Ah yes, the "hide secret boyfriend in the closet" chapter.


21. Welfare Check – 3

Through the slats, Drakken could see his accomplice peer up and down to check that he was well hidden in her cramped closet. Erring on the side of caution, he pushed his way further back to hide behind the rack of clothes, ducking beneath the shelf. Hiding from her family made him feel like a coward, but what choice was there? It was Shego's idea anyway. He wasn't hiding because he was afraid of them. It wasn't like they were an ordinary family anyway – they were a bunch of lousy superheroes. It was healthy to be cautious of them.

He tried to freeze and breathe as discreetly as possible – but suddenly even his own heartbeat was roaring almost as loud as the jet engines winding down outside the apartment.

The jarring impatient ding-ding-ding-ding-dong of the doorbell was what finally woke the numbskull crashed on Shego's floor by her bed, made clear by an incoherent grunt of confusion. Drakken couldn't see him, but he hoped he was realizing how cold it must be without a shirt. He hoped he had pants on though, but not for sake of dog boy's comfort.

Shego's eyes darted to her groggy guest and back to the closet before her hands curled into fists, glittering with green embers, and she turned to take a walk of shame with her head low. It was dark and the slats barred his vision, so there wasn't much he could do to keep a good view of her, though he saw her throw one last glare his way. He tried his best to hold still and pray he didn't knock anything down lest he blow his cover.

The dumbfounded fellow bundled up in her spare blanket slurred something questioning, followed by the squeak of bedsprings as he flopped himself down in Shego's bed. What's-his-name was sure to be in for a big surprise. Drakken wished he could see dog boy's face when Shego opened up to reveal a massive man blocking the doorway. It was an intimidating sight – even Drakken couldn't help shying back a little.

The punk had ratted her out and had the gall to stick around. He may have escaped the stinkbomb, but there was no getting out of this one for him. If Shego wanted payback, she was sure to get it one way or another. By the grace of karma, dog boy was now caught red-handed in her bed by an overprotective big brother with a nose for sniffing out the seedy. Team Go was almost exclusive to the east coast, so surely all the Nevadan backstabber knew about the superfolk was the nationwide broadcast regarding the missing Shego and the generous reward offered for information on her whereabouts. By the hissed expletive, Drakken guessed dog boy had also underestimated their ability to show up at a moment's notice, or at least the intimidation factor.

Before Drakken could grin and revel in the thought of fear struck in the young man's heart, ear-piercing shrieks split the air.

"Trick or treat!" squealed a pair of little voices in unison, interrupting a tense standoff between Shego and her eldest brother. Two pint-sized children in red pajamas that matched Shego's uniform sprang up in the doorway and grappled at her waist, and Shego stumbled as she stepped aside to reach into her purse hung beside the door.

"Yeah, yeah – here's a trick," she greeted, and the giddy twin kindergarteners leapt back in anticipation, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and bouncing on their toes. With a sleight of hand, she pulled coins out from behind the little boys' ears, and while they were squealing something incomprehensibly delighted over the small change, she turned them around by the shoulders to push them back out the door. "Go buy yourselves treats now, will ya? Mrs. Landlady downstairs has a gumball machine outside her door. Go on, shoo, shoo – on the double."

They didn't need to be told twice, but they hugged her awkwardly again before racing off back into the dark, leaving Shego to the unhappy herculean brother looming before her.

Before either of the eldest two siblings could exchange more than frowns, they were interrupted yet again, this time by the purple one sidling in between them to give his two cents before the giant could open his mouth. "Yo!" piped the flamboyant ropy boy, leaning as heavily as he could against his broad brother. "We got the voicemail that you were—"

"Boy wonder filled me in earlier," Shego interrupted curtly, jutting her chin up at her big brother, though Drakken noticed her glare was curiously set lower. She was avoiding looking directly at her siblings, he realized. "I didn't get any damn sleep last night 'cause of you jerks," she griped. "Just can't understand I want nothing to do with you, can you?"

"Hey," whined the lavender boy in purple harlequin, Mego, with his hand pressed to his chest as if deeply wounded by her words. "It's hard not to worry when you run off like that with some weirdo, and that means something coming from me. Where is he now anyway?" He shoved away from the stoic giant to lean in to peer past Shego, but she shoved him back into the man still standing mute outside under the porch light.

"How the hell should I know?" Shego snapped. "He was heading to Mexico, so I had him drop me off here." Whether it was quick thinking or a planned cover – he'd have to ask her later – it was courteous of her to give them a false lead like that. It gave Drakken some reassurance she was on his team after all.

"Your sugar daddy dumped you already, huh?" snorted the contemptuous purple kid, and the warmth in Drakken's blood froze over.

"Don't make me hit you," Shego groaned. The threat was halfhearted, a flameless fist raised in warning, though it still glittered weakly with green embers.

