Hey everyone! Sorry this took so long! While I'm having holidays, it still seems like I have no time at all! Days pass way too fast for my liking.
So I changed the summary of my story... Because... the old one seemed kind of boring and not so much like a story. If I would read that summary, probably even I wouldn't read the story. I would think that there would just be explanations of how who Izumi's mother could be, but this is a real story, not just a summary of explanantions, so I thought I had to write a story fitting summary, too. And I also hope I might attract more readers with that...
But since this fic is mostly dedicated to the exploration of who Izumi's mother could be, and how this would happen, I decided to leave that bit in. In the beginning I actually wanted to jump directly to the time when it was time for getting Izumi, but in my attempts to create a background story, I might have got a little carried away... hehe...
I just really wanted to give Zuko a partner who would make him happy with this fic, since he totally deserves that in my opinion. There are only four people who deserve more happiness than Zuko, and those are Aang, Ursa, Iroh, and Azula, because I think they suffered a lot more than Zuko (even though Aang doesn't show it). The problem with Zuko is that happiness might be very difficult for him to deal with... Anyway, what do you guys think of the new summary?
I actually also don't really much like the title of my story. It sounds a bit... clichée? Boring? Cheesy? I don't know, but nothing else came to my mind back then, and I needed a title to get my first chapter published, so I just used that one, since it still kind of grasps the whole thing. But when I come up with a better one, I might change the title, so don't be surprised to one day not finding "Love of Fire and Water" anymore.
So, now onto more exploration of book three! More rebellion planning, and more pretending to be a prince! This chapter actually begins exactly where the last one ended. Zuko just had a tantrum over tea, and now he's in his room, being dressed. It is still morning.
I hope you'll enjoy reading! Please review!
I do not own Avatar The Last Airbender.
Chapter Twenty
Falling Apart
Zuko
A knock on my door sounded, while I was being dressed.
I pressed my lips together and stood tense, so that I wouldn't move too much. The outer layer of my robe wasn't easy to put on. There were so many knots and buttons, I wouldn't know where they had to go at all, but I also didn't like being dressed.
I scowled at my reflection at that thought. What was wrong with me? I was a prince, dammit, and to be dressed was part of it. It lifted me above the commoners who had to dress all by themselves. I remembered that I had taken comfort in still having people dressing me in my armour, while I had been on my ship, but now… It felt so stupid.
I could be perfectly capable of dressing myself, if someone would explain all those buttons and knots to me. And the servants could have something else to do.
"Come in!" I said, after it had knocked on my doors.
One of the guards who stood in front of my door stepped in. "We found the servant who is responsible for your breakfast. We apologise it took so long."
I nodded. "Are they cleaning up the tea?"
The guard nodded. "Yes, Your Highness. She just finished. Would you be so kind as to tell me what punishment you have in mind for her? This way, I can tell her without having to bother you with this for longer."
I raised my eyebrows, staring at myself in the mirror. Punishment?
The servant already had to clean up the mess I produced. Wasn't that enough?
"Uh…" Shit. "Maybe…" I sighed. "Just keep her here until I'm ready," I said, looking at the guard through the mirror.
He nodded, left and closed my door.
Swallowing, I wondered what I could do now. As Crown Prince of the Fire Nation it was expected of me to punish a servant with whose work I wasn't satisfied. But as Zuko I didn't want to.
The burden of all the expectations in the palace settled on my chest again. Clenching my fists I stared at my reflection. My hair was up in the topknot, revealing my scar in all its ugliness.
I'd rather continue to wear my hair down, but it wasn't fitting for a Crown Prince.
I pressed my lips together, taking in all the features I shared with my father.
He would punish this servant. He punished me, his own son, so what would he do to a servant?
Goosebumps spread all over me, as I felt like I was getting sick.
The dark crimson of my robes marked me as Fire Nation, and the style as part of the royal family. My crown was the same Azula was wearing, not even a bigger one to mark me as heir to the throne. Father hadn't told me yet if I was officially again the Crown Prince, or if Azula was his heir, but if I wanted to become Fire Lord one day, I needed to keep pleasing him. If he would hear that I spared a servant who acted against my orders, he would be disappointed.
I could see my gaze harden in the mirror, as I made my decision.
When the servants were finished with dressing me, I walked to my doors, my heart almost leaping out of my throat from nervousness. Two servants opened the doors for me, and all left my rooms at that opportunity.
Taking a deep breath, I looked around for the guards and the servant.
My eyes widened, when I saw who was kneeling in front of me.
This girl had hidden in my bathroom just five days ago.
A scowl surfaced on my face, as I immediately felt disgust for this servant. Like a coward she had run away, leaving her fellow servants to… me. Well, I hadn't been a danger, but she couldn't have known that.
Her ponytail ran over her shoulders, while she was staring at the ground.
"Look at me," I said.
Slowly, she lifted her face. Her eyes were red and puffy, and I could see tear streaks on her cheeks.
I narrowed my eyes. "Did you hear about my order that I didn't want any tea anymore?"
She took a shaky breath. "Y-Yes, Your Highness."
"Then why did you put tea on my breakfast tray this morning?" I let my voice sound louder and angry, although I didn't feel any anger anymore. I felt sad for her. I pitied her.
"I-I didn't m-mean to g-go ag-gainst your orders. I j-just f-f-forgot ab-bout it."
"What is your job description?" I wanted to know.
"I work in the kitchens, but I was assigned to you, when you came back, Your Highness."
I frowned. Well, I didn't want her to keep working for me, but I didn't know what else to do.
Suddenly, she shifted closer to me on the floor. "Please, Your Highness! I didn't mean any disrespect!"
My eyes widened, when I recognised those words. All of a sudden I felt completely paralysed. I was unable to move, unable to think. Was it fear I was feeling? The fear from back then?
Tears started streaming down the servant's cheeks, while her bottom lip trembled.
I pressed my lips together and realised I had to decide quickly, if I didn't want to lose face.
Fuck, this felt like the worst thing that ever happened to me!
I couldn't assign her to someone else. Father and Azula would treat her like dirt, and I didn't think the ministers and the nobles would be better.
"You'll work at the stables from tomorrow on," I decided, taking a deep breath. Working with animals should be safer than working with humans in this palace.
Her trembling stopped, as her mouth opened a little bit. "P-please, Your Highness. My family needs the money, and my salary would only be half of what I earn now in the stables!"
Oh. I didn't think about that. Shit, what was wrong in this city, if everyone clung to their jobs like this? Everyone tried to feed their families. I just had to think about the old man I had met on my first day here. I should probably dig more into this topic.
My mouth opened, already wanting to say she could getting paid the same amount, or she could take care of my komodo rhino, since royal animals brought more money, but this would be unfair on the others working in the stables and the person who already took care of my komodo rhino.
"My decision is final," I said, sounding surer of myself than I really felt. "Leave and prepare for your first day at the stables tomorrow."
Swallowing and sniffling, the girl stood up and bowed, before she turned around and left. Her steps were slow and seemed empty.
"You," I addressed one of the guards. "Go and tell the one in charge of the stables about my decision."
