Chapter 74
2008
"Do you remember that day when your sister forced us together at the zoo?"
Evan grinned in response, his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders as they were sitting on the sofa. He watched in amazement as their son paused, then started moving his jaw again, sucking deeply, drinking with his eyes closed. Looking at him, watching Alex nurse him, almost made him forget her question.
"Back then I thought you'd have gorgeous babies one day."
He scoffed and nodded. "Well, I do, don't I?"
She raised her head and there was a soft gleaming in her eyes. He wiped away the tears before they could emerge. She'd never nursed Nora. She hadn't given birth to Nora. Not like this. Those things too had been denied to them.
Leaning in, he kissed her cheek, enjoying the feeling of the warmth and the softness of her skin and pushing away the memory of his terror of only a week ago, when he'd seen the engineers trying to get her out of the elevator. It was simply incredible that things had worked out like this. That their son had come a week early, but that everything had gone alright. More or less. That Jackson would be the one to deliver their baby was even more incredible than the fact that she'd given birth at the SGC, stuck in an elevator. O'Neill had been among the first to call in and congratulate them, and the first thing he'd said was something about how much he hated clichés.
"What does it feel like?" Evan asked, his gaze drifting down to Alex's right breast. The look of it was utterly alien and satisfying at the same time. It was like that part of her body was completely new to him and simultaneously familiar. He still couldn't quite believe this little creature was theirs. Theirs to keep. Theirs to raise. Theirs to worry about for the rest of their lives.
If they were lucky.
And he remembered feeling the same way about Nora when he'd first seen her. Like she was the strangest creature in the universe.
"Weird." Alex raised her other hand and stroked the back of Caleb's head. "But in a good way." The way she said it almost made him feel that pang of jealousy again. It hadn't really hit him until that moment, but the fact that it'd been Jackson and not him who had been with her when his son arrived, had taken him by surprise as well. He'd never really thought of himself as the jealous type, but apparently he'd have to think himself over quite thoroughly in the days to come. Alex would probably have a different story to tell as well.
"Do you want something to eat?"
Alex shook her head, her eyelids starting to droop again. She was so tired, and Evan didn't find it surprising at all. He hadn't slept much himself. How could he, when he was constantly worried that what was happening wasn't real. He had to reassure himself that both Alex and Caleb were alright. And they were.
When Caleb was finally done, Alex let Evan take him and he gently put his son on his chest after Evan threw a towel over his shoulder, Caleb's head resting against the crook of his neck while Alex pulled down her pullover again and cuddled up against him, the warmth of her body combining with his own as he closed his eyes. They hadn't talked much yet, but there was little to say. But the silence between them wasn't an uncomfortable one. He hadn't realized it yet, but until this particular moment he hadn't known that they weren't happy. They hadn't been unhappy before, but the birth of their son had added something invaluable to their lives.
Caleb's cheek felt almost heavy against his neck as he gently rubbed his back. Small, infinitely delicate and more valuable than anything he'd ever owned. Their son didn't have much of a personality yet, but Evan felt like this boy had captured his heart already. How he'd done it, Evan couldn't say. It wasn't at all different from what it had been when Nora had finally joined them, but this felt real. More real than Nora being with them ever had, and he felt a short stab of regret at the thought.
"When are they coming?" Alex asked drowsily, her arms wrapped tightly about his torso and the scent of her mixed with that of their son.
Their son.
The thought still made his heart flutter in his chest and at the same time there was still that twinge of pain. Of missing something that should be there. And that pain made it even more clear that the encounter with their daughter's clone didn't mean anything. Not in the long run.
"I think we still have an hour or so." His parents had already landed in Denver that morning, but they'd waited for Alex's mother and brother to arrive so they could drive up to Colorado Springs together from Denver. He was only grateful they'd all be staying at a hotel. Having Ellen and her family stay here over the weekend had been exciting enough. Had he enjoyed finally spending time with his sister, her husband and their sons? Yes.
But that didn't mean he wasn't allowed to be relieved to be spending some alone time with his own little family. Especially since he'd realized that Alex didn't feel hurt anymore when she watched him talk to his nephews. Not like she hated herself for hurting like she had been these past few years.
When Caleb had finally gotten rid of the excess air, he put him down again, gently placing him on the massive pillow in his lap. Immediately his son's blue eyes fell shut and he started falling asleep. He did little else apart from drinking, screaming for milk and burping. There weren't too many other things going on right now, but Evan was grateful for it. Not that he wasn't looking forward to spending more exciting moments with him, but right now he just revelled in the fact that he had every right to be tired and could be as sleepy as he wanted to be in the comfort of his own home. That he could forget the war waging in another galaxy. It all seemed to be so far away right now.
