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Chapter 20

They had summoned all that was left of their strength and used a portal to get back to Jonathan's house. They now sat on the couch in a silent exhaustion, awkwardness replacing the fear and mistrust they had felt earlier. It was a strange feeling, Clary mused. It wasn't as if she suddenly remembered she had had at one time a proper brother, but more like the feeling you get when you go to the store for bananas, make a list of other things you need, complete the shopping, and just as you are leaving the store congratulating yourself on getting everything, you realize you forgot the bananas.

Maybe I'm going bananas, she scowled at herself.

They hadn't said a word. Jonathan couldn't seem to look at her and kept his glance on his hands clasped in front of him. He looked so run down, so broken, it made Clary's heart hurt. She wanted to do something sisterly for him but was unsure of what. She turned away from him and looked out the window. She had no idea of the time, but the darkness was thick as it ever got in the city. She gave a reluctant sigh. ''I should go.''

Jonathan nodded as she rose hesitantly. ''If you need anything you can call…''

Jonathan managed to look at her sideways. ''I don't have a phone,'' he said softly.

''Oh, idiot,'' Clary scolded herself aloud. She glanced around the room and saw what she was looking for on the bookshelf. She went over and picked up a black cell phone. ''When Max was looking around he found this in the cabinet. I guess Valentine stocked some things here he thought he might need.'' Clary distracted herself by fumbling with the phone, punching her number in. She handed it to Jonathan.

He stood shakily and took it. ''He always did like Black Friday sales.'' At Clary's expression, he winced. ''Sorry- pathetic attempt at humor.''

Clary actually laughed, mostly in relief. ''It makes an interesting mental picture,'' she smirked. ''Along with the idea he got these houses through realtor agencies.''

A smile spread across Jonathan's face. They stood staring at each other for a moment, and Clary felt some of her unease melt away. ''Actually,'' she said as a thought occurred to her. ''We don't need phones to communicate, do we?''

Jonathan raised an eyebrow at her. He responded, though his mouth did not move. Mind links can get a little rusty without constant use.

It took her a moment, but Clary was able to reply back. Seems okay to me.

Jonathan nodded. Okay then. A feeling of familiarity rushed over Clary. A memory of her lying in her old orange walled room late at night talking like this to Jonathan resurfaced in her mind. It made her smile.

''Bye, Jonathan,'' she said aloud, moving to the door.

Jonathan watched her go. ''Clarissa,'' he said suddenly. Clary paused with her hand on the knob. Jonathan was staring at her, fear in his face. ''What- what now?''

The unease settled back over Clary, but it wasn't about Jonathan. ''We'll figure it out,'' she assured him. And as she said it, she knew that they would. She would not be losing her brother again.

….

Clary walked away from the lot and found herself back in the alley which she and Max had come back with Jonathan not to long ago. She was baffled at the turn things had taken, but so very pleased. Of course, if she was being honest, her troubles weren't over…

What was she going to do about everyone else? Tell them the truth? That Jonathan wasn't just human now, but she had known him before he had given in completely to the darkness that ruled him, and that she was certain he was good? It sounded flimsy even to her, though she knew it to be true.

She remembered Jace asking her when she and Max had returned whether or not she thought Jonathan was capable of being human. Clary thought she might get Jace to give Jonathan a chance, if only for her sake. Alec and Isabelle might too, combined with Max's pleading. But her mother…

''…She is naive to the dangers of the world and I will do whatever it takes to keep her that way.'' There was a pause as Jocelyn caught her breath. ''You can't be saved, Jonathan. Not by me. And certainly not at the expense of Clary.''

Since learning of Jonathan, Clary had always gotten the impression that had Jocelyn known he was alive, she'd have taken him with her when she fled Idris. Clary believe Jocelyn thought that to. But if the scene that took place in the kitchen so many years ago was anything to go by, that was not the case.

Clary understood, of course she did, why Jocelyn said the things she said. Nevertheless, she was angry. Angry that she had been lied to, angry that she and Jonathan had suffered because of that decision. But could she stand in front of her mother and say this? After all Jocelyn had been though and done, could Clary really stand in front of her and throw it all back in her face?

Clary stood at the end of the alley, glancing down the sidewalk. Her mother and Luke would be worried sick, but she couldn't face them yet. Not while she was still so undecided and exhausted. There was only one place she wanted to go now, one person she wanted to see. Without further hesitation, Clary walked towards the Institute.