With a hard gaze I waited for him to bow and go, only then did I turn around and went into my room again.
As soon as my doors were closed, I took a shaky breath and crumpled to the floor.
My throat burnt, and I felt cold and shaky, as I hugged my knees and crinkled my new robes.
What kind of prince was I? This behaviour was pathetic! I had made a decision, and that was it. Why was I feeling like this now? I shouldn't let it come so close to me.
Just what was wrong with me? Why couldn't I shrug it away like Azula could?
I felt tears welling up in my eyes and quickly brushed them away.
"Shit," I murmured, then leaned my head back on my doors, closing my eyes.
Maybe I would feel better after I breathed a little.
oOo
"Don't you wanna do something?" Mai asked me, turning her head in my direction.
We were sitting on my couch, my arm around her shoulders, but somehow it didn't feel comfortable. She didn't lean against me, and the couch's rest wasn't high enough to support my head.
"We were talking," I answered.
"Yeah, we were, but then we didn't have anything to talk about anymore. I'm bored, Zuko," she explained.
I frowned, thinking about what we could do. I really didn't want to go anywhere today. I still didn't feel well after having reassigned that servant girl, and I didn't think going outside would help me somehow. The problem was I.
"I don't want to go out," I said, lifting my arm from her shoulders and straightened, before I put my elbows on my knees, leaning forward.
"Is something wrong?" Mai wanted to know, but didn't sounded interested at all.
My frown deepened. Why was she even here if she wasn't interested in how I was?
"No, I'm fine," I lied.
Mai sighed. "Well, if it's so I don't see why we can't so something. We could have a picnic again," she suggested, sounding softer.
That might distract me from my disarrayed thoughts, but I would need to go outside. Wasn't there anything we could do here?
"If you want to have a picnic ask someone else," I growled and tensed a second after. Shit, had I just said that? I quickly sat up to look at her and cleared my throat. "I didn't mean it like that."
Mai was looking away, and I wondered if my words had hurt her. "Whatever," she murmured.
I narrowed my eyes. "What does that mean? You don't care at all or what?" I snarled.
Her gaze turned back to me. "I wouldn't be with you if I didn't care." Her expression didn't change in the slightest, which made me even angrier.
In the beginning of our relationship she really had loosened up, I had managed to make her smile and blush, but lately… All that had disappeared again. Mai was back to being her old, apathetic self, and I hated it.
We stared at each other challengingly until she looked away, sighing. "So you don't want to go outside? Care to tell me why?"
"No, I don't," I replied harshly, but got immediately a bad conscience. I didn't want to fight with Mai. I didn't even want to be like this. I just felt agitated and unhappy whatever I did, and that was stupid, considering where I was and what I did.
Pressing my eyes shortly shut, I sat straight up, and reached for Mai's hand. "I'm sorry, I…"
I didn't know how to go on. How could I explain my feelings to her if I didn't understand them myself?
"You've been acting weird lately," Mai pointed out.
I sighed. "I know. I'm sorry," I murmured and searched her face for any kind of emotion. But she didn't even look me in the eye.
I gently touched her chin to make her look back at me. "Hey, Mai? If I kiss you, will you smile at me?"
She didn't smile then, but her features softened, which was already enough to make my heart beat faster. "Why don't you find out?" she asked, and I smiled and leaned down to kiss her.
She leaned back on the couch, and I immediately followed, my lips still moving on hers. Only when I lied on top of her did I open my mouth. I felt Mai's hands stroking my sides, as her mouth opened, too, to let my tongue in.
At that moment there was a knock on my door.
I frowned. Seriously? Now? Who was that, and what did they want?
I moved a bit away from Mai and glared at my doors. "What?" I snapped.
"Your Highness, there is a message from the Fire Lord," the muffled voice from a guard sounded through my doors.
Sighing, I got up and gave Mai and apologetic look, before I walked to the doors and opened them. "Where's that message?"
A guard handed me a scroll sealed with wax and the royal seal on it.
I took it, muttered "Thank you", and went back into my room, closed the doors.
From Your Royal Majesty Fire Lord Ozai,
written by scribe Kageshi
Prince Zuko,
I wish to have a calm and silent weekend to be not disturbed while I meet with my counsellors. There are important matters to be discussed.
I cannot have you children around for this.
You are to go to Ember Island this weekend to leave me in a quieter environment. You will stay at Li and Lo's beach house. You will leave in two days at seven am from Capital Port.
Azula will go, too, and you can take friends with you.
Fire Lord Ozai,
Son of Fire Lord Azulon and Ilah, Governor of Capital Island, First of the Fire Sages, Closest to the Sun, Dragon of the West, Ruler of the Civilised World, Conqueror of the Earth Kingdom, Wielder of the Dragon Fire
My eyes widened. Dragon of the West? Wielder of the Dragon Fire? Those were two of Uncle's titles! And since when was Father the Governor of Capital Island?
Before I had been banished, Count Ueda had been the Governor of Capital Island. How come Father did this now, too?
And seriously? A message to his son, within the palace walls, not even a letter, needed to be signed with all of Father's titles?
I narrowed my eyes. Father wanted calm and quiet? I was not a child! I was perfectly calm and quiet! How could he just send me away, as if he expected me to throw a tantrum or cry out loud because of full diapers?
I remember when Grandfather Azulon had used to send us away. Azula and I had loved to go to Ember Island then, but Father had always been furious at the beginning. He used to argue very much with Mother then. Only after a few days on Ember Island did he calm down.
I grit my teeth. I hated this, but there was nothing I could do. If it were Uncle, I would go to him and ask him why I couldn't meet with him and his counsellors. I would argue that I was adult enough, and that I had learned enough to be able to give good advice. I would say that I had a right to be there.
But this was Father, and I wouldn't argue with him. I could prove to him that I was an obedient son and simply do what he asked. Even if it was the most unfair shit I had ever heard of.
"Hey, Mai?" I asked, walked over to her, where she was still lying on my couch. I handed her the scroll. "Are you interested in a short holiday?"
Kilara
Nanuk, Denzai, and I went to the Armadillo Lion every second day from then on. It wasn't easy to do this while studying for the course. Professor Chiu had made clear that he would give us some lenience, but not a lot. I was perfectly fine with that, since the freedom of the Earth Kingdom seemed a bit more important than the school career of two students, but if the rebellion failed, I would be pretty glad to still have that school career.
Nanuk seemed pretty relaxed about his internship and even still invited Yao, Peizhi, and Rong over sometimes. They begged me for frozen fruit juice every time. These were the times, when I still felt like a normal girl enjoying summer.
But every evening around nine pm, Nanuk and I left the house through our windows and made our way to Denzai's to walk together to the lower ring.
We worked on bringing all our opportunities and help together, and develop a plan based on those. We didn't actually receive anything yet, but if we would present a good and foolproof plan, we would get money from our rich allies to buy weapons or anything that we could need.
But now, we were still working on how to extinguish the Fire Nation's power of Ba Sing Se. Jianjun whose name was actually really Takiro (I'd asked him) proved to be more than helpful in these matters.
