A/N: Alternating POVs: Cullen and Tala
There was one story that she always loved retelling.
In those warm halls, in those old peaceful days of our old lives, she often sat down by the fire as young initiates gathered around.
Once, she always began, there was an evil magister who made a magic mirror that distorted everything that it reflected. But as he flew towards the Golden City, the mirror slipped from his grasp shattering into thousands-tens of thousands-of little splinters smaller than grains of sand. The wind blew these little splinters across the world into people's eyes-freezing their hearts and eyes so they only saw evil in themselves and others…
The story is actually a love story-about a girl unfreezing a boy's heart. And she loved these kinds of stories.
At times, whenever dark her eyes caught mine, I always wondered who she was really retelling these stories to.
I try to remember to remember these stories, these moments.
Because it's one of the few memories that I have left of her, that wasn't stolen away on that cold night that I wish to forget.
Some nights, in lyrium-less dreams, I wandered those halls again trying to find her. Each time, the walls grow red with blood, turning, shifting.
Find me, her voice calls. I will be yours. Forever.
Her image appears before me. I reach for her and she feels cold.
It is not her. It's always her eyes that change first-black turning into demon-purple.
That's how I know it's not her.
Tell me how I failed, the demon says. Did I not do her voice right? Her smile? Tell me, and next time I'll do better…
That demon is dead. But in my dreams, somehow the demon never seems to die.
In these dreams, I am always lost in repetition. Lost in memories that I try to find of her.
If she could only find me, maybe then I would wake up. Wake me up before the dream repeats itself again.
Solana…please.
The halls turn. The demon returns me to where I started.
Until one day, I heard her voice singing.
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door...
It was a song that I had never heard before.
I opened my eyes to sunlight. And voices singing in the courtyard. I rushed out, and there she was. The one with her face, her voice...followed by a parade of children and pilgrims singing that strange song.
Tala. That's her name.
The one I found that one fateful day in the snow. The one who claims to know all our fates.
Whenever I catch her dark eyes under those frames that she called "glasses," she always had a way of staring back or avoiding my eyes altogether.
That afternoon, she dumped a large stack of reports on my desk forcing me to look up.
"Cullen…" she glowered. "Seriously, what the fuck are your soldiers doing blasting and building tunnels though Dalish lands?!"
I stood up to meet her furious dark eyes. "Might I remind you, dear lady, that we are at war? And war demands that I find pathways for our siege engines to go through when the Inquisitor demands us to march to her."
She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Oh please! Spare me the mansplaining. I know we are at war, Mr. Discount Chris Evans! What I want to know is how you can find it in yourself to allow your soldiers to set charges on lands that are sacred to the Dalish. I mean, seriously: this is so fucking racist and disrespectful!"
I had always wondered why she always looked beautiful to me despite both of us being so different.
Admittedly, arguing with her is not one of my favorite things. But those times when she angrily directs her dark eyes at me are those few times when she really sees me.
And when she looks at me, it makes me take a hard look at myself and my own choices.
It is those times when I realize: perhaps I could have done better.
She changes my reality. This is how I know she is real, unlike my dreams.
Everything she does feels real: the way one could easily know which report she's reading based on the expression of her face, the way she lazily points with her lips when asked to find something, the way she turns her head to the side when deep in thought, and the way she randomly breaks into song no matter what time of day.
All of it feels real to me.
Every single day, I want to find her again so she could notice me. Each day, I wonder how long it will take for her to realize that I am just right here gazing at her. Will a day come when she will look back at me?
And then one day, she did. One day, she said, "yes."
One snowy day, she remembered who she was, and who I was. Though both of us had changed, we were still right where we were gazing at each other.
Perhaps even across two worlds.
The years have both given us scars. Somehow, even in this reality, my dreams get in the way of me touching her.
But somehow, she found a way of meeting me halfway.
I do not know how much time we have left. But this time, I will protect her. This time, I will not lose her to magic, especially blood magic.
Maker take anyone who takes her away.
And true enough, someone did.
It was him. He who deceived her that first time. He who doomed her to a fate she did not deserve.
Why did she have to choose him yet again?
"Putang Ina!" she cried. "Mages, templars? Who cares about that fucking magical debate right now? Oppression will always happen when fools with too much power like you are the only ones who wield that so-called justice!"
One step forward, two steps back.
Doesn't she understand that I'm trying to protect her? And why, even in this life, does she insist on protecting this blood mage?