Taking offense himself, Drakken wished he had a front-row seat to such a showdown. "I'm not that old," he mouthed indignantly to himself, though it wasn't too far from the truth. Sure he treated his accomplice a fair bit better than his henchman – but she held a power that demanded respect and he had to stay in her good favor. Although he was growing rather fond of her company in particular. To say he wasn't compelled to treat her well for the sake of keeping it would be a lie. It would be a bigger lie to say he didn't selfishly want more than his fair share. But a sugar daddy he was not. He was still in his twenties and he didn't have white hair, for goodness sake. Well, maybe a couple of grays, but he plucked those so they didn't count. Anyway, he wasn't paying her to be his friend. Or was he?

Mind reeling, Drakken almost didn't catch the big blue bloke speak up before Shego and her twiggy brother could get into a scrap. "We just wanted to be sure you're alright," he said quietly, devoid of enthusiasm as he stepped forward. "You've had us all worried sick." Somehow, the simple concern was enough to make Shego wince. Drakken wondered if the Hego fellow had a secret superpower other than superstrength. Something telepathic maybe?

"Not my problem," Shego scoffed bitterly, trying to push them away from the door. "I'm doing fine. I don't need a welfare check. I have to get ready for work now, so out. You'll have to catch me later."

The scrawny brother blinked. "You have a job?"

Shego ground out a sound of agitation but otherwise didn't answer him. She slammed the door before they could push their way back in, quickly latching the chain and twisting the deadbolt with an audible click.

With Team Go out of sight, Drakken already felt himself beginning to relax. He hadn't even realized how tense he'd been. But he couldn't come out yet, not with her family just outside and her guest still in the room.

Standing on tiptoe to watch through the peephole, Shego ignored the dirtbag in boxer shorts ambling around behind her searching for his belongings and dressing as he questioned her on the clown freaks and the whereabouts of his pet. When the irritated young man tried grabbing her roughly by the shoulder to turn her around, he was abruptly shoved out the door into the early morning with such force he nearly toppled over the railing. His tattered backpack and dog leash were tossed out after him. The traitor swore and pounded on the door, but it was already locked once again.

After checking the kitchen window overlooking the breezeway was perfectly covered by the blinds, Shego returned to the closet. She pushed hangers aside to grab Drakken by the sleeve, yanking him out of hiding and out of her way. "Wait until everyone's gone before you leave. And lock the door behind you," she instructed quietly.

"Yes, ma'am," Drakken whispered back. Truth be told, he wasn't eager to go anywhere, hovering close at her side as she shifted through her belongings. He wasn't convinced it was safe to be out of hiding just yet, even within her apartment – not with a bunch of superheroes outside.

Drakken was sure he caught a note of anxiety in her soft chuckle then, and he tore his eyes from the front door and back to her, fixing a frown on her. She patted his arm and quipped, "You can go back to hiding in the closet if you want. I won't judge."

"Yes, you would," he scoffed.

"Daredevil, huh?" she mocked, and her smirk fell as she cast a suspicious glance to the door as well. "Whatever. Just – keep the lights off, or they might see you."

He grunted in agreement but hovered by the coat closet as his accomplice made her rounds, closing windows and double-checking blinds and the locks on her door. She blew out a candle she'd missed, making certain the apartment was appropriately dark for this hour of the morning. She must have been as uneasy as him, having her family waiting for her outside. She had to face them eventually and risk them toting her off, but she was at considerably less risk than himself. If he left the apartment now, they'd be on him like flies on—

"I'm gonna take a shower," she declared quietly in passing. "You behave yourself."

"Certainly," he mumbled.

No sooner had the bathroom door shut and the water cranked on full blast was Drakken was all but glued to the front door. While Shego – Shilo – got a start on the day, he anxiously stationed himself there as if on guard duty.

From the peephole, he could see the brand new hoverjet parked diagonally on the dinky lawn below. There was a notable lack of green included in the streaks and bolts of color decorating the craft. Team Go must have officially excluded her from the team, Drakken surmised.

The siblings of his accomplice gave the intimidated dog boy a hard time. What's-his-name eventually brushed the heroes off and went to search for his dog, but not before accepting the monetary reward the big blue fellow grudgingly counted out for him.

Some friend that dog boy must be, to turn Shego in for a bit of cash in his pocket. Although Drakken couldn't say he wouldn't do the same if he were in dog boy's duct-taped shoes, down on his luck with nothing but a sack and the clothes on his back. It was still shallow. He still detested the punk.

Drakken wondered how his accomplice had ever gotten caught up with the likes of dog boy. Maybe she still had a hero's heart and took pity on the less fortunate. Such would be a quality his mother might like – but how much good would that do him? She was probably just using the lowlife to get her fix. Drakken had his connections – he could get Shego her fix if she'd just ask. It wasn't a priority, but he'd have to broach the subject sometime.

Day broke while Shego took a lengthy shower, but her family waited patiently outside. Well, almost patiently. The two hyper little ones clambered around on the wings of the jet. A handful of times, it seemed the lavender one had to talk the blue one out of stomping back up to the apartment. Some middle-aged man appeared to have a word with the herculean leader of the team, who pointed up toward the apartment in an accusatory manner. The average Joe pulled the children down from the jet and lead them off then, leaving the two older brothers behind.

