Chapter Seventy-Seven
"Well, some nights I wish that this all would end
'Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights I always win, I always win
But I still wake up, I still your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights I don't know"
– Some nights [Fun.]
Loki didn't move when Stephen stepped through the door. He observed the god for a brief second before slowly closing the door behind him. The room was softly lit by one lamp to Loki's right, casting a warm gold glow on the mage. The only other light source was from Tony's arc reactor, now a soft purple that gave his face a weird, bruised look.
Apart from the exhaustion clearly etched onto his face, and the fact that he was unconscious, Tony looked okay. His chest rose and fell with every soft breath, but he was otherwise still.
Stephen turned his attention back to Loki. 'You should eat,' he commented. Loki didn't move. His eyes were still fixed on Tony. 'Or sleep,' Stephen added. 'Hell, sleep on the floor for all I care. Just rest.'
Loki finally shifted ever so slightly. 'I will,' he said.
'When?'
'When Tony is awake.'
Stephen sighed. 'We don't know when that'll be,' he said. 'His mind needs as much rest as his body. What if he doesn't wake up for two weeks? Three? Are you gonna sit here the entire time?'
'If that's what it takes.'
'You're impossible,' Stephen groaned. He crossed the room and fell into the armchair beside Loki's.
Loki tilted his head towards Stephen ever so slightly. 'And if he wakes and I'm not here?' he asked.
'He won't blame you, Loki,' Stephen told him. 'After what he's been through, he probably won't remember much the first time he wakes up. He could wake up half a dozen times before he can properly stay awake.'
'And I will be here every time he does.'
Stephen tapped his fingers along the arm rests of his chair. 'And what if SHIELD attacks right now?' he asked. Loki went completely still. 'They know Tony's weak. They might assume that you are, too. What if you can't protect him?'
'Believe me,' Loki growled, and he finally turned completely to glare at Stephen, 'it would take more than mere exhaustion to incapacitate me. I think I have already shown what I will do when Tony's in danger.'
'I'm aware of what you're capable of,' Stephen allowed, 'but you're not in top form. Can you really sit there and tell me truthfully that you're a hundred percent fighting fit?' Loki said nothing, just continued to stare at Stephen. The bruises under his eyes were darker than Tony's. 'You haven't eaten in over a week, Loki,' Stephen continued when Loki said nothing. He softened his voice, because he was pretty sure that Loki needed the friendly tone. 'I know you haven't been sleeping. You don't need to do this to yourself.'
Loki turned away. 'I am not doing anything,' he said.
'Exactly,' Stephen muttered. 'Tony wouldn't want you to punish yourself.'
Loki's hands curled into fists. Stephen watched him dig his nails into his palms. 'You do not know what Tony would want.'
'He wouldn't want this,' Stephen said. 'Don't punish yourself for doing what he wanted.'
'I should have rescued him,' Loki murmured.
'Don't punish yourself for doing what he wanted,' Stephen repeated, a bite to his words this time. 'Tony knows you love him. He won't hate you for arriving a bit late.'
Loki smiled ever so slightly. It was a little broken, very brittle, but at least some type of emotion. 'He may hate me for other things,' Loki commented.
Stephen rolled his eyes and said, 'Please, don't remind me of how unhealthy your relationship is. You two make the doctor in me cry.'
The god chuckled softly. 'Our relationship is the best thing that has ever happened to me.'
'And Tony would agree,' Stephen said without an ounce of hesitation. Because no matter how unhealthy their relationship really was, Stephen was pretty sure that they'd both end up killing themselves if the other wasn't there to talk them down.
What a strange, fucked up pair they were.
'When did that happen, by the way?' Stephen asked. Hey, at least Loki was talking; that was a step forward in Stephen's eyes. Loki had been nothing but a shell of a bastard for the past week. Talking was good. Talking was healthy.
Loki just raised an eyebrow, clearly not understanding the exact nature of Stephen's question.
'You two, when did that happen?' Stephen elaborated. 'The sex and feelings and mates thing you keep going on about.'
'Oh.' Loki sighed heavily and shifted in his seat.
He drew both legs up and wrapped his arms around them, chin resting on his knees. He looked like a child barely keeping himself together, clinging to himself in some vain hope that all the bad in the world would just disappear and leave him alone. Stephen was surprised by how much the sight saddened him.
