When he was much younger, the little shack up the mountains owned by a middle-aged woman used to be a candy shop, and his grandfather would take him by the hand, allowing him to pick an entire carton of sweets to bring home.
A visit back reminds him that some places truly are stuck in the depths of time.
He tightens his grip around his daughter's palm, oddly sweaty in his own, before stepping through the wooden arch with the squeaky-squeak of toddler shoes following behind him. Rin was the one who insisted on coming here, saying she wanted to visit the lady who told her about the winter festival last time they went, and somehow she managed to get what she wanted.
Granted, he did make her promise to a doctor's visit on Sunday.
The overhead door chime greets their entrance, and he spots Mirai tilting her head up all the way to awe at it in fascination, wooden beasts and painted seashells swinging together in dance and song. Inside he recognises that the very same lady with pitch black hair back in his youth, as now an elderly woman with foggy white eyes.
An aged voice follows, peering up from the rim of her silver glasses and the purple crotchet she's working on. "... good evening, dears..."
"Evening!" Rin chirped much too happily. "Do you remember me, Ma'am? I was here about three ago, I bought some of your biscuits..."
Don't talk to strangers, He hissed beneath his breath, pinching the young lady's side. Being the human reincarnation of recklessness, however, she pays absolutely no mind. If anything, she subtly kicks his ankle and walks to the front of the shop where he wouldn't be able to hold her back.
Thankfully his daughter was more obedient, thoughtlessly following him with a thumb in her mouth and her face leaning against his leg as he walked.
"...have I seen you, dear?" The old woman clutched at her head, trying to recall, and Len felt his eye twitch, heading to the back of the store where an array of candies were still kept. Any person who lives somewhere like this must be suffering from a severe case of memory loss if they can't recognise the single new face they've seen in this town for likely a decade. Even his own father has never been here. ".. no, no, I'm not sure I have.."
"You must. I'm the one you've told about the moon festival, remember?"
She must've given up, looking directly beyond the beaming ray of blonde sunshine to stare at him instead. ".. aren't you Lily's boy?"
Len had been picking out fresh mooncakes and dumping it into Rin's ratty woven basket when those words stopped him in his tracks.
Everybody here does know each other. Him, of all people, knows that fact. It's written on his tongue and at the back of his head as if it were the law. But he had never thought it would apply to himself.
"Do you know Len?!" Rin wondered excitedly, heightening her voice, and Len shot her a silent glare. Nevermind how their identity was an assumption, she didn't have to go ahead and confirm it. "Yes! He's her son! How did you get to ー "
"... you've grown up nicely, haven't you, dear?" Aged, coffee eyes looked straight into him, and before Rin could ask any more questions, upset that she was even being ignored, these next words made the young lady's tongue turn limp. "... very handsome. I planned to match you with one of my daughters, I did.. I was especially good friends with your grandmother."
In the span of a second, the younger blonde wordlessly slammed the basket, overflown with baby wipes and mint biscuits, onto the counter, ignoring any damage it could've cost. Her hands furiously gestured at him to pay up so they could get out of the town as soon as possible.
He felt his own exhaustion overwhelm him. Len's not sure what she even expected, it's normal for people from rural areas to behave like this, especially the elderly.
The younger generation is only meant to smile and nod and agree, but that's a principle that disagrees with her.
"I think you've got the wrong person. I don't live around here." A weak fib, but he might as well brush off whatever he can. Mirai buried her face into his knees, tugging his pants lower as she leaned her weight against him, and he understood that as a signal that his daughter was tired of being outside, and at the very least, wanted him to carry her around. He softened his voice in response, "... I know, give me a second."
At home she can run around for hours without ever sitting down, but once they're outside, stepping no where near forests, she acts as if her legs were spun out of jelly and she's incapable of standing for more than five seconds before toppling over.
Len took her in one arm, balancing the little girl at his chest as he decided what else to get.
"Such a pretty little girl... it's been a while since I've seen someone so young around here."
"Thank you." He raised a packet of sweets off the shelf, heeding the comment no mind. "Are these sugar free?"
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"You didn't have to buy those stupid candies."
They're good, though, and it's not like they could find something like that elsewhere. "It's traditional candy, I got them for Mirai." As he explains himself, the young man unwraps a piece and brings it to his daughter's mouth. His entire finger is enveloped in that warm, icky cavern, but when she sweetly beams at him with only those few front teeth, he can't help but return the grin.
