A/N: Hi! Here is another chapter! I didn't think I would finish this quick… But… I thought it would be good to split into two… Please, please, please let me know what you think. I love hearing from you and it's good to "water the writer" especially one who is not sure about writing drama lol. Thank you all for your continued support and reviews! Also, please stay safe from this virus everywhere!
Chapter 83:
As Derek shuts the door to the daycare, he sighs. Rubbing his hand over his face and trying to drown out the sound of Lexie's screams. She had to decide today to begin having separation anxiety. The morning had not gotten any better after Meredith wouldn't look at him and stormed out of the house. Bailey had tried to help him by grabbing his briefcase only to realize that it wasn't zipped properly and a bunch of papers fell out. This made them late to leave and in the commotion they forgot Bailey's snack. They were on the ferry when they realized this and couldn't turn back. Making Bailey throw a huge temper tantrum that shocked Derek beyond belief. Bailey finally calmed when Derek promised to bring him something from the cafeteria. Since Zola was late for school, Derek had to cart all three kids into the office to check in Zola. Once they finally got to daycare, Lexie decided that she didn't want Derek to leave so she clutched to him for fifteen minutes. Derek was so exhausted, so upset that he didn't mind just sitting there. But now, he had surgery in 45 minutes and all that he wanted to do was find his wife. She would help him feel better. But, then he remembered that she was pissed at him. He had no clue what was going on with Meredith. Why this upset her so much. Derek wanted to see her to apologize, get her to talk, but she wasn't answering his texts which meant he would have to search. If anything he would see her at their appointment. But, he didn't want to dampen it by fighting right before they saw their boys. "Hey." He says when he sees Amy in the lounge.
"Well, look who finally decided to show." She smirks.
"What? I had a long morning."
"It's 9:00."
"Yeah. Well it was just me because Meredith is pissed at me. Have you seen her, by the way?" Derek argues with his hands on his waist.
"She's in surgery." Amy smirks. "What did you do?"
"I don't know. I really don't. We had a fight because we ran into our exes last night and I told her that I didn't know why I dated mine." Derek says.
Amy shakes her head. "So, she's mad at you because you are an idiot." She shrugs. "Think she'd be used to that by now."
"Amy!" Derek snaps as her pager blares.
"Gotta run, hurry and get to work." She waves as she heads out the door. The door swings shut, hiding Amy from his view as she speeds down the hall. Derek groans and runs his hand through his hair. He sighs as he turns and rips off his sweater. Meredith was in surgery which means he wouldn't see her until their appointment.
"Guess I'll prep for surgery." He says to himself. Derek finishes changing and heads to the floor. Grabbing his phone he checks for messages from Meredith. Pausing to look at his lock screen, his chest tightening as it had been each time he looked at it this morning. It was a picture of Meredith he had taken one night when they were relaxing after the kids had gone to bed. She was in her ratty little Dartmouth shirt and cuddled in his favorite blanket. It was before they found out about the babies. They had just gotten back from New York. She look exquisite with her smile and sparkly eyes.
"Since when do you cry before a surgery?" Callie asks as she walks up to Derek. He gasps and wipes his eyes, looking down at his hands. Sure enough they were wet.
Derek blushes. "Damn it. I'm sorry, Callie. I… You don't want to head about it."
"I'm going into a routine procedure, why not liven it up with some drama." Callie shrugs as she leans against the wall.
"What kind of drama?" Cristina comes over.
Derek groans. "Have you talked to Meredith?" He asks Cristina.
"No, I was watching her in the O.R though."
"Crap, then I can't tell you. She will kill me more than she already wants to right now." Derek rolls his eyes as they walk to the nurses station across from the attendings lounge.
Cristina and Callie look at each other with raised eyebrows. "Neither of you have to tell us anything. You're weepy and staring at your phone that I know has a picture of Meredith on the lock screen. Waiting for her to text." Cristina says simply. "You're also asking if we have seen her, which means you two aren't doing the constant texting you typically do everyday."
"How do you...?" Derek looks at them quizzically.
"You know Mer and I are close, more so during our internship and residency, but still. I know when she's pissed at you and it's usually because you were an idiot."
"I agree with Yang. Plus you get that sad puppy look every time she's mad or not talking to you." She gives him a sympathetic look. "Most of us are in tuned for Meredith and Derek drama." Callie crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows. "What happened?"
"I have to get to surgery and I don't need her more upset by me telling you." Derek shakes his head.
Cristina looks at him for a moment. She smiles softly and pats his shoulder. "I understand. But, Derek, whatever it is, you will get through it. She loves you too much."
"Yeah, she wouldn't be herself without you." Callie adds with a smile. "Plus, she's on double hormones."
"Thanks guys." Derek mutters as Callie walks away. He gets second thoughts as he watches her head to the Ortho floor. Needing some reassurance, he turns, "Cristina?" He pauses as she starts to turn. "Was… Was… Was Meredith really hurt by me dating Rose?"
Cristina turns back around and looks at Derek. She comes closer and notes the fatigue on his face. The pure panic and sorrow etched across his features. Her eyes soften as Derek stares at her, pleading. "Well, I was going through a rough patch after Burke, so I was in my own world. But… Yeah… It killed her to come to work and see you with her." Cristina puts a friendly hand on his shoulder.
"Damn it. Cristina, I'm only telling you. Please don't tell Mer you know. But… We ran into Rose and Finn last night…"
Cristina gasps. "It's okay, don't say anymore." She nods in understanding. "I'll keep an eye on her."
"Okay. We have an appointment at eleven. Hopefully she'll talk to me."
"She will, Derek. Remember what I said." Cristina nods and heads in the opposite direction. Derek sighs as he realizes that he just had a sane, non judgmental conversation with Cristina Yang. Without his wife. He puts on a smile as he enters the patients room. As he talks with the patient though, his mind is racing again. It's a whirlwind of motion as the patient is whisked away. He calls Meredith quick and only gets her voicemail. Derek heads to the scrub room for OR 3. He passes by the board and sees that Meredith should be almost done in OR 2. Derek toys with the idea of paging Nelson, but he decides against it. He slips on his ferryboat scrub cap and goes to scrub.