Down in the basement of the Armadillo Lion, it were Cuiling, Liang, Denzai, Nanuk, two former colonels serving under the council of the five generals, three former majors, two former lieutenants, Jianjun and I. Denzai had brought his plans of the palace, and Nanuk, as well as the other earthbenders had bent little figures representing us and the enemy.
The colonels and majors said they had already told people they trusted and who had held some sort of power in the former hierarchy of Ba Sing Se about our rebellion, and that they were sure they would help.
We learned that Princess Azula had imprisoned the five generals of the council, as well as every other member of the army she could have got her hands on. There were still a lot of soldiers and former guards who were free, but they had gone into hiding. Our men with ties to the underground would come into play there.
"It is no Fire Nation person who holds the power over Ba Sing Se," Takiro explained, his arms crossed, as he stood across from us in front of the table we all stood around.
I raised an eyebrow. "You mean the Supreme Bureaucratic Administrator Joo Dee?"
Takiro, and the admirals and commanders all nodded.
"Joo Dee isn't even a real person. It's a persona the Dai Li uses to control the city," said Colonel Changpu.
What? Contorting my eyebrows I tried to get ready for another mind blowing "Ba-Sing-Se-is-corrupted-and-crazy"-story.
"The Dai Li trains women to become a Joo Dee. The problem is, if we dispose of this one, another one will just pop out. They are probably all trained to only answer to the Fire Nation or the Dai Li anymore," Colonel Aijian mused.
"What do you mean they are trained?" Liang asked, leaning forward, putting his elbows on the table in front of him.
I looked back at the former members of the Earth Kingdom Army, seeing how they all looked a bit uncomfortable.
"Well…" Major Hanjing started. "Before the Earth Kingdom was conquered, the Avatar and his companions uncovered a conspiracy against the Earth King. This way, we found out that the Dai Li was brainwashing people."
"What?" Denzai, Nanuk, and I screeched. That was the first bomb.
Strangely, the others didn't react to this like they should when finding out that their cultural authority has been brainwashing people.
"You knew about this?" Denzai asked, looking and sounding shocked.
Cuiling let out a deep breath. "Well, it explains a lot of things to me. Every time a person would talk here about the war or the Fire Nation, the Dai Li would show up later to take them with them." She took a deep breath again and licked her lips. "And then this person would show up a few days later, having completely forgotten about the instance or the war."
My eyes grew wide. "Really? I knew they controlled everything, but brainwashing?"
Lieutenant Zemin nodded. "Yeah, I remember this kid accusing two tea servers in Pao's tea shop to be firebenders." He shook his head. "I didn't know of the war back then, so I was pretty confused. Even if they were firebenders, why the racket? The kid kept screaming they were evil, and almost hurt them, when the younger tea server just took my swords and started to fight against the kid."
The second bomb.
I tensed up, my eyes wide, and I felt like I couldn't move. That had had to be Zuko. A young tea server, accused to be a firebender, and fighting with swords? There certainly weren't that many young firebending refugees serving tea in Ba Sing Se's lower ring, who were skilled in fighting with swords.
He nodded. "They fought pretty well. If I knew where to find them, I would ask them to join us. Being skilled with broad- or hookswords is not very common, after all."
And the third bomb of the evening dropped. I knew a young boy who fought with hookswords. I had met him in the woods, while following the Fire Prince. Jet…
"In the end, the Dai Li showed up and took the kid with them. I saw him again a few weeks later, and he seemed completely different. He was smiling all the time, behaving friendly. I thought it was weird, but… No one in their right mind really thinks that people are getting brainwashed."
My hands clenched to fists, while I tried not to jump in front of Lieutenant Zemin and bombard him with a thousand questions. How had Jet known? Had they somehow met? And what had Zuko done? Had he hurt Jet? Where was this tea shop?
Denzai shook his head. "I can't believe it. How much more evil shit have they done?"
My head jerked in his direction. I have never ever heard him swear before. Shit, was that because of my bad influence?
"Other than siding with the Fire Princess, we don't know," Major Tao Zhu answered. "The fact is if we want to fight the Fire Nation, we'll have to fight the Dai Li. If we take them out first, the rest should be doable."
"Don't underestimate the Fire Nation Army," Takiro warned. "They could easily manage to regroup and find someone else in charge of the city."
Tao Zhu laughed in an amused way. "Maybe. But we'll be too many for them."
"And how exactly do you plan on getting this many people on our side?" Cuiling asked, stemming a hand on her hip.
"Our army is larger than the Fire Nation's. And the Fire Nation Army is also spread all over the Earth Kingdom. It's that simple."
I frowned. "How is that simple? Most of the members of the Earth Kingdom Army are imprisoned."
Tao Zhu blinked. "Uh, yeah, we'll have to free them of course. I thought that was obvious."
My brain started working.
"No, it wasn't," Nanuk deadpanned, and Tao Zhu rolled his eyes.
"Where are the prisons in which the most soldiers or anything are held?" I asked, feeling slightly excited now.
"Ru Bay and Shun Bay. So east and south east from here," Takiro answered immediately.
Moon, was I thankful for the fact we had this man on our side. He knew so much important stuff about the politics of the Fire Nation.
"I think Tao Zhu's plan is good. We need to free them, otherwise we don't know if we have a chance," I said.
"But how will we get them in here?" Colonel Changpu wanted to know. "The walls are controlled by Dai Li agents."
"We won't get them in here," I answered, smiling. "We'll have them attack from the outside, while we attack from the inside."
"We'll have a double attack!" Tao Zhu and I said in unison. Oh, someone who thought like me!
We grinned at each other, and Tao Zhu winked. He was still young, I noticed. And kind of good looking. Mayba more on the pretty than the handsome side, but...
Nanuk slammed his fist on the table, glaring at Tao Zhu.
Everyone went quiet, staring at Nanuk. He glanced at all of us. "Er…"
"Yes?" Lieutenant Shian asked, expectedly.
Nanuk shrugged. "Nothing. I just don't want that guy to wink at my sister."
My arms were crossed, and I raised one hand a bit to splash the water from Nanuk's cup into his face.
He spluttered and wiped the water from his eyes and cheeks. I smirked.
"My name is Tao Zhu, jackass!" Tao Zhu barked. "And I wink at whoever the earthquake I want to wink at!"
"You'll get into an earthquake if you do that at my sister again!" Nanuk snarled. "Shithead!"
I bent the water away from Nanuk's face to splash both of them. It didn't stop them from insulting each other.
"That's why I didn't want to have any children here," Colonel Changpu murmured.
Major Geming bent a small earthquake under all of us.
The bickering stopped, but the water from all the cups was splashed.
"Urgh!" Cuiling looked down at her pants. "Great, thanks for nothing, Geming!"
Geming, who had stayed rather calm and quiet all evening, blushed and muttered an apology. I bent the water out of anyone's clothes and threw it into a corner, where no one else could be bothered by it.
"Kona and Tao Zhu, apologise to each other. We cannot have fights in our ranks," Colonel Aijian said in an appeasing voice.
