There must be some word today
From my boyfriend so far away
Please Mr. Postman look and see
If there's a letter a letter for me

I've been standin' here
Waitin' Mr. Postman so patiently
For just a card or just a letter
Sayin' he's returning' home to me

Please check and see

Just one more time for me

Please Mr. Postman- The Marvalettes


"Who is Jacob?"

She blinked. Three simple words from Charlie had somehow stopped time, freezing everything in place, including Bella. When reality resumed, every frozen heartbeat slammed back into her chest at once. Why this? Why now? It was beginning to feel as if some cosmic elements were banding together to sow discord in her life, like a very dull night on Mt. Olympus.

"What are you talking about?" she replied, trying to sound casual as she feigned ignorance. Another huge gulp of water to buy some time.

"I'm not a fool, Bella. Now, tell me who Jacob is."

It was like standing before a bull, unyielding and growing more agitated by the second.

"He's a friend," she said stiffly. She turned away to rinse out her glass in the sink, fully aware that all the color was completely gone from her face. She needed to shut this down right now. Nothing good could come from her father knowing anything about anything.

"'A friend,' huh? Why haven't I met him then? I know all of your friends."

"You don't know all my friends."

"I used to," he said irritably.

"I'm not in grade school anymore. I meet new people all the time." He didn't respond. "Dad, what is this about?"

His jaw was set, and she could see his fingers twisting and squeezing into a fist.

"I know you were two-timing Eddie."

"WHAT?" she blasted, her jaw dropping practically to the floor.

"You heard me. Do you think I was born yesterday?"

The speed at which he could switch into cop-mode was astounding. She'd only been witness to it once or twice in her entire life, and each time, the perp folded like a house of cards.

"That is crazy! Why would you say something like that?"

"I know you, and I know the signs! Ignoring your boyfriend-"

"-He was ignoring me, remember?" she scoffed.

"Coming home at all hours of the night and never saying a word, sneaking around, cutting work!" There was no denying that the final accusation made her already flimsy straight-face slip a notch. "I ran into Mrs. Newton the next day, and she told me that she hoped you were feeling better, and I had to smile and thank her so she wouldn't find out that the chief of police doesn't even know where his own daughter is. And then all this...emotional nonsense, this back and forth, where one day you're nagging and yelling and crying, and the next you're whistlin' like a canary. That doesn't happen for no reason."

His face was turning red, a single vein on his temple bulging with the additional stress.

"I thought to myself, 'My girl wouldn't do something like that. My girl is honest, responsible. She wouldn't call in to work just to go mess around with some miscreant. She must've been under the weather, or upset about Eddie again. She's not some two-bit floozy. It's got to be something else.' But then I saw you clutching that letter like it was tryin' to run away, and that's when I knew."

"I did not cheat on Edward!" she hissed. Her entire body was shaking, her ears becoming red and hot despite the chill. "What, because I get mail, I must be up to something?"

"If you've got nothing to hide, then why are you acting guilty?"

"I'm not acting guilty! I am a grown woman! I'm entitled to some privacy."

"Who is he? Who's his family? I want to meet this boy."

"No."

"See? I knew it. There's something wrong with him! You wouldn't be acting like this if there wasn't something wrong with him."

"There's nothing wrong with him!" she squeaked, her voice cracking as her eyes began to blur with tears. "He's a kind person, and more of a friend to me than anyone ever was."

"Then why the hell won't you just tell me?"

"Because it's none of your business! And because I knew you'd be like this! I knew I could never tell you anything without getting the third degree. You don't listen to me! Nobody does! Jacob did, but now he's gone too."

"Did you bring him into my house?"

"What?" she yelped.

"Did you bring a man into my house while I wasn't here? While I was out earning a living and keeping you at that damned school?"

"No! For God's sake, Dad. Do you really think I'd do that?"

"I don't know! I don't know my own daughter anymore."

"I've had enough of this. I am a grown woman and I make my own choices, with or without your approval."

