Category: General Fluff

Characters: Monkey D. Luffy, Nami, Red-Haired Shanks, Makino

Requested By: deliathedork (Tumblr)

Nami stared critically up at the Jolly Roger flapping in the breeze far above her head. It was an impressively daunting illustration, a laughing skull with bright red paint streaking over the left eye overlaying two red-hilted blades. Rightly so, it would strike fear into the hearts of countless many, being the Jolly Roger of one of the four Emperors of the Grand Line. Any normal pirate would turn tail and flee as quickly as they could; if they were a bit on the reckless side, maybe, they would probably try to engage in a parlay or at least ascertain why such an impressive vessel manned by an even more impressive crew was pulling up on their stern. That's what Nami would have down if she were captain.

However, she was not captain. Luffy was captain. And Luffy was currently vaulting himself over the side of the ship screaming like a man possessed.

"Shaaaaaaaanks! What's uuuuuuuuup?!" The tangerine-haired navigator watched with a wearied expression as her captain, stretchy limbs and straw hat and all, all but invaded the deck of the neighboring ship to disappearing behind the balustrade. She knew that Red-Haired Shanks was an acquaintance of his and very likely meant no harm, but considering they were openly challenging Emperors left and right these days, Shanks might have just gotten a little tipsy and decided to come test Luffy's mettle. Based on the chorus of excited cheers and laughter that were drifting down from the deck of the comparably taller ship, Nami doubted this was the case. However, she and Robin shared the only brain cells of the ship, and she maintained them by being cautious.

"Luffy! How many times do I have to tell you not to rush into things? Oh, good grief, why am I bothering? He isn't listening," she grumbled while crossing her arms. Franky and Usopp installed the gangplank so they could cross the thin stream of waves separating the two vessels, and considering how easily the rest of them strolled on over like they had known the Red-Haired Pirates all their lives, she supposed her concern was unwarranted. Still, one of these days, those imbeciles were going to give her a heart attack.

Nami crossed the gangplank to see that Luffy was hugging the one-armed, red-haired man tightly, with his stretchy arms wound several times around him as he nuzzled his cheek into his upper forearm.

"Shanks! Dude! I have so much to tell you! I've kicked soooooo many asses, you wouldn't believe it! Hey, hey, lemma introduce my crew to you, yeah? Have you seen our bounties? Aren't they awesome?" he was gabbing incessantly as Shanks looked on with a mix between a fatherly smile and an overwhelmed laugh. Nami pushed through the crowd of pirates to stomp right over to her captain and start tugging on the back of his red vest.

"Luffy! What are you, ten? Behave with some dignity, why don't you?" she scolded hotly as she stretched the fabric up and down. Luffy immediately began to pout and stuck out his tongue at her. "Excuse me?" He winced at her thunderous stare, then his body drooped like a scolded puppy's. Muttering under his breath, he unwound his arms from around Shanks and obediently released him so that Nami could deposit him a respectable distance away. "That's more like it."

"Wow, Luffy, your girlfriend sure is a firecracker," the man laughed good-naturedly. Nami's cheeks flushed pink and she held up her hands in a gesture of rebuttal.

"What? No! I'm just his navigator!"

"That's right! How dare you disrespect Nami-swan like that! Come here! I'll kick your ass even if you are an Emperor!" Sanji shouted and approached Shanks with a cigarette clenched in his teeth, rolling up his sleeves even though he was going to very obviously kick him. All it took was Nami batting her eyelashes and crooning a calming remark for Sanji to melt on the spot and cease his affront. Shanks eyed the puddle of Sanji wiggling on the deck of his ship.

"What a frightening young woman you are."

"Yeah, Nami's scary, isn't she?" Luffy said as he propped his chin on her shoulder. She huffed and tilted his straw hat such that it was not bumping into her head, but allowed him to stoop over to perch on her shoulder. She was quite used to his complete lack of personal space. "Anyway, Shanks, what're you doing in this neck of the woods? Don't you got important Emperor stuff to do?"