"Okay, everyone… It's…" Derek starts his catchphrase, but shakes his head. "I can't say it today." He mumbles to himself. "Bohkee, scalpel." He instructs to his favorite scrub nurse. Beginning the surgery, his mind stays clear. But about ten minutes in, his mind starts racing. Replaying the last night in his head and then this morning in his head. He thinks to himself, "she wants to know why I dated her… Because I was an idiot? I can't think of anything else." Derek ponders. He lets his mind wander way back to the period of time after the non wedding of Cristina and Burke. The sex and mockery, Meredith's fear of commitment.
"Doctor, he's crashing!" He hears Bohkee exclaim through his thoughtful haze. Derek had been focusing on other things and didn't register the alarm.
"Damn it! Damn it!" He shouts and rushes into action. Looking at the surface below, he notices that he ruptured the aneurysm. Derek rushes to clear the blood, luckily fixing the patient in time. He pants as he groans inwardly. The surgery finishes up with no more complications and Derek scrubs out. "Crap! It's 11:07." He says as he looks at his watch. Derek throws his towel into the bin and runs out. He doesn't need another reason for Meredith to be mad. When he is on the elevator, he pulls out his phone. No calls, no texts. "Mer." He moans and scrapes his hands through his hair. The elevator dings and he runs out. His stomach sinks as he doesn't see Meredith anywhere. He looks around, spinning in a circle. "Has Dr. Grey come up here?" Derek asks the nurses at the desk.
"Not since this morning." One replies.
"What?!" Derek asks, his eyes bulging. He pulls out his phone and sends Meredith another text.
"Derek?" He hears a female voice.
"Addison? Where's Meredith?"
"My guess is going to get Zola. She came in early for the appointment and just now mentioned that she was going to get Zola early." Addison explains.
"What?!" Derek says as his chest fills with anger and some hurt."She did the appointment without me?"
"Derek, you saw them yesterday. Everything is the same."
"That's not the point. We promised that we would see them together."
"Well, Derek. She seemed pretty pissed this morning. So I don't think she was too worried…"
"Damn it!" He yells, pounding his fist on the counter. His eyes darken as he glares at the wall.
"Derek, she… She told me what happened…"
"She told you?!" Derek gasps. "I don't tell Cristina but she told you?!"
"Well, that's her best friend, Derek. That was a good call." Addison says as she leans against the counter. Her glasses slipping down the bridge of her nose. Derek moans and shakes his head. Turning around with his hands on his waist, catching his breath. "Hey." She says in a calm, friendly manner making him face her again. "I was the one who told Meredith to get her act together and not let you get away."
"What?" Derek's face softens.
"She has always been in love with you. But, you both had a crazy year. You know I know that." Addison adds with a smirk. "Meredith just didn't know how to get it. I think she just wanted someone to push her in the right way. She was very jealous of that bimbo. Who was completely wrong for you, Derek." Addison finishes.
"I know, Addie." Derek rolls his eyes.
"Do you, Derek? Because, let me tell you Derek, I was better for you than that doe eyed bimbo." Addison argues causing Derek to laugh loudly.
"True."
"Glad we agree. Now, take it easy Derek. You were going through something during that time. Because I know you would have done whatever you could to make Meredith trust you again back then. I know, because you have done that. Just figure it out."
"I will."
"Good, I want to see both of you together at your next appointment."
"You will." Derek smiles.
"Thank you. Take it easy on her is what I meant before by the way. Her blood pressure was a bit high this morning."
"What?! Derek panics.
"Don't be an idiot and it will go down." Addison warns.
"Okay." Derek nods and rakes his hands through his hair. "Thanks, Addison."
"No problem, see you in two weeks." She waves and turns, leaving Derek to his thoughts. The annoyance of knowing that Meredith did the appointment without him still simmering.
On the other side of the hospital. On a totally different floor, Meredith was making her way to the attendings lounge to change. As she walks down the hall, she pulls out her phone. Ten texts from Derek and five missed calls from him. Three voicemails. She rolls her eyes as she stuffs it back in her pocket. Opening the door, Meredith collapses on one of the couches. Her hands rubbing her stomach. She closes her eyes and breathes. The surgery went well and she was able to clear her mind a little bit. She groans as her mind drifts and she again thinks about all of the messages from Derek and everything that happened last night. Meredith wanted to know what he was thinking back then. Because if she thought about it, she knew that Derek loved her and still does. It was the easiest concept in the world to understand. But, when she thought about it, she realized that normally he would have figured out a way to get her trust back. He would have done whatever it took. Instead, he had not been acting like himself back then and completely gave up. Her thought process was interrupted when the door swings open. "Oh, hey." Meredith mutters as Alex and Cristina walk inside.
"Hey." Cristina plops besides her.
"What's up? Alex nods as he grabs a TV dinner from the fridge.
"Ugh, just relaxing until I go get Zola." Meredith mutters. "Avoiding Derek."
Alex accidentally slams his finger in the microwave as he shuts it when he hears this. Leading to some choice curse words. "What?! Haven't heard that sentence in years."
"Why are you avoiding your husband, Mer?" Cristina looks at her. Not noting the preview she got earlier. "I thought he looked mopey earlier."
"I'm avoiding him because he is a stupid brain man." Meredith crosses her arms making Alex snort.
"Spit it out Mer." Cristina says casually. Used to this now.
"Well, last night we went out with the kids to celebrate finding out the sex of the babies. We're not telling yet, by the way." She sidetracks when both Alex and Cristina gasp at the news. "So, anyway, we went to this steakhouse because I can't eat pizza without wanting to puke." Meredith pauses and takes a few breaths in and out like Derek tells her to do when he's not there. To combat the nausea. "Everything was great until… Finn showed up.
"What?!" Alex swings around, forgetting his food. Meredith looks up at him with an annoyed look.