"I will not lose you to magic," I insistently told her. "Not now. Not again. Not like this…"
"No," she replied firmly as she walked away. "This time, it's just you."
What did I do wrong?
The next night, the bells were heard across Skyhold.
"The prisoner has escaped!" cried one frantic guard. "The prisoner has escaped!"
At that moment, I could only think of two names who would attempt this feat: Leliana and her.
A search immediately ensued until some guards found a glowing mirror in the mural room.
I brought a squad immediately and they started at it like the cursed thing that it is.
I unsheathed my sword. "Men: I do not expect you all to come with me. But those who do will bring honor to the Maker and glory to the Inquisitor. So I ask again: who's with me?"
In response, everyone drew their swords and gave a loud cry, "For the Inquisitor!"
As I stepped into the light of the mirror, I steeled myself.
She will see reason, and find that blood mage for the monster that he is.
Justice will be done.
The night of the jailbreak, Leliana called me to the upper floors to her chapel. On a table, she unrolled a large cloth containing a sample of weapons-long swords, short swords, bows, and daggers.
"What type of martial training have you had?" Leliana asked.
She knew that I practiced a bit of hand-to-hand combat with Cassandra whenever we found the time. But I still had to think.
"Let's see…" I pondered scratching my chin. "I have a white belt in taekwondo, and a blue in aikido. I didn't get my ass kicked so much in high school. I've gotten so good at dodging that my bullies resorted to trapping me in the third floor women's bathroom for hours until the teachers or the janitor found me."
She tapped her fingers on the table.
"I took lightsaber classes from a friend who taught movie stunts. I learned to move with a sakabato while cosplaying Kenshin...And oh! I got an A in high school arnis."
At this point, she flashed me an irritated look.
"Oh, you really just wanted me to pick a weapon, didn't you?"
A succession of annoyed nods was the answer.
Why didn't she just say so?
I quickly picked up the lightest blade that looked a lot like a katana. If everything went according to plan, I wouldn't have to use it.
Sometime before he left started, Solas showed me an active eluvian and some other ancient trinkets that he hid behind a hidden door behind one of his murals. Ok. I didn't exactly trust any of creepy Fade magic stuff that Solas has, but I was desperate. Besides, I didn't think Solas would mind.
The plan was for Alistair to distract the guards and get Leliana to sneak Jowan out, while Fiona and I waited in Solas' study where we would use the eluvian. If my hunch was correct, Solas' eluvian would take us to the Crossroads where we could find another eluvian that hopefully Fiona may be able to activate and hope that this other eluvian would take us far, like Orlais.
That was the plan.
After midnight, Fiona and I paced around for about an hour and a half in Solas' study by the eluvian. We breathed a sigh of relief when we heard a thud on the window above us, and the three walked down the stairs.
I threw my arms around Jowan who responded in kind. He whispered, "My friend, I am so sorry. If anything happens to you again, I-
I quieted him with a light shove. "Hey, don't give me that. Besides, a good jailbreak may be a fun way to celebrate a good friendsary, don't you think?"
"No offense, but I just hope that we don't get to do this again in the next ten years…"
"What kept you both?" Fiona asked Alistair and Leliana with much worry on her face.
Leliana pointed an accusatory finger in Alistair's direction, to which the latter replied with a shrug. "What? It's not my fault that that guards wanted to know how we got elves and werewolves to hug, kiss and become best friends forever..." The last few words sounded almost whimsical.
She rolled her eyes, laughing. "There wasn't that much hugging and kissing."
Jowan's attention became fixed at the eluvian. "Maker, I never knew these things actually existed."
"Oh, they do," I replied. "And you can bet your ass that my other shady friend keeps more than one in Skyhold. But I don't think he would mind us borrowing this one."
"How many shady friends do you have exactly?" Alistair quipped.
"But where does it lead?" Jowan asked his hand gripping his bearded chin pensively.
"Orlais, if we're lucky?" was my hesitant answer.
Before anyone could reply, we heard the violent ringing of alarm bells. "Get in!" Fiona commanded. "No time to argue!"
She went in first, followed by Alistair, Jowan, and Leliana. I heard a rush of footsteps headed towards our direction before I jumped in.
I expected sunlight to hit my face any moment. But instead of sunlight, it was cold, damp darkness.
A few meters from me, Fiona summoned a fireball around us, and lifted it to survey our surroundings. Leliana found a torch on the wall that she took and lit through Fiona's flame.
