Author's note:

My dear readers, here I am with a new chapter for my story. Before starting this new instalment, however, let me thank those of you who took their time to leave a review on my fanfic.

I'm very glad to see that MeanE perfectly described Agda's current situation. I tried my best to convey her feelings of powerlessness and isolation within the political situation in Skyrim and I was happy to see that you definitely felt for our poor girl!

As for ShpperOfTrashyShips, I must definitely thank you for your support. I keep on breaking my characters' hearts, but I'm glad that you are not abandoning them! It will take some more chapters before Agda and Stein can see the light again, but I hope that, in the end, everything will be worth the effort...

Speaking of the progression of this story, I was very grateful to for their comment, as it gave me a good reason to think about the development of my fic. I did have a plot scheme when I started this adventure and, although I am sticking to it as much as possible, sometimes I did make some changes in order to add more drama (in my first idea of the story, for example, Stein and Agda weren't supposed to get married in Whiterun a couple of chapters ago). This may make for captivating instalments but, as you point out, it can also make readers sick with the excessive amount of angst. I am very sorry for this and I think I have now learnt an important lesson for my future stories (if there will be any): if you have a plot scheme, stick to it! XD This is my first time writing a fanfic of this length and I believe this is the most important thing I have learnt so far. Given the situation, from now on I will try to adhere to my original scheme as much as possible. I only hope the plot progression will be good enough to make up for the excess of angst in the last few instalments!

And now, with no further hesitation, on to the new chapter...


20th of Evening Star, 4E 202

Laying a hand on her belly, Agda slowly stood up from her comfortable chair besides the fireplace and headed towards the only window in her little hut. The wind was blowing violently, but the young Nord didn't seem to mind. Actually, the sight of the thunderstorm raging outside perfectly matched the turmoil she was experiencing in her mind.

After everything she had suffered over the previous weeks, Agda had taken a very important decision: in order to preserve her mental health and to safeguard her baby, she had left Skyrim right after Steinarius had voiced his intention to annull their marriage. The girl knew that her husband was not in his right mind, she knew the Thalmor had probably played with his memories once again, she knew she couldn't blame Lucretia for hating her. Yet, she also knew that she couldn't put up with that situation any longer.

While escaping Whiterun with tears running down her cheeks and anger boiling in her guts, Agda had been forced to take a quick decision. She was sick with Skyrim, she was sick wth the Thalmor, she was sick with the whole Dragonborn madness; for this reason she didn't feel like going back to Winterhold, just like she didn't feel like finding shelter in Riverwood. Droven by despair and disgust, the young mage had made a painful choice: in order to find peace, she had left Skyrim behind and had moved to a small village of fisherman along the Iliac Bay. The Bretons who dwelled there had paid little attention to the woman who had taken up residence in that little corner of High Rock: to them, the newcomer looked like one of the many heiressess that were banished from their rich families because of undesired pregnancies. When confronted with the suspicious looks of some villagers and with the pitiful gazes of others, Agda had actually been quick to do her best to support their beliefs regarding the reason why she had ended up in that forgotten place. Luckily enough, no one ever asked her anything about her life - and luckily enough, no one ever threatened her peace with news regarding the political situation in Skyrim.

Over the course of time, Agda learned to appreciate her quiet life in the village. She made money by selling weak healing draughts to the inhabitants and she soon got acquainted with a couple of women who had small children to take care of. Agda sometimes spent her evenings chatting with them, but she was very careful not to reveal anything about her past, her pregnancy or the reason why she had moved to High Rock. Luckily enough, the women never tried to pry into her life.

At the moment of crossing the border to High Rock, Agda had actually thought she could find a shelter in Wayrest, in the huge country villa owned by her family. Nonetheless, she had soon decided against that: she remembered her mother's rants about her inability to get herself a husband, so she wanted to spare Kareti the humiliation of knowing that her eldest daughter was with child - yet, the father of said child had decided to annull his marriage to the girl.

Unfortunately for Agda, her new residence prevented her from receiving news about Skyrim and its politics - yet, it didn't prevent her from receiving the letters her close friends wrote to her.