"That's not all…" Meredith moans as Cristina rubs her back. "He came over to say hello and introduce us to his fiancée."
"Well that's good isn't it?" Cristina asks.
"It was Rose. His fiancée is Rose." Meredith dead pans.
Alex's face turns red as he tries to hide his laughter. "Oh!" He covers his mouth with his fist, laughing.
"That is pretty funny." Cristina smirks.
"Yeah, well they ruined our dinner. All of my fears and thoughts came back about Rose and Derek was glaring towards Finn. I swear he was picturing stabbing Finn's head with the fork as he ate his steak." Meredith grumbles. Alex comes to sit beside her and hug her shoulders. Cristina continuing to rub her back. "Then, when we got home, he wasn't able to tell me why he even considered dating her." Meredith argues, not noticing the confused look Alex gives Cristina.
"What do you mean, Mer?" Asks Cristina.
"When we broke up because he kissed her, he told me that he couldn't do it anymore. Our S and M, tiptoeing around me." She sighs, thinking carefully how to phrase her words. "I thought he had more of a reason to date her. But, last night he couldn't tell me." Meredith mutters. "He couldn't tell me why he couldn't do it anymore. Why he even went with her."
"Meredith." Alex sighs.
"Okay… I think I get it, Mer." Cristina whispers. "But… Why does it bother you so much? That man loves you more than life itself. He would literally walk to the ends of the earth for you."
"Yang's right, Mer. You got him. You won. He's yours."
"I know. But, it bothers me." Meredith replies. "I was able to tell him why I dated Finn."
"How about why you took so long to choose Derek?" Cristina nods.
"He didn't ask." Shrugs Meredith.
"Probably because that doesn't matter either, Mer." Alex offers.
"Whatever! If it didn't matter than he wouldn't have been glaring at Finn."
"Were you feeling all jealousy with horse face?" Cristina asks.
"Yeah, especially when they were talking to the kids."
"Ouch." Alex grumbles.
"Ugh, I gotta go get Zola. Thanks for trying guys." Meredith stands and grabs her purse out of her locker.
"Just think about it, Mer." Cristina mentions. "Does it really matter now? You both did some pretty stupid things back then."
"Yeah and he loves you, always has." Alex waves as she steps out the door.
Meredith sighs as she thinks about her friend's words. Was his reason really important now? She manages to get out of the hospital without seeing Derek. Not ready to face him yet. She gets into her car and heads to the school to pick up their daughter. As she pulls into the parking lot, she sees storm clouds several miles in the distance. "Crap." She mutters as she slams the gear into park. Quickly, she walks inside. "Zola Grey- Shepherd for early dismissal." She asks the secretary and sits on one of the red cushioned chairs.
"Hi, mama." Zola whispers solemnly as the aide brings her to the front office ten minutes later. Her eyes don't light up like usual and her head is tilted towards the door.
"Hey, ZoZo, what's wrong?" Meredith leans forward as Zola gives a very uncharacteristic hug. None of the usual bone crushing force she uses to show excitement.
"She's been quiet all morning." The aide replies.
"Do you feel okay, Zo?" Meredith feels her head and not finding a temperature.
"Yeah." Zola nods without a smile.
"Ready for our special afternoon?"
"Okay." Zola shrugs as Meredith walks outside with her after waving to the office staff. She eyes her daughter suspiciously. "Where's daddy?"
"He's at work." Meredith mutters. Zola looks up to check Meredith's reaction. When she sees Meredith not smile like she normally does when answering about Derek, she looks back at the ground with a sigh.
"Oh." She hums and Meredith opens the door.
Meredith kisses her head before heading to the drivers seat. "Want to go to our grilled cheese coffee shop? Where we can get those cookies we like?"
Zola lights up at that mention. "Yeah!" She squeals with a smile. Meredith sighs in relief as she exits the school parking lot. She goes towards the downtown area where there was a coffee shop that was child friendly that Meredith and Zola had been before. They get inside, Zola bouncing a little happier now. Meredith orders two grilled cheeses and fries for them, milkshakes and extra cookies. Once they are sitting down at a comfy, brown leather booth, Zola becomes quiet again.
"Did you have fun at school, Zo?"
"Yeah." She nods.
"Did you do something fun?"
"Yeah." She nods again, tracing the grout of the colorful tiles on the table.
"Like what?" Meredith says with enthusiasm.
"Dunno." Zola shrugs and becomes enamored by some crumbs on the table. Meredith groans and sits back while they wait for their food. Something was bugging Zola and she had no clue how to get it out of her.
"Here's your food." The waitress says as she puts the food down.
"Thanks." Meredith says as the bell on the door rings, signifying someone entering.
"Mama, look!" Zola gasps and points outside. The clouds Meredith had seen earlier were darker and closer.
"Oh no, Zo!" Meredith moans. "I guess we can't go to the park."
"No mama! I wanna go to the park!" Zola screams, her hands in little fists.
"Love bug, it's going to rain. How about the bookstore or the mall?"
"No!" Zola pouts.
"I may have a suggestion." Comes a familiar voice. Meredith cringes as an eerie chill goes down her spine before she turns to look.
"Hey! You're the person who fixes puppies and kitties!" Zola beams as she looks up from glaring at the ground.
"Yes, I am. Funny running into you again." Finn comments and smirks at Meredith.
"Yeah, funny." Meredith mumbles as she fakes a smile at him.
"May I sit?" He asks.
"Your fiancée may not like that." Meredith warns.
"She won't mind." Finn says as he pulls over a chair. "How are you today, Meredith?"
"Good." Meredith grumbles stoically. Wanting to be far away from him. Needing Derek so much in this moment because Finn did not look as nervous without him there. Karma, she figures. Running into Finn twice in a row was Karma for something, she just wasn't sure what.
"Did ya fix any doggies today?" Zola beams and sits on her knees. She pulls on Finn's shirt.
"Oh." Finn laughs. "Yeah… I did. I have more later… Um, what's your name, sweetie?"
"Zola Grey-Shepherd." She says, matter of fact.