"Do you want ice cream?" Alex asked and Evan grinned.
"Do you have to ask?"
"Not a real meal."
"No, but we're ordering pizza later. That'll be the real meal."
Alex grunted and got up. "Keller will be terrified once she sees how our cholesterol levels have risen."
"So? As long as we're fit for duty again…"
She grinned at him over her shoulder and slowly made her way over to the door leading into the entrance. She didn't reply though. Was she reconsidering? Did she even want to go back to active duty? But now really wasn't the time to ask. And they still had a few days left here in their home before they had to return to Atlantis.
"You know what I miss?" she shouted from the kitchen, her voice accompanied by the clinking of cutlery and china. Evan looked down at Caleb again. At the son who was fast asleep in his lap. The boy who would spend his first few years at the very last in the city of the Ancients, maybe he'd grow up there altogether, who could say? Would it come to that? Would they want to stay in that other galaxy forever? Maybe, if the Gate Bridge was ever re-established, they might just do that. Stay there.
The thought was intriguing and frightening at the same time.
"I want to have a dog again."
And there it was.
Evan looked up as she walked in again. This was their house. He'd lived here on his own first, he'd brought her here once when she was hurt and wounded and couldn't be alone, now she was back here with him. This was theirs. This house had a garden, there were more children around than there ever would be on Atlantis. He smiled and nodded. "Me too." He missed Monsieur, the way he'd had with Nora, the way he'd approached Alex. Without second guessing it once, that mutt had adopted the two of them into his life and he hated that he hadn't been there for the last few years of his life.
Alex sat down on the sofa next to him. It was almost strange seeing her without the massive belly, but he was happy to see that she moved around more easily. She gave him his bowl and her hand fell on his knee before she put her own bowl in her own lab, her thumb tracing circles on his leg.
"When we're back," he said reassuringly.
She nodded. "When we're back." What she meant was, when they were back on Earth for good. And, yes, Evan was looking forward to it. In a way.
Being back on Earth also meant that he could easily be transferred anywhere else on the planet. After all, with the threat of the Goa'uld and the Ori gone, the SGC was quickly shrinking. There were fewer and fewer teams going off-world on a regular basis, which meant that one day he might get a new assignment which would take him somewhere else in the world. Literally anywhere. And he doubted he wanted Alex and their child to accompany him if it came to it. It was one thing to know they were on an alien base in another galaxy, and a completely different thing to think of them in the desert somewhere with Alex cut-off from her work. Because it was highly doubtful she'd ever get a foot back into her old field. Not after years and years of silence in the academic world.
But really, who could say what would happen next? Should he really be thinking about the future like this? Hadn't he done that once before and it had all ended in a terrible mess?
"What are you thinking about?"
Evan sighed. "Stuff."
"Ah." Leaning back, she swirled around the ice cream in her bowl and nodded. "Stuff."
"I mean," he shook his head, then he shrugged, "about what things will be like in a couple of years. About how things will be for Caleb, either growing up in another galaxy, or here, or wherever I'm stationed if you're coming along with me… there're so many possibilities and it's making my head spin." There it was. And to his surprise, Alex didn't protest or argue, or tell him not to think about it. He hadn't expected that.
"What makes you think-"
"If we come back here and I'm sent to another country, what's gonna happen?" It was almost like they were back in the year 1995. In that glorious summer where so much had happened and where so little had been up for discussion. And it made him feel silly and strangely insecure at the same time and he hated it.
"We'll deal with it," she said. "If push comes to shove, I'm just going to write science-fiction novels instead of research papers. Nobody is going to believe a word of my recent reports anyway. Might as well make some money out of it. And maybe Daniel will join me."
It had become easier to have Adam in their house. Strangely, with the arrival of Caleb, he'd become almost tame. He'd even stopped wordlessly accusing Evan for whatever he thought Evan had done to her. Or might do to her at one point or another. It was a relief to see him talking to her husband like it was just a normal family visit.
Her mother was quietly talking to David and Adam, while Molly was standing by the window looking out into the rainy backyard, holding her grandson and whispering into his ear. Not that Caleb could understand anything at this point, but it was nice to see Molly this relaxed and excited at the same time.
Everything was so different from what it had been like when Nora had been with them. There was no trace of worry or terror in the air, no sign of regret or mourning. This was different.
Alex was sitting on a stool in the kitchen, a mug of coffee in her hands. It'd taken her a while to thoroughly enjoy the hot beverage again after months of abstinence, but it was nice. No matter how tired she was, or what lay ahead, she was happy. For the first time in years, she felt utterly content. There was no doubt. No fear. Just this.
