CHAPTER FIFTY


TRIS


When I wake up the next morning, my eyes are swollen and itchy with a dull ache behind them. I turn off my alarm and stare up at the ceiling. Why do I keep letting stupid boys upset me like this? Pressing the heels of my palms into my eyes, I try to decide what to do.

When this happened with Peter, I was later so embarrassed at the way I had tried to cling to him. For a time I placed all the blame on myself, thinking that my expectations of him were what drove him away and into the arms of other girls. It took a lot of convincing from Zeke and Uriah to make me see that it had nothing to do with me, that Peter had always been that away and all I did was let the wrong guy into my heart. I don't want a repeat of last time. I am not going to follow Four around like a lost puppy, I resolve.

No, I won't follow him around like a lost puppy. There are other ways to handle this situation. No more tears, no more moping, and no more second-guessing myself. With renewed resolve, I jump out of bed. After tearing through my closet and channeling my inner Christina, I head to the bathroom with a revealing crop top and the jeans that always make Four stare at my ass. By the time I am ready, I have taken so much extra time on my hair and make-up that Marlene is leaning in the doorway badgering me to hurry up before we're late to class, but I am wholly satisfied with the girl I see in the mirror. My wide, round eyes stand out, appearing a sky blue instead of their usual gray tint; the care I took in applying my eye make-up was especially worth it. I am striking.

We barely make it in time for first period. I sit in my usual seat, next to the one that my classmates still leave empty for Uriah, but I can't help smiling to myself knowing that he will soon occupy the spot again. He will be in a wheelchair, but he'll be here, not unconscious in that damn hospital bed. In fact, he came home from the hospital earlier this week. I never want to enter that horrible place again.

I don't see Tobias until math class. He does a double take when I walk in and makes no attempt to hide that he's checking me out. I took my time getting here and we don't have a chance to talk at all before the lesson begins, but he does lean in to whisper in my ear, "You look good, Tris."

I smirk at the feeling of success that washes through me, but my stomach falls through the floor as the words echo in my head. He said those same words to me on our first date, just a few months ago. Every bit of satisfaction is washed away by the wave of disgust. Am I seriously doing this? Dressing myself up to try and win back the attention of a guy who is already losing interest after only a few months?

After the lesson, Tobias makes a few attempts at starting light conversation, but I give short answers and limp through my assignment. I don't feel like I have entirely grasped the previous lessons over the last week. Normally Four helps me, but we haven't done homework together all week since he has been avoiding me.

Not that my academic success is his responsibility; I never had trouble in math before last year. It's my own fault that I'm struggling. Four usually has to go back and reteach me previous concepts that I had never really tried to get the hang of before. Maybe he's getting sick of helping me. Maybe he has realized he could do better.

Thoughts like these are familiar; they are like the ones that drown out all other thoughts after most conversations with my dad. All day, thoughts like these keep popping up. By the end of the school day, I am exhausted from my warring thoughts.


We have cheer practice after school, the last one before the final playoff game, which is just two days away. I try not to steal glances at Tobias as he practices with the team on the nearby field, but I can't seem to help myself. His team is still practicing when Marlene and I make our way to my truck. We climb up into the truck and buckle our lap belts. I put the key in the ignition but don't start the truck.

"I don't suppose you would mind if we went to see Uriah?" I ask Marlene.

"Oh, I guess I could put up with him for a little while," Marlene jokes. I smirk at the light blush that creeps into her cheeks. I am keeping it light hearted, but I know neither of us really feels it. I have my problems… and Marlene's big secret was exposed to Lynn and the guys today. Well, a part of it. It's still just me and Tobias that know who the baby's father is.

I take the shortcuts that Uriah showed me long ago to avoid the rush hour traffic. Some kids are playing in the street where I usually park my car, so I round the corner and park a little further away so I don't interrupt their game. Hana's car isn't in the driveway. I quickly knock and let myself in; Uriah and Zeke have never kept their front door locked during the day if they are at home. As the day dragged on, I felt more and more in need of comfort and stability; I needed my best friend. I hear the tv on downstairs, so I race down the steps to the basement, leaving Marlene trailing behind me.

"Could'a sworn there was a herd of elephants coming down the stairs, but it's just a little Bumble Bea," Uriah says with a grin as I emerge from the dark hallway into the great room of the finished basement.

"You better not be calling me an elephant," Marlene says from behind me.

"Well…" Uriah drawls. Marlene lets out a disgruntled protest and I try to glare at him, but his grin is contagious. He snickers and shakes his head. "You know I'm not, Marlene."

I scramble to the couch and climb up next to Uriah, who wraps an arm around me, pulling me in for a hug. I can't help but to sigh as I breathe in with my nose pressed against his shoulder. His familiar scent, the way his arm fits around me, the frequency of his voice vibrating his chest… all of it fills me with comfort and safety and home. Marlene approaches and leans down to give Uri a one-armed hug flops into a bean bag on the floor nearby.