"It just so happened that we crossed paths. I spotted your Jolly Roger. Really, I was just going to sail on by, but Makino insisted~" he trilled with a bellowing laugh. Nami gasped as Luffy's eyes nearly bugged out of his head and he clamped his hands down on her shoulders, head wildly swiveling around just above hers.

"Makino?! What's she doing here? Hey, Makino, hellooooooo?!"

"Stop shouting! You're gonna make me go deaf!" she screamed at him with a harmless but emphatic bonk to the side of his head. Though it didn't even leave a mark, he gave her the poutiest look her could while rubbing his temple where she had whapped him.

"Why do you get to shout and I don't?"

"Heehee," came a girlish giggle from the crowd. "You haven't changed at all, Luffy." Nami and Luffy both turned as a beautiful young woman holding a swaddled infant pushed through to stand beside the much broader and taller red-haired man. Again, Luffy's eyes bugged out of his head as he beheld the small child. Rather than going to inspect himself, as he was apparently very comfortable with now propping his chin on the top of Nami's head, he shoved her forward to her feet were forced to clumsily carry her over to the woman and her baby.

"Whoa! Makino, when did you have a baby? Who's baby is it, anyway? Oh my God, are you a pirate now? Did you steal it?" he accused with a horrified gasp. Makino laughed at his ridiculous notion, while Nami scowled in embarrassment at her captain's simply insurmountable stupidity.

"Luffy, you moron. I'm the father!" Shanks huffed, shaking his head with closed eyes as he rested his one hand on his hip. Nami was counting down the seconds to when Luffy's eyes popped out of his head for good; he made some noise reminiscent of a spit-take as he stared incredulously at Shanks.

"When the hell did that happen?" he cried as he looked between the pirate and the young mother ridiculously fast. If his spine had not been made of rubber, his neck would have snapped from the force of him swiveling. His chin was creating enough static friction against her scalp to start a fire, so she clapped her hands onto his cheeks to fix his head into place, gaze on the wee infant peering up at him curiously. "I'm so confused," he said in a nasally whine, but curiously reached up to poke the baby in the cheek. "It's squishy."

"Don't antagonize it," Nami tutted as the infant squeaked in clear irritation.

"Would you like to hold him, Luffy?"

"Ooooooh!" he squealed and reached over Nami's shoulders with grabby hands. "Gimme! Gimme!"

"Absolutely not. You have no idea how to properly hold a baby," Nami refused and took the baby from Makino as she held it out. Luffy's shoulders slumped up to his ears as he frowned grumpily at her when she turned around, cradling the baby carefully. "Oh, don't pout, you'll get to hold him in a second," she huffed. The rest of the Straw Hats were very curious about Makino's little charge and crowded around, ogling in wonder.

"He certainly is a cute little baby," Robin smiled serenely and stuck out her index finger, her eyes brightening as he grasped it with his wee little hand. Chopper was jumping up and down begging to see, so Zoro lifted him up by his scruff to deposit him on his broad shoulder. The baby bubbled and cooed at the reindeer, making him blush and laugh.

"Aw, you're not cute at all, you little bastard~ 3" he squealed with very obvious delight as he wriggled gleefully on Zoro's shoulder. The swordsman in question had his arms crossed as he gazed critically down at the baby.

"So, what can it do?"

"Moss-head, you absolute moron! It's a baby!"

"Yeah, so? You can teach babies tricks, right?"

"Dear God, I hope you never procreate." Sanji scowled as he put his cigarette out with the bottom of his dress shoe so as not to make the baby ill with the toxic fumes. They began quipping back and forth, and next thing Nami knew they were a few yards away scrapping with each other while the Red-Haired Pirates were yelling bets. Imbeciles, Nami thought with a roll of her eyes as she gently rocked the baby up and down. After a while, the rest of the Straw Hats became more invested in the daily fight of their cook and swordsman- except the captain. Apparently he was more invested in Nami's promise of being able to hold the infant, and was standing rigidly beside her practically vibrating with anticipation.