Just being home with her husband, their child and the memories of Nora. But then again, maybe it was just the hormones, but who gave a damn, really? She was ready to embrace it wholeheartedly for as long as it lasted. In a couple of days, they'd be back on the Apollo, heading back to Atlantis and she'd resume her work, introduce Caleb to the members of the expedition and prepare for active duty again. She wasn't even afraid thinking about it. Yes, something terrible might happen. She, or Evan might die, but if anything, she'd learned that she was no safer here on Earth than she was on Atlantis. Not with what she'd seen or the work she'd done. If they remained here, she'd run into trouble again. Really, there was no use worrying about things that might or might not be. At least not right now.
She took another sip of coffee, wondering if she'd gone completely insane just thinking these thoughts. Well, maybe she had.
Evan came down the stairs, holding one of his more recent paintings of the sea on New Lantea, one of the few pieces he could show to his mother. He smiled softly at Alex, making her sit a bit more upright and she felt her cheeks grow hot. Like the girl she'd been thirteen years ago. That smile could still make her heart flutter.
Adam patted their mother's knee and got up. Walking past Evan without bestowing a single glance on his painting, he made his way through the foyer towards her, holding his own mug. "Got another one of those?" he asked, pointing at her coffee.
Alex nodded and pointed at the carafe. "Help yourself."
"I'll never understand why you don't like tea," Adam grunted as he poured himself another mug. "Should've brought my own."
"There's a whole drawer, Adam." Alex crossed her legs. "Including a whole box of Earl Grey for you."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. Can't guarantee it's still nice, though."
Adam dumped the coffee unceremoniously into the sink and reached for the kettle. "Thanks." He sighed.
Cocking her head, she leaned against the counter. In the next room she heard Molly starting to talk excitedly about Evan's painting. He was so different today. And she doubted it had anything to do with the arrival of their son. "What's up?"
"I'm happy for you."
Well, that was something she'd certainly never heard before. Taken aback, she clasped her mug. "Adam?"
"No, really. It was high time this happened for you. And Caleb looks content… he's lucky to have you as a mom… even to have Evan as a dad."
"Now I'm worried. Seriously."
Adam blinked as he put the kettle on the stove and turned it on. "I'm getting a divorce."
She swallowed hard. Another thing she hadn't expected. Not really. Well, Maud hadn't come along, but she never had. Alex supposed it was because she had to work all the time. This was certainly an unexpected blow. How long had he and Maud been married? A year? Two? "I'm sorry," she said quietly, but Adam shrugged.
"My fault," he said quietly. "I cheated."
She reached out and slapped his arm. The sympathy she'd felt for him had evaporated within seconds. "Why?!"
He shrugged. "I don't love her." Again, not a good enough reason. If he didn't love her, then he shouldn't have married her. "I like her, but… you know how it is when you meet someone and you fall for them within seconds?"
Alex bit her lip and nodded with a shrug. "Still… cheating… Adam!"
"Couldn't help myself."
"Urgh!" She was surprised at how loud that sound was and the conversations in the other room ceased immediately. Shaking her head, she leaned in. "That is the worst explanation I've ever heard," she whispered, watching Adam preparing his tea with shaking hands.
A shrug was the first response she got. Then he took a deep breath and looked up at her. "I love him though."
"Still." Alex hesitated, looking her brother in the eye and feeling a soft thudding pain in her chest as she did so. "Him?" she rapsed and Adam dropped his gaze quickly. The kettle was starting to whistle and he quickly started pouring the water into his mug. "Since when have you known?"
"Forever? I- I mean it's not that I don't like women or anything-"
"You really don't have to justify yourself," Alex interrupted him. "I just wished you'd never married Maud. Not if you were in love with someone else."
Biting his lip, Adam started pulling at the string of his tea bag and for the first time in years he looked like a small boy. Insecure. Terrified of the world. Leaning over, she touched his arm, unable to reprimand him now. She just couldn't. Not the way he looked at her now.
He took a deep breath and nodded. "Well, can't be helped now… I already moved in with him."
Another surprise, but Alex shrugged, remembering that the few times she'd met Maud, she hadn't found much to talk about with her. "What's his name?"
"Mick."
"Mick?"
"Mick Egan. He's a pilot, too."
"Ah… your airline?"
Adam nodded again. "Yes, well, that's how we met… and I have to admit seeing in his uniform kind of did it for me."
Alex almost felt like slapping him again. "Come on…"
"Are you seriously going to tell me you're not attracted to your husband even more when he's wearing a uniform?"
She felt her cheeks grow hot, but she didn't drop her gaze. "Oh, shut up," she breathed, hiding her face by lifting the mug to her lips.
A/N: I'm so so sorry this has taken so long! Life, you know? Anyway, I really hope you liked this chapter! Adam kind of surprised me too, there.