"That's a pretty name." Finn smiles and shakes her hand making Zola laugh louder than she had all afternoon.
"Say thanks, Zo." Meredith prompts. Leading to Zola following.
"So… I uh… Heard that your park plans were canceled." Finn says as his food is delivered. Meredith groans inwardly as she notices him staying. She knew this would bother Derek beyond belief and she contemplated grabbing Zola and running to the hospital.
"Yeah. It's going to rain." Meredith points.
"Yeah, it's so not fair! Zola pouts. Her legs furiously swinging underneath the table.
"You're right princess. It's not fair." Finn says as Meredith groans at him using Derek's nickname for Zola. "But, you might be in luck. You see I have an errand to run after lunch." He smirks at Meredith.
"Errand?" Zola asks as she scoots closer. Meredith wants no more than to flee right this moment.
"Yeah. Do you like farm animals?"
"Yeah! They're so cute!" Zola claps.
"How would you like to see a pony and a lamb that were just born this morning?" Finn asks.
Zola gasps and bounces on the seat of the booth. "Could I?!"
"It's up to your mom." Finn shrugs.
"Oh… Well… Zola why don't we…" Meredith desperately tries to think of something that doesn't seem obvious to Finn that she doesn't want to be near him at all.
"Please, mama." Zola crawls over to Meredith and wraps her arms around Meredith. Smiling that smile that always gets Meredith.
"How about the toy store?" She bargains as a last ditch effort. "Princess tea party? Disney movies until daddy gets home?"
"No, mama." She pouts and somehow manages to make her eyes wider. Like those cartoon characters whose eyes magically gets larger.
"Relax, Mer. There's other kids there. I set up a group of patients kids when these animals are about to give birth and they come with their parents when the baby is born." Finn shrugs. Meredith sighs. Derek would be pissed, beyond pissed. He hates Finn. But at the same time, Zola was so excited. Looking up at her with those eyes.
"Okay." Meredith moans and closes her eyes. She sighs as Zola claps and cheers.
"Thanks, mama!" Her arms go up as she scoots up onto her knees on her mom's lap.
"But you have to finish your lunch." Meredith warns.
"Kay!" Zola takes a bite of her grilled cheese and slides back into her seat. Meredith moans at the feeling of nerves and regret boiling in her stomach. "Hey, ya never told me your name! Daddy always say grown ups need to tell kids their names and if they're a friend!" Zola tugs on Finn's shirt.
Meredith admonishes her daughter's poor sense of when to address stranger danger as Finn laughs. "Oh, my name is Finn and I am a friend of your mommy. I don't think you have to worry about asking if I'm a friend since your mommy let me sit." Finn answers and Meredith is grateful for a moment for his help.
"Good! Can you tell me about the puppies and kitties? My brother and me want a puppy really bad."
"Zo, you're getting two brothers. You wanted those first." Meredith groans.
"Yeah, but a puppy is different." Zola argues with sass etched in her tone. "Please tell me Mr. Finn." Finn looks between her and Meredith as Zola pats his arm.
"What would you like to know?" Questions Finn.
Zola taps her chin as she contemplates her first question. Choosing it very carefully, using the utmost caution. "Do they give lots of kisses?" Zola scoots closer as she finally chooses one. Meredith watches as the pit in her stomach deepens as Finn smirks at her.
"Uh… Yeah, when I see them, they are pretty nervous because they don't like going to the doctor. So they don't always give kisses."
"Aww! I'm not ascared of the Doctor! My Doctor is Auntie Zona though." Zola nods. "She makes me laugh and shots don't hurt when she does them. Then daddy and mama kisses where the shot was and then it really, really don't hurt!"
"She has your ramble." Finn mutters to Meredith who was nervously picking at her fingers. Her feet anxiously swinging under the table. She gives him a quick nod and smile before going back to her fingers.
"Do ya work on animals brains?" Zola wonders.
"Sometimes."
"Wow! That's super cool! I wanna do that! I love animals and I love brains!" Zola giggles making Finn look at Meredith.
"She loves to try to read Derek's and mine's textbooks. Her favorite coloring book is her anatomy one." Meredith explains. "She can name all of the cranial nerves, what they do and what to do in a head trauma." Meredith relaxes for a moment as she boasts about her daughter.
"That's incredible, Zola." Finn says as Meredith's phone buzzes. Zola starts bombarding Finn with more questions giving Meredith an out. Meredith looks at her phone to see a text message from Derek.
"I love you, Mer. There's rain coming. Be safe." Meredith reads and her stomach clenches. Her chest pinging with remorse.
"I love you too, Derek. We will." Meredith responds.
Derek replies a minute later. "I'm so, so, so sorry. I will apologize better later, but for now, I'm sorry." Meredith clutches her hand over her heart. She feels horrible. Her insides are twisting with guilt. She knows that if Derek had agreed to take one of the kids somewhere with Rose, she would be pissed. If Derek found out, which was very likely, he would be furious. Meredith gulps as she types "ok" with a little heart emoji.
"Zola… How about we go see daddy?" Meredith suggests with a smile and a sideways, nervous glance at Finn who had scooted closer to Meredith.
"Mama, we will see him later! I wanna see the pony! I never saw one before!"
"Meredith, if this makes you uncomfortable, we don't have to do it." Finn says politely.
"No! No! I wanna see the baby animals!" Zola screams making some of Meredith's mommy instincts kick back into play.
"Zola, you keep screaming and we definitely won't go anywhere." Meredith glares at her. Zola backs down and sits back in her seat.
"Sorry, mama." Zola tucks her chin and looks up at her with sad, brown eyes.
"What happens at this thing?" Meredith asks and turns to Finn.
"Ah, well, it's about seven or eight kids and their parents. Whoever is available at such short notice. The parents stand back while the kids get a front row seat to watch the baby animals that were just born. This time it happens to be a lamb and a pony born this morning. I show them how to gently play with them. Meredith looks at Finn carefully. She figures in her head that she will be okay with other parents there. Her daughter did look so excited.
