Chapter 71
2008
Alex wasn't talking to him.
She wasn't talking at all, but she also didn't send him away.
Not that he had anywhere to go. For now they were both in the infirmary aboard the Daedalus, going through the usual post-captured-by-the-enemy drill of examinations. That meant blood tests, physical tests and, once they got back to Atlantis, an MRI. For now Doctor Keller was happy enough to do an ultrasound to check for symbiotes, which, given that they'd both been held captive by a Goa'uld, was perfectly reasonable.
Evan was standing next to Alex, as Keller checked her over, making sure that both she and the baby were alright. They were. By the looks of it, no harm had come to either of them. Another miracle he should be grateful for. Alex met his gaze briefly, then looked away again as Keller started packing up.
"I want to keep you both in here for a while though. Just to be sure," Keller was saying and when Evan started speaking up in protest, she shook her head and pointed at his chest. At the spot where the Wraith's feeding hand had sucked onto his skin. Nothing remained of that, though. No wound, no scar. Like the restoring effect of the gift of life had erased all traces of the previous trauma. "No, Major. You've been through a lot. You're staying too."
With a sigh, Evan sat down on the bed next to Alex and watched as she wiped the lube from her abdomen and pulled down the shirt again. "Fine."
The Wraith Hive had been destroyed, as had the fortress on the ground. The Stargate and DHD had been beamed aboard the Daedalus. Everything was done.
Except that it wasn't.
Alex had her hands folded on her stomach and wouldn't acknowledge his presence even after Keller had left. She just lay there on the narrow hospital bed, her right thumb tracing the fingernail of her left thumb as she waited for him to speak. But what should he say? Should he thank her for saving his life? Should he try to console her about the loss of knowledge and architecture? What?
Swallowing hard, he got back up again. She was wearing one of the standard issue uniforms, so much more like the one she'd worn back on Earth, the dark colours clashing with the paleness of her skin. "Alex?" he began, but she didn't look up. She didn't respond in any way. "Alex, would you please just look at me?"
She blinked and slowly raised her head. Her eyes were swimming with tears. He still wasn't used to the sight and it unhinged him. For a moment he just stood there, looking back at his wife, unable to utter a single word
"Evan, I'm so-" she took a hiccupping breath and wiped her face. "I'm so tired."
"I know," he whispered, "Can I kiss you?"
She flinched at the question and for a second he wondered why. And then it hit him. He'd never had to ask for permission before. She'd always willingly agreed non-verbally. She stretched out her hand and pulled it towards her, laying it on her stomach. He could feel the firmness beneath the thin cotton fabric, could feel the warmth from her body. It wasn't a No, but it certainly wasn't an invitation.
"I-" she began, then broke off and shook her head and leaned back against the pillow.
"I'll be here when you wake up, okay?"
She nodded, closing her eyes, but her fingers tightened around his for a moment. She hadn't slept properly in days. To be fair, neither had he, but he was more used to it than she was. And he wasn't caring for another living being the way she was.
"I'm glad you're okay."
She didn't respond, but the tears surfacing from beneath her eyelashes made his heart contract painfully.
On Atlantis Keller performed another series of tests, all of which confirmed that both Evan and Alex were alright and that their son was healthy. As soon as they were both cleared by Doctor Glennie in a psychological evaluation, they could resume their duties. But that would have to wait another day.
Woolsey came to talk to them before they had a chance to leave and their short rendition of events lasted only ten minutes, although it appeared to take at least three hours. Evan was exhausted by the time Woolsey finally let them leave.
The ride in the transporter only lasted seconds, but he could feel the tension leaving Alex's body by his side. Her shoulders were sagging, her eyes drooping. They'd been gone for a week. A week during which they'd both worried every second about each other, about their child and the people on Atlantis.
Alex flopped down on their bed the moment the door closed behind Evan. She'd slept through most of the journey here or had pretended to. Evan couldn't be entirely sure, but this was still a lot to take in. "I'm going to talk to Jonas the moment we get cleared for active duty," she mumbled and Evan nodded. He'd expected something like this, but the sudden sting of jealousy took him completely by surprise. He'd made his peace with Jonas, hadn't he? So then why was it so hard to hear her say his name as she lay on their bed, carrying his child?
Maybe it was one of the first things she'd said to him since they'd come here.
Without a word, he shrugged off his jacket, put it on a chair and strode over to the large glass door leading out to their balcony. The view was stunning with the sun starting to set. With the shadows cast on the narrow waves, the water was looking darker than usual and within half an hour or so it would be of a dark azure colour.