"Not when you're in my house, you aren't!" he thundered. "I am your father, and I know what's best for you. No daughter of mine is going to run around town acting like white trash and making me look ridiculous. Not as long as you're under this roof."

"Fine!"

She ran past him, clinging onto the handrail for dear life as she blindly climbed the stairs to her room, abandoning all her usual efforts to soften her footfalls.

"Isabella! You come back here this instant!"

Clothes, books, papers, pencils, all tossed into her open bag, her final letter from him tucked between the pages of her literature text. Her hair had long since come loose. A few tendrils crusted stiff with hairspray stuck out from the rest like bent antennas. Sniffling and wiping her nose with the back of her hand, she stuffed her blistered and sockless feet into her shoes, seized the bag by the handle, and stomped back down, where Charlie was waiting. His eyes darted down to her luggage, and grew wide as saucers.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving."

Mom had the right idea. I wonder what took her so long.

"We aren't finished discussing this!"

"Yes we are." She slid her purse into the crook of her arm, and plucked her keys from the dish by the door.

"Isabella!"

"Do you want to know why you'll never meet him, Dad? Do you really want to know why? Because he's gone!" A slow trickle of tears was swelling into a river. "He left! He's on the other side of the world in some God-forsaken jungle, dodging bullets and grenades, and I have to walk around every day acting like everything's fine, like I'm not spending every waking second praying he doesn't come back dead!"

Whatever words Charlie had prepared were suddenly caught in his throat. A tiny shred of guilt began to infiltrate the bewildered expression that was gradually turning his face back to its normal color. It didn't matter. Maybe if he had chosen to swallow all the other foul things he said, she wouldn't have to do this.

"I loved Jacob. I've never loved anybody like that before, but he's gone now."

"Bella-"

"- And you know what's the worst part?" she croaked. "Even if he comes home alive and in one piece, I will never see him again. He knew that everyone around us would do whatever they could to tear us apart, and I didn't believe him. Now I know that he was right, and I am the idiot who thought I could beat the odds."

The stiff bodice of the dress would not budge to accommodate her labored breathing as she scurried out the front door and into the truck, where her bag landed with a heavy thump. The list of safe havens seemed to be growing shorter every day, and now her own home had fallen as well, this time to tyranny. All that remained was a drafty brick hall, stuffed to the gills with cheery girls whose list of concerns began and ended with passing their exams and finding a date for the winter formal. With no idea how she would be able tolerate it, she would have to brave it all the same. Now she had no choice. She backed out of the driveway with little care, nearly taking out the mailbox, distracted by the darkness and the sight of her father's dumbfounded face staring back at her from the open front door.

The morning was better, somewhat. She didn't envy Alice, who spent much of the day languishing in her bed, nursing a headache and a foul mood. She was luckily passed out already when her roommate returned, allowing Bella to soak the pillow before finally succumbing to exhaustion. Her early reappearance prompted little interest beyond a brief question with a briefer answer. It seemed the feeling was mutual.

Barely five minutes into her assigned reading, she felt her mind drifting off the road and into the weeds. She thought that she'd slept off the anger, but it was having a second wind, and she could feel her blood surge with every echo of Charlie's words.

How dare he. Just because I suddenly decide to have a life, I must be doing something horrible? Great to know how little my own dad thinks of me, that a guy's name and playing hooky was all it took to convince him.

'Well, you are a cool chick now, Bells,' cooed a deep voice from within. "I told you that you could be bad if you wanted to."

"Shut up."

'Aww, don't be like that, baby. You know it's true.'

"Shut up shut up shut up!" she hissed, squeezing the pillow over her head, as if she could drown it out. The book slid onto the floor with a thud, making Alice stir in her sleep. She retrieved it, and with a heavy sigh, started again from the beginning.

Such was Monday. And Tuesday. And the rest of the week. And the week after that. She went to class, nibbled at the offerings in the dining hall, and returned to her room. Alice may have finally given up on trying to impose fun on her, but a small part of Bella wondered if that was worse than being bugged constantly to join them. The room they shared was quieter, emptier, and lonelier than before.