"Okay." She groans. Her eyes dart nervously away from Finn to her phone. Where she can see smile at the picture of Derek wearing a princess crown as the screensaver.
"Yay!" Zola squeals.
"Excellent." Finn pats Meredith's shoulder. "Now, Zola can you finish your lunch while mommy and I talk?"
Meredith groans again as Zola nods. "Sure!" She chirps.
"So, Mer, how have things been going?" Finn sits back and reaches behind his head. He smiles at her, eyes not staying on hers. Straying to other areas of her, making her stomach do an uncomfortable flip.
"Great." She grits her teeth and forces herself to grin at him. Meredith didn't really feel like speaking directly with Finn.
"How long have you and Derek been married?"
"Ohh… Eight years." Meredith smiles.
"That's good… That's good." Finn adds softly. Noticing the awkwardness of the conversation just now. "I'm happy for you guys."
Meredith is silent for a minute as her hands rest on her stomach. She watches Zola play with her French fries before eating them. "Thanks. I'm happy, happier than I've ever been." She rubs her belly. "Oh…um… You were wrong, Finn." He tilts his head, unsure where this was coming from. "When you said he'd hurt me again." She gains confidence in knowing that Derek loves her beyond words and that it takes two in a relationship. That it was typical for people to have hard times in a relationship. People hurt the ones they love sometimes. Doesn't mean that the pairing is wrong. "We have had our ups and downs, but Derek has always been there for me. I've hurt him too. But, no matter what the situation. He is amazing and especially wonderful with our kids. I chose right, Finn."
"Rose did mention that when she dated him briefly, he wasn't fully with her." Finn nods. Meredith blushes with a grin.
"There were hard times, but we both were going through personal hard times as well. I was afraid and had trust issues. He was going through… Something." Her eyes travel to her plate. Staying quiet a she processed the first part of what she said. " After a while, we got through our tough times together. Sometimes people hurt each other in relationships when they don't mean to hurt them."
"That's right." Finn says. "The fights are how you grow sometimes."
"Yeah... I would do it all again, if I had to. I love him and our life so much." Meredith grins at her realization.
"Well, good. I'm glad you proved me wrong." Finn laughs. Meredith giggles and sits back. The feeling quelling slightly. "Rose and I have had our share of fights."
"But you got through them." Meredith nods. "So, when's the wedding?" Meredith asks after several minutes of quiet contemplation.
"Ahh, three months." Finn let's out a big breath as he answers, finishing with a smile.
"Wow. That's great." Meredith nods. "Congratulations."
"Thanks. We're excited." Finn nods as Meredith eats a bit more. "So, what specialty did you finally choose?" He places his hand on her shoulder, making her flinch. The nerves building again.
Meredith turns away to get away from his hand. "Oh… I have dual specialties. General and Neuro."
"That's incredible." Finn answers smiling sincerely. "Derek must be so proud."
"He is. Very proud." Meredith grins, her face lighting as she thinks of her husband. "He may be more proud of me than I am of myself." She presses her iPhone 10 so she can see her screensaver of Derek for comfort.
"So… We come here a lot, do you guys?" Finn asks as he smiles at Meredith. The awkward tension filling the air once more as the conversations don't seem to go past two to three exchanges.
"This is actually mine and ZoZo's spot." Meredith smiles at her daughter peacefully eating. "Once a month Derek and I have a special date with each of the kids. He and I have a special place that we take each one to, though we may not go every time to that one."
"That's sweet." Finn looks outside as he eats more of his food.
Meredith looks down at her half eaten sandwich. Her stomach to riddled with guilt to eat. Part of her brain told her that she's doing nothing wrong. The other half, the irrational part, told her everything about this was wrong. "So…umm… Is there anything new at your practice?" She asks as she fiddles with her bracelet. Meredith wishes so much in that moment that it was Derek next to her.
"Hmm, not much. I started this tradition about two years ago with the animals. I'm researching new methods in marine medicine." Finn answers.
"Ah." Meredith nods and slowly eats a fry. The babies need to eat. She reminds herself. Eat for Mark and Mason. It's quiet again as she tries to remember if it was this hard to talk with him all those years ago.
"Do we get to pet the baby animals, Mr. Finn?" Zola asks, patting his shoulder.
"She's very polite, Mer." Finn says as Meredith groans and flinches at him using her nickname. He turns to Zola to respond. "Yes, of course, sweetie. Maybe you'll be my special helper?"
"Cool! Mama, did ya hear that?!" Zola turns to Meredith. Her smile wide and eyes twinkle with childhood excitement.
"That's wonderful, Zo." Meredith strains to smile. She just wants Derek. Wants him to hold her and glare with jealousy at the man sitting next to her. Thoughts going through her mind make her figure that this would be a lot easier if her and Derek wouldn't have fought last night or that morning. She watches as Finn gives Zola a high five, making the girl laugh.
"Okay, guys, I have to go prepare." Finn says.
"Aww, okay!" Zola jumps and hugs him.
"Thanks, sweetie." Finn smiles as he hugs her back. "Same place as that one time. Thirty minutes." Finn says as he stands. "See you there." He nods at Meredith.
"Alright." Meredith mutters giving him a fake smile.
"Bye!" Zola waves as Finn waves back and leaves. "This is gonna be so cool!" She giggles at Meredith.
"Yeah." Meredith grimaces. "Zola… I need you to do something for me."
"What?" She asks, much more peppy. Her cookie dangling right in front of her lips.
"You can't tell daddy where we went."
"Huh… Why? Dat's lying."
Meredith groans. Damn, they taught her well. "Because, ZoZo, daddy…" She catches herself, no… That wasn't good either. "Hang on…" Meredith takes out her phone as she gets an idea. Zola watches curiously as Meredith presses a number and puts her phone to her ear. "Cristina? Please tell me you're done with work?" She says when the person on the other line answers.
"No… I have another two hours. Why?" Cristina asks.
"Crap!" Meredith moans. "What about Alex?"
"Just went into surgery."
"Callie? Arizona?"