The light showed us a bit more: a cliff to our wright, high ceilings with jutting rocks, stone pillars, and around us, the walls of what is probably an ancient dwarven thaig.
My mouth dropped open in disbelief. We're in the Deep Roads.
"Unless I dreaming child," Fiona began, "I concur that this is not Orlais."
"No," Leliana remarked. "The Great Game has never brought me here."
Without warning, Alistair's eyes glowed. His usual cheerful demeanor quickly faded. "On my last visit, I don't remember Orlais having darkspawn."
Jowan directed a suspicious glare at me. "I have questions about this other shady friend…"
"You and me both," I remarked.
Because seriously, the deep roads? What the fuck, Solas?!
Still, something felt familiar about the space we were in. As my eyes slightly adjusted to the darkness, I moved towards the cliff and to my right jutting out of the cliff stood a large dwarven statue.
Then I remembered. The Descent DLC. Third level. Heidrun thaig!
Of course, it looked a little different. Some paths have not collapsed yet because of the earthquakes, and the Legion of the Dead had not gone this deep yet. But in the past several months, I had been corresponding to Orzammar to get messages to Shaper Valta. And the Inquisition had just finished building an elevator down. If we're lucky, they would be just right above us.
"I know a way out!" I gasped.
At this sudden outburst, all eyes became fixed on me.
"We're a few miles off the Storm Coast. Across the bridge, these caverns and two levels above us, there are dwarven legions fighting darkspawn and an elevator. If we make it to them, we could get out of here. The catch is, there's darkspawn. A lot of them."
I looked at those surrounding me. Before me, we have a king, a rebel leader, and a Spymaster. I could not lose them all to this.
"Jowan and I will try to evade darkspawn and fight our way up," I said, trying to mask the uncertainty in my voice. "But I cannot ask you all to come with me. You all are too important to Ferelden and the Inquisition. I can't-"
Fiona's arm grabbed mine. "You've reunited me to me son, and you've been a true friend. I cannot abandon you now, Child."
Leliana shrugged cheerfully. "You know I've been to the Deep Roads before, yes? So what's wrong with a second time?"
At this point, all eyes were on Alistair. "If i don't make it out here," he pondered. "Anora will be insanely happy." He drew his sword. "Ah well, let's find a way to disappoint her, shall we?"
We crossed the bridge and the cliff. No darkspawn so far.
Everything around us was so quiet that I could hear the crushing of rocks beneath our feet. I felt Jowan's hand grasp for mine. "Stay close," he whispered to me. "Whatever happens, I won't happen to you this time. Not this time."
Why does this sound familiar?
No kidding. I think this happened to me before. Not to Solana, but me. I mean, me-me.
Dark narrow streets. My eyes peer through the rain. Someone's hand grasping mine. Our feet splashed through flood waters as we ran from whoever was following us.
A gunshot.
"Jenny!" I cried.
"Who's Jenny?" Jowan's voice said, breaking the memory.
At this point, everyone was gathered around me with much concern in their eyes.
God, for all times for this to happen.
"Jenny…" Leliana repeated. "She's mentioned this name before."
I staggered up my feet. "It's just a memory," I reassured them. "It's not important now."
"Are you sure?" Jowan asked with a lot of concern in his voice.
I nodded. I'm not important right now. At that moment, we just needed to get out.
We walked on in the darkness, past the steps and the gates where we had to find gears for to open. On the way, I asked my companions to look out for gears, for which I got puzzled looks at first. We picked up about three. Right where they were in the game. So when we got the gates open, everyone save Leliana looked at me with amazement.
Leliana flashed them a chipper smile. "Don't worry. It takes a while to get used to it."
At least there's one person who is not at all too surprised.
And we're lucky that I've even remembered where they were at all. My memory often served me well in exams. Heck, exams are one of the few things I'm really good at in my world. Well, that and maybe puzzle games.
We barely moved a few meters from the door when Alistair's eyes glowed again.
"How close are they?" Leliana whispered.
"Uh…" Alistair stuttered hesitantly. "Close?"
Before he could say anything else, we heard steps behind us in the darkness, grunts at front. When Fiona shone the light around, I realized we were surrounded. Eight genlocks, two hurlock and one emissary laughing with cartoonish evil glee.
"Yup," Alistair confirmed. "That close."
Fiona immediately threw a fireball in the emissary's direction and gave chase.
Alistair charged with his shield and slashed at a hurlock. Leliana dodged blows and rained arrows on the surrounding enemies like a red headed Legolas.
