MoonPriestess30: He is a sweetie. Not so much right now but we all have moments.
Judy: I'm glad you think that the quality hasn't dropped!
Chapter 68 – We all have demons
She leads him to the study and shuts the door behind him. 'I did not know when you would want to see me again but I wished to see you,' he says simply as he turns to look at her. He wasn't sure on how to greet her, he wanted to hold her close and kiss her deeply but he thought it would be the last thing she wanted from him. Instead he went and sat in one of the armchairs in the study and leaned on his knees with his elbows, there was something more bothering him than the fight they had had. Makatza looks at him and pulls a thoughtful face.
'I've wanted to see you this whole time,' she admits as she crosses her arms across herself. She was concentrating on keeping her mana close to herself until they had finished talking. 'What do you want to talk about? You look like there's something on your mind.'
'The last couple of nights... they were the first we have spent apart since being intimate. When I sleep beside you your mana stops me from having... any …' he felt stupid for saying it but he had promised her that he would talk about these things when they came about. She tilts her head and waits for him to continue, 'any bad dreams...' he mumbles. 'Since we've been together intimately I have been having dreams about my past... but the last two nights... they were dreams about before I was branded,' he reveals.
Makatza gasps and holds her hand over her mouth. 'Oh, Fenris-'
He stands up suddenly restless, 'I see faces and hear voices, places and memories of those places filled with laughter, I hear my mother's voice, I saw her hanging clothes on a line,' he says in a stream. 'The first night I barely slept, I could not stop thinking about you. Last night I managed to gather a few hours but they were haunted... My mind feels like it is full of wool. It confirms that what Hadrianna told me about a sister to be true-'
'Fenris, Fenris,' Makatza says seeing him spiral. 'Take a breath, just relax for a moment. I'm here, just breathe in and stop,' she says motioning to him to pause and inhale. He does as she asks and stops pacing taking in a couple of deep breaths. She walked a little closer to him, 'my mana stops you from dreaming?'
'No, it simply stops the bad ones,' he clarifies. 'Again, it is something I have come dependent on you for,' he says a little bitterly.
'Fenris, if I had known... I wouldn't have made you stay away. I'm angry at you but I don't want to be cruel,' Makatza says quietly. 'Is this why you came today?'
He looks embarrassed and rubs the back of his head as he clears his throat, 'you asked for space and Hawke told me that you would contact me when you wanted my company. I grew impatient and worried.'
'Worried about what?' Fenris didn't want to say, he didn't want to admit to himself as to why, she tilted her head. 'Fenris... worried about what?' She pressed.
He sighed and leaned against the desk. 'I was worried that you would have wanted to see Sebastian before me,' he says quietly, he can't look at her as he doesn't want to see the disappointment on her face. 'I was impatient to know if you are still angry at me.'
Her sigh said it all, 'Fenris...'
'Katza,' he says over her. 'Please... I just...'
She crossed the room and touched his cheeks with her hands as she shakes her head, 'I don't care about Sebastian the way I care about you,' Makatza says simply. 'You have to get that into your head. I am not going to keep reassuring that you of that. This is the last I want to hear of this, okay?'
'I cannot offer you what he can-'
'I don't want what he's offering!' Makatza said as she moves away and growls in annoyance. 'You said to me that you are mine, right?'
Fenris nods, he could see the tension in her shoulders. 'Yes, I am yours.'
'What did I say to you?'
He pauses before he answers, 'you said that you were mine. That it was a fair trade,' he says from memory, they were some of the sweetest words that he had ever heard. She thought that his life was equal to hers and meant it.
She nods, 'I don't want any more fighting, any more jealously. You fight with him again and we're going to have a serious, serious problem,' she said. 'I am going to speak to Sebastian as well, don't think that he's going to get away with what he's done.'
Fenris walked around to see her face and pressed her hands against his cheeks, it hurt but he didn't care. 'Katza, I... I am sorry,' he says softly. She smiles softly and leans forward kissing him and letting her mana wash over him so that he felt no pain. She pulls away and looks over his face seeing his bruises and split lip begin to vanish. 'Please... forgive me.'
'You are forgiven,' she says softly. 'I expect you to do better, be better than this, okay?' He nods and she slowly hugs him. 'I need to do better. I know that you struggle with this sort of thing and yet I forced you to try and be comfortable with the way he treats me. I'm sorry.' Makatza says holding him.
'May I stay awhile?' He asks as he strokes her hair.