Of course she cared for Alice. She was a friend and the oldest one she had since the move to Washington. And yet, the gulf between them seemed to be growing since the semester began. Perhaps it was her fault for being such a wet blanket. Perhaps it was simply the delayed results of all the lies and secrets, demoting Alice's status from confidante to gal-pal. Or, could it be that she had found other friends, ones who were pretty and exciting? Ones who liked to go out and have fun with their boyfriends? Well, she couldn't blame them then, could she?

Time dragged on, with or without her. The chill of autumn had solidified into freezing wind and skies so grey they bordered on black. It was only a matter of time before everyone would be knee-deep in snow, and the increasing confinement to the indoors was already taking its toll. After holding out for what might have been forever, and against her own mandate, she finally cracked and checked the mail.

Cobwebs.

They were somehow worse than just nothing. Finding nothing would have been sad, but finding cobwebs was concrete evidence of the state of things, irrefutable proof that things had indeed gone south.

"Alright, that'll be all for today. Keep up with your reading, and I'll see you all next Tuesday."

Even after neglecting to bring her books, she felt as if she were lifting a tremendous weight, like rising out of cold salt water. She never skipped class, except for the odd head cold, and she had vowed to keep that up, though she was losing the ability to care. She was doing fine just reading the books and taking notes. No need to bundle up and journey out like Sir Edmund just have her attendance taken.

'See? I told ya.'

"Don't."

'You don't need it. You're smarter than any of those squares.'

"Shut up," she spat under her breath, tucking her scarf into the upturned collar of her coat. A frigid wind raced through, shoving her away like a pushy relative. From the corner of her eye, she spotted a flash of perfect blonde hair coming out of the business school. Edward noticed her almost immediately, and after a shy wave back at him, he strolled over.

"Lovely weather we're having," he said over the second gust, which rattled the bony trees and sent a student's papers flying further down the quad.

"Just delightful."

"How have you been?" he asked, tipping his head for them to continue onward. "I haven't seen you since the wedding. I nearly forgot what you look like."

"I'm okay. It's been a little too cold to leave my room lately. How are you?"

"Can't complain," he shrugged. "Studying for finals is taking up a lot of my time. My parents are a little annoyed that I haven't been able to come home yet."

"How are Emmett and Rosalie?" With another strong wind incoming, they picked up the pace and ducked into the lobby of the dining hall.

"Good. They're renting a little place nearby until he's finished with school, then they're making the real move to Portland."

"That's awfully far from home."

"I think that's by design," he chuckled, cheeks rosy from the cold. "What about the Chief? How is he these days?"

"Alright, I guess. I'm not really sure. I haven't spoken to him in a long time." His forehead crinkled. He wasn't going to pry, but she couldn't think of a good reason not to tell him. She needed to tell someone before she burst.

"We had a fight after I came home from the wedding. I decided to come back to school early, and I haven't been home since."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, his mouth turned into a sympathetic frown. "I know what that's like. You two certainly have your differences." She gave a dark chuckle.

"That's one way of putting it. Things have really been piling up lately, and I just don't have the will to put up with him anymore, especially after that. Just one more reason to graduate as soon as I can." He cocked his head.

"What would you do after that?" She shook her head.

"Oh, I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead, to be honest. I don't suspect I'll be able to until after finals. All I know is that I want to get out."

"I know someone like that," he said with a wry smile. "I can't say I blame either of you. It seems both our parents are a bit too much."

"Just a smidge."

Her eyes flitted to the passersby, aware that they were being noticed. That too was becoming unimportant.

"Do you think you'll still go home for Christmas?"

She sighed heavily, leaning against the brick wall.

"I don't know. Maybe I can go to Florida and stay with Mom and Phil instead, but I'm not counting on it. You?"

"My parents want us to go to Seattle and visit my grandparents." He rolled his eyes.

