would put on yourself." She stepped forward and placed her hand on his slightly stubbled cheek. "Spencer, you don't have to be perfect. You're going to make mistakes. I mean, look at me, I made a huge one tonight."
She laughed embarrassed at herself. His lip curled slightly in the corner.
"We are going to argue, and we are going to do things that don't work, but the part of being together is that we fix those things. While you are right that there aren't unlimited lives, you're wrong to think that a misstep or a glitch in our relationship is enough to end it. We've been through too much together for our love to be that fragile."
They stood in silence for a moment, before he cleared his throat to speak.
"I want to make love to you. I do. More than you can even imagine, but I want it to be special. Not some …" he paused.
"Fuck," she supplied for him.
He blushed and nodded, "yea that. I don't want that to be our first time and every time I think I have it planned, something comes along and ruins it."
J.J. couldn't help but laugh. This caught Spencer off guard, and he twitched awkwardly.
"Spence, you don't plan sex," she grinned as she reached for his hand, tangling their fingers together. "You just let it happen."
"Well … it's just … I never did it that way before," he stuttered embarrassed.
"Wait, you've always planned your sexual encounters?"
"Yea," he said turning red. "I understand organization and planning."
"God, I love you," she giggled. "You take nerd to a new level. I'll make a deal with you." He seemed to be listening, so she proceeded. "I won't ask again. I'll wait patiently for you to make the move, but that means you need to relax and just let it happen."
He furrowed his brow confusion all over his face.
"Maybe you feel it one night while we are watching a movie. Maybe it'll be while I'm making coffee and you take me right there in the kitchen. Wherever and whenever you feel it, act on it. Don't question yourself, don't think about it, just do it. Make the move."
Spencer thought over her words quietly and then finally nodded.
"Ok, deal," he said.
"Ok, let's go home. I made a scene and I'm ready to make an embarrassed run for it," she said making him laugh.
He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. When he pulled back, she saw him watching her intently.
"Don't ever think for one second I am not attracted to you. You have driven me crazy since the first day I laid eyes on you in the BAU. That Spencer wouldn't believe me if I told him I was lucky enough to have you in my life," he said softly.
J.J. stood on her toes pressing her lips to his. Her hands held his cheeks as she nipped and licked at him. Their kiss was passionate and a little on the sloppy side, but she loved it. Spencer pulled back with a chuckle.
"Not here," he whispered making her sigh.
"I know. Alright, let's go," she said taking his hand and leading him out the door.
(xxxxx)
A/N: sorry for the delay. I'm back and I hope this chapter gets you excited for the next one … hint hint ;) Also, there will be some of the finale in play in upcoming chapters. I'd like to play it out how I preferred it to be.