"You okay?" Uriah asks. He speaks quietly with his head bent and his lips near enough to feel his hot breath on my ear. It feels intimate and I know I need to put some distance between us, but I can't bring myself to pull back. I need this. I need my best friend.

My only answer is a nod. For the first time all day, it's not a total lie. I have missed him too long. I feel content and loved. Only in a familial way, like a brother; there isn't even a hint of anticipation or desire. A stab of guilt runs through me; Uriah has a different idea of the kind of love shared between us. This isn't fair to him.

Reluctantly, I give him one last squeeze and pull away. The look on Uriah's face makes me feel like I need an excuse, so I go to the mini fridge to grab a can of soda. I toss Marlene a bottle of water and take out a Mountain Dew for Uriah. When I give it to him, I settle into a spot on the couch, leaving a few inches between us.

"I hear you're coming back to school soon," Marlene says.

"Yes! Monday. I can't wait," Uriah practically cheers.

I choke on my sip of soda. Marlene pushes herself up from the bean bag chair and strolls across the room like she's leaving.

"Where are you going?" Uriah asks, bewildered.

Marlene stops and looks over her shoulder. "Just need to go check the sky for flying pigs," she quips with a grin.

"Shut up," Uriah laughs. He grabs a throw pillow that is within arms reach and throws it at Marlene. It hits her in the shoulder.

Marlene looks at the pillow, which is now on the ground, and then at Uriah. "Were you aiming for my shoulder? I thought you were some hot-shot football and basketball player," she teases. She picks up the pillow and drops it behind the bean bag chair, far out of Uriah's reach, before lowering herself into it again.

Uriah scoffs. "I've been wasting away in a hospital bed for two months and am getting used to having no depth perception," he says, tapping a finger next to his sightless left eye. "Give me a break, Mar."

Marlene considers him. "Okay, I'll let it pass. But we were talking about school. Never thought, in this universe or any other, you would ever be looking forward to school."

"Me either," I pipe in. "Uri, remember the time you handcuffed yourself to your bed so you wouldn't have to go back to school after Christmas break?"

"Yeah…" Uriah wears a nostalgic grin. "Too bad the cuffs were made of plastic. They cost 100 tickets at the arcade. Waste of tickets. I coulda got a whoopie cushion instead and pranked Zeke."

I laugh even harder. Uriah got a whoopie cushion almost every single time we went to the arcade as kids. We all got in the habit of always looking before we sat down, but one time in sixth grade Zeke must have been distracted… probably by the same girl he was so embarrassed to have witnessed the epically loud fart noise that followed. Zeke was so mad, and Uriah walked around with a bruised jaw for weeks after.

"But really," Uriah says more seriously, but with a pout to his lip. "Do you know how boring it is to sit around here while you're all at school without me? And you know I'm not that good at school to start with but now I've missed… well. Either a couple months, or almost a year, depending how you look at it." He nudges me with his elbow. "Don't suppose you'd tutor me, Tris?"

I snort. "Me? I don't see how that would be any help, Uri. I told you already, I haven't been very good in school the last year."

"I could help," Marlene says. Her voice sounds small, but when Uriah looks at her with interest, she clears her throat and continues with more confidence. "Um, I'm not very good at math, you used to help me with that actually. But in like English and Psychology and stuff…"

"Sounds good. Thanks, Marlene," Uriah says, flashing her a winning smile. And I smile at her too; maybe this will be the first step to Marlene and Uriah getting back on track.


Marlene, Uriah and I end up playing Mortal Kombat; since there are three of us, whoever has been sitting out plays the winner of the previous match. Having a lot more gaming experience than either Marlene or me, Uriah doesn't take too many breaks.

Marlene and Uriah are in the middle of a match when I hear voices and find myself tensing up. When I came over here, I wasn't expecting Tobias to come home with Zeke. After all, isn't he too busy to do anything but football and home? I didn't even bother to ask if he would be coming over to my place tonight. His behavior over the last week has answered that clearly enough already.

"No one told me we were having a party," Zeke jokes when he walks into the room. Tobias follows him in, looking over Zeke's shoulder. When he notices me here sitting next to Uriah, I catch the flicker of emotion on his face ― surprise, and something darker. Before I can work out just what it is, he wipes it away and looks completely emotionless.

Uriah beats Marlene once again, raising both hands in the air and yelling, "K-O'ed!". He drops the controller carelessly beside him on the couch and finally addresses the newcomers. He reaches a hand out. "Hey, I'm Uriah," he says to Tobias.

Tobias shakes Uriah's hand and nods at him. "We've met. I'm Four."

"Oh yeah, Zeke and Tris have mentioned you. They say we were friends."

"Yeah," Tobias nods. "We were getting to be."