I didn't get why Nanuk behaved so idiotically. Tao Zhu was probably already twenty years old, and besides, Nanuk had never shown any kind of protectiveness towards me regarding boys. Regarding the Fire Nation, yes, but boys? Nope.
They apologised with much grumbling.
Lieutenant Zemin brought us back to the main topic this evening. "So, Liwei and Tao Zhu think freeing our soldiers from Ru Bay and Shun Bay, making them attack the outer walls, and us attack from within will defeat the Fire Nation?"
I frowned. "Well, when you say it like that, it sounds stupid. It won't be easy, but I think it could work. Freeing the soldiers will be tricky, but after that is done, they'll have to get here as fast as possible. We'll need many earthbenders to transport them here quickly and unrecognised. Whatever village they encounter, they should ask for fighters to join us. Then," I grabbed three figures on the map representing rebels, "we'll attack the palace." I placed those three figures around the palace in a triangle. "From below and from the surface. We'll need earthbenders for this, too. We will end the power of the Dai Li and their brainwashing. Simultaneously, we will defeat the higher officers of the Fire Nation Army. And then we will drive them all out of the city."
Major Hanjing frowned. "I don't know if we can have that many earthbenders. And putting the Dai Li out will be especially hard."
Tao Zhu bit his lower lip. "I don't think so. We have two clear advantages."
"And what would those be?" Liang wanted to know.
"Takiro and me. Takiro works at the palace. He can find things out. And I am a former Dai Li agent, I know things about them." He shrugged.
A loud gasp went through all of us.
Major Tao Zhu? What? A former Dai Li agent? How was this even possible? I kind of always thought that no Dai Li agent could ever stop being a Dai Li agent.
"What do you know?" Lieutenant Shian asked, frowning, his arms crossed.
"The Dai Li won't stop operating, simply because we take their leader away. They are all like a well-oiled machine of creepiness, power-hunger, and stealth. I think we have to use a similar approach the Fire Princess used. We have to win them over. One agent means nothing to them, they are not like individuals, but they will always follow the masses. If we get more then the majority, we will have a chance."
Everyone seemed deep in thought and frowned.
How could this work? Winning the Dai Li over? They were already the worst traitors on earth, how could they possibly side with us? They didn't seem to care about the Earth Kingdom at all!
"But how is this possible?" Denzai asked, sounding worried.
Tao Zhu sighed. "I still have some friends in there. I'll try to push them in the right direction. Some of the agents were once also simple refugees. Maybe their hatred against the Fire Nation can resurface. Either way, only power and strength can convince them."
"The Dai Li are better trained than our soldiers. If we don't manage to get them on our side, it will quickly become nasty," Hanjing pointed out.
I swallowed. I didn't like the kind of way they talked about this. I hadn't started a rebellion to kill people; I just wanted this war to end.
I sucked my lower lip into my mouth, thinking. Would there be a way to win without having to kill more people? Without having to take more people away from their families?
"Takiro," Cuiling addressed him. "Do you think just getting rid of the higher Fire Army officers will be enough to defeat the Fire Nation here?"
Takiro's frown deepened, and he rubbed the side of his nose, thinking. "I guess it could work. Most Fire Nation soldiers only seem to fulfil their orders without really wanting to fight the citizens of Ba Sing Se. When they arrived here, the city was already conquered, so they didn't have to fight at all. If no commander will survive, they won't be able to strike back. They depend on the people above."
"Wait, can't we just imprison them?" I interjected.
Everyone stared at me as if I were an idiot. Even Denzai and Nanuk.
"What?" I gestured at Takiro. "You said Princess Azula only threw the council of five in prison! Why should we be the monsters and kill the Fire Nation officers?"
Changpu tutted. "That is not how you win a war, girl. Of course you'd want to leave everyone alive, and I guess Princess Azula only imprisoned the council of five, because she had a fit of womanly caring."
I snorted and narrowed my eyes. It had just been a matter of time, until some of those grown up, so experienced men would say anything sexist about having a girl in their midst! "Really? Because I met Princess Azula, and she's the least caring person I have ever encountered. She threatened to burn my family in our house down, and all the while she was smiling! I just don't want to be crueller than her!"
Takiro cleared his throat. "Well, actually, the generals seem to be tortured, while they are imprisoned. It doesn't serve any other purpose than to keep them from being strong enough to try to break out."
"So we cannot count on their help," I murmured. If they were that injured, they would need to be saved, obviously, but they wouldn't be able to fight with us.
Takiro told us all about the Fire Nation officers in the city he knew about and promised to look for more information before our next meeting. He also wanted to find out more about the prisons in Ru Bay and Shun Bay, as well as the occupied regions around.
The former members of the Earth Kingdom Army would all try to recruit people for our prison-break-mission and gather as much information about the prisons and their surroundings.
I wanted to look into Dad's atlases to find out what kind of way they would have to take.
Tao Zhu promised to talk to his former Dai Li colleagues, and try to find out more about where their current headquarters were. Nanuk and I told him that we had seen them in the crystal catacombs, and Tao Zhu seemed actually very pleased with this information.
Another thing I wanted to do was to come up with a less violent approach to the rebellion, because I really didn't want to have any blood on my hands. I wanted to spare as many lives I could, because in such a fight civilians always get injured and hurt, too. If we would use our brains instead of brawns and come up with a ruse, we could win this without having to spill a lot of blood.
The whole point of planning was in my opinion to win it with as little casualties as possible. That was the only reason why I wanted all this information from the others.
Before the meeting was over, I asked to speak again, because I had to say something. I especially looked at Colonel Changpu. "This rebellion is not about hurting the Fire Nation. It is not about killing their soldiers. It's about peace. We want to free the Earth Kingdom and this war to end, because war in itself is completely senseless! Millions of people died simply because of a few idiots who were at the top of all. So many innocent lives were wasted, and so many children had to die. We won't inflict the same fate on the Fire Nation, because then this war would never end! So everyone who does this for revenge should leave!"
I got quite diverse reactions to this. Some of them seemed to be a little angry, others seemed surprised at my little speech.
Takiro and Liang even smiled and almost looked proud.
Tao Zhu whistled through his teeth. "I think you should rule a nation. I bet the people would be the happiest on earth."
I felt taken aback, then I frowned and crossed my arms in front of my chest. "Do you think this is funny?"
"What?" His eyes widened in surprise. "No! No, totally not. I meant it. You are incredibly wise for your age. And I agree with everything you said."
I took a deep breath to calm myself and tried not to be too defensive. "I just value every people's lives. We shouldn't be able to choose who to live and who to kill. We're all just humans." I shrugged, thinking I had said everything I had to.
Nanuk didn't seem happy with what I said at all, same for Denzai, and I started to worry.
Hadn't we all been on the same page from the beginning? Didn't they see war itself as a terrible monster? Did they see the Fire Nation as a terrible monster instead?
"Liwei," Major Geming suddenly spoke up, sounding cautious. "I understand what you're saying, and I respect and admire your opinion. But if we would make everyone who wants revenge leave, we wouldn't be able to fight at all. We wouldn't have the advantage of numbers."
