Thank you for the reviews.
Second of the three-part series of Tommy's first term at university. And where we go a little dark... God, I hate doing this to Tommy...
Downhill Spiral
"So you have come all this way to celebrate your own birthday?" Jack asked.
"Yep. It means that I get to celebrate it with both Tommy and Dex. Although I wish Kerian was with us as well." Sophie said.
Tommy started to blur out the conversation as they made their way into the city centre. They had already had a few drinks back at campus but now the girls had requested that they wanted to go out and dance. He definitely wasn't going to deny Sophie that.
He wished that he hadn't looked around at that point. He had no idea why he did look down the street that he did but it stopped him dead. He had no idea how long he had been standing there when Sophie grabbed his arm.
"Come on." She said, trying to get him to move.
"Do you think we should tell her?"
"Tell who what?"
He nodded his head down the street and he knew that Sophie was seeing what he was seeing.
His dad. With his arm around a woman. Laughing.
"Come on. You can't go storming over there."
"Why not?" He said a little angrier than he had intended.
"Because you can't Tommy."
"After everything he did, why does he deserve to be happy?"
"He doesn't. He deserves all the bad luck in the world but unfortunately, life doesn't work like that."
"But she does have a right to know."
"What's going on?" Dex said as he joined them.
It didn't take him as long to notice what they were staring at. Tommy could only imagine the shocked look on his face.
"Come on mate."
Dex obviously had a little more strength than Sophie and as soon as Tommy started to move, he tore his eyes away from his dad. Although, it didn't stop the thoughts.
Tommy was more than aware of his dry throat, the arms around his waist and the fact that he wasn't in his own bed. He didn't panic as he opened his eyes to be greeted with Dex's room. It could have been worse. He knew that he had woken up in worse places.
The arms around him had to be Sophie's and as he listened to her light snores, he tried to piece together the night. Only really remembering that he had seen his dad for the first time in five years.
He looked up at Dex as he placed the pint of water on the bedside table.
"How are you?" Dex asked.
"Could do with that water."
"Dude, what happened last night?"
"What… what do you mean?"
"We literally got into the club and you disappeared. Sophie spent half the night trying to find you and when we finally did, you were blind drunk and being kicked out by a bouncer because you had been sick. I think the worst part was when your flatmates said that this isn't the first time you've done this. What's going on mate? Because you really scared both of us last night."
Sophie's grip on his tightened and part of him hoped that she was still asleep but he also hoped that she was now awake. He was going to have to tell them everything.
"I'm guessing he isn't dead," Sophie asked, sleepily.
"Not dead," Dex confirmed.
She let go of him slightly as they sat up. Tommy sat in the middle of the bed while Sophie took his right side and Dex took his left. Dex handed him the water.
"Tommy, what's going on?" She said.
The tears were already threatening to fall.
"You were right Sophie. I… I moved too far away. I… I never realised how you and Eddie always picked up on my moods. Definitely Eddie did." He paused. "I think he always knew when I was thinking about Dad and everything that happened. And I decided to go and isolate myself. Travel 200 odd miles away. Away from… Maybe I didn't realise how much I relied upon all of you."
Sophie's arms were back around his waist and her head rested on his shoulder.
"He never wanted me." Tommy continued. "Dad that is. He would only call me a waste of space when Mum wasn't around. So she never knew that he hated me. He… he wished that I had never been born and… I could understand him being jealous of Philip. Philip wasn't his flesh and blood and was only his nephew due to marriage. I… I get that. But me. He… he was jealous of me and the time I took Mum away from him and… I wish I could say that it didn't hurt but sometimes it does and I just want to block it out."
"How?" Dex asked.
"I get blind drunk. So drunk that I just can't think. That everything that is happening is in that moment and nothing else matters. I know that you are thinking about other things. It is just alcohol."
"For the moment," Sophie said before she sniffed. "Tommy, have you told Dad?"
"I didn't want to bother him."
"So last night? When you saw Adam?"
"He threw me against a wall once. Then when I started crying, he told me he would toughen me up. I came down later that night to talk to Mum and that was how they were. Sitting there, laughing over something, with his arm around her. Like nothing had happened between me and him." He paused. "It is like… sometimes I just want to forget the first 11 years of my life. I don't want to remember the time I spent with my dad."
Sophie held onto him tighter while Dex put his arm around his shoulders. Tommy found himself resting his head on top of Sophie's.
"Do you remember what I said to you after your dad strangled your mum?" Sophie said.
"Don't worry. You're family. Anyone takes the mick or teases me about it, let you know and you would punch them in the face."
"Before that. The bit about it being okay not to be okay or fine. Tommy, you do have to remember that you have gone through a lot. Like so much. You are bound not to be okay at times."
"And mate, thanks for telling us," Dex said.
"Tommy." His mum said as she picked up the phone.
"Is Eddie there? Just his phone keeps going to voicemail."
"It would do. He has let the battery die again." She said before she called for Eddie. "Did you have a good night last night?"
