My projection that Legolas' exposure therapy would last about three months was pretty much on the money. He had progressed quite smoothly through talking about spiders after that initial hitch, and did even better when we moved on to dealing with pictures of our many-eyed friends. I set up a painting class at the end to celebrate, where we had to depict ourselves riding giant spiders like mythical outlaws.
Some more weeks passed after which saw us going on nature walks around Imladris to observe spiders in the wild, and even handle them if they weren't too big or aggressive. The same spiders little Turil had kept in her room ended up being the first ones Legolas handled. I couldn't help but smile as I saw Legolas, trembling but persevering as one crawled around on the palm of his hand, and considered how things had come full circle- converting another person into being a friend of the spiders.
Now it had come to the time for Legolas to complete the last phase of the therapy: exposure to the huge spiders in Mirkwood. I was to accompany him to Mirkwood, where we would gradually get closer and closer to the spiders until he felt confident enough to enter combat with one (with plenty of armed support, of course).
We had been riding for just over three weeks when I first saw it: a huge sea of trees, many of which had branches stripped bare by the winter, that stretched from left to right as far as the eye could see. It looked like incredibly tall, spindly skeletons were hiding among bushes.
At first blush, I didn't really like the look of the place, and found myself wishing we were high-tailing it back to Rivendell's utopian, well-lit atmosphere.
To be honest, I wasn't keen on the place at the second or third blush either, but when we got into the middle of the forest to the actual kingdom of Mirkwood, I was greeted with a sight that left me absolutely gobsmacked.
We had entered a place that would have featured on the front cover of The Woodworker every month if someone had ever caught wind of it. The biggest trees I have ever seen, with trunks sometimes wider than a small house, had been carefully trained, hollowed out, and pruned to create a dense network of paths, dwellings, platforms-- these people wanted for absolutely nothing. The wood in the trees was a gentle ochre colour, making everything easy on the eye, and smaller branches had been trained to make intricate knots and patterns, like living, growing carvings. I was amazed how immediately comfortable and at home I felt there-- especially despite the misgivings I had allowed myself to build up over the 6 hours it had taken for us to reach the interior.
"Welcome to Mirkwood," Legolas said to me with a smile as his eyes softly flicked around his familiar place.
"Thank you very much," I said, a little unclearly as my jaw had been dropped from the view and I still hadn't been able to replace it entirely.
"Ah, now I should warn you," said Legolas as we dismounted our horses, "my people are rather more distrustful of outsiders than what you might be used to—especially toward non-Elves."
"Oh, not to worry," I said lightly, bending down as though I were fishing something out of my backpack. I let my hair fall forward to shroud my face and hands. "I came prepared for that, you see. I have some fake ears that I will put on now, and I'll blend right in."
Naturally, this was a lie. I had brought no props of the sort. I heard Legolas make a doubting sound as I made a big show of pretending to affix these imaginary prosthetics while I willed myself to change ear shape.
I stood up, flicked my hair back, and turned around to face Legolas.
"There," I said. "Do I look convincing?"
Legolas looked at me as though I had just transformed into a crab in front of him.
"Incredibly so," he replied, not taking his eyes off my ears. I took one ear in my fingers and bent it for extra effect, thinking to myself that morphing would have to become my party trick.
He wasn't kidding, though. You may recall that I had mentioned the arresting shades of blue, red, green, and other brighter, more cheerful tones the Elves of Imladris were known to wear. The ones that starkly contrasted with Mirkwood's earthen hues. The ones that once again, made me stand out like a nun at a Guns N Roses concert. No other remarks are needed at this point to describe how well I was initially received.
Thankfully, Legolas was perfectly happy for me to stick with him much of the time as we engaged in intense therapy daily to prepare him for his close encounter of the eight-legged kind.
We spent the first few days in Mirkwood going over at length all the other steps we had covered thus far. So far, so good. After that, I began to accompany him on patrols around the forest borders. I had been introduced to his patrol group as a visiting naturalist who wished to learn more about the ecosystem in Mirkwood. Seemed plausible.
I made an effort to take as many notes as I could to look the part while simultaneously keeping an eye on Legolas. He was on edge most of the time but was still able to describe the surroundings to me in a relatively calm voice.
We had seen one or two spiders in passing, but they had not caught sight of us because we had hidden ourselves, at Legolas' order. I watched him sweat as we stood behind a huge tree, watching them proceed with their unknown business from a handful of metres away.
"You have done exceptionally well," I said to Legolas one evening toward the end of my second week. "Now it's time for us cover spider behaviour. They are usually not very aggressive, and if they do decide to attack, it's usually for protection of themselves, their nest, or because they're territorial. Essentially, for the same reasons that you attack them, yes?"