Hanjing and Zemin nodded reluctantly, while Changpu stroked his beard in a thinking way. Aijian was staring at the palace plans, and Cuiling was frowning at me.
I twisted my mouth. "I know that! It was just a matter of principle. I just wanted you to know why this rebellion started, after all, we weren't all here, if it weren't for me in the first place. And I cannot have you think that I would make certain decisions out of womanly caring." I glared at Changpu for a short moment, then at everyone else.
Some seemed to want to interject, but everyone kept their mouths shut, which was a real miracle.
Cuiling smiled. "You heard her. She's right. We wouldn't be here, if it weren't for her, so I say we should follow her request, or at least think about a way not to have to kill everyone on the other side."
Colonel Aijian nodded in approval, and Major Hanjing, who had apparently served under him, nodded immediately, too.
Colonel Changpu, the oldest of all of us, seemed a bit reluctant, but in the end he complied.
I fought hard not to grin.
oOo
"Did you really mean that?" Nanuk asked me, once we were back at home. He had followed me to my room and leaned now against my desk, while I picked up a notebook to write down some of the things we had discussed at the meeting.
"What are you talking about?" I asked absentmindedly.
"That you don't want anyone in the rebellion who wants revenge," he explained.
"Kind of. I know it's not possible to keep this a revenge-free rebellion, but our purpose is not taking revenge," I mumbled, searching my floor for a pen or quill. I had done my homework earlier lying on the floor, so I knew it couldn't be on my desk. This was the kind of order I had.
Nanuk was strangely quiet, and I looked up from my looking under clothes and books searching.
"What is it?" I asked, sitting on my heels, looking up at him.
He chewed on his lower lip, his ankles were crossed, as were his arms.
I frowned.
Huh, he seemed to be worried about something. He took a deep breath, then looked down at the ground. "I know this asshole who killed our mother is dead. But I still… I feel like… I don't know, I'm just still so angry. I know it was just his fault, but without the war it wouldn't have happened. And the whole Fire Nation fights this war. They all just think this is okay, and they can conquer, and occupy, and kill mothers!" Nanuk gritted his teeth, as his gaze turned dark.
Pain rose in my heart, as I realised that I had never noticed the anger Nanuk held in himself. Had I been too busy with myself? Uncle wanting me to get engaged, then Zuko, and then the rebellion…
I immediately got up and walked over to my brother. "I am angry, too, Nanuk. But… our mother is not the only one who died. So many mothers died. I'm not angry at the Fire Nation. I am angry at the world, the spirits, the universe. I don't know, whoever is responsible for all this suffering." My jaw clenched, but I tried to stay calm and laid a hand on Nanuk's shoulders. "It's okay to be angry. I just wouldn't want you to act on this anger. Think first, then act."
Nanuk pushed himself away from my desk and stepped aside so that my hand fell from his shoulder. I blinked and looked at his face in surprise. He glared at the floor.
"I knew you wouldn't understand," he muttered and walked towards my door.
"Nanuk, Zhao is dead!" I snarled, suddenly extremely pissed. I didn't understand? Was Nanuk serious? "He killed Mum, no one else! You cannot blame the whole Fire Nation for this!"
His head whipped around to meet my gaze. "You're such a hypocrite! I know exactly that you hurt this man in the Fire Nation! Why not, if you weren't angry because of Mum's death?!"
I sucked in a breath and took a step back, swallowing.
The anger on Nanuk's face vanished to be replaced by shock and regret. But he couldn't take back what he said.
"This man," I explained with a shaky voice, "had nothing to do with Mum's death. He spoke about waterbenders in a very offending and disgusting way. And I was still angry because of Mum's death. But after I hurt this man, I realised that it was senseless. Mum isn't coming back, and nothing will change if you achieve "justice" for her. Hurting this man shocked and frightened me. I don't ever want to do something like that again." My fists clenched, as I recalled the image of the man lying on the ground in the courtyard, his limbs lying in odd angles. The worst thing had been his face, when he had cried out that he couldn't feel his body anymore. I'd never forget this expression of pure horror.
Nanuk still looked shocked and angry, then he took deep breaths, before he looked at my door again. He just stood there, didn't say anything, and kept staring at my door.
I sighed. "I'm sorry, if you feel like I don't understand you, but I just cannot think that way anymore."
Nanuk nodded slowly, then sighed, too. He put his hair behind his ear, then gave me a half-hearted smile. "Okay, I won't act on my anger. I'll do as you say, rebel leader."
I actually blushed a little at this title. But I liked it and smiled at him, too. "Good. Now go to sleep. It's late, Nanuk."
He gave me a hug, tighter than normal, before he whispered "Good night" and left my room.
I was still shocked and surprised by his feelings and the things he had said and needed a few seconds to find out what to do with me now.
I had never thought that Nanuk had this kind of anger in him. I had known he was still greatly affected by Mum's death, since they had been very close. But that he hated the Fire Nation? He never had seemed hostile towards Zuko, and also when we had visited Dad's friend in the Fire Nation had Nanuk never seemed scornful towards fire people. He was the happiest and most carefree person I knew, and I had simply assumed that he was getting over Mum's death by moving on.
After I pondered on this, I got up to do a bit of waterbending in the courtyard to get my mind empty. I had noticed that I slept a lot better with an empty mind. And a bucket full of water next to my bed. Just in case. You never know.
Waterbending didn't calm me down this evening. I still felt antsy and worried, my thoughts didn't seem to be able to calm down, and I fell into an uneasy sleep with crazy and weird dreams, before I was woken up by the smell of smoke.
When I smelled the smoke, I suddenly also heard the cracking of the fire. Out of reflex, I took a deep breath and sat straight up to look around my room. Taking that deep breath had been a mistake, because I immediately started coughing, as the smoke burned in my windpipe.
I was not surrounded by fire yet. The way to the hallway was blocked, though, since my door and my furniture were burning.
All my notes! My scrolls and books! Shit!
Feeling panicked, I covered my mouth and nose, as I made my way to my desk to grab everything which seemed important that I could get my hands on. My book shelf was already lost, and I growled lowly in anger.
The door to our garden was still fire free, and I made it out without getting burned at all. After I laid down my books on the walls of the stone fountain, I went back into my room to gather my homework (still lying on the floor), and then I wanted to get the comb my mother had gifted me once which was lying on top of my dresser which was about to catch fire from the book shelf.
I took the water from my bucket and splashed the comb and its environment a bit so that the dresser wouldn't catch fire there. I hurried and brought the comb with my homework back to the fountain. Then I summoned a large amount of water from the fountain and bent it into my room, steadily putting the fire out. I knew it would be logical to put it all out, but I couldn't wait that long. With some water floating next to me in the form of a globe, I carefully opened my door, because I was afraid it could just fall down. The ceiling didn't seem very stable any more, too.
The hallway was completely alight with fire. It licked mostly on the furniture and doors, because everything else was fortunately made of rock, but I knew that the roof beams, which were made of wood, wouldn't be able to hold this for much longer.
Nanuk's room was the closest.