Jowan cast a barrier on both of us as I drew my blade. "Get behind me!" He said. His hands toss lightning bolts to those that charged us in front.
I wanted to just keep my head down but as I heard the other hurlock charge at us, I found my body just charging towards it with my short sword. When it made a swing at my head, I ducked and used the lost momentum of its swing to quickly slash its arm and then its neck.
The hurlock fell to my feet. Dead.
Putang Ina. That was close. Putang Ina, I killed one.
The next thing I knew, the darkspawn lay dead all around us. Jowan laid a hand on my shoulder.
"Well done," he said proudly. "Wherever did you learn to move like that?"
"Lightsaber class?" I answered disbelievingly.
The next hour, we moved through the halls, killing darkspawn and solving those door puzzles till we got to the first elevator.
Whew. One floor down, two to go.
After getting off the elevator, Alistair sauntered beside Fiona up front.
"Mother…" Alistair cooed. "I have a zit right here on my lower lip."
"And?" Fiona gently queried.
"Can you pop it? You don't want me meeting dignitaries and fighting darkspawn with this on my face. I don't want to feel unpretty..."
"Oh, alright. Next time we find decent lighting, I'll take a look at it."
Leliana, who was rambling just right behind those two slowed down her pace to mine and Jowan's. Her eyes flashed a bit of amusement while gesturing towards Fiona and Alistair. She whispered, "This is your fault you know."
I replied with a satisfied smirk, "I guess we'll just have to deal with it then."
My eyes eventually adjusted to the darkness.
The next bit was a repetition of door puzzles and fighting more darkspawn, as well as corrupted spiders. Kill some darkspawn, play puzzles-rinse and repeat. I killed a few spiders and genlocks, but my friends did the rest.
There were no dead legionnaires. Not yet. There were also more doors and halls than I remembered that one could almost get lost in them. I'm guessing the earthquakes and dwarven charges have not done as much damage yet.
Having a Grey Warden with us perhaps made the difference. Alistair got us through those passages with the least darkspawn.
When we finally got to the topmost floor, I felt the floor rumble. When we got near another door, Jowan suddenly dove towards me pushing us both out of the way. Before I could process what was going on, an explosion rocked the passage causing a cave in. Thankfully, though we were covered in dust and rocks, no one got seriously hurt.
"Who in the Maker's name is exploding things?" Jowan remarked.
"Charges!" I exclaimed. I got up and called. "Hello?! Anyone? It's alright, we're not darkspawn! Lieutenant Renn? Shaper Valta?"
Shadows emerged from behind large rocks.
"Who calls for me?" called a female voice.
"Humans?" said a gruff male voice. "How are there humans here?"
As they came to the light, I've never been so relieved to see two faces.
Introductions were made. Shaper Valta was surprised to find the person writing her letters to come and meet her. After they led us to the dwarven encampment near the last long elevator up to the surface, Valta peppered me with questions-mostly about the thaig below-which I answered to the best of my ability. The others took time to rest, with Alistair mostly finding reasons to coddle up to his mother.
Once we get to the surface, Alistair would find a way to contact his soldiers and provide Jowan safe passage up across the Waking Sea.
In the tunnels, it was mostly hard to tell whether it was dark or light out. The dwarves avoided the sun's rays but I rose early the next morning to meet it.
Cullen is most likely mad at me. Though he had proven himself stubborn, I couldn't find it in myself to hate him.
How is he? Does he hate me now? He's probably looking for us.
Looking up to the sun, I did something I had not done in forever.
I prayed.
Please Jesus, Andraste, God or Maker, whoever you are and if you exist, don't let my stupid Boyfriend come to harm while looking for us. Also, please let my stupid Boyfriend realize that he's being really stupid, someday. Amen.
Then perhaps in answer to my prayer, one Inquisition soldier with torn clothes, large bloody scratches on his shoulder and a with chunk of his armor missing, came running into the camp waking everyone.
"Help!" he pleaded. "Ogre...The darkspawn...they've surrounded everyone! The Commander…"
"Cullen!" was the first name that came out of my mouth. "Is he…?"
He sadly shook his head. "I dunno ma'am…" Then his eyes widened in horror as Jowan approached.
"Where are they?" Jowan grabbed his collar and shook him. "Tell me where they are!"
"A thaig…" he stuttered. "Caverns...by an elevator...close to the mines…"
"They must have gone in the opposite direction," Alistair chipped in. "Right to a horde of darkspawn."