….

Jace rubbed his hair vigorously with a towel, his ears still ringing from Isabelle's scolding. It was an amazing thing that both Alec and Isabelle had inherited their mother's ability to show concern and lecture bossily all in one breath. Jace hoped never to be in an instance when all three would do it at once; he was pretty certain no one could survive the experience.

After being thrown out of the training room by his sister (nearly beaten up on the way out after Jace jokingly asked if Isabelle wanted to 'fight about it'), Jace had taken a steaming hot shower. He thought the water might make his anxiety lessen, make his mind stop imagining worst case scenarios. No such luck.

Tossing his towel into the dirty hamper, Jace grabbed his phone to see if any of his messages or texts had been replied to. A no on that front as well. Jace was resisting the urge to hurl the phone across the room when his glance went to the window. He blinked at the figure on the other side of it. ''Clary?''

She tapped impatiently on the glass. Jace went over to the window, staring at her in disbelief. He took his time undoing the latch and pushing it up. ''Yes, Jane?''

''What, are you the only one allowed in this relationship to show up at windows?'' Clary asked as she carefully got off her precarious perch and climbed in. Jace offered her a hand and helped her.

''If I say yes, will that matter?'' Jace closed the window while noticing the outside. ''How'd you get up there?''

''Max told me about the tree in the back.''

''Ah.'' Jace nodded as he turned to look at Clary. He clasped his hands behind him. ''So, how was your swim?''

Clary had the decency to look ashamed. ''Yeah- about that…''

''Clary,'' Jace said pleadingly. He felt his exhaustion from worry double as he looked at her. Her clothes were dirty, her hair a mess. Her left arm was covered with blood. ''What the hell happened?'' Clary didn't respond and just looked at the floor. ''Everyone's been worried. Your mom is a mess. Max confessed to everyone about Jonathan and now they all know-''

''They do?'' This seemed to terrify Clary.

''Yes!'' Jace said. For a fleeting moment he wished he had Isabelle and Alec's scolding/concern tactics. ''Your room- blood on the floor. You right now-'' he gestured to her arm. ''And Simon's call. Clary-''

''Jace,'' Clary interjected softly. Her gaze rested on him, and his heart contracted. She looked so tired. So broken. ''It's been a crappy couple of hours,'' she admitted. ''I'm sorry I scared everyone. Really I am. And I promise I am going to make it right tomorrow. But right now, I just want to feel right. And you are the only thing that feels right to me. So please, let's not talk. I will see my mom first thing in the morning but right now, can we please not talk?''

Jace considered her for a moment. Through the faint light coming in the window, the moon cast shadows on her face, washing out her hair and causing her green eyes to sparkle. They looked like dim fireworks that had been burning to long. ''Okay,'' he said. Clary relaxed in relief. ''But one question-''

''Jace-''

''Are you okay?''

Clary sighed. She slowly shook her head. ''No. But I will be.''

Jace nodded in understanding. He came over to her, but she held up a hand. Without touching him, she stood on tip toe and kissed him softly. ''I'm a mess. I need to shower otherwise you will never get all the dust out of your room. Is there a t-shirt I can borrow?''

Jace handed her one from the wardrobe. She smiled in thanks. ''I'll be quick,'' she promised, disappearing into the bathroom. Jace sat on his bed, noticing his phone next to him on the covers. He must've dropped it there before he opened the window. He picked it up, listening to the water running in the bathroom.

Should he tell everyone Clary was safe? Clary had said she would tell Jocelyn tomorrow, but everyone else?

As Clary was staying the night, Jace figured Isabelle and Max would see she was back soon enough. It wasn't his place to tell Jocelyn, but as he and Magnus were across town, Jace decided to text Alec. Clary's back.

There was pause before the message said READ. Then another pause as Alec typed back. Is she okay?

I don't know. She's not injured or anything. Jace decided it was better not to mention her bloody arm. Don't say anything to Jocelyn. Clary is going to see her first thing in the morning.

Jace, she should really tell her like, now?

She doesn't want to. Something's up with her, I just don't know what.

There was another pause as Alec responded. Whatever. Just make sure she does, okay?

Obviously.

And someone should probably tell Simon?

Will do.

Goodnight, Jace.

Night.