Before I had even attempted to open his door, it burst out of its hinges, being slammed into the wall by a rock.
"Nanuk!" I shouted.
He stumbled out of his room, his eyes red, while he kept coughing.
I carefully walked over to him, watching where I was going, and grabbed his arm.
We pulled us together into the direction of Dad's room, avoiding all the burning furniture and carpets as far as it was possible.
Tears fogged my view, and I had to use my precious water a few times to get us closer to Dad's room. He wasn't in there, and we immediately turned around to open the door to his office.
We were greeted with a sight we didn't see very often. Dad was earthbending. He bent panels from the floor and walls and smashed them onto the fire, suffocating it. Wow.
"Dad!" Nanuk coughed. "Let's get out of here!"
"But I have to save my work!" Dad yelled back, snuffing one of the last flames with a panel. "Help me put the fire out! We can all put the fire out!"
I frowned, but nodded. Nanuk had apparently breathed a lot of smoke in, so I chose to stay here with Dad.
I squeezed Nanuk's shoulder. "Go get San, and then get the tsunami out of here!"
"I'm not leaving you," he replied, frowning at me.
I smiled. "Come on, there's barely any fire left in here. And you have to go, you have to breathe fresh air, before you'll get smoke intoxication."
Nanuk nodded and left, stumbling to make his way to the kitchen, behind which San had her room. I just hoped she was still okay.
"Kira, do you have any water with you?" Dad called, when his curtains caught fire and the slapping them with panels method didn't quite work.
I used as little water as possible, but as much as was necessary.
"Do you really think we can put the fire out everywhere?" I shouted.
Dad nodded. "Yes, of course. You can get more water from the fountain."
Smiling, I turned towards the door to the garden, thinking that he was right. Suffocating the fire with earth and putting it out with water, this way we would be able to save our house. I didn't want to flee and watch it all burn from the outside. I wanted to fight for our things. Suddenly, I was thinking about the chaise longue in the basement, the one from our house on Kyoshi, and I even got more determined in wanting to save this house.
That's when I heard that sound. It was high pitched and it came closer, rapidly.
Without thinking, I somehow accessed the situation, took all the water I had with me, ran, then jumped in front of Dad at the window and pulled the water up to form a shield against the explosive. I bent the water into ice, and the explosive hit it, burst it and all I could see was so much fire I had never seen before in my whole life, right in front of me, right in my face.
I know I thought that this is how I imagined it to be when a dragon breathed fire upon someone. Roaring, cracking, from the middle of your view unto the edges, bright yellow, almost white in the middle and dissolving into orange on the edges.
The heat was horrible. I felt like I was burning, like my face was melting and roasting, just like a kebab. Everything hurt, and I flew back through the room.
Then I lost consciousness.
Zuko
I must have been very desperate. Really, really desperate.
I cannot remember the last time I actually meditated. It must have been at some day in Uncle's and my apartment in the lower ring. I hadn't stayed long enough in the apartment in the upper ring to get the opportunity to meditate there, and at the Earth King's palace I had always practised with Azula in the mornings, and it had quite irritated me that she didn't meditate. So, of course, I had tried to go without meditating, too. Just to prove to myself that I could do it.
Well, I noticed I couldn't.
One hour before sundown, I had found a spot behind Lo and Li's house on Ember Island between bushes, where no one would be able to see me. The sun shone directly on me, and I had lit a candle in front of me. I was ashamed that I had to do this, but without it I might just explode tonight.
I had already shouted at Mai earlier, and that wasn't good. After dinner, we had gone to Azula's and my room, leaving Azula to roll her eyes and walk off to Ty Lee's room. She had said that she felt generous today, and would allow me to spend the rest of the evening before the party in our room with my girlfriend. Sometimes I felt quite okay with her bossy and arrogant self, but sometimes I got very angry at that. Today, it had only been the latter.
Azula and I needed to share a room, because it was appropriate when siblings shared a room, but not when teenage couples did so, and Lo and Li only had two spare rooms in their beach house. I thought this was a stupid rule and that it sucked, but I wasn't adventurous enough to try and break it.
Mai had pulled me into my room, saying I should try to ignore Azula. That had been very easy, after Mai had kissed me, but… it had been weird afterwards. I might not be the experienced type of teenager in those things, but Mai and I had already made out quite a lot. And I really, really, really liked it. And I thought she'd liked it, too, but earlier…
When we had made out before, Mai had always been more active than today, and that annoyed me. Earlier, she had just lied there, and when I had looked at her, she had stared at the ceiling, her face completely neutral, her hands at her sides, and I had felt this incredible, dark anger rising within me. It didn't seem to matter what I did, nothing pleased her today.
"What's up?" I had asked, relying on the more logical emotion: concern. Maybe Mai was worried or bothered by something. I couldn't just get angry at her, if I didn't even know that I had a reason to be angry at her.
"Nothing;" she had answered, not even looking at me, but still staring at the ceiling.
Frowning, I looked up there, too, but only saw the roof beams and a ceiling fan. What was Mai staring at?
I pulled her top back down and climbed back upwards so that we were face to face. Gently, I laid a hand on her cheek. "You're not really there, Mai. Is something bothering you?"
Yep. Show concern. That was the way.
Just not the way with Mai.
She rolled her eyes and pushed me off her.
My eyes widened in surprise and indignation.
"Zuko, I said nothing is wrong, so why do you keep asking?" Her question sounded annoyed, and I felt my anger rising again.
I lifted myself on my elbows and stared at her, narrowed my eyes. "Like I said. You're not here with your thoughts. We were just making out, but you looked like you were bored out of your mind!" My voice didn't rise, and I was extremely proud of myself. Normally, I would start shouting at this point.
"I wasn't!" Mai replied, sounding a bit sniffy.
"Then why were you like this?" Okay, now I got louder. "I thought you liked that," I added, and hated myself in the next moment for it, because I sounded so confused and even a little hurt. Clenching my jaw, I quickly looked away, forming fists over the blanket.
"I do, and that's why I didn't tell you to stop," Mai answered, and I couldn't hear any emotion in her voice.
I scowled. Okay, so maybe this was a bit about my pride. About my male ego. Which I didn't have much of. I only knew I was a great sword fighter and a decent firebender. I had thought I could add good or maybe even great boyfriend to the list of the things I was good at, but apparently that had been too much to ask. Everything I had wanted was for Mai to smile at me and say thank you, or at least not try to hide her feelings while making out! I mean, I wasn't a mind reader, how would I know she liked what I did, if I couldn't hear her or read her face.
"Oh, wow, great, you didn't tell me to stop!" I snarled and jumped off the bed. "Actually, I would prefer if you told me to stop, if I could at least see that you like what I'm doing!"
Mai rolled her eyes. "Some girls might just sigh over you while you take off your shirt, but I'm not that kind of dumb girl," she said huffily, as if every other girl only had three brain cells.
My eyes narrowed even more. Great, now she had reminded me of how she had said dumb girls might like the shell I had wanted to gift her. In my opinion, it weren't dumb girls who liked presents like that, but nice girls. Girls who valued the gesture, not the actual thing.
