Language - Tori Kelly


"Hips Against Hip."


Thalia didn't bother knocking on the door as she turned the knob, pushing it open wide with her hip as she held the mugs of tea (coffee for her) comfortably by the stems. She tapped the door shut with the heel of her boot.

Levi looked up from his work, spine still curled and hair flat against his scalp, as though he had brushed his hands down it rhythmically. His cravat was gone and his jacket neatly hung on the wall behind his chair on a peg. He was disheveled in the most systematic way possible.

Thalia crossed the wooden floor briskly, taking in the simple office. A shelf lined the wall to her right and a worn settee on the left. A closed window filled the wall behind Levi, the curtains drawn tight to keep the moonlight out. Several candles sat on the low table in front of the settee and one more on Levi's parchment filled desk.

Thalia placed the mug down in front of him with a thunk, careful to avoid setting it on a piece of paper. He was neurotic enough to get upset at her for something as simple as that.

He stared at the steam curling up from the porcelain. He raised a brow in question. She ignored the look and rounded to the settee, curling her legs beside her awkwardly. "I thought you might like something to drink," she gestured with her mug.

Carefully, Levi grasped the cup at the rim and took a slow sip. "You brewed it a bit long,"

Annoyance shot through Thalia's system. She wrapped her long fingers around her drink, the heat seeping through her thin skin to her bones. "My deepest apologies," she said into her coffee.

Levi took another sip. His eyes didn't leave her curled from pressed against the settee arm. Thalia couldn't help but feel as though he knew why she was here. It was the first time she had even been in his office since moving in. It was out of her character. And she rarely brought him tea, even when it was just them back home. Ida always did that.

Her heart ached. Ida. Fern. Two weeks had never felt so long to her before, even when she was writhing in pain during the winter months.

Thalia's heart picked up speed and she took another sip, this time to obscure Levi's studying gaze. "Kaine left after dinner," she said after a second drink.

Levi hummed into his mug. "Will he reach the Underground tonight?"

"He's going to visit Pops and Nonna tonight and leave early in the morning." The elderly couple were thrilled to host Kaine for the night. His soft attitude soothed every ache and pain their bodies held. "He'll be home in two days' time."

Levi turned the page of a document, the soft whisper soothing Thalia's dancing nerves. "I believe the squad enjoyed his presence during their training simulation. They enjoy showing off to civilians." A lace of pride hummed under the words despite the frown creasing his brow as he read the document. Thalia knew Levi took care of his squad like a parent to a child, pushing them to their max to prove to themselves that they were capable of doing the impossible.

"He enjoyed watching. Especially seeing Petra in action. He's quite fond of her," she said, watching him carefully. The crease between his brows deepened.

Thalia settled the mug in her lap, confirmation flowing through her veins and settling in her stomach. Her ring pressed into her finger like ice.

Levi muttered under his breath, taking another swig of tea. "The two are rather close aren't they?" His lips thinned and his hair fell over his eyes as he bowed his head, hiding them from her scrutinizing gaze.

Thalia's hands shook and she tightened her hold around the mug. Saints, she was going to lose her nerve. She could just let the conversation drop, brush a kiss to his cheek and bid him goodnight to sleep by herself.

Alone.

But an itch nestled deeply inside her skin, begging to be scratched. And she had to scratch it or she would drive herself mad by turning possibilities over and over in her brain until she couldn't tell up from down.

She steeled her resolve by tilting her chin up a fraction. "Kaine told me something interesting this afternoon."

Levi hummed again, picking up his pen and signing off on something. Thalia stifled a sigh and pressed on. "He said Ulou warned him not to pursue Petra because the man she held feelings for had married someone else not long ago." Something akin to satisfaction warmed her guts when he froze mid-turn of a paper. "We both know who that is."

Gray met gray as his eyes lifted to hers.

Thalia expected something similar to guilt or shame to pull at his features. Instead there was dismay. The crease in his brow had lessened and his mouth tightened. His fingers curled tightly around his pen and the shadows dusting the curve of his eyes seemed to only darken in shade.

Thalia's toes curled in her boots. "Did you have relations with her?"

Levi opened his mouth then closed it. Turmoil stormed behind his steely eyes but his face remained smooth. "Yes."

The word was soft, tentative, and uncertain all at once. And it cut Thalia to the core. The single word sliced her barely beating wings to the bone, finally crippling her.

The fire that wanted to rage under her skin was doused by the cold realization of the meaning behind that one word. "I see." She said simply. She didn't know what else she could say.

She asked for this. She knew the answer. But hearing it confirmed from his own lips made the wiggling of her guts almost unbearable.

Levi set his pen down slowly. "But it doesn't matter. You're my wife and my loyalties are to you." He repeated what he told her on their wedding night.

His initial hesitation to answer her question if he had feelings for another should have given it all away that night. She just didn't want to believe it. Because that would mean she had to have cared about his answer. She thought she didn't. She wouldn't. But she couldn't ignore the shaking of her hands as she tried to hold them steady or her inability to look at him.