He glances at me and the little bit of space between me and Uriah. There is plenty of room for him on my other side, but instead he goes out of his way to grab another bean bag chair, positions it a couple yards from me and lowers himself into it, facing us. I can see the tight set of Tobias's jaw and his hands clenched into fists. His deep blue eyes are stormy. Tobias is remarkably self-possessed, and someone who did not know him well probably wouldn't notice, but I do. His eyes meet mine in accusation. As if he cares. I roll my eyes. Zeke glances between Tobias and me, giving us each questioning look, then he just shrugs and takes the empty seat beside me.

Marlene hands me the game controller and I lean forward with concentration, determined to beat Uriah this time. Uriah presses start and I immediately kick off with some of the best combos I know, hoping that if I strike first, I can get the upper hand. We go head to head on the TV screen, the two of us staying closely matched. It is anyone's guess who will win this match.

"Where's your truck, Tris?" Zeke asks, poking me in the arm. "I didn't see it outside."

I look away from the screen for just a second, thanks to Zeke's distraction, and growl with I find that the short interruption Uriah has gained the upper hand. I bite my lip and try my best, but before I know it Uriah has won. "Damn it, Zeke! You made me lose!" I growl. Then I sigh and answer him. "There were kids playing in the street, so I parked it around the corner." I shove the controller at Zeke, since he had already called next to play the winner.

"That's our selfless Tris," Uriah says fondly as he starts up another game.

"Yeah, you could take a few pointers, Four," Zeke jokes. I roll my eyes; I guess Tobias must have parked in my usual spot. Zeke leans away from me like he expects me to hit or elbow him, but I just sit with my arms crossed over my chest. I'm in no mood to defend Tobias at the moment.

As the evening goes on, Four doesn't say a lot; he mostly sits quietly in his bean bag, alert but brooding. When I respond to one of his comments with a sarcastic quip, he gives me a hurt look, as if he has done nothing to fall from my good graces. Before an hour has passed, I just want to go home; I came here for comfort but with Tobias here it is just an awkward reminder of the things that had me upset in the first place.

I get up from the couch and stretch. "I think I'm going to head home," I inform them. "Mar, are you coming or do you want to stay here? I'm sure Zeke or Four could drop you off if you're not ready to go yet."

"Do you mind, Four?" Marlene asks, giving him the puppy-dog eyes.

"Yeah, I could drop you off," Tobias answers her. "You're on my way home, more or less." He is speaking to Marlene, but his eyes are on me.

I say goodbye to everyone and give Uriah an extra-long hug. I start to leave, but Zeke jumps up and insists on walking me out. Uriah and I both give him weird looks since this isn't normal Zeke behavior ― it's not like I'm some girl he's trying to impress, I am more like a sister to him ― but he doesn't seem to notice. Maybe Hana gave him a hard time about his manners recently or something.

We step out into the cold December air. The ground is bare and dry, but it smells like snow and I wonder if I'll wake up to a blanket of white on the ground tomorrow. The door clicks shut behind us and we walk out on the porch and down the two steps to the stone path.

"What is up with you and Four?"

"Wow Zeke, you don't waste any time, do you?" I mumble.

"I'm not waiting till we're at your truck where you can just speed off to get out of talking."

Sometimes it sucks that the Pedrads know me so well. "Why are you asking me?" I huff. "Why not your buddy back there?"

"One: because Four is a stubborn ass, I'd never get it out of him. And B―"

"Don't you mean two?"

Zeke narrows his eyes at me and I stare back, unfazed. "B," he says, louder this time, and I don't challenge him again. "You're the one doing the ice queen routine."

Stopping short, I whirl to face him in the middle of the sidewalk and cross my arms over my chest defensively. "Excuse me?"

"Maybe we should start calling you Queen Elsa." He snaps his fingers and points at me. "Oh, I so know what song you're singing for karaoke the next time you fail a dare."

"I never fail dares!"

"Let it go, let it go, can't hold back anymore," Zeke sings.

"That's not―" I growl in frustration. "What I mean is, why are you blaming me for this?"

"Who said I was blaming you?" he asks. "I'm just trying to find out what happened."

"You should ask Four," I snap. "He's the one who started avoiding me for no reason. He hasn't been over to hang out or even study together since you called him to come over on Friday. It's just one excuse after another. I―" I bite my lip. "I don't know what to think, Zeke," I finish quietly. It isn't quite true. I do have a few ideas of what might be going on, but I can't bring myself to voice them aloud.

Zeke's face falls and there is confusion in his eyes. "Look, Tris―"

"No, Zeke," I interrupt, "I really don't want to talk about it. Leave it alone. I just want to go home." I turn and practically sprint to my truck while Zeke calls after me.


A/N: I have made you wait too long again, sorry! Thank you for sticking with me despite my random update schedule. I'm going to try to get the next chapter up in a week... I really wanna say two weeks but that might just give me more room to procrastinate. This one didn't leave our favorite couple on the happiest note so I'll try not to leave you in suspense too long.