Normally looking at the water, at how the colours changed and the light reflected off its peaks, would have made him feel calmer. But not today. Not with Alex unwilling to speak to him. And he knew exactly why that was. And he also knew that she'd never hold it against him. He took a deep breath, pushing down the anger he was feeling. She might not be angry with him for acting like the soldier he was, but still she resented him for not speaking up. Not that there would have been anything he could have done to stop Caldwell. And there was no use in talking about it now.
He opened the door and folded his hands behind his back and looked down on the waves, willing for the view to calm him down, for the salty sea breeze to keep him awake.
"I'll never understand why the military is so fond of blowing stuff up," she said, as though she'd read his thoughts. Her tone wasn't confrontational, but it stung nonetheless.
"You know why," he said calmly, feeling the and don't even pretend you don'thanging on his tongue like a threat. He bit his lip and shook his head. "You haven't even looked at those crystals McKay salvaged."
"No, but you heard what Ba'al said. He didn't break the code. He didn't have full access to the terminals. And there were three of them. There's bound to be next to nothing on those crystals."
Evan nodded, unwilling to say anything else. It wouldn't lead them anywhere and he had no desire to fight. Not right now. Not now that they were safe. And, to be fair, for once he didn't give a damn about her work.
He still couldn't believe it. That they'd made it out of there. That he was still alive. That she was alright.
And she wanted to discuss archaeology and morals.
For a moment there he'd been sure he was dead. He'd felt limp and powerless, unable to raise his hand, unable to hear his own screams, as he was squeezed dry like a sponge. He'd felt how the strength was leaving him, first his fingers had lost their sense of touch, he'd felt the heavy weight of his boots, but not the touch of them. And then that sense of displacement had spread until all he could do was lie there, feel her arms, her breath and at the same time, not feel either of them as the yellowish eyes with its slits for pupils filled his vision. Someone else had experiencing these things. That person lying there hadn't been him, and yet it had been. Evan Lorne, reduced to nothing but a name engraved on the dog tags lying next to the hand which had sucked the life out of him.
And there'd been Alex. His soulmate. Right behind him and the only thing he'd been sure of was that she would be next. But then, instead of joining him, she'd stepped up. Through a mist of pain and numbness he'd witnessed her take a stand, defy all odds and everything he thought she believed in. By forcing that Wraith to kill Ba'al and return the life back to Evan.
It might take months to fully appreciate what had happened.
It hadn't taken even a second to appreciate what she'd done for him and to realize he would not have hesitated to do the same for her. And that made him want to fight even less right now. "I know," he sighed, "and I'm sorry, but what were you expecting me to do?"
"Nothing." The words sounded hollow, almost stricken with grief. "I just can't believe it's all gone." And still there was no trace of accusation. And why the hell was he waiting for it? Were they even talking about the database anymore? Why wasn't she angrier?!
Evan closed his eyes, took a deep breath and turned around. She'd sat up, was holding her stomach and was looking at him, her eyes wide and almost as blue as the ocean behind him, the glasses smeared and slightly bent. She'd let her hair grow. How hadn't he noticed that until now? It was past her shoulders by now, almost as long as it had been the day they'd met. "Can we please not talk about this right now?" he sighed. She looked alien in this room, even though he'd seen her in here a thousand times. It really was like coming home. Like getting used to their familiar environment would take another month at least, when he knew it would take them only a few minutes to get fully reacquainted with the feel of this room. With the feeling of her in it.
She shrugged. "I-" something in his eyes made her stop. "I just-" she broke off and stared at her hands instead.
"There'll be other things to explore," he said, stepping closer and sitting down on the bed next to her. "You know there will be. And you know you'll never be able to solve the mysteries of the universe. Not alone and definitely not in your lifetime."
Alex hiccupped and took his hand in hers. "Still…"
"I swear, at some point we're going back there and look through the ruins. The people there have to be relocated and then…"
She nodded. "I know." McKay had already said that with the recovered DHD from the planet he'd be able to locate all the other Stargates which had been reassigned to Ba'al's new network. It might take years to contact these people and convince them that their new leader was dead, but they had time now. The threat of Ba'al was dealt with, at least in this galaxy. The clones of the Milky Way had mostly been disposed of. Really, this threat was over. Or so he hoped.
He brushed her hair back and gently lifted the glasses off her nose, his fingertips brushing her ears as he did so. She shuddered slightly, but didn't pull back when he leaned over to put the glasses on the bedside table. She looked younger without them on, almost like the girl from the ruins of Trier. Almost. Too much had happened for her to really look like that girl again. Too much had happened to their relationship and to her.
