Kathryn lay in bed that night, her face stoic but her fists curled into balls.
What the hell was I thinking? Letting him touch me like that. Her thoughts drifted back to earlier that evening, when she had complained of sore muscles – "My knots have got knots!" she had laughed – and Chakotay, kind as always, had come to her aid offering a shoulder massage. My gods, his hands are so strong though. And it felt so good. She sighed and ran a hand over her face. This can never happen again, no matter how much I want it to. And I do want it to, so much. Get your thoughts together, woman!
Sighing in frustration, she flung off the blankets and slipped out of bed. She needed to set this right, right here and now. She padded out to the main room where Chakotay was sitting.
"We have to talk about this," she said, with what she hoped was an even tone.
"All right."
"I think we need to define some parameters… about us."
"I'm not sure I can define parameters," Chakotay said. "But I can tell you a story, an ancient legend among my people.
"It's about an angry warrior who lived his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe, a man who couldn't find peace, even with the help of his spirit guide. For years, he struggled with his discontent. But the only satisfaction he ever got came when he was in battle. This made him a hero among his tribe, but the warrior still longed for peace within himself. One day he and his war party were captured by a neighbouring tribe led by a woman warrior. She called on him to join her because her tribe was too small and weak to defend itself from all its enemies. The woman warrior was brave and beautiful and very wise. The angry warrior swore to himself that he would stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter. From that point on, her needs would come first. And in that way, the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace."
Kathryn gazed at him for a long moment, a smile slowly creeping up her face. "Is that really… an ancient legend?"
Chakotay smiled back. "No. But that made it easier to say."
Kathryn didn't need her other senses to see the love that was so clearly visible in his eyes at that moment. She reached up a hand and it met his, their fingers lacing together.
"Let me tell you a story now," she murmured, her eyes never leaving his. "It won't be as eloquent as yours, but it's true.
"It's about a woman warrior who had loved many people over a long time. But over the years, she lost everyone she loved. Her father and her first fiancé died in a tragic accident. Her mother and her second fiancé were gone when she became lost, far from home. She had lived a long time and loved many people, but all of them were gone now. And she began to wonder if that's all that life had for her… just loss and pain. She began to wonder if it was worth it to keep loving people only to lose them eventually. So she decided she didn't want to love anyone again, because she didn't want to lose anyone again. But then… then she met someone. Someone who loved her enough to build her a whole entire bathtub." Chakotay chuckled. "And she began to think that… maybe… maybe it's worth it. To love someone… just one more time. Here, where it's safe, and nothing can possibly happen. Maybe, it'll be safe if… if I love you."
Chakotay grinned and clutched her hand tighter.
"I love you too," he said. He stood and pulled her up and into his open arms. She hugged him close, drinking in his warmth and his comforting scent. He stroked a hand down the back of her hair and kissed the top of her head. She snuggled closer into his neck.
"I love you, Kathryn Janeway," she heard him whisper, "and I will never let you go."
