Chapter 68…

"Are you sure Mr. Roach?" I beam but trying to hide the excitement.

As much as I adore working and as comfortable as I am to finally be back after everything that has happened, I really do feel so guilty that I wasn't able to be there by Christian's side for his session today.

I worked so vigorously today in an attempt to finish things a little earlier and a little quicker with the hope I could, in fact, leave earlier and make it over to the building in time to meet Christian from his session.

He was so nervous.

When I called him only 20 minutes ago, I could tell it in his voice that he was shaking and distraught.

All those memories, all the abuse, all the grief and hurt coming back to haunt him over and over and over.

He's doing this for me, I know he is. He's doing it for his family.

Me, Teddy and little blip.

"Of course Ana, you've done an amazing job today and you've flown through everything I've handed to you. I'm so glad to have you back"

"Thanks, Mr. Roach, that means so much honestly. I'm so happy to be back, I love this job"

"And you're extremely good at it too…See you tomorrow Ana"

I giggle slightly at his words with a small nod of my head.

"I'll see you tomorrow, bright and early"

He simply gives me a smile and a nod before making his way back to the office.

With haste, I seize my bag and coat and I'm passed the door before I realize my feet are even transferring me.

Christian.

Get me to Christian.

Before I know it, I'm opening the door to the building and making my way up the stairs.

"Christian!"

I hear his name being called and the tone of his voice makes me worry anxiously.

My feet surprisingly move a little quicker down the corridor where I see Grace standing to her feet. Maybe she heard his name being called too?

What's happening?

What's going on?

"Grace…." I look at her and within seconds of her locking eyes with me, the door is opening with a petrified and vulnerable Christian.

His eyes are full of horror, his cheeks are blazing red, his hands are quivering.

Oh, my poor Christian.

Is this really going to help him?

Should he really be going through this?

Maybe he's not ready.

Oh my gosh, I feel so guilty.

I feel so sad and hurt that he has to go through this torment.

My poor poor Christian.

He's frozen and just stares at me.

"Christian?" I reach out for his hands and luckily he doesn't pull away from me.

His hands are cold and quivering with fear.

I cup his palms in both of mine and when I look up at him, he hasn't once taken his eyes away from mine.

He wants and needs reassurance.

He needs comfort and closure.

I'm so glad I came.

Oh my goodness, I am so so glad I came.

He needs me.

"I can't do it, Ana…I can't"

The terror in his voice penetrates through my heart causing me to look down at his trembling hands in mine and then back up again.

"I can't fucking sit there and talk about it."

I have to console him.

I have to help him.

I have to let him know that it's okay to feel scared.

"Hey…Hey…it's okay…."

"What are you doing here?"

He looks at me, his eyes wide with astonishment and oppression.

"Just after I got off the phone to you, Mr. Roach let me off for the day. I came here to surprise you when you finished…"

I gently rub my thumb across his cheek, reassuring him.

"Christian…would you like to come back inside?"

I hear a voice and I look up to see the therapist watching Christian and me together.

I notice the way Christian looks to him and then back at me and suddenly I know exactly what's coming.

"You're off for the rest of the day?" He asks, his eyes pleading with me and nod in answer.

"Is it possible she could accompany me in the session?"

"If it would make you feel more at ease…then yes" Dr. Flynn replies with a tiny sad smile. Partly understanding Christian already.

As soon as the words leave his mouth Christian's gaze immediately moves to mine.

His eyes pleading into mine, wanting me to join him.

" Will you?"

His voice is small. Almost like a child's.

Fearful, panicked and needing sympathy.

He needs me for this.

This is such a big thing for him and he needs me.

How I became so lucky for this man to fall In love with me, I'll never understand and I'll ask myself the same silly question every single day.

But he did and he does.

We're a family, he holds the key to my heart and me, his.

"Of course I will…" I whisper with a reassuring smile as I take his hand in mine.

I watch as the corners of his lips curve into the most petite of smiles and his fingers lace with mine.

He looks behind him, taking one last look at Grace.

I do the same.

She has a smile. An appreciative smile as she looks between the both of us.