"We don't have much time then…" said Leliana.
At this, Jowan dropped the deserting soldier, grabbed his staff and started heading back down the halls.
"Where are you going?" I called, running to him.
"Where do you think?" he answered. "If I don't go and save your ex-Templar, you will blame me for all eternity."
Throwing my arms around him, I replied. "Jowan...you know I could never blame you."
I felt a smile on my shoulder. "I know."
A few seconds later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. As I looked up, Leliana handed me my sword. "You forgot this."
Behind her, Alistair, Fiona, Renn, Valta and all the legionnaires assembled in full armor.
"What are you all waiting for?" growled Renn. "Show us where those beasts are!"
I nodded determinedly. "Let's go!"
Also, holy fuck! Does God or the Maker actually exist? Tangina, I wish I behaved better at church.
The legionnaires thundered through the halls with Renn leading the charge. We got to the spot where we started a lot faster than the first time. Going through the warrens with legionnaires, a Grey Warden, Legolas Leliana and two Gandalfs was like doing a speedrun on easy mode. It was not difficult to find Cullen's patrol either. We just had to follow the trail of escaped wounded soldiers as Jowan quickly healed them and directed them towards the elevators.
When we got to where the fighting was thickest, my eyes immediately scanned the battleground for my Boyfriend. I found him near the close to a cliff shielding a wounded soldier from an Emissary's flames.
"There!" I pleaded, pointing to his direction.
"Of course," Leliana quipped. "Always ready to save the prettiest of us all."
"Funny," Alistair returned. "And I thought that was always me."
Fiona amusedly shook her head.
Alistair fought his way to the Emissary and nullified its magic. While it was distracted, Leliana rapid fired a succession of arrows at it. Fiona summoned an ice javelin to its heart, killing it.
Cullen lowered his shield. His eyes could not contain their surprise when he looked up to Jowan who was extending his hand down to him. After a moment's hesitation, Cullen took it and Jowan pulled him up to his feet. Jowan immediately went to tending the wounded soldier.
Just when Cullen finally saw me, he shouted in horror. "Tala, behind you!"
I turned. I realized that an ogre was charging towards me fast, and there was no way I could dodge or stop it.
I closed my eyes, and with a loud roar bursting from me, it felt as if I released some large force from my body. I expected a fist to crush me any moment, but as I opened my eyes, the ogre stood there frozen in front of me like a large ice sculpture towering above me.
Putang ina, what just happened? What did I just do?
A cry sounded from behind. Renn leaped and delivered a blow that made the ogre statue shatter to pieces on the ground.
While some dwarves chased away the rest of the darkspawn, the remaining soldiers and legionnaires cheered victoriously. Humans and dwarves started hugging one another while some others tended to the wounded,
Meanwhile, I stood frozen right there where I expected to die. It's not every day that one realizes that one has ice powers after all.
My shock turned into elation.
"Putang ina…" I muttered excitedly. "I'm fucking Elsa! I'm fucking Elsa!"
On the sidelines, I heard Alistair incredulously ask, "Who is she fucking?"
Jowan shrugged in response.
I clearly have a lot of stuff to process. Because fuck. I had this inside me all this time, and I never knew.
While the dwarves and the soldiers continued cheering, the rest of us the other humans stood in awkward silence staring at one another, particularly Cullen.
I broke the silence first. "Thank you, everyone. I don't think I or Jowan would make it this far without all of you."
Fiona placed a firm hand on my shoulder. Leliana did the same.
"Some adventure this is," Alistair remarked, "Just another day in the life of a King. Killing darkspawn. Saving damsels." His attention shifted towards Cullen. "Wait, you are that same damsel we saved from the tower..."
Perhaps upon hearing this, Cullen, who was drinking a draft given to him by a dwarven medic, started coughing.
Leliana snorted. "Your Highness, it is best not to give our pretty damsel any more distress."
Cullen got up from where he was sitting, and moved with determination towards Jowan. "All these years, I've misjudged you…I'm sor-"
Jowan caught him in a tight hug, not letting him finish that sentence. "There's nothing to forgive, Brother. You did what you thought best to protect her. You've done your duty, as I did mine."
"I, uh…" Cullen, showing some surprise, stood stiffly in the embrace at first before relaxing.
"I like hugs too!" Leliana, with a wicked grin on her face, dove in and sandwiched Cullen. Alistair and Fiona quietly joined in.