'It was a gradual thing,' Loki murmured. His eyes remained on Tony. 'I was only partially aware of the changes.'
'Only partially?' Stephen interjected.
Loki nodded ever so slightly. 'I knew that my magic had changed. It began to feel… warm, I suppose is a way to describe it. Whenever Tony was around, my magic wished to protect him; soothe him, coddle him. It took me far too long to figure out why that was.' He smiled crookedly. 'Beasts likes me aren't supposed to have mates.'
'Why?'
'This type of bond is rare,' Loki explained, 'so incredibly rare. My… the All-Father and All-Mother were the first pair in millennia. And even they were unexpected. Mated pairs are usually from the same species. It is theorised that it is due to a species having similar magical signatures. While every magical being will have their own magic, it is still similar to the magic of another of their kind.' He shook his head. 'Tony was mortal when we met. I made him a god, but he is still Midgardian. I am Jötunn. We should not be compatible.'
'You two are probably the most compatible idiots I've ever met,' Stephen commented.
Loki threw him a look. 'Is that a compliment or an insult?' he questioned.
'Both,' Stephen admitted. He turned his attention back to Tony, doctor briefly overtaking his mind and running diagnostics. 'I knew Tony before he met you,' Stephen continued. 'He was going to drink himself to death or get himself shot by some scorned ex-lover. He's better with you.'
'But?' Loki prompted.
Stephen sighed. 'But we've talked about this,' he said. 'You two are absolutely obsessed with each other. You'd both kill someone just for looking at your partner wrong. That's unhealthy, Loki. Mentally, you'd be better off apart.'
Loki hummed at that. 'Perhaps,' he allowed. 'But I would only leave Tony's side if he himself asked me to.'
Stephen jolted at that, head swivelling to fix Loki with a stare. 'Would you really?' he said.
'Yes,' Loki said. 'As much as it would pain me, I would leave his side if he asked it of me.'
'And would you stay away?'
Loki smiled. 'No,' he said. 'But he wouldn't need to know that.'
Stephen snorted. 'Pair of fucking deranged lunatics, the both of you.'
'I find that I don't particularly care what I am,' Loki said, 'or how others perceive me, as long as I have Tony.'
'Yeah,' Stephen agreed, 'I know.'
They were both silent for a minute or two, only the sounds of Tony's soft breathing and Stephen shifting in his seat filling the room.
'I remember a time when I didn't love him,' Loki said suddenly. Stephen glanced at him. Loki looked so very tired. 'And I remember when that began to change. I remember realising that I would do anything just to see him smile. It terrified me.'
'And now?'
'It still does,' Loki admitted. He looked at Stephen, then, and Stephen could see the fierce protectiveness, the love, the absolute rage that Loki kept barely contained. Here was a creature that would destroy entire planets for the one he loved. Stephen wondered what it was like to have that amount of dedication, that kind of love, trained solely on you. He wondered if he'd be able to survive it. 'I fear ever forgetting that feeling,' Loki continued. 'I fear losing that feeling. Death would be welcomed if I did.'
Stephen let out a shaky breath. Well then. He'd just have to make sure that Loki and Tony didn't lose that. Stephen wasn't in the habit of joining the losing side. Whatever he did, he did it to win. He wasn't about to let Tony and Loki fuck up his winning streak.
'You should eat,' he finally said. Loki frowned. 'I'm serious, Loki,' Stephen added. 'Toast, crackers- hell, go eat a block of cheese for all I care. Just eat something and get some rest. Please.'
Loki paused at the final word, at the tone Stephen had used. Finally, he breathed out heavily and unfolded himself from the seat. 'If it stops you nagging,' he muttered.
'I'll keep silent for an entire week if you eat and sleep,' Stephen said.
Smiling, Loki said, 'I will hold you to your word.' He made his way to the door, opened it and then paused. He glanced back at Tony.
'I'll stay here and watch over him,' Stephen said. 'I'll call you if he so much as twitches.'
Loki paused yet again, knuckles tightening on the door handle and eyes locked on Tony. 'JARVIS?' he finally said.
'I will keep watch over Mr Stark and inform you of any changes,' the AI promised.
Loki nodded and turned back to the door. 'Thank you,' he murmured and finally left.