I can see the affection, adoration, and proudness in her eyes as she takes us both in.

With that, we make our way into the room, slowly but surely.

Sitting on the comfortable sofa, my hand in his as he taps his knee nervously.

My free hand moving to rest against his leg in another attempt to make his feel relaxed, calmer and know he's not alone.

The first session went as well as could be expected.

Flynn asked the questions, Christian answered them to the best he could. There was sorrow, resentment, bitterness, disappointment….but through the entire time, his hand remained in mine.

The second session, I managed to get a day off work and so I will for every session in the future too.

The nights after each session, come as a nightmare.

Bringing up the past events is torturing him into remembering.

Flynn is astounding, ensuring that the sessions are left light heartedly and not on a negative….but as soon as Christian closes his eyes and drifts into a deep sleep, each night, the memories come flooding back on.

Tossing.

Turning.

Crying out.

Whimpering.

Sweating.

Panting.

Almost seizure-like actions.

"NO! NO!"

I feel the stirring next to me causing me to wake from my own slumber.

The bedsheets soaked with sweat once again.

"NO! DON'T! DON'T TOUCH! NO! NO! NO! DON'T TOUCH ME! STOP!"

Christian….

My poor poor Christian.

He tosses and turns violently and every attempt I try to control him but he swats me away unknowingly.

"Christian…..Christian…"

Please wake up….

Please wake up….

Please wake up….

Please wake up….

Please wake up….

Please wake up….

I try and I try but the same happens every single night.

The more he talks, the worse they come.

"Ana…please don't leave me…..please…no….no….don't leave me"

He mumbles barely even saying the words but I understand them.

His terrors come to him through nightmares.

His body starts to calm a little and I take my opportunity to cup his cheeks, gently shake his shoulders in my best attempt to wake him.

Then it starts back up.

"DON'T TOUCH ME! NO! NO!"

I can sense the tears welling in my eyes and starting to surge down my cheeks.

This must be torture for him. The distress and misery replaying over and over and over again.

"Christian! Wake up! Christian!"

And finally, his eyes pop open in terror.

His chest rising and falling rapidly as he pants to catch his breath.

The back of his hand comes up to his forehead to wipe away the sweat that comes with the memories.

Then he looks at me, the tears streaming down my cheeks.

I despise seeing him like this.

I hate it.

It breaks my heart.

"Ana…." He whispers as terror laces his voice.

"I'm here…..I'm here…." I gently and carefully move my arms around him and he willingly leans into my embrace.

I can feel his muscles shaking beneath my hands as I try to console and comfort him.

"I'm sorry….I'm sorry…" He mutters into the crook of my neck.

"There's nothing for you to apologize for Christian…it's okay…it's okay…." I whisper as I run my fingers through his hair gently grazing his scalp.

"I'm sorry" He whispers again. His hand moving to graze over my stomach where our tiny little blip continues to grow inside of me. "I love you".

"I love you….we all love you" I whisper against his ear before gently lifting his chin up to gaze at me and I press my lips softly against his.

I pull back after a moment and I gaze towards the clock on my bedside table.

4.03 am.

"I keep waking you" He whispers as his fingertips trail up and down my arm.

"It's okay….you'd do the same for me" I smile reassuringly and he nods confirming my thoughts.

He'd do anything for me as much as I'd do anything for him.

Always and forever.

Forever and always.

"How about a bath?" I kiss his still sweaty forehead.

He simply nods at my question.

I rise off the bed and he follows quickly after. I gaze down at the soaked sheets from his panicked sweating during the night, making a mental note to do laundry today. But first…making sure he's okay.

His hands moving to my waist as we make our way into the bathroom and I willingly lean into his embrace.

He leans down turning on the water before turning me to face him.

His deep, dark and lustful eyes piercing into mine.

His fingertips grazing over my shoulder as he slowly slides the straps of my silky smooth nightgown down my arms allowing my nightgown to pool at the bottom of my feet.

I can feel my heart rate increase already and I watch as his lips curl into a small smile as he notices the reaction my body has for him.

Goosebumps plastering my skin, my hairs standing on edge as I bite my lip.