"You sound thrilled."

"It's fine," he replied. "My grandparents are just very...particular. Grandad has always had his own ideas about what Rose and I should be doing. Now that she's married, I think I'll be the one under the spotlight from now on."

"Really? But you've got that job lined up and you'll be graduating soon. I'd think they'd be thrilled." He winced.

"No, it's my personal life that has been their main interest."

Your fault. Good job.

"My grandmother doesn't approve of men being single at my age. She thinks idle hands lead to-how does she put it?-'vice and ruin.'"

She couldn't help but laugh. Charlie's mother wasn't too different when she was alive. Renee was a brave woman for marrying him with the prospect of a mother-in-law like that. His face brightened at the sight of her laughter.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't mean to make light. I just don't think I've ever heard a real person say something like that."

"No, no, you're right. It's pretty ridiculous. Though, I'm not sure what constitutes 'vice.'"

"Jazz and liquor, perhaps? Pool?" He snorted.

This was nice. Talking and laughing with Edward again, just like old times, as if nothing had ever happened. She remembered being angry with him, and she remembered why, but what she couldn't recall was why she should hold onto any of that any longer. Though just as flawed as any man, Edward was kind and generous with her, sometimes more than he should be, and she lamented that she only understood that after everything had already fallen apart. It was only with hindsight that she could see how fortunate she was to have this at all, and she would not let her bitterness spoil something sweet again.

"Well, it sounds like you need to get cracking if you want to be an utter libertine by Christmas."

"I'll see if I can fit it in between studying and sleeping." She expected him to start to take his leave, but he waited. "You know, I'm in the library most often these days. If you ever find the courage to brave the elements, you should come say hello." He shifted his weight, running his hand through his hair. "I'd like to see you more often."

"Of course," she replied with a warm smile. "I'd like that."

"Great...Well, I'll see you later, then."

"See you! And stay away from the pool hall!"

He chuckled, shaking his head as he trudged back out into the cold and disappeared.

As happy as she was with this new development, a thought was still tugging at her sleeve.

He didn't write back. You really put your foot in it this time, didn't you?

She needed to know. It felt childish to care so much if someone was angry with her, but it was a recurring theme. Jake, then Charlie, then Alice. Even her professors seemed a little irked these days. She wanted some peace, some reassurance, or at least to have her fears validated so she could figure out what to do about it. Once she was facing the solution up front, all her logic went out the window.

The dial tone whined as she stared down at the receiver in her hand. For the life of her, she couldn't fathom what had spurred her to do this. What was the point, exactly? He clearly had nothing to say to her, and it wasn't as if Leah would tell her even if he did. Why, why did she keep doing this to herself? The simple solution was to let it go, to let him go. There was nothing waiting for her on the other side but more heartache and confusion, more lies and secrets, and she could scarcely afford more chaos in her life. On the other hand, it felt as if there was little more that could be inflicted on her, with or without her own interference. Swallowing hard, she punched in the number. The heavy pounding of her heart must have been audible as she waited for the ringing to stop.

"Black and Clearwater Auto Repair," said a flat voice.

"Leah?"

"You're talking to her."

"Um, it's...Bella." Leah didn't respond. "I-I know this is out of the blue, and he probably doesn't want to talk to me anymore, but I haven't heard from Jake since October and-"

A choked noise crackled through from the other end, followed by gargled voices and a scuffle that seemed to batter their phone, before it was picked up again, and a deeper voice answered.

"Bella? It's Seth."

"Oh-Hi, Seth. How are you? I just had Leah on the line a second ago and I was asking her about Jake but-"

"-She didn't tell you?"

"What?" she asked.

"Damnit, she promised me. I can't believe it. What a rotten bi-."

"-What are you talking about? Come on, Seth. You're scaring me."

It was dead quiet on the line. The blood was pumping through her ears so hard it was deafening. After an eternity of silence, she wished that she had gone deaf.

"Jake is missing."


A/N: From bad to worse.

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