'The pups have missed you and so have I,' she says softly as she nods. 'You can help me pick out some jewellery for this damn ball,' Makatza sighs as she takes his hand and looks him over, 'you've healed well. Any other injuries?' She asks.
'No,' he says honestly. Now the pain in his chest had gone he was at relative ease, she smiles brightly at him and leads him up to her room where he's greeted enthusiastically by the ever growing puppies who were large enough to knock him over. Makatza laughs lightly and leaves him to his fate as she clears the bed of the boxes and puts them on the desk for him to look over. After about ten minutes it became clear that he was struggling to free himself, she barks at her puppies and they give him one last lick before leaving him be.
'You only have to tell them and they'd leave you alone,' she smiles as she rolls her eyes. 'They may see me as their mother but you're their Alpha too,' she points out. 'They only disobey me for you,' Makatza feels a little annoyed at that but lets it slide. Fenris gets up brushing himself free from the wolf fur and then crosses the room to hold her from behind as she sorts out the necklaces. 'I missed you,' she says softly as she leans into him.
He agrees and kisses her shoulder as he looks over the boxes. 'These are your choices?' He asks as he reaches around her and shifts one of the lids to see a display better. 'I do not like any of them,' he says simply as he shakes his head. 'Where is your dress?'
'Over there,' Makatza says as she points to the mannequin in the corner of the room. He glances over and she feels him tense his jaw as he takes it in. 'What's the matter? Do you not like it?' She feels a little worried about it.
'It is beautiful, you will look even more beautiful in it and I will have to watch the Lords of Kirkwall fight over you,' he sighs as he buries his head in her hair. Her mana dances over his skin and he privately cherishes the feeling and absence of pain that came with it. 'Do not even suggest of finding a different escort,' he adds as he feels her open his mouth to say something. She laughs instead and shakes her head.
'Wouldn't dream of it,' she giggles.
'Nothing here would suit the dress,' he says as he closed one of the boxes. 'What about your mother's jewellery? Your father made most of it, I feel that he would like the idea of you wearing it.'
Makatza gasps in happiness as she nods, she moves away from him to her bed and pulls out a box from underneath, 'what do you think would be best?' She asks. 'I know I'm having my hair up for the night, so I'm going to need earrings and a necklace. I'm wearing my suppressor, my silver bracelet and I don't want to look too flashy.' Fenris comes over to her and looks inside the box suggesting a couple of pieces, she smiles and takes them out to hold them up against the dress. 'Do you want me to put the dress on?'
'No, I wish to see you on the night. I feel that if you put it on now I will have trouble restraining myself and it will get damaged,' he admits as he looks at her. Her face flushes lightly and she pins the earrings and necklace to the stand so that she doesn't misplace them. He stifles a yawn and sits on the edge of the bed.
'Fenris, you should sleep,' Makatza says softly as she goes over to him. He shakes his head stubbornly and refuses. 'Don't make me put you to sleep,' she teases lightly. 'It wouldn't be in the way that you think either,' she adds as he wears a cheeky grin. Makatza pokes him on the forehead and shimmies him further up the bed where she kisses him lightly. She lets her mana wash over him with the smallest inflection of drowsiness weaved through.
'I know what you are doing,' Fenris mumbles as his head starts to grow heavy. Makatza smiles and kisses him a little harder, forcing him to lie down.
'Do you want me to stop?' She asks simply.
'I do not want you to leave,' he replies, his eyes closed and hand draped over her thighs as she sat beside him. Makatza smiles and kisses his temple, pulling the quilt up and over him. 'Stay,' he mumbles fighting the sleep.
Makatza giggles and strokes his hair from his eyes, 'I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere,' she assures as she tucks him in. She places her finger against her lips as the pups jump onto the bed and curl up around him. She waits a good twenty minutes before moving, she had things that she needed to do and as much as she would love to lie with him and nap, there would be other times. He didn't stir and and smiled to herself as she left the room, her mana would easily find him and keep him comfortable. She wandered into the kitchen and made the bread that she had planned to do today, she put it into the oven to warm before going to the study to reply to the letters she had gotten that week. After about half an hour there was a knock at the front door, she paused but it seemed that Bodahn was elsewhere at the time. She crossed the foyer and opened the door to see Sebastian. 'Oh! Sebastian.'
'I wished to talk about the other day...'
'Um, sure... come in,' she said softly as she stepped aside and let him into the house.