"Nami, Nami, can I please hold it now?" he begged with a wheedling whine. Nami clicked her tongue, not sure it was responsible to make Luffy in any way responsible for a baby, but she didn't want to deny him the experience. She stepped close to him as she prepared to put the baby in his arms.

"Okay, hold him very gently and support his head, okay? Babies don't have strong necks and their skulls aren't fully formed yet, so their heads are very, very vulnerable," she instructed. Luffy nodded vigorously as he scooped the baby out of her arms, surprisingly very natural at adjusting to cradling the little guy. Nami couldn't help but smile warmly as he grinned brightly down at the baby, who was waving his arms with delighted little squeals.

"Hey, there, little guy! Wow, you're so happy! My name's Luffy and I'm gonna be King of the Pirates, so remember that, okay?" he told him, smiling so hard that his eyes scrunched up into little crescent-moon shapes. He began bouncing the baby like Nami had been earlier, then looked at Makino quizzically.

"So, what're you doing with Shanks, anyway? Why are you in Fuschia Village? The Grand Line is a dangerous place for a baby."

"Yeah," Shanks sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, obviously displeased with the situation. "I snuck over to be there for the little guy's birth, but somehow it got out to the Marines. I couldn't risk them going after Makino to get to me. Right now, the safest place for them is with me."

"Oh," Luffy grimaced. "See, Nami, this is why we have to kick the World Government's ass."

"Yes, yes, ass-kicking will come in due time," she sighed wearily. Makino giggled. She had a tick of covering her mouth with a hand when she laughed, Nami noticed, that was very endearing. She could see why Shanks would fancy a woman like her. As they stood beside each other, lovingly watching Luffy hold and chatter at the baby, it was very obvious that they were a doting and natural couple. Good for them, she thought with a smile.

"Hey, Nami," Luffy said, shuffling close to her while still bouncing the baby up and down against his chest, "I want a baby."

The screech that spilled from her mouth was unholy. She back-pedaled away from the confused young man, falling against Shank's broad form. He reflexively caught her by the shoulders; she knew it was reflexes because he currently had his head tipped back in the most raucous bout of laughter she had ever heard, so hard that his broad body shook violently against Nami's comparably smaller frame. Makino was blushing with a hand over her mouth and was looking between the startled navigator and the innocent-looking Luffy.

"Luffy!" Nami huffed breathlessly.

"What? I want one."

"Stop saying that!"

"But I want one!"

"You have no idea what you're saying!"

"Uh, yeah, I do. Me. Baby. Want. Can I have one?" Nami groaned loudly and ran a hand over her face. Truly, his idiocy and obliviousness knew no bounds.

"Luffy, you are aware of what it takes to get a baby, right?"

"Uh, yeah, Makino gave me the talk."

"Then why the hell are you asking me?!"

"Because! There are other ways to get a baby! Somebody must be getting rid of one."

"Oh my- Luffy, oh my God." She was standing up by her own accord now, because Shanks had doubled over wheezing from laughing so hysterically. His face was nearly as red as his hair and Nami was pretty certain they would have to get Chopper on the scene, because he was probably going to pass out from lack of oxygen soon. Nami struggled to keep her head from exploding from how high her blood pressure was jacked at the moment. "Luffy… You just said that the Grand Line is a dangerous place for babies, right? Therefore, we shouldn't put a baby at risk. You've declared war on the World Government and are competing with many other pirates for the title of Pirate King, yes?"

"Oh… Well, when you put it that way…" He frowned deeply, cocking his head to the side. She thought maybe she had gotten through to him, until that stupid grin returned to his face. "So after I kick the World Government's ass and I become Pirate King, then can we get a baby?"

"No!" she screeched and head-chopped him. "Babies are immense responsibility! They require around-the-clock attention! Also, people just don't give away babies! Even if we did manage to find and adopt an orphan baby, we'd still have to care for it, and none of you morons have enough brain cells to manage caring for a fake plant, let alone a baby! And stop with this 'we' stuff! Why do you keep asking me?!"

"Because," he muttered through clenched teeth, cross-eyed as he stared at her hand that was still softly bonking him in the top of the head, "You're smart and responsible. You could teach me how to take care of a baby."