To see the regret in his face.

"Is that all I am to you? Just your wife?" she asked, words much steadier than she felt. "Well please, don't let that title get in the way."

His brows lowered and his eyes narrowed. "What does that mean?" The candlelight sharpened his narrow face ghoulishly.

Thalia took a quick sip of lukewarm coffee, focusing on the heat seeping through her ribcage to her stomach and settled a passive gaze on him. "If she made you happy, then by all means, don't let me be in the way." Her voice had gone flat as she tried to steady her thrashing emotions inside her body. They raged in a swirl of hurt, satisfaction, acceptance, and hate thundering beneath her skin in a deadly cloud.

She meant what she said. She refused to be the jealous wife in a loveless marriage. She refused to hold him captive in this cage with her. If he wanted to be free, then so be it.

And though her wings bled, she would let them bleed for him.

Levi shook his head, several emotions passing over his face like a storm but Thalia was done. She had done this to herself and she needed to leave. To get away from him. The ribbon, her brother, the whole damn coupe was making her want to pull her hair out by the roots and scream until her throat bled.

She abruptly stood, shocking her stiff legs into motion and had her fingers wrapped around the doorknob when Levi said, in a voice so soft that she almost didn't hear, "She wasn't you."

Thalia froze. Her heart pounded in her throat and she was certain he could hear it. She heard his chair scrape against the floor. His boots shook under him as he rounded his desk.

Slowly, she twisted her torso to face him. He leaned the backs of his thighs against his desk and had his arms crossed over his chest. His shoulders were curved ever so slightly and his chin was lowered. The dark circles that rimmed his eyes seemed even more purple and even more sunken in.

Had he always looked that weary?

Something in her chest shifted. She fully turned to face him with her back pressed to the door.

"What are you telling me, Levi?" she asked softly.

He shrugged his shoulders, eyes boring into her own, seeing clearly through her crumbling walls. "Petra wasn't you."

The thing in her chest shifted again and her fingers curled into her palms. His words rang and bounced and danced in her skull. Her teeth nawed on the inside of her mouth, pulling at the flesh anxiously. "What does that mean?"

Levi pushed his palms behind him, his fingers curling around the lip of his desk. His face softened a fraction. "It means she wasn't who I wanted to be with,"

Now she understood. That thing in her chest shifted against her rips and lungs, pulling on the organ strangely. A weight was both simultaneously lifted from her shoulders and settled on.

She didn't need a heartfelt confession. That wasn't them. But by the way his abrasive edges smoothed and his fingers remained still, she understood his silent admittance.

Thalia allowed her feet to carry her a breath away from him. He tilted his chin up a fraction to look at her in the eye. But still he made no effort to touch her. A piece of her flickering soul sank.

She tilted her head. "Why don't you ever touch me?"

He seemed taken aback by her question. His eyes widened. Then, crows' feet creased the sharp edges and the tough corner of his mouth quivered. "Would you believe me if I said I'm nervous?"

Thalia bit back a bark of laughter. Her lips thinned in an effort to keep her smile from breaking her solemn composure. "I would never believe such a lie." But that was okay.

Five minutes ago, her wings had been sliced to the bone and her heart fully shattered, shards cutting her stomach to bloody strips.

But now, she felt the skin knitting together and her wings fluttering ever so slightly in anticipation.

Her fingers found his, lacing through the curves of his knuckles until her palm was settled onto his. Her hand was a little larger than his and his skin was cracked. She felt a scar beneath her touch, a thin line along the fleshy part between his thumb and palm.

His ring wasn't cold against her skin.

She allowed herself to lean into him. She inhaled in his scent of ivory soap and sweat, leaning her head on his shoulder.

His fingers hovered above her before timidly landing on her hip. Thalia felt her lips twist into an uncertain smile and she pressed her face into the crook of his shoulder. This was enough, she swore.

It was enough.

And Petra was not someone Thalia would hold animosity towards. She refused to unroot the sapling of something that could grow into something sustaining over something so childish.

She wanted to kick herself of five minutes ago.

"I'm not a good person, Levi," Thalia said into his white shirt. "I've taken lives." A final test of his loyalty.

Levi's fingers curled through the loops of her pants, pulling her hips against his. "I used to be a thug in the Underground." His chin brushed her shoulder as he spoke. "I've done my own fair share of killing."

Another piece fell into place. Another stroke of the brush.

Thalia pressed her body further into his and he tightened his hold, if that was possible.

They were monsters in the castle of heroes. But how many monsters roamed these corridors? Another question filled an empty slot in Thalia's brain.

Later. She would think about that later. For now, in this rare moment in time, she would breathe silently in the arms of her husband.


AN: Life is really wanting to slam us, huh? Right now I'm social distancing with the rest of my family (seriously, stay home you guys.) so I finally edited this piece. I hope to update some more soon! Stay safe, you guys. I love you all!