But after Ty Lee had exclaimed that she found the shell pretty, I had dismissed that thought.
"I'm not asking you to sigh over me!" I snapped. "Just… Urgh!" I threw my hands up in the air. Just show me somehow that I matter to you, too! I had wanted to say. But I knew this sounded too pathetic and weak. I wasn't craving for affection or love or anything. I was a dragondamned prince, and if I really wanted, I could have any other girl.
Yeah, that thought only lasted a second. Just the thought of having to introduce myself to a girl I could fancy was making me uncomfortable, and there was the problem that the imaginary girl had Mai's face, because I didn't want anyone else than her.
Now Mai raised an eyebrow. "Calm down a bit, okay? There is no reason to get so worked up," she said in her monotone kind of voice.
She had only used it in the beginning in Ba Sing Se, when we hadn't been reacquainted really, and we had both been like strangers to each other. But after we had got together she had slowly opened up, smiling, chuckling, and blushing more. Her voice had never sounded like this, and now it did again, and I hated it!
I hated that the more frustrating Mai became, the more I thought about Kilara and started comparing the two. I didn't want to do that. It wasn't fair to Mai, and Kilara had only pretended to be my friend, because… Well, I actually didn't know why, but in the end she hadn't wanted to stay my friend (maybe, I still had this assumption that her family forced her to say these things), and thinking about Kilara made me think about Ba Sing Se in general, and Ba Sing Se made me think about what happened in the crystal catacombs, and thinking about that just made everything worse!
I took deep, erratic breaths and really tried to calm myself, not because Mai had said so, but because the muddle in my head was getting too much to bear without screaming.
But my breaths didn't calm anything, I felt myself heat up as I seemed to lose control over my emotions.
"Zuko…" Mai sounded confused, but apparently noticed that something was wrong.
I quickly left the room, slammed the door and walked out briskly. I needed to be alone right now. I needed to bury this flash of feelings and images I always got whenever I thought about my time in Ba Sing Se.
The happiness I had had there wasn't what I wanted from life. It wouldn't ever have been enough. Uncle and Kilara couldn't have been enough.
I made the right choice. I chose rightly, I did what had been expected of me. I chose like the prince of the Fire Nation that I was.
Pressing my hands to my eyes, I repeated this over and over in my head, nodding along, and remembered Father's proud words towards me, the way he had not contorted his eyebrows in irritation at me, but that his face had looked completely smooth. Yes, that was what I had worked for. This was what I wanted.
I understood this after a while, but I still felt angry at Mai, and so I wandered off to let off steam, but then noticed that it didn't work.
I felt exhausted and my throat burnt, but my insides and my feelings were still discordant. And so I had used the last resource I always had. What would Uncle tell me to do?
He would say I needed to meditate.
I had first refused to, and argued with myself that I really didn't need to meditate anymore. I was no baby, and my control was fine, but while thinking this I had already been back in the house, searching for a candle and hiding from Mai.
I overheard her, Ty Lee and Azula talking on the balcony, while I was looking through cupboards in the living room.
One should think that two old ladies who seemed to love all kinds of worthless trinkets would have a few candles somewhere!
"He made me worry a bit, you know," Ty Lee said, her voice small.
Azula tsked. "Oh, please. He just has his period, that's all."
"Ha ha," Mai said, still sounding bored.
"But his aura seems more unsure of what to be than ever," Ty Lee said, now sounding a bit whiny. "We have to help him somehow!"
"Don't talk like that! You barely know him!" Azula scolded and made me frown. It really sounded weird to hear her scolding someone.
Who were they talking about?
"I know him quite well! We spent a lot of time together," Ty Lee argued, sounded a little bit indignant.
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Ty Lee could sound like that?
"Yeah, just this morning," Mai said sarcastically.
Wait, were they talking about these guys from earlier? Those two arrogant, pompous assholes from the beach? Jerkface and Dickface?
Normally, I didn't give people any nicknames, but I wasn't really good with names, while I was good with faces, and I hadn't been listening when they had introduced themselves to us this afternoon.
Dragons, something was really wrong with me, if I gave people I didn't like stupid nicknames in my head! I didn't do that! I hadn't even named Zhao anything else than Zhao. Sure, I had shouted and ranted about him, but I had never called him names! This was just something to do for p… er, lower class people.
Perhaps I had spent too much time with lower class people. Too much time with Kilara and listening to her complaints about her classmates Cheng, Fu, and Shi, who she had called various names. I had been pretty surprised and shocked by that at the time. I found it undignified to swear or call people names, but to each his own.
"Well, what would you suggest then?" Ty Lee snapped back at Mai.
I contorted my eyebrows even more. Ty Lee snapped? What the magma was going on out there?
Mai sighed. "I guess us going to the party could cheer him up."
My eyes widened, and I suddenly saw red.
What? WHAT?!
She wanted to go to this stupid party to cheer up Jerk- or Dickface? Urgh, who of the two has it been?
I clenched my fists, and slowly rose from my crouch, as I noticed a candlestand on the dresser I had been searching. Taking a deep sigh and scolding me for missing the forest for the trees, I grabbed a candle and quickly made my way out.
To be caught eavesdropping by the three girls was the last thing I needed now.
I had been able to calm down a little bit through meditation, but I still felt furious about what Mai had said. She was my girlfriend, for dragons' sake! Why did she want to cheer someone else up? She didn't even seem to bother to cheer me up, so what was this shit?
Just a few minutes before we had to leave to get to the party on time, I told myself to act like I hadn't heard a thing earlier, until that guy would try to make a move on Mai. Then I would see how she responded and I would only do something like beat him into next week, if it would seem to be necessary to me.
Huh, that was an awfully logical approach. I smirked shortly. Maybe I started to think like Azula. Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Either way, I felt quite pleased with me, as I headed back to get changed for the first party I would ever be to.
Kilara
First, I was only unconscious, but I think I fell asleep at some point, because I had a nightmare. Before I awoke, I saw myself standing in our living room, facing Princess Azula.
She threatened to burn our house down again, but instead of leaving in this frightening, arrogant way she had actually done, she instead started bending flames from her hand, unleashing large flames of fire to every corner of the room, and straight towards me.
Her fire wasn't blue like I heard it would be, but brightly yellow and orange instead, just like a normal campfire.
I burnt, but I didn't hurt. I didn't even burn down, while everything else around me did. I couldn't stop the princess. I wasn't strong enough, and the fire licking on my body stopped me.
The walls to the hallway came down, and I could see Nanuk and Dad stumbling out of their rooms, only to be incinerated with two simultaneous fire blasts from the princess.
"NOOOOOOO!" I screamed, shouted, and felt how my heart broke.
Very suddenly I opened my eyes.
I didn't wake up shouting, nor being calmed down by other people, I just lied in a bed, staring at a ceiling, my eyes wide open. After a few seconds I realised I was awake, and that Azula had only been a dream. The fire wasn't real.
I moved and hurt.
Panic rushed through me. My dream…?