"Sort of."
"Sounds like most nights out. Here he is. Tommy."
"Alright mate?"
"No," Tommy said.
He could tell that Eddie had moved.
"It's just me and you now."
"I saw Dad last night. It brought back all the memories. Scared Sophie and Dex."
"Oh, Tommy."
"I... think I need help, Eddie."
"Glad you know that."
"Dex says that maybe I should talk to Kim."
"She is someone familiar if you think that it will help you open up."
"They know. Sophie and Dex."
"So if I get questions when she gets home."
"You know why."
"Tommy. I'm proud of you. You know that. I am proud that you can say that you are struggling and you need help. I want you to promise me something. I want you to promise me that you will talk to Kim and you will do it in the next couple of weeks."
"I promise. I will text her after she gets back later from this course she has been on."
"And I am going to tell your mum. That you saw your dad. She is probably worrying and we might as well give her something to worry about."
"Please stress that I only saw him.
"You'll still get a phone call later."
"I know."
"I love you, Tommy."
"I love you too."
Tommy couldn't remember when they had started to say that to each other. He knew why he said it to his mum and he loved Sophie, both as a family member and a friend. In truth, there was no need for him to say it. Neither of them did. But Tommy did love Eddie. The father he should have had.
"We'll speak soon. Yeah?"
"Only if you don't let your phone die."
"Just shows how much Sophie looks after me."
"I've realised that as well."
Tommy sighed as Eddie hung up and he wanted to let out a scream as he folded his arms on the counter and buried his head into them. He had hoped that telling Eddie would make him feel better but it didn't. He wasn't okay.
"Come on mate. I've got you a clean top."
He stood up to see Dex holding a t-shirt. He looked down, only realising that he had thrown up on himself.
"Mum has the perfect way to get it out. If you want to leave it here." Dex continued.
"I haven't worked it out."
"And the last thing you probably want is breakfast but Sophie is insisting that we go and for some reason, I am paying."
"She's like that."
Tommy took the t-shirt off Dex and left to go and get changed. If anything, he wanted to just freshen himself up anyway.
Sophie wrapped her arms around his waist again as he tried to get the key into his bedroom door. She had either held on to his arm or just made sure a part of her was touching him. Maybe she knew that he felt so alone. Maybe she thought that if he knew she was definitely there, that he would start to feel better.
"Look at you two. Dirty stop-outs. Where did you get to?" Jack shouted at them.
"We stayed at Dex's. It was closer." Tommy said, really wishing that he had got the maintenance man to look at his door.
"Wait are you two going out or something?"
The wrong question at completely the wrong time as the door finally opened.
"No. We are cousins." Sophie said.
"And we are step-siblings."
"And we are best friends."
Not really looking forward to Jack's next question, Tommy started walking, with Sophie still clinging onto him, closing the door on a question he was sure he would be asked later.
"We shouldn't waste your weekend here," Tommy said.
"We're not."
"All we have done since we said goodbye to Dex is lay here."
"Exactly. I need my… brother to know that no matter what, I am here for him. And that he is an idiot for scaring me and not telling me that something was wrong. And for saying nothing to Dad."
"I didn't realise my sister was such a worrier."
"I've been spending too much time with Rachel."
He managed to pull her a little closer to him, taking in the silent comfort that Sophie always gave him. It was only broken by his phone ringing and he knew that Eddie had told his mum.
"Tommy."
"Hey, Mum."
"Why… why didn't you say anything to me?"
"I didn't want to worry you."
"Do you think he saw you?"
"No. I mean, I'm probably freaking out about nothing. He could have just been here for the weekend or something like that."
"Maybe."
"He was with a woman."
"Tommy, I know what you are thinking."
"I know. It just threw me."
"Darling, is everything okay?"
He thought about lying to her. Telling her that he was okay. To stop her from worrying. But he didn't know whether that would make her worry more.
"No. But I have Sophie here and she is determined not to let me go."
"Good."
"Just… we said at the wedding, our Fleet life was over."
"I know. But you might be right. He might only be there for the weekend. It might have just been a one-time thing. Maybe it is something you will just have to believe for the moment. And maybe, as hard as it is, you have to believe that he has changed and that this woman, he is treating her better than he did us. And it is horrific to think that, but it might help."
"And Manchester's a big place."
"Exactly. And Kim and Dex are always nearby if you need anyone. And I am sure Sophie would always be on the first train if you need her."
"To right Rach," Sophie said.
"You might be 200 odd miles away Tommy, but you aren't alone. You are never alone."
"I might just have to be reminded of that sometimes."
"I'll call you tomorrow. And the day after and the day after that. Okay?"
"Yeah. And maybe I'll book my train home for Christmas. Something to look forward to."
"Love you."
"Love you too."
Tommy found himself sighing as he placed his phone on his chest and replacing his arm around Sophie. He placed a kiss in her hair and even though he knew nothing was right at the moment, it would get better and the first step to that was to talk to Kim.
