Disclaimer: I do not own any of the material appearing in this story.
Ladies Man
"Alright, Joker! What are we going to do today!" Morgana asked.
"Heh, I have an idea." Akira chuckled.
"And that is?"
Akira pushed his glasses to the bridge of his nose, smirking. "I'm gonna ask everyone to be my valentine's."
Morgana sweatdropped. "Don't you remember what happened last time?"
"I'm gonna be more careful this time. I'll hang around with them for about a half an hour and then go to the next girl. It's all about calculation."
"…This isn't going to end well."
"It will end beautifully!" He smirked. "I'll show that Yu how to really make it work!"
"I've got a bad feeling about this."
Akira smirked, quickly running to the store and grabbing as many valentine's cards as he can, quickly running over to his room and signing them all up. He then donned his Phantom Thieves mask. "Alright… let's get to work." He smirked and quickly ran off.
He hid in the shadows, looking both ways and then proceeded to throw valentine cards everywhere. Some landed on their heads like Peach, Daisy, Female Villager, Jigglypuff and Zelda. Some landed in their coffee like Samus, Reflet, Byleth, Kamui, Isabelle, Sheik, Makoto, Ann, and Yang. Some landed on the ground in front of them, like Nana, Wii Fit Trainer, Lucina, Palutena, and Inkling. One landed in the garden for Haru, one slipped into a room for Futaba.
"What is he doing?" Bayonetta wondered, watching Joker throwing Valentine's cards around.
"Attempting suicide." Morgana said.
"Eh?" Bayonetta asked as Morgana explained what had happened last time. "Oh goodness gracious…" She pinched the bridge of her nose as a valentine's card landed in her hands. "Oh, thank you sweetie."
"AAAAH! I GOT A VALENTINE!" Ruby exclaimed. "Pit wants me to meet him on the roof! AAAH!"
"Huh, I wonder who my secret admirer is…" Weiss mused.
Joker smirked, throwing valentine's at non-Smashers like Edelgard, Dorothea, Petra, Camilla, Celica, Cammy, Chun-Li, Toadette, Impa, Ashley, Birdo, Fiora, Mipha, Urbosa, Medusa, Pandora, Jeanne, Pauline and even Neo.
Sometime later…
Akira put his Phantom Thieves attire away. "Ah… now let's have some fun." He said as he looked off into the horizon, and then heard footsteps approach him from behind. Showtime. He smirked as then turned around. "Hello, my valen-" His eyes widened, seeing everyone all at once. "-Tine… oh no…"
"So… you decide to go and tell everyone to meet on the roof, huh?" Daisy asked, crumpling up her valentine. "To think I thought Luigi wrote this up for me!"
"I do not understand… is this… customary to this Valentine thing?" Petra wondered.
"Joker… you did it again…" Ann growled. "You… you're a dick!"
"Now now, this is all just a big misunderstanding!" Akira sweatdropped.
"While I do appreciate the gesture… I will not stand by and watch you break these girl's hearts… especially Isabelle." Camilla glared.
"I… I thought we'd have some alone time…" Isabelle sniffed, tears falling. "Instead… I'm… I'm not sure what to think!"
Female Village brought out her axe. "You made her cry."
Neo pulled out a sign. "Get him!"
Down below…
"This is why I don't deal with Valentine's drama." Ryuji said, casually eating some chocolate.
"Smart man." Morgana nodded.
"OW! OW! YAAAGH! OW! OW!"
"We'll see how you like this! PANTELONES GIGANTACUS!"
"AAAAGH!"
Bayonetta was with Ryuji and Morgana. "I'm disappointed…"
"Why'd you rat him out like that?" Ryuji asked.
"Sometimes, naughty boys need to be taught a lesson."
"He should learn a thing or two." A voice said as they saw Yu walking by with Chie, Yukiko, and Rise holding on to him while drunkenly blushing and giggling, while Naoto walked by looking embarrassed. "Don't mess with the king."
"…Are they drunk?" Morgana asked.
"I don't even want to know." Ryuji said.