He walks in with his head bowed, 'Katza... I have to apologise. I was so rude that day and I didn't consider the consequences my words would have.' She just listens for the moment and hoping that Fenris wouldn't wake up and he'd sleep through this. 'I do wish for you to come to Stark Haven but it was a purely selfish desire and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said to Fenris, I have to respect that he was the one you chose-'
'I didn't choose anyone Sebastian, we simply don't have that kind of relationship. I tried to make Fenris deal with the fact that we're close friends, I told him I wouldn't change the way that I was around you. I see now that that was wrong, I do have to change how I act but not because of Fenris. Because of you. It's not fair that I be the same around you when I know you have feelings for me. I'm sorry Sebastian but I'm going to have to put some distance between us, I won't have what happened a couple days ago happen again. I need to protect Fenris from situations like that, it's not fair to put him through that type of stress when he beats himself up everyday thinking that he can't give me those types of things you spoke of,' Makatza ranted a little at the Prince but she didn't trust herself not to be able to say it before she started to cry. 'Until I can trust you again, you really hurt me Sebastian. I care about you, I love Fenris, the last thing I ever want to see if you two hurting each other!'
'You love him?' Sebastian said quietly.
Makatza jumps a little, she hadn't told anyone but Fenris. 'Yes... I do. I love him dearly,' she says with a nod, she looks at the slump in Sebastian's shoulders. 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry I can't return your affections Seb, I never wanted to hurt you.'
He runs his hand through his hair, 'it isn't your fault,' he sighs. 'Do you think that we ev-'
'I don't know,' she says quickly not wanting him to finish his speculation. 'Promise me that you won't antagonise him like that.'
'You shouldn't have to protect him. He should be able to hear the truth and control himself,' Sebastian says back at her a little annoyed at her attempt to pacify him. Makatza frowns and goes to reply but he moves closer to her, 'the night we kissed filled my heart with joy and now I see nothing but sadness. You are with a man that can barely function-'
'You kissed me,' Makatza states feeling her nails grow as she starts to get angry, ignoring his barb about Fenris. 'Sebastian, I think you should leave before you say anything you regret,' she says simply. 'You came to apologise and you have done, now I think you should go.'
Sebastian gently takes her hand, Makatza refrains from pulling away not wanting to make this situation worse. 'You can't fix him, he will always be like this.'
Makatza's eyes narrowed as she looked at him, these were Sebastian's demons coming out. The dark, petty side of the sweet, kind Prince she knew. He was hurting and bitter, she could understand that, she didn't like it but she understood. She slowly pulled her hand from his grip as she kept eye contact. 'He isn't broken. I don't need to fix him,' she snarls. 'Please leave.'
'Katza-'
'No. I have heard enough. When you're ready to act like a friend I'll see you again, until then, I suggest you keep your distance,' Makatza said as she went over and opened the door for him. He sighs and walks out pausing next to her.
'I could have given you every thing, Makatza,' he says quietly.
'I only wanted a friend,' she replies as she slowly shuts the door on him. She pauses before moving away and covering her mouth with her hands as she stifles her sob. One of her closest friends and she had to cut him out, she felt like she had lost someone. She sat in one of the armchairs and let herself cry for a bit, fucking idiot, how many times did I have to say it? Why did you keep pushing and pushing? She screamed in her mind. Makatza wiped her eyes and sniffed as she brushed her hands against the shorts she was wearing. She stood up and pulled herself together, thinking that she should check on Fenris. She was halfway up the stairs when she saw that he was standing on the landing looking down in the foyer. 'H-How long have you been here?' She asks feeling a pit in her stomach.
'Since you opened the door,' he says quietly. He was holding onto the railing and his knuckles were pale from where he was gripping it so tightly.
'I was going to tell you-'
'I know,' he nods. He looks over at her and stand up, 'you feel like you need to protect me?'
Makatza smiles a little weakly, 'you feel like you need to protect me from things, is it so strange that I want to do the same?' Fenris lets out a breath quickly as he shakes his head, Makatza walks over to him and wraps her arms around his chest. 'I just want this all to be over,' she admits.
Fenris hugs her tightly, he wanted nothing more than to hurt a certain someone but he kept that to himself. 'Time will pass quickly, he will come to his senses and you will have your friend back,' he says through gritted teeth.
'And before you know it we'll be going to the ball,' she says a little half heartedly.
'I cannot wait to see you, it will certainly be a night to remember.'