"Uhh… Went to get Sofia and I think coming in at 4."
"Damn it, Cristina." Meredith groans.
"Hey, don't get snappy. What's wrong?"
"Uh… Zola and I may have run into Finn at lunch. He happened to overhear Zola having a fit because it's going to rain. Ruining our playground plans. Finn offered to have her join a group of parents and kids to come play with newborn animals at a barn." The line is silent as Meredith finishes. "I tried to get out of it after I had already said yes."
"Mer…" Cristina whispers as she eventually finds her voice.
"Derek's gonna be pissed." Meredith hides her face in her palm.
"Why were you asking if I was done with work?"
"Was going to make you take her." Meredith mutters.
"That just looks bad to your kid and to Finn." Cristina retorts. "Tell Zo not to tell Derek."
"I can't lie to him or make my daughter lie."
Cristina audibly sighs. "I don't know, then, Mer."
"Seriously." Meredith gapes.
"Mama, is it time to go?!" Zola whines, pulling on Meredith's sleeve.
"Cris?!" Meredith panics.
"Mer… Uh… Go for a few minutes, let her pet it and then say daddy wants you guys home. He misses you or something."
"Right… Right.." Meredith nods. "Thanks."
"Good luck." Cristina says. Meredith hangs up and the panicky feeling doesn't go down.
"What did I do?!" She moans to herself.
"Come on, mama!" Zola bounces with such exuberance that shows Meredith that if she had said no, then Zola wouldn't have understood. She would have been crushed and confused. She wouldn't understand that Derek wouldn't want either of them near Finn. Zola wouldn't have understood why they couldn't see the baby animals.
"Let's go, Zo." She says shakily and helps Zola out of the seat. Zola clutches Meredith's hand as they head back to the car. Thunder rolls and a slight drizzle is beginning to fall. In the car, Zola tells her lion all about where they were going. Meredith reaches the barn where she had her date with Finn all those years ago when she helped him birth that pony. "Here we are, Zo." Meredith coos as she parks. There are several cars already there.
"Yay!" Zola is full of energy as she unbuckles her booster and stands. The rain starts getting harder and Meredith digs in the glove compartment for their travel size umbrella. Zola finds her Cinderella one under the toys strewn about the floor of the car while Meredith opens her umbrella and gets out. When she opens the door, she watches Zola wriggle with excitement.
"Hold on, Zola. I need to tell you something." Meredith bites her lips.
"What, mama?" Zola wonders as rain spills around Meredith's umbrella. Keeping her dry.
"Do you… Remember when Bailey was jealous of your cousins?" Meredith brushes her braids. Worry fills every vein in her body. Her teeth grip her lip as nerves flood through her to the core.
"Yeah." Zola nods, ruining Meredith's efforts at putting them behind her ears. Zola doesn't seem to notice the fear in her mom's voice.
"Well, I need you to act like that if Finn gets too close to me." Meredith carefully looks at her daughter.
"Huh? Why would he do that?" She straightens up and does that cute little face where she scrunches up her nose and her eyelids move down.
"Don't worry about that, Zo. Just, it will help me… And daddy." Meredith adds.
"Okay… You want me to act jealous?" Zola looks at her oddly.
"Yes." Meredith nods nervously. She hated herself for subjecting her daughter to this. But figures this will lessen the blow.
"Okay, mama. Let's go!" Zola bounces on her heels as Meredith pulls her to the ground. The rain pouring around them. Meredith helps Zola open her umbrella before taking her hand and walking to the large barn that is worn with age. It was just as Meredith remembers. She sees five other cars by her's as Zola skips besides her. They enter the barn where she sees a group of people including four kids. Finn is at the front of the group, hugging one of his clients. He looks up just as Meredith and Zola close their umbrellas.
"Meredith!" Finn grins widely and walks towards her with open arms. He pulls her into a hug, squeezing her tight. Meredith's chest constricts with fear. Her arms do not reciprocate the hug. Meredith's eyes dart all over for Zola. Wishing and hoping her daughter will do what she was told. Her stomach rolls, wanting to puke and she figures her boys are doing their part.
"Hi, Mr. Finn." Zola finally jumps, tugging on his shirt.
"Hello, Zola!" He gives her a high five when he bends down. His smile twinkles. "Are you ready to see some animals?"
"Yeah!" She nods.
"Well, let's go then." He takes her hand and walks her over to the group. "Okay, everyone, these are some family friends. They're going to join us." Finn explains. Meredith watches from the side as Finn opens one of the stalls. Keeping Zola next to him. Her desire for Derek intensifies. Feeling her hands shake, she lifts her phone and opens it. She sets and alarm for fifteen minutes. Figuring, she can use it to say that there's an emergency at home.
"Oh, look at how cute!" Meredith hears Zola squeal. She looks inside to see a mother horse and sheep in the back of the large stall while a pony and lamb prance about in the hay. Finn sits on a little stool as the kids stand in the gate. The adults stand back to watch, Meredith standing the farthest away.
"Okay, guys. I'm going to show you how to pet them when they come close and then you. Then, I'm going to let you come in two at a time." Finn makes little kissy noises to get the animals closer. "Zola, can you bring me that container of animal food?" He looks at Zola standing there.
"Okay!" Zola nods and tiptoes over to a black bucket. It's not very heavy but she still carries it slowly, barely lifting it higher than her ankles.
"Thank you, come here." Finn holds out his arm and pulls her against him. Meredith's stomach twists and lurches. It felt wrong, even watching her daughter with her ex. "Now, just take food like this and hold your hand out." Sweet little neighs and baa's fill the air as the babies come bounding towards him. Zola laughs as she covers her mouth. Watching the lamb eat out of Finn's hand. All of the kids inch forward, wanting a turn. "Here, Zola." He hands her the bucket.
Zola takes a handful and holds out her hand. "Here horsey. Here lamby!" She coos. "That tickles!" Zola looks up at Finn as the pony nudges her hand before the lamb's tongue flicks her hand as it steals the pony's place.
"That's it, Zola. Then once he's done, you can pet him."