"AAAAAAH!" Akira faceplanted in front of them. "Ow…"
"Oh hey bud." Ryuji casually waved.
"Ugh… this couldn't get any worse…"
"Ahem!"
Akira turned his attention to see the boyfriends glaring at him… even Luigi looked angry. Chrom was also there, looking angry as well.
"Break my daughter's heart, will you?!"
"Oh no…"
"Get him!" Pit yelled.
Ryuji gave some of his chocolates to Bayonetta. "Want some?"
"Oh thank you." Bayonetta smiled, happily munching on some chocolate.
"OW! OW! MY SPINE! AAAAAAAAGH!"
"Nothing like spending Valentine's Day in the hospital…" Morgana sighed. "Joker, are you a fool…"
"GAAAAAAAH!"
Cupid
"Brother!" Crazy Hand floated over to Master Hand. "I have a great idea for Valentine's Day!"
"Oh, this should be good. What is it?"
"We have a Cupid!"
"Oh, so you're going to have Pit play the part?"
"Actually, I have someone better!" Crazy Hand chuckled and moved aside to reveal a little Baby Peach with a bow and arrow. "Ta-dah!"
"…Did you mess with space time again and brought Peach here to the present in baby form? Remember what happened last time!"
"Not my fault Dialga's such a sourpuss." Crazy grumbled.
"You do realize this is Dialga we're talking about right?"
"Eh, whatever! Let him be mad for a few minutes, he'll cool off!"
"She's a baby!" Master Hand said. "She'll likely point those arrows at something terrible!"
"Nah, you worry too much. What's the worst that can happen?"
Ganondorf towered over Zelda. "Zelda! Give me the Triforce or perish!"
"Never!" Zelda's fists glowed with fire.
"Then you leave me with no choice. I will-" An arrow hit him in the butt, as he dropped his sword. "-Make you my bride." He said as he fell on one knee, pulling out a random bouquet of flowers. "Zelda, you make my heart flutter! Forgive my past mistakes!"
"What… in the name of Hylia is going on?" Zelda asked as Ganondorf reached for her hand and kissed it, making her shudder. "Uh, Link… a little help here!"
"Forget about Link! It's just you and me, my sweet." Ganondorf smiled.
"LINK! HELP ME! GANONDORF IS BEING CREEPIER THAN USUAL!"
"Give me a hug!" Ganondorf hugged her tightly.
"GAAAAH! LIIIIINK! HELP! WHERE THE DEVIL ARE YOU?!" Zelda yelled, attempting to pry him off of her.
"Have I ever told you that you are the cutest Zora I've ever laid eyes on?" Link asked.
"Oh, Link…" Mipha smiled.
Baby Peach crawled away from the two, giggling.
Meanwhile, in Mario Kart…
Baby Peach aimed her bow and arrow at Bowser, striking him in the tail. She let out a giggle and went over a turbo boost panel. "Weee!"
"Ow…" Bowser grumbled and then laid his eyes on Peach. He smirked and then floored it. "Hey baby! You come around here often?"
"Ack! What are you doing?!"
"I love you! I'm gonna make you my bride!"
"HEY!" Mario yelled as he quickly sped up and did a PIT Manuever on him.
"WAAAAH!"
"Get your hands off of my woman!" Mario yelled.
"Oh, Mario!" Peach smiled.
Samus was eating some chocolate… when all of a sudden, Ridley's tail wrapped around her and pulled her close to him. "Ack! Hey! What are you doing?!" She yelled, completely unaware of Baby Peach innocently planting an arrow on Ridley's butt.
"Have I ever told you that you're beautiful?"
"EXCUSE ME?!"
Dark Samus pulled out a camera. "Oh, this is so going online."
Ridley wrapped his arms around her, sighing deeply. "I love you." He said, pecking her face multiple times. "You set my soul on fire!"
"…Oh god, I think I'm going to be sick…" Samus gagged while Dark Samus was trying to compose herself.