Legolas nodded as he sipped on wine. "I suppose this is another part of the intellectualisation you mentioned before? Keep their motives in mind as I attempt to slaughter them?"
"Goodness, you catch on quickly," I said with a smile. "Yes, in a manner of speaking, I want you to continue practicing making room in your head for facts and plans of action while you feel fear. Fact: this spider is coming toward me. I feel fear. I will take action by slicing its head off. That sort of thing, but make it happen fast. You can already do it with all your other foes, so this shouldn't take long."
And it didn't, either. Around the end of the second week, during one of the daily patrols, there was a very noisy crashing sound coming from a short way ahead of us.
"Spiders!" said one of the patrollers. "We will clear the path." Without another word, most of the company shot off into the distance, weapons drawn.
Legolas blanched and winced as we slowly rode on.
"This is an excellent opportunity to perhaps engage with the spiders," I said to Legolas. "Do you think you're ready to try?"
He whimpered quietly, but nodded, and we picked up the pace a little as we followed after the patrollers.
The ambient forest sounds of rustling leaves and singing birds were punctuated by Elven shouts and something else that made my stomach drop. I wasn't sure what it was, I just knew it was horrible and belonged to something that was undoubtedly not a pleasant character. Its screeches and roars were bloodcurdling, and I could hear words- ugly words, from an ugly language. I was half tempted to turn tail and force Legolas to emigrate with me back to Rivendell and leave this horrible place behind.
I shook my head to try and send my unhelpful train of thought off its tracks, and we hurried on until we were in eyeshot of the patrollers. Legolas' breathing became audible as we hid behind a tree and watched the others fighting against an enormous, enraged spider.
"You're doing well," I reassured him in a whisper. "This is the end goal, and you've already nearly reached it!"
Legolas turned to look at me, and started to say, "Do you really think so, Rho—" when there came another deafening screech and sentence after sentence of that awful language again. I looked up to see where the source was, and—
"My god, that spider is talking in the Mordor language," I gasped under my breath.
Legolas looked at me in confusion and said, "Well yes, these are the children of Ungoliant."
"Shelob?" I asked in disbelief. Legolas nodded quickly.
"Legolas, these aren't spiders, then," I said to him. "These are demons endowed with a spider-like body."
This was met with silence on Legolas' part for a moment. "Are they not essentially one and the same?"
"Well, I very much doubt that if I were to paint myself dapple-grey and get down on all fours that you would mistake me for your horse and try to ride on my back," I retorted. "Look, Legolas," I continued quickly, "You have dealt with spiders aplenty now. You know how they look, feel, and function. Spider behaviour is different, though. Most spiders do not like to attack. They like to run away and hide."
I pointed at the squalling beast ahead of us. "You need to make a division between appearance and reality now, because this will not behave like a spider. This thing is an angry, malevolent demon that bears the guise of a spider. Now you need to treat it like a demon, but attack it like a spider. Do you understand me?"
"This is not a spider…" he murmured. He looked at me, eyes wide. "So I have already conquered my fear of spiders?"
"Depends. How do you feel about going up and fighting that thing now?"
"I think I'm ready," Legolas said, a determined look hardening his face.
Just as he said that, the spider/demon let out another shriek and threw one of its legs out, hitting three or four patrollers so hard that they flew against a tree trunk and sank to the ground, out cold.
"Well, there's never been a better time for you to give it a try," I said, patting him on the shoulder quickly. "When you're ready."
He didn't need to hear it twice. He dashed out from behind that tree like a goose was after him, and he was shooting two, three arrows at a time at this creature with a grace that I had not ever seen before. The spider roared in pain as these arrows flew neatly into its eyes and was distracted enough to not notice Legolas zoom behind it and between its legs until he was squarely beneath its undercarriage. Legolas drew his sword, and in one neat swipe had advanced the blade through the length of its cephalothorax as easily as if he were undoing a zipper. Fluid gushed out from the gaping wound, and that was it for the spider. Legolas barely made it out from under it before the creature's legs gave out and it sank to the ground, writhing miserably. In what must have been some kind of pity on Legolas' part, he administered one more stab between the eyes, and the arachnoid was dead.
The other patrollers were thunderstruck and stared at their prince in open shock. Legolas hardly knew what to do, himself, and simply stood there for a moment, catching his breath and wiping spider juices off his face.
"Your Majesty, that was outstanding—"
"It was dead in three moves—"
Legolas gently held up a hand to silence them and smiled. "Plenty of time for that later," he said. "We should get these three some medical attention first," he gestured at the three concussed Elves sitting at the base of the tree, gingerly rubbing their heads.