"Wow! Mama do ya see me?" Zola calls without looking.
"Yeah, Zo." Meredith says cautiously. Trying to enjoy her daughter's joy.
"Alright, let's bring in Max and Abby." Finn calls in to the next two. He pulls Zola closer to him as two more kids walk towards him. The three laugh as the two new kids feed the animals as Zola pets them.
"You guys are doing great!"
"They're so soft." Zola says as they start prancing around again towards their mothers.
"Yeah!" Agrees one of the other kids. "Look, his mommy is giving him a kiss!" The same child points out the mother horse licking its baby.
"Yes, they need to make sure their babies stay clean." Finn teaches. "Come on in Mary and Steven." He calls in two more kids. Soon, all of the kids were crowded around Finn as he hugged and played with each kid as they watched and fed the animals. "Look at the horses fur, it has spots just like his mommy."
"I have freckles like my mommy." Says one boy.
"My daddy says I have my mommy's eyes." Adds another girl.
"My daddy says I have my mama's giggle." Zola nods. "Right, mama?" She turns and looks at Meredith who is blushing.
"You do, Zola." Finn replies when Meredith doesn't. He smirks up at her before turning back to the kids. "Sit down guys, they will come to you." Meredith breathes in and out with nerves as she watches the pony and lamb come over to the kids. Each child gets to pet each one when they sit in a big circle. Zola is petting the pony in her lap gently when Meredith's alarm rings.
She sighs in relief and swallows. "Oh no, Zola! We have to go." Meredith acts worried.
"Aww, why, mama?!" She whines.
"Something happened at home."
"Is everything okay?" Finn asks.
"Yeah. Yeah… Derek just needs help." Meredith hastily replies. "Come on ZoZo." She holds out her hand.
"Oh well, hope you can come again. Bring Derek and your other two." Finn stands as Zola runs out.
"Um, yeah, sure." Meredith fakes a smile.
"Bye, Zola. Thanks for helping me." Finn waves.
"Bye Mr. Finn. Thanks for showing me the baby animals!" Zola waves as Finn doesn't look at her, but at Meredith. The look makes Meredith want to be sick. In fact, she feels like she wants to puke. Zola grabs her hand and Meredith rushes out. Thankfully, it's not raining anymore. The clouds appear to be taking a break. Meredith opens the door for Zola and watches as she buckles. When she is done, Meredith opens her door. A rumbling feeling in her stomach makes her stop. She clutches her door as nausea rips through her. Her face goes to direct her eyes to the ground as she heaves. Trying not to throw up. As her eyes close, she can feel the bile rising. "Mama?" Zola can be heard calling her, looking worried.
"Oh!" Meredith moans as she vomits right next to her car.
"Mama?!" Zola worries as she watches Meredith puke once more.
"I'm okay, ZoZo." She smiles wide, hoping to quell her daughter's worries as she sits in her seat. Avoiding the puddle of puke next to her door of the car. "It's okay, boys. Let's go see daddy. He will be mad, but he loves us. Stay safe, guys." Meredith whispers to her stomach as she rubs it. Hoping that her stress today didn't hurt the babies. She turns on the car and drives away. Meredith's mind is full of worry as she navigates through Seattle. It's four o clock. Derek should be home. Her mind races as she vaguely hears Zola babble about the awesome experience she had. Meredith was grateful that Zola didn't have to act jealous more than once. But still, she felt dirty, felt horrible. She had no clue how Derek would react and it worried her. The ferry ride felt like it took forever as they remained in the car. Watching the rain from their seats. Meredith running through possible scenarios and various things to say when Derek found out. Her hands catch her face as she moans in defeat.
"We home yet, mama?" Zola whines as they hear the ferry horn.
"Not yet." Meredith moans. Feelings of dread and regret filling her chest. She slowly drives off of the ferry and onto Bainbridge Island. Heading towards their Dream House. "He's going to hate me." She mutters to herself.
"Huh, mama?" Zola chirps.
"Nothing, Zo." Meredith smiles as they get closer. Not much longer later, Meredith spots Derek's cayenne in the driveway.
"Daddy!" Zola claps and squirms in her seat.
"Wait for me, Zo. Please." Meredith chokes and wipes her eyes.
"You excited to see daddy too? Mama's not mad at him no more?" Zola smiles.
"No, Zola. I'm not. But daddy is going to be mad at me." She says when she opens Zola's door.
"Why?"
"Long story, love bug." Meredith explains as she unbuckles her daughter and takes her hand. She adjusts her purse and shuts the car. Zola is giggling like crazy as they walk up their steps. Meredith can smell either enchiladas or taco fixings cooking as she pushes open the door. The feeling of dread builds as she steps inside with Zola.
"Daddy!" Zola shouts when they see Derek standing in the kitchen. Mixing something in a big pan.
"Zola!" He laughs and looks up at Meredith. "Mer!" He gasps as he hesitantly looks at her. Nerves fill his chest as he sees his wife standing in the doorway. He sways on his feet, skeptical of making any sudden movements. When he sees that she doesn't look pissed and she doesn't stomp off, he hurries over. "Meredith." He murmurs and tentatively pulls her into a hug. Her arms go instantly around him as he hugs her tight and she squeezes him back. "I am so sorry, Mer. I'm sorry." His voice is choked as he squeezes her to him. Meredith bites her lip, trying not to cry. Her reason for being pissed seems so stupid right now. She wishes that she could go back in time and tell Finn to go away.
"Daddy, daddy, daddy! Guess, what daddy?!" Zola jumps and pulls on his sweater. Tired of waiting
"This is it." Thinks Meredith. She closes her eyes tight.
Derek let's go of Meredith to kneel down to his daughter. Not noticing Meredith's shamefaced expression. Chewing her bottom lip. "What's that, Princess?" He has a wide smile as he watches his excited daughter.
"I got to see a lamb and a pony that was just borned today!" Zola gasps.
"You did?!" Derek exclaims. "Did mama take you to a petting zoo?" He wonders. "In the rain?"
