Fourth Grade's Got Talent

Charles is entered (thanks to Drew) into the fourth-grade talent show, so he decides to try out a ventriloquism act. Once on stage, Charles has to face his nerves and keep himself (and his new pal) from losing his head.

Based on the "Doug" episode "Doug's No Dummy"

In April, just before his tenth birthday, Charles Finster was to learn that he had talent, and some other things…

It all started in his classroom. The kids were signing up for the fourth-grade talent show.

Well, most of the kids, anyway. Melinda asked, "Are you going to sign up, Charles?"

Chas replied, "Who, me? No way, Melinda! Ever since I bombed my second-grade talent show, I figured that I just don't have any talent."

"Besides, you'd make a fool of yourself, which would be outrageously funny!" chuckled Drew as he wrote Chas' name on the sign-up sheet.

Once the teacher was given the sign-up sheet, he said, "So, who are our young stars to be this year? Megan Bell, Daniel Gallagher, Melinda Cavanaugh, Andrew Pickles, and Charles Finster."

Chas was shocked to hear his name being called out.


After school, Chas was sitting on the swings, moping. Soon, Drew approached him and began to gloat, "Now that I've volunteered you to perform in front of the whole school, what are you gonna do for talent?"

Chas glared at Drew and said, "Thanks a lot, Drew."

"I can see it now: you try a stand-up comedy act when your nerves get shot, you wet your pants again, and before you know it, all the kids' parents are throwin' produce at you! Good luck finding any talent at all, Finster!"

Chas gulped.


Back at the Finster residence, Chas realized something: "The talent show is to-morrow, and I don't have an act! What if I'm facing schoolwide humiliation?! If I can't think of something, I'm a dead duck!"

And so, he went up to the attic, rummaged through a giant chest, and found a ventriloquist dummy and a book. Chas read the title: How to Be a Ventriloquist in Less Than 24 Hours.

"Well, less than 24 hours is all I have. What's your name, little guy? How about Mr. Happy?"

Chas made the dummy speak: "Hello, there."


As time went on, Chas read the book: "How to talk without moving your lips… Lesson One: To make the 'b' sound without moving your lips, just say 'd.'"

He then said to himself, "So, 'The boy bought a basketball' becomes 'De doy dought a dasketdall.'"

Chas then repeated it while making Mr. Happy speak: "De doy dought a dasketdall. De doy dought a dasketdall."

"Not bad!" he cried. "Not bad at all! Maybe I have a talent after all!"

He could imagine himself entertaining younger kids at parties by having Mr. Happy speak for him: "De doy dought a dasketdall."


And so, Chas rehearsed his act and tried it out on his first audience—his own parents.

He himself finished it by saying, "Say goodnight, Mr. Happy."

And he made Mr. Happy say, "Goodnight, Mr. Happy."

As Chas finished, Marvin and Shirley applauded.

"Bravo! Bravissimo!" exclaimed Shirley. "That was wonderful!"

Marvin added, "Very good, slugger."

Smiling, Chas and Mr. Happy gave a low gracious bow as Marvin and Shirly again applauded. And going to an aside, Chas said to Mr. Happy, "We may be the best ventriloquist act ever, Mr. Happy!"

"Yeah, we knocked 'em dead!" he made Mr. Happy say.

But Marvin noticed this, and he whispered to Shirley, "Do you think it matters that his lips were moving?"

Shirley replied, "Oh, Marvin, I hope he's able to pull through."


The next day was the fourth-grade talent show. Backstage, in the auditorium, Chas said to himself, "Well, this is it. Who knows? After to-night, I could be a big star."

But around him, the other fourth graders were rehearsing their own acts, ranging from singing to acting to dancing. One kid even brought an ocarina along.

Chas himself decided to take out Mr. Happy and rehearse his act. He made Mr. Happy say, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Mr. Happy."

Melinda was warming up her vocals when she noticed Chas and Mr. Happy.

"Nice dummy, Charles," said Melinda. "But are you sure you should let your lips move?"

"Very funny, Melinda," said Chas. Then, as he heard Melinda sing, he said, "Wow! I never heard you sing like this before."

"Thanks. It's for my act. I'm going to be singing a love ballad before a live audience."

Then, Chas became nervous. "L-l-l-live audience?"

"Of course."

"How many people are attending?"

"As many as can fill this auditorium."

"Which is?"

"600 men, women, and children."

"600 MEN, WOMEN, AND CHILDREN?!"

Chas peered his head through the curtains and saw the audience out there, and he began to perspire at the thought of grown adults pelting him with produce after an act gone sour.

"Charles? Charles, are you all right?" asked Melinda.

Chas turned from the curtains and said, "600 men, women, and children!"

"I know! Isn't it great?"

The teacher then announced to the students, "Calm down, children. Our first act will be Charles Finster and Mr. Happy. Are you ready, Charles?"