Frowning, Agda abandoned her place by the window to take a look at the messages that were resting on the small table of her hut. Somehow, the most zealant courier of Tamriel had been able to track her down and deliver her many letters addressed to her - letters that that had piled up somewhere in Skyrim until that very brave and foolish and clever Elf had decided to put an end to the mess that reigned in one of his colleagues' office. The courier had been greatly proud when he had finally knocked on Agda's door to deliver her a huge bundle of letters - the mage, however, had been about to chuck a fireball at his head. Unwilling to cause a fuss, however, the young Nord had eventually accepted the messages and produced a very faint and sarcastic 'thank you'. If only that zealant boy had been trusted with the letter she had written to Steinarius almost two months earlier!

Pushing that thought aside, Agda sighed. As predictable, she had received many messages from the College: her colleagues were unwilling to accept her resignation and Faralda was protesting vehemently against Agda's decision to make her the new Archmage of Winterhold. Many letters instead had been written by Adaeze, who was sincerely worried about the wellbeing of her friend. The most shocking message, however, was an official letter from Solitude. Apparently, Steinarius had turned to the Temple of Divines to have his marriage to Agda annulled - and apparently, the Temple had proceeded accordingly.

As she thought about the end of her marriage, Agda shook her head. That was the price for all the mistakes she had made over the previous months.


As the days went by, Agda soon started thinking about the birth of her child. Her time was still far away, but at least the thought of her pregnancy kept her mind occupied during the long hours of isolation. Actually, the girl soon became friends with some women from the village: one of them was very good at knitting tiny blankets and clothes, another one was an expert at treating child's diseases, the last one was a veteran who had given birth to seven healthy kids. Those three women were intrigued by that strange Nord who had joined their community, but they never made her unease with questions or remarks about her past. Had that shy Nord wanted to open up to them, they were ready to listen to her story; had she not, they would have continued minding their own businesses.

Unfortunately for Agda, her isolation wasn't meant to last forever.

One night, as a heavy rain was tormenting the wooden roof of her hut and her troubled sleep, the girl realized that someone was knocking on her door. Worried, she abandoned her bed and draped a heavy blanket along her shoulders. Frowning, the mage readied a spell and made to meet the stranger who had disturbed her at that ungodly hour. When she opened the door to her house, however, Agda immediately tried to shut it closed: in front of her eyes, similar to a ghost from her forgotten past, stood Vigdis. Unfortunately for the young mage, the other woman was much faster than her - as a consequence, the thief easily snuck into her house before Agda could even realize what was going on.

"You've chosen yourself a nice hiding place, Agda", Vigdis commented at that moment. "Too bad that Delphine is a Breton - and as such, she has her web of spies also here in High Rock".

For a moment, Agda remained perfectly still. She couldn't believe her eyes: after all those weeks, someone from her past had turned up in her new life, thus destroying the vulnerable peace she had struggled so hard to create around herself.

"I... I don't care about Delphine and her spies", the mage muttered when she finally found the strength to speak despite that horrible situation. "I have a honest, simple life now and all I care about is the wellbeing of my child. Everything else doesn't matter. Delphine doesn't matter, and the same goes for you, Steinarius and the whole of Tamriel".

Vigdis reacted to those words with a chuckle.

"And how will you forget your past once your baby is born?", she asked, sarcasm well evident in her voice. "What will you say about their father?"

Agda made to reply, but Vigdis stopped her with a gesture.

"I am not here to argue", she said. Now her voice sounded much more serious and tired than before. "Actually, Agda, I had an argument with Delphine because I didn't want to come here. Yet, our cause is much bigger than your peace, Archmage".

Confronted with those words, Agda snorted.

"Of course your schemes are more important than me, Vigdis. By the way, don't call me Archmage: I left that title to Faralda long ago".

"Four weeks is not long ago", the other woman promptly pointed out. Also, believe me when I say that I wouldn't have bothered you had it not been important. I was once with child too and I hate it to disturb you at this moment of your life".

Agda would have liked to make some nasty remarks about Eidan's fate, but something in Vigdis' voice had her change her mind. Somehow, the thief seemed really sorry about that situation. Actually, she had even given up on her usual dramatic entrances in order to avoid scaring Agda.