Cullen caught my eyes and mouthed, "Help."
I shook my head in response. This time, he's on his own.
Finally, the dreaded moment came. Another moment when I had to say goodbye. Jowan patted my hair as I wept.
"I wouldn't cry so much," he said gently. "I want you to imagine me living happily in the Free Marches-with my own clinic, a mabari, two children and my wife Lily…"
At that admission I searched his face. "Really? You mean it? You'll try to find Lily?"
"You were right," he assented. "Perhaps these past ten years, I may at least seek my own happiness, deserving or not."
"You deserve every bit of it. And I will hunt anyone who says otherwise."
After planting a light kiss on my forehead, he boarded the last elevator. As the elevator started going up, he shouted to Cullen. "You, ex-Templar: no offense, but I hope won't get to see you ever again."
Cullen stiffly nodded. "The feeling is mutual, blood mage."
"And don't make her cry too much!" was the last thing we heard from Jowan until he was out of earshot.
When the elevator disappeared from view, Cullen muttered. "Three weeks...no, a month. That should be enough of a head start."
"Two months," I suggested. "Give him a bit of time to enjoy the Coast at least."
"A month and a half. Wouldn't want Chancellor Roderick to think that I'm being negligent won't we?"
"Seriously, why can't you just find him again so you can be friends?"
"You really would like that won't you?"
"Of course I would!"
His brow twitched, and he had that face he used to wear each time he trolled me. "No."
Such a troll.
"Have you always known?" I asked him as we all started walking back to the eluvian. "The first time we met at Haven you said that I had no magic. Did you always think that was true?"
"That wasn't the first time we met," Cullen corrected me. "And it was true that you showed no evidence at that time thought would make me think otherwise."
"And now? Do you think I'm different now that I apparently can do magic?"
"That does not change who you are!" he declared so firmly making me look at his earnest brown eyes. "Mage or not, to me you will always be you. To me, you will always be the one I-"
He stopped short of finishing that sentence. His eyes started back intensely at mine as he moved to close the distance between us.
Behind us, I heard Alistair's voice loudly whisper. "Look there! They're going to make kissy faces now."
"Quiet!" Leliana chided. "If you say it out loud, it won't happen."
"Careful, Lady Nightingale! Slapping a king can be considered treason."
I thought more about the events of the day. Perhaps a more peaceful world can be possible if people with power can learn to see past themselves, and when some of us forgive. While forgiveness does not have to be compulsory-because some people are just dicks-it helps in some cases.
We all learn. We all change.
I have magic. But I'm still me.
The day after we got back from the Deep Roads, I had fourteen letters to write.
Death notification letters are the most difficult, but they constituted a large part of my duty as a superior officer.
These soldiers followed their Commander without question. If it had not been for me, there would have been no need for grief or for such letters to be written.
They reread one that I had just finished.
Dear Mr. Haider,
It is with deep regret to inform you of the death of your wife, Lieutenant Cecilia Brunner.
A courageous warrior and gallant officer for the Inquisition, Lt. Brunner was killed in action during an operation the Deep Roads. She gave her life protecting those under her command from darkspawn.
Words cannot express how deeply sorry I am. If there is anything you would like to know or that I can do to help you I shall be only too pleased to do so.
May the Maker comfort you in your time of sorrow.
Yours respectfully,
Cullen Rutherford, Commander of the Inquisition
I was just about to seal the letter when she entered through the side door.
"More letters?" she asked, peering over my shoulder.
Her newly calloused hands took the small parchment from mine, which she examined. Pushing her glasses up, her eyes rapidly flicking from word to word.
She gingerly handed it back to me with some minor corrections. "They're short but personal. Not bad. But if it would make it any easier, I could take the rest off your hands."
"They died following my orders. Because I believed that fighting against magic will bring glory to the Maker. Their deaths are on me."
At this, I felt her small hands cover mine while I reached for another paper. I looked up to the earnest gaze of her tender eyes, as she said, "You may have asked them to follow you. But it was the darkspawn that killed your soldiers, not you."
I could gaze at those dark eyes all day. "That day. What you said about justice being only for a select few-you were right. I was too blind to see it."
I got up and sat her on my seat. From my drawer, I took out a parchment with a list of names-names of children who were previously apprehended with her blood mage friend-and gave it to her.
She curiously examined it, running her fingers through the list. "This is…So you are Evil Santa Claus!"
Ah, of course another nickname. With her, the nicknames always seem to multiply especially when she was particularly peeved.