'JARVIS, make sure he eats,' Stephen said as soon as he was alone.
'I shall try my hardest, Doctor Strange,' JARVIS responded.
'Good,' Stephen muttered. He settled back into his seat and let his gaze rest on Tony. Tony, who'd better wake the fuck up and soon. Stephen preferred a homicidal Loki over a depressed one.
…
Bruce was sitting at the kitchen table when Loki entered. Loki nodded at him briefly before making a beeline to the refrigerator. He didn't want to eat. Loki had gone without food before, had experienced the ache that settled deep within you when you wanted something, anything, to fill the sickening emptiness of your stomach.
But right now? Loki felt numb. It was so unlike anything Loki had experienced before that he didn't know what to do with himself. Loki was experienced with rage, with loss, with unbearable sadness. Right now, he was just numb.
'Hey,' Bruce said when Loki had grabbed a container and a fork and sat himself at the table. Loki kept his eyes on whatever was in the plastic box as he took the lid off. 'Good to see you eating.'
Loki grunted in response.
'Not hungry, huh?'
'Not particularly,' Loki said. He put the lid aside and stuck his fork into it. Some type of noodles with a brown sauce. Loki spied vegetables, cheap and overcooked, hidden beneath. He wrapped a good portion around his fork and just stopped, staring at it.
'Probably best to just force it down,' Bruce commented. Loki looked up at him. The doctor appeared to be as tired and out of sorts as Loki himself felt. 'Always worked for me.'
Loki glanced back at his food. Looking at it didn't make him feel sick. Thinking of eating it… was just tiring.
Bruce tapped the table. 'I wouldn't put it past Doctor Strange to sedate you and force feed you himself.'
That got a genuine smile from Loki. It hurt to do it, his cheeks out of practice and lips cracked. 'Yes,' Loki agreed, 'he would, wouldn't he?'
'I think it's something we all have in common,' Bruce said, 'a genuine lack of self-preservation and inability not to poke at everything we come across.'
Another smile, this one feeling less unusual, more settled on Loki's face. He sighed and shook it loose before forcing himself to take a bit of his food. It was rather plain, which Loki supposed was good. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten, and too much of something strong would most likely make him sick.
'I never got to thank you,' Bruce commented suddenly. Loki paused, his second bite resting between the container and his mouth. 'For rescuing me,' he added.
Loki swallowed. 'Think nothing of it.'
'You could have left me there.'
Loki tilted his head at that, eyes locked on Bruce's.
'You were terrified for Tony; enraged,' Bruce said. He shook his head ever so slightly. 'I wouldn't have liked it, but I would have understood if you'd left me there. The fact that you didn't, when Tony was in so much danger, it… I…' he trailed off and frowned, clearly unable to find the correct words.
Loki swallowed again and lowered his fork. 'I could not leave you,' he stated. Bruce caught his gaze. 'I didn't rescue you just because of Tony,' Loki added.
Bruce frowned. 'But-'
'Believe it or not,' Loki interrupted, 'you are not just an ally, Bruce. You are… everything you have done…'
A smile spread across Bruce's face. 'As difficult as it is to believe, I consider you a friend, too,' he said. 'So does the Other Guy.' Loki raised an eyebrow at that. Bruce chuckled. 'It's true,' he said. 'I mean, sure, he still calls you Puny God every now and then.' Loki snorted. 'But it's mostly friend. And… home.' Bruce paused and stared at his tea. 'The Tower's home to him,' he said. 'You and Tony are friends. So… thanks for bringing me back.'
'You are welcome,' Loki said. The entire conversation had… left him feeling confused. But Loki knew that every word he'd said was true. Bruce was a… friend. Or, rather, he was quickly becoming one. He was someone that Loki was beginning to trust. Maybe not with his own secrets; or not with all of them. But with Tony? Loki trusted that Bruce would do everything within his power to protect Tony. The least Loki could do was protect Bruce.
'It's been a strange few weeks, huh?' Bruce commented when the silence had dragged on for too long.
'Yes,' Loki agreed. He would be very glad to see the end of it. To see Tony open his eyes, to see him smile, to hear him speak.
To hear his response to my true thoughts, Loki thought. To hear what he has to say when I thought about running.
Loki closed his eyes and ignored the concern on Bruce's face.