"I give up," she sobbed as she sank down to her hands and knees, completely overwhelmed by his complete lack of tact. She didn't know if her heart could take anymore. Did he really not know what it truly meant to ask her for a baby? Somehow through her breakdown, he had managed to not mess up holding Makino's baby; he had kept him safe and secure through her head-chops, and the baby wasn't even upset by all her yelling, quite content with the way Luffy was bouncing him up and down. Not that it mattered. He could hold one, maybe, but when it came time to feed one, he would be trying to give him meat.

"Hey, little guy, you hungry? Sanji makes great meat."

"I give up," she sobbed again as she all but melted against the wooden deck. Shanks had recovered from his laughing fit and was sitting up beside her, still red-faced as he struggled to contain short bursts of giggles.

"Ahahaha, oh, man, that was funny as shit," he snickered as he clapped Nami repeatedly on the shoulder. "You sure have your work cut out for you with this moron."

"I told you! I'm not his girlfriend!" she shrieked, and Emperor or no, he was still on the receiving end on one of her vicious whaps. He looked at her like a wounded puppy as he rubbed the welt where she had struck his chin with an uppercut.

"I didn't say that! Luffy! She's scary!"

"Yeah, I told you, shoulda listened," Luffy shrugged and whirled on his heel to carry the baby over to where Sanji and Zoro were still fighting. "Hey, check it out, little guy! This is what a fight looks like! You're gonna grow up to be a real ass-kicker just like us, right?" he was laughing as he made sure the baby could see the cook and swordsman whacking at each other like there was no tomorrow.

"You're an idiot," she sighed as she sat up and brushed her strands of tangerine hair- which probably had streaks of gray by now- from her face. Still, she had to smile. She had to admit, Lufdy did look happy holding the little guy.

He had a long way to go, but someday, Nami didn't doubt that he would make a great father.

"Are you sure you aren't Luffy's girlfriend?" Makino asked as she crouched down beside her. "That was an awful lov-"

"No! No! Nope! Not happening! No, thank you!" Nami yelled with emphatic shakes of her head, literally screaming denials as it was her face that took on the crimson hue of Shanks' famous red hair. Before the two could interrogate her anymore about feelings she was certainly not ready to discuss or even acknowledge, she scrambled over to Luffy to make sure he was actually taking care of the baby.

Great father he could be in the future, but right now, he was still dumb as a sack of rocks when it came to babies.

~Bonus~

Shanks sighed contentedly as he watched the flustered girl scurry away from his and Makino's continuous prodding. With another short laugh, he tossed the long strands of his red hair from his face and motioned for Makino to sit down on the deck beside him; his legs were still jelly from laughing so hard he had nearly pissed himself, so there was no standing for him anytime soon. His beloved eased herself down onto her knees beside him, and his good arm immediately wound itself around her thin waist to hold her close. She rested her hand on his shoulder, smiling warmly as she watched young Nami berating Luffy for asking the baby if he wanted to hold one of Zoro's swords.

"He's come a long way, hasn't he?" she sighed. Shanks nodded in agreement, then snorted in laughter.

"Still a long way to go, though. 'Specially when it comes to women. I thought Nami was gonna kill him." Makino giggled. He always loved her giggles. They resounded like clear bells in the morning, vibrating in his soul and lighting it alive. Watching Luffy handle his son out of the corners of his eyes, he pressed a kiss into her temple. "I love you, Makino."

"I love you too, honey." He smiled against her green hair, inhaling her sweet scent of summer grass and honeysuckle accented by the pungent sourness of the ale she served in the bar in Fuschia Village. He began to rub small circles into the small of her back.

"So, wanna make a bet on when they get married?"

"I heard that!"

"Oh, hell, Jesus-" he sputtered and did not manage to duck in time as Nami wrenched off her flip-flop and chucked it with deadly precision, striking him right in the middle of his forehead. As he fell roughly down onto his back, Makino was making those delighted giggles next to him, and he had to smile despite the stinging pain in his forehead.

Glad you found yourself a nice girl, Luffy… Although, she scares me.