"Silly daddy, not a petting zoo. It was a barn. Mr. Finn's barn." Zola nods and Meredith feels her stomach plummet. She watches as Derek's face goes white.
"What?!" Derek tries to keep his voice under control. Meredith's insides squirm as Derek stands, ready to vomit once more. Her hands playing, scratching at her wrists now. He glares at her with his eyes dark with anger. She hasn't seen them this dark in a while.
"Mr. Finn let us come to his barn cause we couldn't go to the park cause of the rain!" Zola babbles innocently.
Derek's chest heaves in anger. He can feel the heat in his chest. The fire rages through his chest and his eyes are dark blue. Almost black. "You went somewhere with Finn?!" He snaps with his hands on his waist. Meredith can't look at him as she nods.
"It was so cool, daddy! The animals were so cute!" Zola rambles as Derek glares at Meredith briefly before he notices the pain he gets by looking at her. His jaw locking. His head whips away from her. He felt betrayed. Even though, deep down he knew nothing happened, he was hurt. Really hurt.
"Derek…Let…" Meredith starts but Derek stops her.
"No!" He yells, clenching his jaw and Meredith's eyes become glossy with tears threatening to fall. Derek breathes in and out three times before speaking again. "I can't even…" He shakes his head and angrily runs his fingers through his hair. Derek huffs loudly before turning to grab his keys off of the hook by the door.
"Derek… Wait!" Meredith calls as he opens the door and storms out. Her brain starts panicking as she watches him. She opens the door and follows him. "Derek, let me tell you! Please!" Meredith runs after him as he opens his car to get inside.
"No! I can't even look at you. Go back inside, Meredith." He says as he slams his car door. Meredith steps back towards the house as he turns on the car. She watches, stunned as he pulls out and drives away.
"No running." She whimpers as she covers her mouth as she starts to cry. One hand on her stomach. She can almost feel her blood pressure rise and her mind adds more frightening to images as she begins to worry about the babies.
"Mama, why is daddy leaving?" Zola had walked outside after Derek drove away. She looks up at Meredith who was wiping away her tears.
"He's mad, Zola. Don't worry though, Daddy will be back." She says with a smile when she notices the fear in her daughter's eyes. Though, in this moment, she wasn't sure.
"Mama!" She suddenly hears Bailey. He was standing in the doorway with Lexie. Both in their jammies. "We heard yelling."
"Come on, Zo." Meredith says as more tears fall. Leading her to the house.
"Why you crying?" Bailey asks as Meredith drags herself up the steps. Head down as she slowly moves. There's a golf sized lump in her throat as she prepares to answer her son. "Where's daddy?"
"He went out for a bit. Check on something at the hospital." Meredith mutters. She holds the door for the kids to walk inside.
"Oh." Bailey mutters. Not believing those words totally as he notices Zola stop short and look at Meredith strangely.
"Did you eat?" She asks Bailey. Ignoring the pain and sadness in her heart. Her body dead on her feet as she addresses her son.
"Ya! Daddy made mac and cheese for me, Lex and Zo. Said the tacos were for you and him. Said we had to go to bed early tonight." Bailey explains while Lexie tugs on Meredith.
"Oh…" Meredith groans and covers her face with her hands. Derek had made her dinner and wanted to talk. She felt horrible as she lifts Lexie and hugs her. "Okay, Zo, I'll get you some and eat mine."
"Kay, mama." Zola whispers as she and Bailey watch her carefully while standing in the living room.
"It's okay, mama. Daddy will be back." Bailey walks closer and hugs her around her waist
.
"I know. Thanks, bud." Meredith smiles as she kneels with Lexie so that all three kids could hug her. She breathes in and out as the kids wrap their arms around her. Lexie resting on her chest in the middle. Meredith's bump pushing her away slightly.
"Don't cry, mama." Bailey looks up at Meredith's swollen, red eyes. He wipes her tears away.
"Kiss make it better." Zola reaches up to kiss her chin.
"Thanks, guys." She smiles lightly and kisses their heads.
"Dada?" Lexie looks up at Meredith. "Weah dada?" She asks again when she notices that someone is missing from their group hug.
"Daddy will be back. He just needs a little space." Meredith says.
"Wan dada peese!"
"Later, Lex. Mama will figure out how to make it right." Meredith tries.
"Why is daddy so mad? Did he want to see the baby animals too?"
Meredith has to chuckle at her daughter's pure innocence. How she wishes it could be that simple. "No, sweetie. Daddy doesn't want to see those baby animals."
"Then what?" She wonders.
"It's… Complicated, Zo. I…used to date Mr. Finn."
"Daddy needs to learn to share." Zola giggles just as Meredith's phone rings.
"Sort of." Meredith moans as she digs in her pocket. She looks at the screen, hoping Derek's the one calling. The disappointment courses through her when she sees that it's Cristina. "Hey." She mutters with gloom in her tone.
"Hey, so I'm judging by your tone that Derek found out." Cristina answers.
"Cristina!" Meredith groans.
"Did he?"
"Yes." Meredith croaks, a fresh set of tears forming. Between her hormones and naturally feeling horrible about this, she couldn't stop crying.
"Oh, Mer. Listen to me. You did nothing wrong, nothing. Derek is just freaking out."
"He ran, Cristina. Got in his car and left."
"Mer!" Cristina gasps. "He will be back, Mer. He loves you so much." She says after careful consideration on how to help her friend.
"We have no running as part of our vows." Argues Meredith.
"I know. Now, I wanted to tell you, that me and April are on our way over. If Derek is back by the time we get there, we will take the kids for you."
"What if he's not?" Meredith feels her lower lip tremble.
"Then we will watch them while you go search for him."
The lines are silent for what seems like hours as Meredith watches the kids cuddle into her sides. Even Lexie is content to suck on her fingers while laying on top of Meredith. "Okay." She says finally and hears Cristina thank her. Meredith hopes that Derek will be easy to find and that he will listen. She digs deep for the trust in her and Derek that has grown in all of these years.