She's been smiling often lately. Months before, he thought his daughter had been incapable of such a thing, but now her description contains only of sunshine and daisies and wet smooches that swallows their entire face when she offers it.
Rin is the only person remaining displeased.
"Don't support evil businesses." She scolds, as if she's the dictator everything that's right in the world.
"That woman is not evil. She's, like, one of my mum's cousins or something. The older ones. She's only a bit younger than my grandparents." He waved another piece of candy in his daughter's face. "Is that goood, Mi-rai? Would you like to have one more?"
"That means you're related to her. That means you're related to her daughters. That's gross! That's inc-"
"Will you relax?"
"Sure I will. 'Thank you,'" She mocked gruffly, in a lame imitation of his voice, through her obvious shivering. The weather's cold, and she angrily sticks her hand out for him to take, only for that demand to be rejected in favour of the door keys. "Couldn't have specified that she's yours, could you? Or said that, you know, I made her. With you."
The house in the mountains is just as they left it. The fireplace has been without wood for so long, and the engraving where he never really managed to write down Mirai's height waits by the entrance wall.
The ball of sunlight wiggles out of his arms, hardly waiting for her father to unstrap her shoes before she sprints off to explore their former home.
There's fallen red leaves stuck all around in Rin's frayed hair, and though he hurriedly brushes it out before she can argue with him whether or not she should get a haircut, immense relief shows on both faces once the front door is closed to lock out the finger-numbing breeze from their home.
"Why not I go back now and tell her everything she has to know? Hello, Ma'am, were you aware that the little girl you had something good to say about is actually the by-product of insemination into my..." He drawls off, waiting for her to interrupt him for speaking anymore than she needs to hear, but upon realising that, no, licentiousness has always been this young woman's strong point, he ends up being the one feeling intensely out of place. "Nevermind. You know, you're entirely vile."
"Don't be a prude."
"Remind me to include in my prayers tonight for my daughter to never end up like you."
"Better me than you." She huffs, shrugging a heavy jacket off her shoulders. The cloth crumples to the ground. "How long will we be staying?"
"Only a day. Yuuma let me know that your father will be home for the weekend," If she was crestfallen at his reply, she didn't show it. Her back is turnt to him, and there is no move to force her into looking his way. "We'll have to get you back by then."
"..."
"But I will get you back once he's gone. Rin, you know that, right?"
Her answer is dry. She slides down her stockings, and finally spins around, struggling to keep her emotion in check. "Right."
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She took the first opportunity through his bag and thumb through any papers.
He'd went off for a bath, taking their daughter with him. Leaving her with just ー Rin quickly took one look towards the wristwatch he'd left on the piano stool, thirty minutes, where she could go through his belongings undisturbed. It's crammed with his assignments, some still unfinished, with spilled ink at the bottom of the bag that stains everything from his books to her fingers.
University entrance applications, in big, bold letters, as if screaming for her to read.
The young lady is about to toss it away as another sheet of scrap paper ー but those words, or rather, the lack of it, stopped her in her tracks, and she scanned the page once again with a trembling hand.
It's completely blank.
She doesn't know how long she sat, trying to make sense of what she had seen.
But she does know time moves quickly enough to hear him drain the bathwater and come close to the moment he will emerge from the hallway with a towel-clad child in his arms. When she hears soft footsteps pad nearer across the wooden floor, she hurries to slip the papers back into the bag and return everything to the rightful place they belonged before, as if nothing was ever touched.
Act calm, calm, calm...
Eventually Len peers through the doorframe, and when she makes a face at him, he sticks his tongue out in response.
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Their time at the moon festival passed as quickly as it came. He was too absorbed in making sure his daughter wouldn't squirm out of his arms (she set her eyes on the forests, and he'd be damned if he forgot her attraction to forests) that he missed out on the fireworks setting off and the sheer happiness her mother displayed upon recognising the ribbon they hung up two autumns ago, on the tree by the lake, as it hung tightly at it's rightful place on the branch.
"Fertility branch." Rin brought up that night. "That's what it is. That's what you told me."
Oh, no. "Yeah."
A young couple ー both most likely related to him in some way or another, were holding hands as they attached their names to one of the upper branches.
He couldn't for the life of him remember what it was for, but the only reason he's bothering to find out is because he'd rather not think about what's wondering around in Rin's mind.
Sometimes he wishes she was stupid, then, she would be so much easier to obtain.
Len plucked several red leaves from being entangled from her hair; but the more he worked, the more the mound grew. Autumn here simply wasn't the same as Autumn back home.