I contorted my face in pain, as I tried to sit up. Groaning, I quickly checked myself and noticed pain coming from my shins, my chest, throat and face. The pain was dull, as if someone had given me pain killers, but frowning, I noticed that my hurting areas were also covered in bandages.
Princess Azula had been a dream, but there had really been a fire. As much as I wanted it to have been a dream, it wasn't.
Where was my family? Were they all well? Did we all make it out?
Looking around, I realised that I was sitting in a hospital bed. The room was large, many other beds stood on both sides, but only very few people lied in them. The beds next to mine were both empty, and I also couldn't see a nurse or something like a doctor somewhere.
Pressing my eyes shut, I tried to concentrate and sort things out in my head. Okay, what were the most important things? Finding Nanuk, Dad, and San. Healing them if they were injured. Making sure my books were all fine. Finding out what happened to our house. Then I should try waterhealing on myself. And lastly, finding the cause to the fire and making sure this would never ever happen again.
After I cleared that out, I took a deep breath. "Hello?" I shouted, but didn't get a tone out. I just rasped and my throat hurt so much.
I swallowed, wetting my gorge, and tried again. "Hhhhhhh…" What? The Tsunami was happening? What had happened?
Quickly, I raised my hands to touch the bandages around my throat. My injuries seemed to be only superficial. Nothing felt strange, except for the fact that I couldn't speak!
Were my vocal cords somehow burnt? Had I inhaled too much smoke? What the tsunami was going on?
In a fit of panic, I felt my lower lip trembling.
How was I going to call for help? How was I going to call for Nanuk?
How would I find my family like this, if I couldn't even ask about them?
Tears welled up behind my eyes. Moon, I just wanted my family right now! I needed Nanuk and Dad, and… my mum! I needed my mum!
The tears started falling.
I couldn't believe I cried over my mum right now. She wouldn't have comforted me, I know that. She would have told me to keep calm, control myself, and think first. She wouldn't have hugged me and rubbed soothing circles on my back. She stopped doing that after I had had my first period. But I wanted her to do it again! Anyone could tell me to keep calm in such a situation, but only Mum could hug me the way she had done, and only she smelled and felt like her!
As only air came out of my mouth, my cries were silent.
Whew, we're getting somewhere! Finally! Slowly, but we're definitely moving... I never really plan actions into chapters, I only plan the actions, and then I write until I have about 10,000 words, and sometimes that makes everything slower...
About Zuko and Mai: I always found it strange that Mai acted way more carefree and open in the comic about them getting together than in every other moment of the series. She laughed, for goodness's sake! Mai never laughs in the entire series! So I was wondering why her behaviour changed, and I think the fact that nothing was expected of her, and no one asked her to behave herself in the lower ring just put her more at ease. I guess being back in the Fire Nation Capital makes her fall into old habits and put her mask back on. She probably also found herself falling more and more for Zuko, which might frighten her. So she tries to act aloof and keep him down so that he won't know of her feelings for him. So that he cannot hurt her. I always had the impression Mai was the one loving more in their relationship, and I think this frightened her, because she didn't want to get hurt. At least, that's my interpretation.
Since getting from all happy, sunset watching couple to bored, shouty, we're-breaking-up-couple without anything in between seemed strange to me, I tried to show the beginnings of their later fight. I also always found it very strange that Zuko was onto Ruon Jian (is that his name? the guy with the long hair and the side parting) from the very beginning and directly accused Mai of liking him. That was always a touch too much paranoia or jealousy to me. I mean, Mai is totally right, she hardly knows that guy. So I put in the part in which Zuko overhears Mai talking about cheering up some guy at a party to explain Zuko's focused anger on that guy. Of course, Zuko was overhearing Mai talking about himself. I actually find Zuko's behaviour in The Beach very ridiculous, also his show of stomping like a bull on the beach, when Azula wanted to know why she and Zuko weren't invited to the party as well. His gestures for Mai are all very sweet, although I kind of understand her reactions to them. I always thought that Zuko cannot gift her a shell, since it is not up to him to decide what happens to the shell, since it is not his property. He had to own the shell before giving it to Mai, but the shell belonged to the beach and ocean and not to him! Although I think that Mai could have at least said that she appreciated the gestures, and not the thing. But maybe Mai isn't just a big romantic and doesn't get what Zuko wants to tell her with all that. And honestly, her reply about the ice cream being refreshing, when it landed in her lap was quite funny. It was just Zuko's bad luck that the ice cream fell from its cone, and I don't think Mai was criticising him with this. Well, no one knows for sure why she acted like this, apart from Bryke and whoever wrote this episode. I think it was Katie Mattila, since she seemed to like the Zuko and girls episodes (e.g. The Tale of Zuko), but I'm not sure.
And about Mai not responding to making out: I just had this idea in my head that Mai would try not to show any feelings for Zuko, just to see if she could. She just wants to know if she can even suppress these feelings for him, since she really shows much more feelings around him than around anyone else. So it's like practice to her. I don't really have a lot against Mai, but I must say that she sounds very nicer in my native language than in English. In English she's just like a giant blah of nothing, even when she's happy. In my native language she at least sounds annoyed the whole time. So that's also probably a reason why I like her. If I had grown up with the English version, I don't know if I could like her. While writing I try to describe her voice as her English voice, but I don't know if I succeed, since I think that my Mai sounds annoyed a lot.
About the fire: since if I wouldn't write this here, you wouldn't know for aaaaaages, since I will only explain it in the fic in like two years after the end of the war, I decided to give you the answer straight away. Yes, the house was burnt on Azula's order. Zuko wasn't willing to leave Ba Sing Se on that mornig after all, and Azula first had to bring up the topic of Uncle Iroh to convince Zuko to come with them. Technically, this means that Kilara failed at making him leave, and that's why Azula thought her punishment had to be delivered. It only happens so late, because Zuko still left in the end, and Azula isn't that cruel. She thought she might still give those peasants two weeks to live. In my opinion, this is even crueller. Kilara was already so relieved that Zuko left and thought her family was safe. So Azula struck when everyone was already thinking they were out of danger. Classic Azula.
But if you want to know if anyone beside Kilara survived, and if she will ever regain her voice, you'll have to wait for the next chapter... This might take a little longer, since I have two other fics to catch up to, too.
Answers to reviews:
To uchihaNaruto247: Since I still had some things to tell you, you'll get a second answer. Well, things never stay well for any characters for a long time... And since it might seem to people that Kilara had an awful load of luck... Well, we all know the universe has to be balanced again at some point... Yeah, I thought that showing Zuko in the Fire Nation will be tricky, but I never thought he really felt comfortable there. Maybe there were moments when he liked being there, but I don't think he felt so all the time, not even in the beginning. These past three years are much more present to him now than the years he spent in the palace. They are also part of an important part of the life of any person, so I think they might feel very important to him. Zuko could never behave in the palace the way he behaved on his own ship, so a lot of things change for him, and he feels strange getting used to them. I want to move from a slight, but ignored discomfort to a frustrating, but still suppressed discomfort to open contempt on the day of black sun. Well, I hope the new summary seems more interesting. I really hate writing summaries...