Her mouth flew open, when I grabbed it from her hands, ripped it into pieces, and burned the rest on the candle right across her.
After the flames died, I tried to find my words. "You…You are always impossible. You're stubborn, and you are hardly easy on me."
Her lips moved to utter a protest, but I gestured for her to let me finish.
"I always wondered why it's you. Why it's always been you, especially given how different we both are. But now...I know why. It's always been you because you are always hard on me. Because you are stubborn. Because you always make me question what I always believe to be true. Because you make me believe that I could always do better. This is how I know you are real. This is how I know it will always be you. "
At first, she stared blankly at me. Her face quickly dropped to her hands and then to my desk. Then a noise came out that I wasn't sure at first whether she was laughing, weeping or both. "I can't…I am so sorry..." she said between sobs. "I am dead and Cullen Rutherford has killed me. And I am so sorry. Putang Ina, please don't look at me! I know this is not the time to be doing this, so I am so sorry!"
At this, I tried to contain the chuckles.
This is how I know she is real.
When she calmed down, she slid into my arms. She said, "You annoyed the fuck out of me, but deep down, I have always known you to be a good person." Looking up, her luminous eyes gazed back. "I am going to say this once so listen carefully: You too helped me realize that I can be more than what I thought I could be. I remember, and I know who I was, who I am, who I could be. So, thank you. And when I'm gone, though things will get hard, you will always be more than your scars, and more than that person who takes lyrium. That good person I know will always endure."
When she slid back down to hide her face on my chest, her lips mumbled a question that I could not answer, "Why can't you belong in my world?"
"Once again, milady, I offer you a draw," Cullen said to me one sunny afternoon as we were playing chess.
"No," I told him firmly as I examined the remaining pieces.
Days after the Deep Roads affair, Cullen and I were back at playing chess again. Me on black, Cullen on white. In this game, we both had equal control of the middle part of the board. He had one knight remaining, and I had one light square bishop. Both our kings were fairly safe. We had an equal amount of pawns, and we just exchanged queens.
His knight and my remaining bishop danced around each other as I tried to get a second queen.
A sigh. "If you don't accept the draw, move something else at least."
That I could do. I moved my King forward one step to E6. In response, he moved another pawn of his forward most likely to force me to a draw.
No. Not happening. Not today.
He eyed me curiously as I continued moving my king forward out of safety.
My bishop and his knight danced to the other side.
After a couple of checks, my king managed to clear a path for one of my pawns to become queen, while trapping one of his pawns and his king on the other side with my bishop.
By the time I moved my second queen to close the trap, he knew he was done for.
"Checkmate!" I declared. The joy inside me leaped up and my body started doing the floss dance and the moonwalk around the table.
When I noticed my Boyfriend's shoulders involuntary shuffling in an attempt to keep himself from laughing, I froze. I met his smiling brown eyes, and both of us exploded into laughter.
Later that day, he held my hand as we took our usual walk through the battlements around sunset. He said, "Had I known that you would make that little dance once you've won, I would have let you win sooner."
"Let me win?!" I protested. "Oh come on, admit it-you did not see that one coming. Otherwise, you would not have offered a draw twice. That's twice, mind you. That's twice the confirmation of me winning fair and square."
"A rematch then? After dinner?"
"Sure. If you want to get your ass kicked again, that is."
"Careful Madam," he teased. "Overconfidence will lose you the next game."
I looked up to issue a rebuttal, when I realized that he was looking down at me and our faces were dangerously close.
There was a hint of invitation in his brown eyes. Like that night before I stole away to the Hinterlands, he backed up a bit to position a hand right above his lips.
I giggled. Of course, he never forgot about that.
I closed my eyes and stood on my toes. But as I moved up to meet that hand, I realized that my lips touched something much softer. When I opened my eyes, I noticed that there was no hand where I was expecting a hand. And my lips landed directly on his.
My body backed away in surprise. I felt blood rush to my cheeks.
I kissed him. Oh my God, I kissed him! Is he okay?
Before I could utter any apology, I felt an arm slide up my back to pull me closer. His hand angled my face up to meet his lips again. His lips were hungry, needy. I let out an involuntary moan as his tongue sought entrance to deepen the kiss, pressing me even closer. Before I even realized what I was doing, I found myself coaxing him and kissing him back. Even as his kiss began ravenously, he eased the assault to match my pace.