It irks him not to be anywhere near the ocean or warm sunsets, but Rin is evidently pleased by that. They haven't been to view the beach in ages.
A fist rapped his forehead to bring his attention back onto her.
"Does that mean we'll have more?" He wishes he didn't understand what she was suggesting by more. "Because that's where we tied our ribbon up."
By tradition, it does. Of course it does. It's only that other reasons are causing him to be dishonest. Initially, Len had never wanted to even acknowledge the prompting, and honestly recklessly hoped she'd forget the significance of that promise as long as time is given to pass and memory to drift along the stars. But that was only wishful thinking, he understands now.
Dreading the fire in his face, the young man indignantly looked away so she wouldn't be able to see him flush.
Knowing she wouldn't be satisfied until she received an answer, he gritted one through his teeth; "No. One should be enough."
Her bottom lip formed into a pout, a formerly-timid grip tightening on it's perch of his arm. He wrinkled his nose, pretending not to care.
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Three weeks later, and she'd been staying at her own home until Thursday, when her father had to leave again and they were free to do as they wished. At least, for an undetermined amount of time, according to Rin.
That causes just as much wariness in him as it does uncertainty.
Monday morning is results day, and he had mistakenly assumed she wouldn't care as long as he didn't make a big issue out of it.
He threw his jacket off his shoulders and onto the floor, as her hands lazily dry his locks with a warm towel once they reach the sofa, with his neck leaning against the cross of her ankles.
She keeps asking to know when he intends to open the manila paper instead of letting sweaty palms stain it all day, and he promised he would after he takes a shower, but after the shower, he promised he'd give it another try after dinner, then after dinner ー he was stalling.
Rin was persistent, and he was fidgeting.
The lights in the flat are all out, excluding that of the muted television. She's reading from an open book propped up on her lap, and he vaguely wonders how she's capable of seeing in the dark when he can't see anything but the position of furniture he merely memorised through instinct.
"Why does it matter to you what I get?" Len scowled, beginning as defensive, only for his expression to fade into that of uncertainty. "... does it matter to you...? What I get?"
Soft fingers reach both sides of his temple, giving it a gentle massage. "I'm not here to look down on you, if that's what you're worried about."
"Don't treat this carelessly. It's important, Rin."
"Why? Why is it important?"
Because it's their future. Because if he screws this up, it was his last and only chance. "What the fuck do you mean 'why is it important', it just is.. I can't get proper work if I don't-"
Rin cut in, silencing his words to trail off into another end. "Except you're not exactly going to get that proper work if you don't go to university, either, are you? Turns out that's not in your plan, either."
His face turned accusatory, and so did his tone. He gripped her entire jaw in his hand, causing the softness of her cheeks to bulge between his thumbs as he demands to know whether she looked into his bag without prior permission.
The young lady dropped her hands from his touch.
Rin didn't let his harsh treatment bother her.
Lazily shaking off his grip, she took hold of the comb she had borrowed it from his cabinet earlier, then forced it ti thread through the curls of her pale hair. She can't bother to think of non-incriminating excuses. There's no point if he'll take every opportunity of it to let the subject die.
When he grips tightly onto her shoulder, he forces her to turn at him and not ignore when he's speaking.
That only results in the release of a criticising cough, followed closely by a laugh and smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. They don't falter even as he continues to sneer at her. "I don't know why you're acting surprised. I've brought this up before, but you dropped it back then. Like you always do. You never tell me anything."
"I never tell you anything? Me? Look at yourself."
Her eyes move up, avoiding direct contact with him in favour of watching an elderly woman be mauled to death by a little porcelain doll. She thinks of the candyshop lady, of her improper comments, and a small glee of excitement colours Rin's sweet features upon replacing the woman on the screen with that of her imagination.
Had he better vision in the dark, he would have been able to notice and turn concerned for the sake of her well-being.
But as minutes pass of him waiting for a snappy retort, and only silence comes to fill in the gap, he realises this time, Kagamine Rin is bowing down.
He takes a deep breath upon returning the envelope to their sight.
His results are still in there, waiting to be read, and he regrets not stopping by a park on the way home with Piko to open up the folders together. He thought it would've been embarrassing then, that it would be better if he got in the safety of his own bedroom to read the results alone, but he was dumb not to think of how tormented he would be feeling now.
He falsely assumed her not to be so eager.
Kissing her forehead for attention drags it away from the porcelain doll's trimmed hair and sickly smile.
A smile that Rin seemed to copy, evident when he turns on his phone's torch and points it towards her. He tries not to seem bothered about it. "I don't want to disappoint you."