Brushing my hair behind my ear as I gaze down shyly.

He still makes me feel like a little school girl with a silly crush.

But it's not a crush, it's love.

I love him with everything I have.

"You're so beautiful" He whispers as he lifts my chin carefully to gaze back into his eyes.

His eyes have turned from being scared and frightened, to being loaded with love.

There's my Christian.

I lift my hand to cup his cheek as I move up onto my tippy to kiss him softly.

My other hand moving to his boxer shorts and slowly pushing them down.

His fingertips dip into either side of my panties and he gradually pushes them down my legs but along with them, his kisses hunt down my body.

Originating at my neck, my collarbone, my breasts, my nipples, my rib cage, my abdomen…all the way down until he's knelt on the floor in front of me.

I allow my hand to run through his hair as I gaze down at him.

He presses a kiss against my tummy before dipping lower and lower and suddenly, I can feel my eyeballs roll to the back of my head in pleasure.

My hand fists into his hair a little harder as his tongue swirls around my delicate bud.

"Ch…Christian…" I moan softly, my tongue running along my bottom lip before biting down into the flesh.

I can feel him smirk against skin before his hands hold me in place and his tongue moves faster, harder almost making my body convulse and writhe in pleasure.

"A..Ah….." My breathing becomes more rapid, his fingertips start to dig into my skin as he continues to tip me over the edge.

I can feel the pressure building between my legs.

Growing.

And growing.

Until suddenly, he halts…

Removing his tongue from my oh so sensitive bud.

His hands grip my ass and he lifts me up onto the kitchen sink, moving his body between my legs.

I move my hands around the back of his neck gently stroking the back of his skin.

His fingertips graze up my inner thighs and my eyes close, relishing the feeling of his hands on me.

They trail higher and higher and before I know it, I can feel his fingers slipping inside of me while his thumb continues to make circling assaults.

This man….

This man will be the death of me.

My body starts to react and tremble with every single one of his touches.

"Christian…."

His fingers remove and his length enters me, hard and fast.

Our bodies moving together, right here on the sink.

His thrusts move with my own.

My head falls back in pleasure and his face hides into the crook of my neck as I listen to his grunts and pants.

Hearing his noises turning me on even more.

Both of our bodies building, sweating, responding to every single action.

"Cum for me" He whispers as his own body starts to become tense.

The pressure builds and builds and builds and before I know it, I'm crying out his name in complete euphoria.

Feeling him spill inside of me as he palpitates hard against my neck.

"I love you" I whisper, my eyes remaining close and my hand brushing up and down his back.

"I love you more" He whispers as his lips make small butterfly kisses along my collar bone.

I giggle feeling his kisses along my skin and when I open my eyes and my gaze ends up over the top of his shoulder, I squeal.

"Christian! The bath!"

"Fuck!"

He turns quickly as he rushes to the bath that's almost already overflowing.

Amidst our lovemaking, we forgot we had even turned it on.

I try to stifle my laughs as his hands make quick work of the tap.

He looks up at me before starting to laugh himself.

It's the first time I've heard him laugh….really laugh in such a long time and the sound is like music to my ears.

I gently slip myself off the sink and I make my way to him.

The water finally stopping its assaults of flooding our bathroom and it being the perfect height for us both to sink into the water.

I rest both of my hands at Christian's sides as my head raises and my eyes gaze up at him.

"I love hearing you laugh" I whisper. And with that one simple sentence, I watch as his lips curl up into another smile.

"I love seeing your smile" He whispers right back as his lips come in contact with my forehead and within minutes our bodies are sinking into the glorious steaming water.

Our bodies resting against each other, our eyes closed, our fingertip caressing each other's skin as we relax and enjoy this moment.

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I just want to say a huge thank you for all the messages and comments I've received during my absence. Unfortunately, things have been a little hectic and I really do apologize for my lack of updates over the last couple of months.

I hope you'll continue to follow and enjoy and I'll do my best to continue updating as often as possible!

I hope you are all doing well during this sad time in the world and fingers crossed things will look better and brighter soon!