Chas replied, "Um, no! Please, sir! Can you let someone else take the spotlight, please?"

"Well, I suppose. Perhaps Andrew Pickles will be the opening act."

Then the teacher said, "Andrew, are you ready?"

Drew stepped up with his drum set and exclaimed, "Ready as I'll ever be!"

And Drew drummed before the audience.

Meanwhile, backstage, Chas rehearsed with Mr. Happy backstage. He made Mr. Happy say, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."

And Melinda went into the dressing room to change.

When Drew's act was almost over, the teacher said, "Right, who's next? Charles?"

But Chas nervously replied, "I'm still not ready! Could you please go to someone else?"

"Okay," said the teacher. "Melinda Cavanaugh, are you ready?"

Emerging from the dressing room in a splendid dress, Melinda replied, "I most certainly am."

She then asked Chas, "Do I look all right?"

Chas replied, "I'll say! And you're gonna be great, Melinda."

"You think so?"

"I know it."

"Thanks, Charles. I'm ready."

And Melinda stepped before the audience to sing.

As Melinda sang, Chas was sweating so much he had to wring his shirt over a potted plant, which promptly wilted.

But then, Chas said to himself, "Okay, Chas. Don't be nervous. Melinda's already doing her act, and she's doing great. That's it! After Melinda's act, I'll get out there and do my dummy routine! I can do it! Here comes the teacher. I'm ready. I'm really ready to go on."

Then, he said to the teacher, "I'm ready."

But the teacher said with a smile, "Daniel Gallagher, you're up!"

"Ready," said Daniel as he pulled out a flute to play before the audience.

Chas then said to himself, "Flute music isn't necessarily better than ventriloquism."

But before the audience, Daniel played the "Casta diva" aria from Bellini's Norma, to the amazement of all.

"Then, again, maybe it is…" sighed Chas.

Drew then approached Chas and snickered, "Daniel's gonna be one tough act to follow, Finster! I guess his flute is gonna make a dummy outta you!"

And as Drew left, Chas thought, "Maybe Drew's right. Maybe I'll just be a big joke to the audience…"


Once Daniel's flute act was over, he was followed by another act: Megan on a unicycle.

Finally, the teacher said to Chas, "It's time, Charles! You're on! Break a leg."

Chas explained, "How can you make me go on after Daniel and Megan?"

But Melinda said to Chas, "Don't worry, Charles. You're going to be fine."

"Easy for you to say. You came before a flute player."

"But I believe in you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and before you know it, it's over, and everybody's clapping. Me too."

"You, too?" asked Chas as he gazed into Melinda's eyes. "Okay, I'll give it my best shot. Thanks, Melinda."

But Chas hadn't gone too far from Melinda when Drew began to taunt him again: "Hey, Finster! Where do ya wanna be buried when you die out there?"

But Chas said, "Look, Drew! You got me into this mess, but I'm gonna get myself out. So… back off!"

And Chas stepped before the audience to Drew's amazement.

This red-headed boy sat down on a stool with Mr. Happy as he nervously said, "G-g-good evening. I'm Chas Finster, and this is my dummy, Mr. Happy."

But Mr. Happy lost his head! Some of the adults among the audience were already booing, while Marvin and Shirley showed signs of embarrassment.

By now, Chas' nerves were completely shot! He couldn't even speak now that his dummy had no head!

The fourth graders backstage were upset to see this, but Drew was mocking Chas already: "What a total loser! Just like his second-grade talent show! Somebody get the hook before he wets his pants!"

But the other fourth graders turned to Melinda, who said, "Charles is in trouble. I gotta save him!"

And so, Melinda went to the dressing room, where she used a washable marker to draw dark lines on her eyebrows and some lines from her mouth to her chin to represent the mouth of a ventriloquist dummy.

She then stepped in over Mr. Happy's body to represent his head. "Sorry," she said in a boyish voice. "I guess I lost my head there for a minute."

This got plenty of chuckles from the audience.

Chas saw this and thought, "Melinda?"

"Just call me 'Mr. Happy,' dummy," she replied.

"Hey! I'm no dummy! You're the dummy!"

"If I'm the dummy, then how come you didn't sing or even say anything? Here's a little number you might remember.

"The eensy-weensy spider went up the water spout…"

"Yeah, let's sing it together!"

And Chas and Melinda, the latter as the dummy's head, sang together:

"The eensy-weensy spider went up the water spout.
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain,
And the eensy-weensy spider went up the spout again.
"

And the audience applauded wildly! Chas had triumphed enormously, thanks to Melinda. And all the fourth graders found Chas' act terrific, except for Drew.

Maybe Chas didn't really find his talent after all (that was to wait until he was seventeen), but he did find out that he had some good friends (Melinda, for a start). And now that he had tried it, Chas decided not to pursue ventriloquism as a career.