"It is a spark… a small spark… no… it is a flame…" Ridley flirted, completely unaware that smoke was coming from his foot. "A big ROARING flame! I can feel it now…" He suddenly stopped and sniffed the air, dropping Samus. "Hey… something is burning around here!" He said and looked down… to see Pichu lighting his foot on fire with a match. "YAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Ridley launched high into the air, making a hole in the ceiling and landing in the pool.
"Pichu Pi!" Pichu giggled.
"Thanks, little one." Samus breathed a sigh of relief.
Sometime later…
Dialga appeared from a portal, glaring hard at Crazy Hand. "Oh hi Dialga!" Crazy waved. "What brings you here?"
"I think you know why, brother…" Master Hand said as DIalga unleashed Roar of Time on Crazy, knocking him to a wall.
"GAH!" He yelled, falling to the ground. "…I'm okay!"
Dialga walked over to Baby Peach, gently picking her up with his mouth. "Weee!" She happily cried as Dialga made a portal and walked into it.
"Told you it was a bad idea." Master Hand said, watching the portal close.
"Ow… I feel tingly…"
Single Life
Waluigi sat alone at a milk bar, looking around to seeing couples happily hugging, kissing, all of that fun lovey dovey stuff. He let out a scowl. "I despise Valentine's Day…"
"Get 'em while they're hot! Valentine's Day Candies are to die for!"
Click.
"Come one, come all to the annual game show: Love at First Sight!"
Click.
"Oh, Tony… you make my heart flutter…"
"Come and give me a kiss, baby. Happy Valentine's Day."
Click.
"Buy a Valentine's Day Heart Pillow for your loved one! They will certainly fall in love with it… and to you!"
Click.
"Are you alone on Valentine's Day? Well, don't just mope around like that! Just hop online and go find a date!"
Click.
"Do you want to spice up your Valentine's Day? Why not take your date to one of the fine Love Hotels scattered throughout the Mushroom Kingdom! This will be the right choi-"
SMASH!
"…Mistress Viridi, that TV was expensive!" Arlon scolded, while Viridi looked completely annoyed and was gritting her teeth.
"I don't care! I hate it when Valentine's get shoved down my throat! Can't I enjoy my Single Awareness Day in peace?!"
"You didn't have to take it out on the TV by throwing the remote at it though!" Phosphora pointed out.
"Ugh! Forget it, I'm going for a walk." Viridi walked off in a huff.
Ruby and Yang sat on the couch, the latter looking absolutely annoyed while the former looked confused. "Dad… explain yourself." Yang said.
"What? I get lonely on Valentine's Day too!"
"Yeah, but dating our friend?!" Yang exclaimed. "Why Coco, of all people?!"
"What can I say? He's absolutely adorable." Coco smiled.
"Heheh, thank you." Tai smiled.
"They just don't understand our love. Come here!" Coco said, pulling Tai close to her.
"Ew!" Ruby groaned. "I think I'm gonna be sick…"
"That's just… great…" Yang grumbled.
Valentine's Nightmare
"Oh Sooooniiiiiiic~!"
"Oh crud!" Sonic paled as he turned to see Amy happily skipping over to him. "Sorry Tails, gotta run!" He said as he quickly ran off, but didn't even make it half a mile as he got stuck in something. "Ack! What is this?!"
"It worked!" Amy exclaimed. "You successfully ran into my glue trap!" She grinned, pressing a button as a fly trap slammed into Sonic from the side. "There, now you'll be mine forever~!" She smiled.
"What are you doing?! Make it stop!" Sonic exclaimed as Amy got closer, giving him chocolate and flowers.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Sonic!" Amy smiled, leaning over and closed her eyes.
"No! No! Not like this! No! No! NOOOOOOOO!"
"NOOOOOOO!" Sonic shot up awake from his bed, panting. He looked around to see that he was not covered in a glue trap or anything. He breathed a sigh of relief. "That's it… no more chili dogs before bed." He laid back down on his pillow, and snored loudly.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone! ...Or Single Awareness Day, if you're still single... like me. *sigh* One of these days, i'll find a girl.
Oh well, have a happy day, y'all!
EDIT: I had just noticed that I had accidentally called Sonic "Sonia" in the second paragraph of the last skit. Whoops.