Jace clicked off his phone just as the water in the bathroom shut off. A few minutes later Clary emerged, looking much improved from the shower. Jace couldn't help himself. ''So better or worse than Lake Lyn?''

He was afraid he'd overstepped until Clary gave a weak laugh. ''Nice,'' she murmured. Her hair was laying all wet across her back, and his t-shirt hung past her thighs. Her skin looked slightly red from the heat of the shower, but that did not obscure the thick white lines from marks on her skin, or the dark circles under her eyes.

Jace moved over in the bed to make room for her. Clary sighed in relief as she got in. ''I told Alec you were back,'' Jace said. ''I hope that's okay.''

Clary nodded as she fixed the blankets. ''Of course.''

''He thinks we should probably tell Simon.''

Horror came over Clary's face. ''Oh my god, Simon.'' She put a hand to her forehead. ''Oh, I freaked him out.''

''Maybe a little.''

''And then I knocked him out.''

''I'm sure he'll forgive you.''

''I am the worst best friend ever.''

''Everyone's entitled to a bad day.'' Clary didn't respond as she got up again and went back into the bathroom. Jace saw her grab her jacket she had laid on top of the hamper. She dug in the pocket for her phone.

''You have any wet wipes?'' Clary asked. Jace nodded to his desk, shame stirring up in him at this obvious respect for his OCD neatness. Clary didn't seem bothered. She simply wiped her phone and hands before coming back over to the bed. She sat back down and stared at the screen. ''Do I just say I'm back?''

Jace shrugged. ''I guess?''

'' 'I'm back' ? 'Don't worry' ? 'Sorry I knocked you unconscious' ?'' Clary's voice rose with every suggestion. '' 'Tell you later' ? 'See you soon' ? 'Details to follow' ?''

''Okay,'' Jace said slowly, taking the phone away from his panicking girlfriend. ''How about I text Simon?'' Clary just buried her head in her hands. Jace resisted the urge to ask if she was okay again.

Clary sighed. She nodded at him. ''Thanks.''

Jace reached over her for his own phone. He turned it back on and Clary laid down as he texted Simon.

Clary's back.

There was no pause as there had been with Alec. IS SHE OKAY?

Yeah Jace replied.

WELL THANK YOU MONOSYLLABIC MAN HOW IS SHE?

''What is it?'' Clary asked as she noticed Jace frowning at his screen.

You know, I get you're yelling so you can stop typing in all caps.

NO I CAN'T MY PHONE IS BROKEN NOW TELL ME HOW IS CLARY

I said fine.

FINE? SHE SWAM IN LAKE LYN HOW IS SHE NOT DEAD

Jace cocked his head at the question. He repeated the question to Clary, who shrugged awkwardly from where she was laying down. ''I made a rune.''

Jace held back his own questions as he texted back. She said she made a rune.

IS SHE RIGHT THERE?

Yeah. She'll talk to you tomorrow.

SHE'S NOT OKAY IS SHE?

SHE'S FINE. ~Good night~

Jace clicked off his phone before Simon could reply again. ''He's mad, isn't he?'' Clary asked as Jace reached over her again to put his phone on the bedside table.

''Nah,'' said Jace. He readjusted himself, laying on his side so he was looking at her. ''He's just being Simon.''

Clary nodded understanding. She looked so tired. Jace curled his fingers and stroked her cheek, his mind still spinning scenarios as to what could've happened to her. She brought her own hand up to his and grasped it, her fingertips brushing his. But he felt something on her hand and gently opened it to see. ''Clary,'' he exclaimed as saw her palm. A dried over cut was there, thick and messy. ''How-''

''Don't,'' she reminded him. It was only because of her drowsy tone that Jace refrained from saying more.

''Let me put an iratze on it.'' Jace prepared to get up to get his stele, but Clary stopped him with her hand.

''No I did before,'' she told him urgently. ''I did. Don't get up. Just stay.''

Jace resumed his position and ran his hand soothingly on her arm. ''Okay.''

''Hold me please,'' she whispered.

Jace wrapped his arms around her gently and pulled her close. Clary closed her eyes and tucked her head under his chin, eliminating any space between them. Jace untangled her wet hair gently with his fingers. It wasn't until he felt her body fully relax against him that he allowed himself to close his own eyes. He pushed all his questions and worries away and focused on the fact that Clary was here, she was safe. That was all that was important tonight.