"Listen to me", the thief said as she noticed the tired look on the other Nord's face. "I am not here to talk about Steinarius, and I'm not here to talk about the Blades. I'm here just because I want to ask you a favor - and if you are not willing to help me, I will tell Delphine to look for an alternative".

As Vigdis spoke, Agda's eyes became narrower. Nonetheless, the mage didn't say anything and allowed Vigdis to continue her speech.

"As you may remember, the Thalmor think they can replace Steinarius with a pure-bred Altmer Dragonborn - and as you may remember, Delphine was keen on killing the girl they had chosen to fulfill that task. Laenara, however, is very young; also, she hates Elenwen with a passion. For this reason we would like to simply free her from her captivity rather than take her life".

"That is surprisingly generous of you", Agda ironically commented.

Vigdis reacted to that remark with a shrug.

"Laenara is just fourteen - or at least, she were fourteen if she were a Nord. What I'm trying to say, however, is that she's a very talented young girl who got involved in something bigger than her. This is why Delphine and I have decided to kidnap her from her prison in Northwatch Keep. Unfortunately, we don't know what to do with her once we save her life".

Confronted with those words, Agda frowned.

"If the girl's really that good at slaying dragons, I don't see why you don't allow her into the Blades".

"I thought of that too, Agda", Vigdis readily replied. "Yet, Delphine doesn't agree: she thinks the girl should be free to choose her path in life. Actually, it seems that Laenara has had enough of dragonhunting - and it also seems that Elenwen often punishes her because of that".

"How do you know about this?"

"We know about this because we have a spy inside Northwatch Keep, the place where Laenara is held prisoner by her own people. The girl lives in a cell and is forced to face terrible training sessions that would destroy even the strongest of the Companions. Also, Elenwen will soon start playing with her mind, just like she did with Steinarius - and if she succeeds in making that young girl hate the Empire and the Dragonborn, I'm afraid that the consequences will be very nasty for everyone".

"This is all very interesting", Agda said as she slowly sat down on a chair by the fireplace. That night her back was hurting even more than usual. "Yet, I don't see where I fit in your plan. You and Delphine are going to kidnap the girl, fine. But why are you asking me for help?"

Vigdis welcomed those words with a nod.

"That's a good question, Agda of Anvil. After we kidnap Laenara, I will bring her to the Ratway to have her face altered once and for all by a creepy woman who has recently taken up residence there. At that point, I will ask the girl what she wants to do with her life - and thanks to our spy in Northwatch Keep, Delphine and I already know the answer".

There was a poignant pause, then Vigdis spoke again.

"There is one thing that Laenara wants more than everything else in the world: becoming a mage. That's where you come into the game, Agda: to protect that girl and make sure the Thalmor do not influence her again, we need someone to welcome her in the College of Winterhold and keep a close eye on her".

Surprised by that request, Agda blinked in confusion.

"I don't understand", she said while furrowing her brow. "Why are you doing all of this for this girl? Couldn't you just free her and..."

"Agda, I asked Delphine the very same question. Unfortunately, Laenara is extremely lethal despite her young age. Should she meet the wrong people, she could become a nuisance to the Blades, to the Legion, even to the Empire itself. This is why we want her to grow up in a protected environment".

As silence fell inside her small hut, Agda considered the request she had just received. She could understand Delphine's worries, but she wasn't willing to go back to Skyrim. Surprisingly enough, Vigdis seemed to support her hesitation.

"Agda, I once was a mother too", she unexpectedly said. "I know you want only the best for you and your child, so I will understand you if you decide to turn down our offer. Delphine and I have toyed with your life for a very long time and I don't want you to feel forced to help us again. Actually, now I think I should have never come here at all".

As Vigdis spoke, she could tell that Agda wasn't paying her any attention. The girl seemed focused on the only carpet of her small hut and was thinking carefully about the thief's request.

There was a long moment of silence, then Agda spoke. As she did, her eyes filled up with tears.

"Vigdis, I loved the College and I would love to help you. Yet, I need to do what is best for me, not for the others".

Nodding, the thief showed that she understood Agda's position.

"You have my support, Agda of Anvil. I think you are one of the best people I know and I think it is definitely time you started caring about yourself and your baby. Yet, let me give you some advice: if you want to heal from your past, you can't run away from it for the rest of your life. If you want to heal from your past, you need to stop and look it right in the eyes".