…
James fidgeted in his seat. It was still warm, Loki having just vacated it. James had been shocked when JARVIS had said Loki wanted to see him, even more surprised when Loki informed him that he was going to sleep and could James watch over Tony while he was resting?
James seriously doubted that Loki would rest all that much. Still, it was a step in the right direction. Loki looked worse than Tony and Tony was unconscious. Any rest was good, right?
He frowned and fiddled with his StarkPhone. He wanted to open it up, play one of the apps or read the news. Maybe go over some of the notes he'd jotted down; he had to figure out a way to make Tony's escape work in their favour. They had to present this news to the media in the best possible way, secure the very best possible outcome for themselves and screw SHIELD over in the process.
But he didn't want to take his eyes off Tony. What if something happened? What if he woke up and JARVIS didn't notice? What if Loki realised that James had a poor attention span and decided that James wasn't worth the trouble? What if-
James shook his head. Christ, he was sending himself insane. Everyone within the Tower was walking on eggshells, all spirits dampened by Tony's continued sleep. Loki constantly looked like he was either about to collapse or snap, Doctor Banner was just drinking tea and wandering around, and Stephen was running himself ragged taking care of them all as well as reporting back to check on his own people.
Apparently, they couldn't function as a group without Tony. James smiled slightly at the thought. Tony Stark, the glue that held the lunatics together.
James was seriously considering asking JARVIS to get someone to bring him a StarkPad when Tony shifted ever so slightly on the bed. His lips opened and a soft groan escaped, followed by his eyes fluttering open. James stared, jaw slack, as Tony frowned and stared at the ceiling.
'Loki?' he whispered in the softest voice James had ever heard.
'Tony!' James exploded into action, almost falling over the bed as he made his way to Tony's side. Tony had shifted at the sound of his own name and met James' eyes with blurred focus. 'Hey, man,' James said.
'Rhodey?' Tony looked so confused and James laughed softly. He reached out to pat Tony on the arm.
'Welcome back, Tone,' he said. 'What do you need?'
'I… what?' Tony was clearly confused, which was to be expected.
'Here, lemme help you up,' James said. Tony made soft sounds of pain as James carefully helped him up, his pillows quickly stuffed behind his back to keep him upright. 'You want water?' James asked. 'Something to eat?' Tony just started at him, head drooping and fingers clumsily pulling at the blanket.
'I…'
'You want Loki?' was James' next guess. Tony's head snapped up at that, eyes suddenly focused with absolute clarity. Tony said nothing. 'I'll go get him,' James said. 'He'll kill me if I don't let him know you're awake.'
He turned his back on Tony and hurriedly made his way to the door. Surely JARVIS had already informed him, but still, James didn't wanna risk Loki's anger. The guy had a short fuse on the best of days.
James grabbed the door handle and pulled-
-it didn't budge. James frowned and tried again. And again. Still, no matter how hard he pulled, the door refused to open. It wasn't locked- this was a guest room on Doctor Banner's floor, it didn't even have a lock- so what the hell?
It was like a bucked of ice had been poured over him. James suddenly became very aware of the heaviness of the room, the static suddenly licking across his skin. He shivered and turned, trying to find the source of whatever the hell was going on.
Tony was staring at him, eyes narrowed, a very faint purple glow to his skin.
'Tony-'
'You said Loki,' Tony interrupted. His voice was hard, firm, no hint of the fact that he'd been unconscious for three days.
James wet his lips. 'I did,' he agreed.
'How do you know about Loki?' Tony asked.
Carefully, James let go of the door and took a slow step back. He raised his hands. 'You need to calm down,' James said. Because it made sense now. Tony was freaking out. He had no idea that James knew. He was confused, scared, and he was-
'Where's Loki?' Tony asked, interrupting James' racing thoughts.
'Let me go get him,' James said. He tried to keep his voice calm and even, tone soothing. 'He can explain everything.' Tony didn't respond. 'Just let me open the door, okay?'
Nothing. James swallowed and reached for the door.
'No,' Tony said softly. James was suddenly flung back. He hit the wall hard and all the breath was knocked from him, a wheeze escaping as he tried to flop forward only to be held up by Tony's magic.
It had to be. It was the only thing that made sense. 'Tony,' he tried, 'please.'