Dinner that night was an absolutely cracking celebration of the prowess of Prince Legolas. Music played until the small hours, much wine was drunk, dancing was done, and Legolas' father and grandfather seemed to have a complete change of heart about the bravery and overall worth of him.
Legolas insisted that I sit near him at the table ("you know, as our honoured visiting naturalist," he had said with a wink). Unfortunately, he was seated right near Oropher and Thranduil, and I was forced to observe their newfound kindness toward Legolas with a heavy dose of angry nausea. That they even saw fit to withhold it in the first place was appalling.
I was snapped out of my irritable mood with a gentle nudge.
"Rhodri, shall we dance?" asked a smiling Legolas, holding his hand out and nodded in the direction of the dance floor.
Relief! A chance to escape the close company of Oropher and Thranduil. I accepted with alacrity, and he led me out to the middle of the floor, where we eased into a relaxed waltz.
"I think it all ended quite well, really, don't you?" he said to me as he navigated us masterfully between the other dancing pairs.
I smiled and nodded in agreement. "Oh, yes. You were absolutely outstanding," I replied. "How are you doing in general?"
"Well, I think," he answered with a half-shrug. "Everybody seems quite pleased."
"And what about you, Legolas?"
"Oh, I am pleased, too. Though…"
"Mmm?"
"Can we step outside after this song?" he requested.
"Naturally," I said with a nod.
We left the ballroom shortly after. Legolas led me out and up a few flights of stairs to a small terrace that commanded an impressive view over the arboreal realm. We perched on a bench there and drank in the view for a moment before I said, "Tell me what's on your mind."
"Do you know, Rhodri," he began, "though I am happy that my father and grandfather are being kinder now, but at the same time, their being kind makes me feel anger as well."
"Why do you think that is?"
"I think I am upset because it came much too late," he mused. "It would have been far better had they been more compassionate early on. Perhaps it wouldn't have taken almost two yén to resolve."
Legolas leaned forward and rested his chin on one hand, disappointment etched into his face.
"Have they been like this with other things in your life, Legolas? Belittling you, trying to resolve the situation with no consideration of your wants and needs, that sort of thing?"
"Mmm," he affirmed with a small nod, "though to a lesser extent than the spider problem."
"Are you aware that that sort of behaviour is not considered a normal or healthy way to treat someone?"
Legolas slowly turned to look at me. "It's not?" His eyebrows raised a little.
I shook my head. "No, it is not. It's funny how many people are surprised to hear that kindness and empathy are not just rare treats to be enjoyed on special occasions. We enjoy them because they are good for us, good for our happiness and wellbeing, our minds, our bodies. The larger the dose, the better. You are worthy of and deserve as much love and acknowledgement now as when you were terrified of spiders four months ago."
Nothing more was said for a short while, because I wanted to let Legolas digest those words. He watched out over the view, and I couldn't help but notice tears sliding down his cheeks. My heart sank for him, as it always did with clients who had only learned well into adulthood that kindness and empathy were not luxury goods.
After some time had passed, I noticed the tears had dried up. Now came the hard part.
"You know, Legolas," I said, "You have achieved so much in your life, and after a very rough start, too. I don't know your father or grandfather very well, but perhaps they are not aware of how harmful their actions are. That's for you to decide, but if you believe that they truly are well-meaning and simply poor—very poor—" (I couldn't resist getting a dig in at them) "communicators, it might be well for you to take them aside and talk to them honestly about this."
"What would I tell them, though?" he asked, furrowing his brow.
"Tell them what you said to me. Tell them it is time they learned to separate the individual from the behaviour and to take the trouble to empathise with you, and that you deserve to be treated with love and respect by your family simply because you-are-Legolas," I replied, gently sending my fist onto my knee for emphasis as the last three words came out.
"And you know," I continued, "whether they rise to the occasion or not is immaterial. Your value and worth as a person will not go up or down depending on their opinion of you. You should not have to tolerate being somewhere that you are not treated with the respect you deserve."
Legolas pursed his lips for a moment, then nodded. "Mmm. That is much to think about."
"Well, there's no rush. It's not as though you're going to die of old age any time soon," I quipped, trying to keep a deadpan expression as I did. That attempt fell through when Legolas snorted and a laugh or two escaped me in sympathy.
"Oh, Rhodri? One more question," Legolas bid me.
"Go for it," I invited.
"How did you get your ears to look so realistic?"
"That's a very good question. Let's go back and dance some more," I said, quickly getting to my feet and hauling Legolas back downstairs.
"Wh-what does that have to do with your ears?"
"Absolutely nothing."