"I have to admit, when you talked about Jonas just now…"
"Oh shut up," she muttered, rolling her eyes and brushing a hand over her neck.
"What?!"
"You know there was never anything between us. Why would you bring that up now?!"
"Inappropriate?"
"Very," she nodded. Alex cocked her head and reached up to touch his clean-shaven cheek. "I hated your jealousy even back then."
"Me too," he admitted. "But don't pretend even for a second that just now you only mentioned him to make me jealous." She wasn't manipulative like that normally, but he got the sense that it was her way of starting a fight without accusing him directly.
Shrugging, she cupped his cheek and pulled him closer, not giving him another moment to prepare for her kiss. His eyes fell shut a second after her lips touched his and only when he felt her pulling him in even more did he realize that he was still tense, still wound up. He let out a long breath and gently pushed her away. She blinked at him, looking confused.
"You're angry," she breathed, taking him by surprise again.
"What?"
"For what I did? On that ship?"
"I- what?!" he repeated, watching her face as she started to frown at him, the thin wrinkles on her forehead deepening and her mouth twitching into a grimace. The fact that they hadn't even once talked about Johnson struck him. That they would have to talk about her and Nora for the rest of their lives, even though they were going to be a family again without her. But not right now.
She swallowed visibly and dropped her hand. "I-" she hesitated, the next few words hovering between them, and when she finally spoke up, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, "I'm ashamed."
"You saved my life. I don't know how many times you've done that, but you did. Why should I be angry?!" Why the hell wasn't she more angry with him? Well.. he knew why. But it didn't really make sense. Any other woman, any other archaeologist of her calibre would be. But she wasn't just any archaeologist, was she? She was the one who'd willingly walk into danger to protect her friends, who had signed up for the most dangerous expedition Earth had to offer to explore new worlds and to be with him.
She must be insane.
And he loved her for it.
"Aren't you?"
He shook his head. "No?" He pressed his lips together and rubbed her arms. The sun outside was hitting her just right, making her hair shine golden. "And I really don't want to think anymore," he whispered, his throat tight and his voice hoarse. "I don't want to think about what happened on that ship, or what Keller is trying to get from the body we brought along with us, or what the other billion Ba'al clones might be up to just now. Would that be okay?"
Alex looked at him for a moment and nodded. She sat up a bit straighter and started lifting her shirt. Just like she'd done the first time. Her arms were more muscular now and his eyes drifted automatically to the stretch marks on her belly. The ones which had been there for years now. New ones had appeared a few days ago, and by the looks of it many more would follow. He let his hand slide down her side and brushed over the white scar-like tissue, making her shiver. He'd never touched those marks before. Not this deliberately. He leaned forward to kiss her neck as his right hand moved up again, unclasping her bra while her hand slid under his shirt. He kept kissing her neck, her chest, her breasts, revelling in the warmth of her skin and the ability of his fingertips to feel it. The softness of it, the firmness of her belly. That was his child in there. Safe and sound. Well protected by his parents, this city and the people living in it.
She was breathing faster already as she tugged at his shirt, demanding he take it off. It didn't take a lot of convincing. He hadn't held her like this in what felt like forever, always terrified of what might come next, he hadn't dared kissing her, of holding her, touching her, and when she started tugging at his pants as well, he just knew this wouldn't take long at all. His heart was racing when she started kissing him again and all he could focus on was how greedily their lips clashed and the touch of her hand as she clumsily helped him undress. They were used to this. Used to each other. Used to communicating without saying a word, and yet he felt like this was different.
As he lay down behind her, his face buried in her neck, her head cradled in his arms, he could feel her shivering again. She clung to his arm, her fingernails digging into his skin as he slowly entered her, rocking them both in blissful forgetfulness. "Don't let go," she whispered and Evan forced his eyes to open and return her gaze, staring into her eyes like they were the only thing worth looking at. Blue and clear and heartbreakingly close, staring back at him with a warmth which made his chest ache with longing. Nothing would ever be enough with this woman.
And if that wasn't a challenge worth accepting, what was?
A/N: Before I forget: I'm participating in this year's fandom trumps hate event again. Look it up if you can and feel free to bid on any fanwork you like. It's for a good cause!
Also… I haven't written a love scene in ages and this was a bit tricky, but I'm happy with it. I have today and tomorrow off, so I'm hoping to be writing some more. Let me know what you thought of this chapter :-) Always happy to hear what you have to say!