But Tony was clearly in no state to rationally talk things out. He just stared at James, eyes hard, the purple glow surrounding him getting brighter, his power thick in the air and catching in James' lungs.
Calmly, Tony raised one hand in James' direction. His chest began to glow, too, purple leaking from his arc reactor.
'Tony,' James said.
The door burst open and Strange stumbled in, hair in disarray, Cloak hovering above his head. Tony's attention immediately snapped to him and he grit his teeth.
'Sorry about this,' Strange panted as he raised one hand. Green symbols began to spiral down his arm. Tony tilted his head at the sight. 'You'll thank me when you're properly conscious,' Strange added.
Orange sparks flared into life between Tony and Strange just in time. Tony had leapt forward, mouth pulled back in a snarl and the furniture around the room tossed aside in the wake of his power. But he hit the shield Strange had put up and had no time to break through before Strange was on him. Strange slapped a glowing hand against Tony's forehead and pushed him back onto the bad.
Tony went limp almost immediately, the green markings surrounding Strange's hand seeping into him before retreating and disappearing all together. The force holding James up against the wall vanished and James dropped like a stone, hit the floor at an awkward angle and groaned as he lay in a heap.
'Are you okay?' James managed to drag himself up to see Doctor Strange holding a hand out to him.
'Yeah,' James said and let himself be pulled up, 'thanks.'
'No problem.' Strange let go of his hand and turned to survey Tony. 'I came as soon as Doctor Banner called.'
'Yeah,' James repeated. 'He freaked out.'
'Do you know why?'
'I mentioned Loki,' James said. Strange frowned at him. 'Tony doesn't know I'm on his side,' James explained. 'Last thing he remembers is being surrounded by people who wanna kill him. He just freaked out.'
'Oh,' Strange said. His frown deepened. 'Where's Loki?'
'He said he was going to rest,' James
'Mr Laufeyson is currently unconscious,' JARVIS piped in. 'He awoke when Mr Stark did but was in too much pain to come to his aid.'
'Ah.' Strange sighed and scrubbed viciously at his face. 'Great. He's not gonna rest after this.'
'It's my fault,' James said. 'I shouldn't have been left alone with Tony.'
Strange groaned and rolled his eyes. 'You people need to stop blaming yourselves for everything. Jesus Christ.' He sighed. 'I need a drink.'
'Doctor Strange-' JARVIS began, but Strange cut him off.
'After I check on Tony and Loki, yes, I know,' Strange muttered.
'Thank you,' JARVIS responded. 'I shall inform Doctor Banner of your intentions. He is currently seeing to Mr Laufeyson.'
'At least one of you isn't acting like a child,' Strange muttered. He glanced at James. 'Go sit down, take a breath. Tony's magic is… something else.'
'Yeah… yeah, okay,' James agreed. It wasn't like he could help, really. His skin was still buzzing, his heart thumping far too quickly in his chest. What he'd felt… the look on Tony's face. 'I think I need a drink, too.'
Strange smiled. 'Poor me one,' he said, 'I'll join you after I get this idiot comfortable.'
…
Tony had never felt this exhausted in his life. He wasn't sure why, exactly, he felt like death itself, only that he did. He groaned and opened his eyes, blinked against the crustiness and blur to his vision. When he could finally focus, he was staring at a ceiling; it was white.
Well, that didn't really help.
It took far too long for him to push back the blanket he was covered in. His limbs felt heavy and achy. His tongue was too thick, far too dry, and even his goddamn teeth hurt. What the fuck had happened?
'Tony.'
His head snapped up at the voice- that voice, the one that had kept him going when dark thoughts had threatened to take over. The one thing he'd kept imagining was whispering to him when the lights went out and his tank was plunged into darkness.
His tank. The Helicarrier. Red, flashing lights, Romanov wrapping her thighs around his neck and squeezing, the ground rushing up to greet him far too quickly, a buzz under his skin and a galaxy in his chest-
'Tony.'
He finally found it, the source of everything. He was at Tony's side, face pale and deep purple bruises marring his otherwise startling green eyes. He smiled weakly and reached out to take Tony's hand.
Tony felt his eyes watering and did nothing to hold back the tears.
'Loki,' he choked out. His heart was pounding, magic sang through his veins.
Loki smiled. 'Welcome back,' he said.