The world around us may be full of demons, dragons and magic. But the only magic that I needed was right there at that moment.
When we finally pulled away to breathe, his forehead rested on mine. His fingers traced the curves of my face and my chin. "Sorry," he muttered. "I just want to remember this. I need to remember this."
In turn, my fingers reached up and explored his jawline. His short hairs tickled my fingertips as I pulled him back down for another kiss.
We never got to play another game that day. And we missed dinner. But it was so worth it.
After he dropped me off to my tower, he broke from kissing me to say, "Meet me at the stables tomorrow. At dawn. There's some place I want to take you."
I knew exactly where, and I flashed him a smile in reply. "A pond. By Honnleath. That place where you used to come to escape from your very loud siblings. Is that where?"
He let out a frustrated sign. "Seriously, my dearest lady, is there no way I can actually surprise you?"
"You already have," I insisted. "I never expected this. I never expected you. You are the best surprise ever."
At this, his mouth found mine again, before we parted one last time for that night.
Tomorrow.
As I lay down to sleep, I reminded myself that tomorrow was only a few more hours. But still, why the fuck is everything so slow?
I rose early and made myself as pretty as possible before heading out.
The sun was not even up when I made my way to the stables. As it came to view, I noticed that my Boyfriend was already there with two horses ready.
My Boyfriend, as soon as he saw me, flashed me a wide smile and waved.
But before I could take another step towards him, I felt a very sharp pain on my chest, like someone just pierced it open. I screamed.
Images that I had forgotten started flashing before me.
That dark rainy evening. Me waiting under a closed sari-sari store trying not to get too drenched as much as possible. Jenny running towards me. She placed something in a small crevice of my backpack, then grabbed my arm. "Run!" she screamed. "Run!"
We ran through a maze of dark flooded alleys, her hand tightly grasping mine. There were men after us. I don't know who.
A gunshot. Two gunshots. And they barely missed us.
Who's firing? Why are they firing?
As we got to the end of another alley, I noticed men in uniform waiting for us on the other side. I let out a sigh of relief.
Finally. Police officers.
I gasped in horror as I saw them raise their pistols and started firing at us.
I felt the first bullet pierce through my left shoulder. And then the other on my side. Jenny fell to the muddy ground first, and then me.
Above us, a voice said, "Plant the evidence. Sabihin nyo na lang na nanlaban."
The next thing I knew, I was in a hospital. A hospital I knew-that old American-era hospital where my Mom and Lola used to work in. I floated past through halls, visitors, nurses, old wards and finally though one room, where I spied Lola sitting beside a bed caressing a sleeping patient.
To the side in that room, Mom was exchanging some words with a doctor.
"We changed her pacemaker," Mom argued. "Surely we could wait a little while longer."
"You need to make a decision soon," the doctor said firmly. "Hopefully it is not the one that prolongs her suffering."
I looked back at the sleeping patient. The person who lay there sleeping was me.
Lola pleaded to my sleeping form, "Anak, if you can hear me from out there. We need you to wake up. Wake up and tell us who did this to you. Please…"
The hospital before me disappeared. I was back at Skyhold where I lay on the ground. My Boyfriend hovered over me. His eyes were terrified. His lips desperately repeated my name.
As my world turned into darkness, I realized that our time had run out.
Glossary
Arnis - also known as Kali. Modern arnis focuses on stick fighting and defense as opposed to early versions that mostly used blades and can be used offensively. See: watch?v=e-xTpGNZ0j4
Sabihin nyo na lang na nanlaban - Just tell them they fought back. "Nanlaban" means "fought back" or "resisted arrest." And has been the most common excuse for police to execute suspects. See: watch?v=aCqckf37tH0
A/N: Happy Valentines Day!
I know, I am cruel this way. I'm sorry. But this reveal had been in the works since I started this fic. Now at least we kind of know what happened to Tala that night. This, of course, sets in motion the next arc that I have planned. I already feel sad for putting Cullen and Tala through this.
I also finally got to reuse some of the Cullen POV bits that I had originally slated before. I had to think a lot before using it, but placing it here feels right. I used it because the chapter felt incomplete without it. Hopefully the POV changes were not too distracting.
With the reveal here that Tala has kept some magic, I probably will get people thinking, "oh boy, another Mary Sue." I say fuck that. No one questions men being overpowered in film (ie. Luke Skywalker) or Achilles in the Iliad. I can make my characters overpowered as I want.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
Up next, we'll get Dany and Solas at Wycome.