"You've disappointed me before. I don't care. You could be the stupidest person on earth and I'd willingly lick biscuits out of your hand."
Nevermind that it's the worst analogy he'd ever heard in his life, nevermind, much less, that it hardly makes any sense at all.
Her glance finally falls on him and the upwards curl of his smile, back onto the television, then onto her book. She can never seem to make up her mind; and it's as frustrating as it is endearing. "Go to university, Len."
He leans back against the sofa pillows, taking a cushion to squeeze between his chest and arms. "I can't. You know I can't."
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She tilted her chin backwards to avoid a carefully-planned flick in the forehead. When she questions why he felt like doing that, he merely suggested it was for the sake of his own entertainment.
"You completely failed French."
"It's a stupid fucking language, anyway."
"And English."
"All languages are stupid."
"Are these where you blanked out?" He's letting her read the result sheet before him; if it's not too painful to look at, she'll give him the green light and the young man will consider going through it on his own.
But right now he needs her.
Len fondles the empty envelope in his hands. His head lay nicely against her stomach as an arm tosses loosely to embrace her waist. She's wearing one of his mother's old dresses he'd thrown into the wash, and it's a few sizes too large to fit to her body.
The more he grows, the older he gets, the more he realises that Rin's mass is excruciatingly small. She's likely the smallest person in their school, or their entire district. That is, by excluding actual ten-year olds and tiny little aunties that hang out their clothes in the balconies for their little bit of sun.
Maybe he doesn't feed her well enough. He doubts it's genetics when Yuuma is tall and the other one is much taller than he'd ever be.
Nevermind that she was already little when he met her; then he made her live an entire year mostly on vegetable and mint biscuits. As if that was a normal thing to do.
"No, I didn't bother with doing French and English because they were boring." He yawned, ignoring how she looked as if she was seconds away from hitting him at the admittance. "I blanked out at everything else. Don't even remember what I was writing or circling, just let my hand, like, move, instead of my brain. You get it? Then a storm would come each day before I could leave the centre so my mind was occupied on how I was dumb enough not to bring a brolly..."
She peered at him over the paper, taking a sip of tea through the warm mug he prepared for her.
The television was turned off, and they, most likely, were the only two people left awake in the entire building. He doubted the young lady could be honestly listening to a single word he spoke while he rambles on and on about anything as mediocre as rain clouds and the weather.
Soon enough, he realises she's too quiet.
Too quiet for any good news to come of it.
Perhaps she was hoping to spare his emotions, listing then considering the gentlest way to phrase a sentence along the lines of 'congratulations, you've ruined your entire future, and probably mine along with it,' without reducing him to a mess of tears across their shared bedspread.
She must've took notice of the worry. Her eyes searched frantically across the page for the next best thing to mention. "You got a whole hundred in Biology. Congratulations."
Her fingers patted the back of his head unsurely.
He muttered an insincere thanks. Neither of them were surprised. Of all things he had to be confident of, his best subject was the only one he couldn't afford to lose.
"A... sixty-five in arts, about the same in English Literature.. and third language." That's just barely bordering a fail, the examiners must've shown pity towards him by rewarding those extra scores. He tried to hold back a groan miserably. "You took twelve subjects. You failed two ー which was done on purpose, why you would do that is beyond me... then you barely passed three."
He wanted to shake her; you're announcing all this at the pace of a snail, Miss Rin. But on the outside he has to nod patiently, willing her not to rush.
"You've got over a ninety on everything else."
"Oh?" And at her immediate nod, he repeated another, "Oh."
Len doesn't think he'd ever learnt what relief felt like until today.
His face sank in her stomach, taking on the delightfully citric scent and the geometric patterns of her high-waist skirt, and the younger blonde has to suppress a snort at the tingle it sent through her spine, ".. so, you aren't lying, are you?"
"Dunno. Am I?"
"Rin."
"No, Lennie, I'm not."
Then, slowly, the petals she has as lips blooms into a smile that would never fail to send the warmth of the sun towards his chest
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The longer he stares at the ocean, the sooner he forgets how to breathe.
He dives in, allowing water, nearly cold enough to be frost, to pierce his skin.
He can convince himself he knows what he's doing, but at the end of the day, his only option is to drown in the shallower sides of the water, waiting for the tides to pull him into the calming depths of the sea.
i do intend to move to ao3! only, maybe after this is completed lol. i do actually prefer the formatting on this site in comparison.. other than the fact it's so buggy.