As she heard those words, Agda let out a small and humorless chuckle.

"Said the woman who has been stalking her former boyfriend for years because she's uncapable of dealing with her feelings for him".

When she uttered those words, the mage expected Vigdis to insult her, to slap her, to unleash her dagger and attack her. The black-eyed thief instead simply smirked.

"I see you've learnt my lesson better than I ever did, Agda of Anvil", she said as she slowly got up from her chair and draped a heavy cloak around her shoulders. "I don't want to press you, so I will take my leave now. You are free to do as you wish, girl, as I don't want you to suffer again because of me or Delphine or Steinarius. Just know that, should you ever feel like returning to Skyrim, the Blades and I will be ready to welcome you with open arms, even if you choose not to help us with Laenara. We owe you that, at least".

And with those words Vigdis disappeared, leaving a very baffled Agda behind.


Over the following days, Agda became completely unable to sleep. The mage was tormented by her past - and at the same time, she started being haunted by the fears for her future.

One of the women from the village - the veteran who had given birth to seven children - had solemnely announced that, considering the way her pregnancy was proceeding, Agda was about to have a baby girl. The mage seemed not to mind that weird prophecy, but nonetheless soon started thinking of names for her daughter.

For some reason, Agda was particularly fond of 'Vestfir'. As far as names for baby boys were concerned, Agda greatly enjoyed 'Vencel'. Thinking of the possible names for her child was fun, but it made Agda realize that her time was approaching - and as soon she understood that, the mage started thinking of the future she wanted for her baby. The Iliac Bay was the perfect place for hiding, that was sure; still, Agda was afraid that that corner of High Rock was the worst place for her child to grow up in.

The fishermen villages along the coast where isolated settlements where no one cared for the rest of Tamriel, where no one dreamed of a better future, where no one knew about the bubbly life of cities like Wayrest or Stormhaven - and considering that her child might inherit her talent for magic and Steinarius' skills with weapons, Agda feared that her baby never be happy in that remote place.

Moreover, Agda knew that one day her child would start asking questions about her life. How had a Nord like her ended up in that remote place in High Rock? Why was she so good with magic? Why did she spend her time in her hut, reading and brewing draughts, rather than fishing like all the other women in the village?

During her long, sleepless nights, Agda could even imagine a lovely little girl with blonde curls and a hooked nose frowning at her, a serious expression on her childish face and a look of confusion in her grey eyes.

'Mommy, Tommek said that his dad is at sea these days. Where is my dad, mom? Is he at sea too? Will he ever come back? Also, Alayne is having a baby brother. Why can't I have a baby brother too?'

As she imagined those questions, Agda felt a sharp pain in her chest. She could lie to her child, sure - she could tell them that their father had died at sea, or that he had been killed by bandits while they were travelling to the Iliac Bay from some remote corner of Skyrim. She could tell her daughter that her father had left them because he was a drunkard, or she could tell her that he had fallen ill shortly before her birth. In the worst case, Agda could even make up a false past where she was a healer in the Imperial Legion and Steinarius was nothing but a simple soldier - a soldier who had been killed while trying to defend General Tullius from a dragon attack in Solitude. Yet, Agda knew that those lies were only going to cause her an incredible amount of pain. Although she could pretend otherwise, deep down she knew she wasn't a poor woman looking for sympathy and help - she was the former Archmage of Winterhold, she was a sworn enemy of the Aldmeri Dominion, she was the woman who had helped the Dragonborn in Blackreach and who had fought by his side in Labyrinthian. Was she really willing to forget all of that just to keep her child oblivious of their origin? And was her child going to believe those lies?

Also, Agda couldn't help but think of the day Steinarius had decided to annull their marriage. The Dragonborn had caused her a great amount of pain, sure, but Agda knew that back then he wasn't in his right mind. Did he really deserve to ignore the fate of his only child? And didn't said child deserve to know the truth about their poor father? But if she told her child the truth, how could she keep them safe from all the people who were willing to hurt her or the Dragonborn?

As she tossed and turned in her bed on one of her many sleepless nights, Agda understood that Vigdis was right.

If she wanted to heal from her past, she needed to stop running and look it right into its ugly eyes.