It wasn't much longer before a hand landing on Drakken's shoulder gave him a start.

He jumped and gave the unhappy runaway a once-over. He hadn't even noticed the shower shut off, let alone heard her blow dry her hair. Plain denim and white blouse, she was dressed and ready to go, although she didn't look particularly psyched out. Drakken wondered if it had less to do with drudging through another day as a barista and more to do with the unwelcomed patrons she'd surely be serving soon.

Shilo yawned, and almost rubbed her eyes but stopped herself before she could smudge her mascara.

Maybe she was just tired.

She cursed miserably under her breath and nudged Drakken aside so she could take a peek through the peephole herself. Then she rocked on her heels and leaned back against the door, sighing wretchedly. "I don't wanna go out there," she grumbled. "I really don't wanna go out there." She leaned a bit to look past him, Drakken following her stare to the digital clock on her dresser reading a quarter past six.

"You could call in sick," he suggested. "Maybe they'll get tired of waiting and leave."

"Unlikely. It's a stakeout."

Drakken grunted his displeasure, knowing she was right, and turned his frown back to her as she grabbed something from the coat rack by the door. As his accomplice pulled on the black sweater and tugged her hair free, smoothing the collar of her blouse over the crewneck, he raised his brow and swallowed futilely against something bubbling up. He tore his eyes from the bat brooch pinned to the borrowed sweater before he could be caught staring.

Miss Gough shouldered her purse and tucked a second-hand skateboard under an arm before nudging Drakken again to move him away from the door. She peeked out once more, sighed wearily, and gave him one last look. "Wish me luck," she said meekly.

"Only if you wish me luck first," grumbled Drakken in halfhearted retort. Goodness knew he'd need it with her family out there. He didn't anticipate her catching his hand, and resisted the reflex to jerk it away as she lifted it, giving his knuckles a blow for luck as if he held dice. The gesture was simultaneously sweet and torturous. He swallowed against the something bubbling up in his chest again and he tried to smile, whispering, "Good luck," to his accomplice as she slipped out the door.

Through the peephole, he watched her trot away, subjecting herself to the heroes that converged on her. She hopped on her probably-stolen skateboard and kicked off to stay ahead of them, clearly trying to ignore the two young men hurrying after her like her shadow. It was hard to tell, but he was sure she almost glanced back at the apartment.

There were still the two youngest team members to worry about of course, and whoever had taken them. Still, Drakken gave it a good minute, waiting until the senior members of the superhero team were well out of sight before making his escape. He may have narrowly avoided being caught, but he was far from at ease.

He barely made it to the car before spotting the two little kids skipping down the sidewalk, jumping over cracks. One boy paused when he noticed Drakken ducking into the wagon, and he shoved the other, who in turn tugged on the coat of the mustachioed man trudging along beside them. But the man was too busy glaring up at the apartment to see Drakken pulling away.

The stranger must be their father, he realized, risking a glance back as he idled at the stop sign at the corner. The man with the twins was an ordinary fellow of average build and a bit of a beer gut. It was hard to believe he might be the parent of five colorful superhumans when he was so drab himself.

Drakken was out of there before the dismal father could be convinced to look back at the weird blue guy he was sure the children were pestering him about.

If only facing the father of the young lady he'd spirited away was the worst of it. Assuming he had no superpowers, he could probably take that guy in old-fashioned fisticuffs if a fight broke out. It was the big one Drakken worried about. That was the one that could knock his lights out for good and with ease.

And yet, despite that worry, he resisted the urge to floor it back to the lair for a change of wheels. He was riding on impulse. The odds her family had shown up in full force for nothing more than a little reunion seemed unlikely – and right now, she was alone with the worst of them.

What if they convinced her to go back? Was she homesick at all? Would they use that against her? How low were a group of heroes willing to stoop? She was alone and outnumbered, and they had a jet and could be halfway back to Go City by the time he made it back to her.

Maybe he did floor it back to the lair, and maybe he wished the damn stolen station wagon could go faster.

There had to be something to Shego's lucky gesture because it had to be luck that Lux was there to get the gate. Drakken ordered the surrender of his keys, commandeering the senior henchman's red Beetle, and was peeling out moments later. The punch buggy was unimpressive but perfect for the job. It was unfamiliar to Shego's traitorous playmate and far less conspicuous than the stereotypical white van of a kidnapper – not that kidnapping was on the agenda. That the Beetle's windows were tinted was a bonus.

Back across town lickety-split, Drakken made it in time to spot the trio from a block away as they arrived at Buckley's Brew. He parked not far up the street while their backs were to him.

It was a relief to see the big blue gorilla hadn't simply thrown the former hero over his shoulder yet to tote her off, but Drakken watched with a glower as Shilo Gough argued with her family just outside the shop. She didn't have the skateboard anymore, he noticed. If he had to guess, one of the young men had gotten rid of it for her, perhaps to slow her down so they could talk. If talking was what they wanted, talking was what they got, because she was giving them an earful, though they didn't seem terribly put off by it.

Shilo was in the middle of giving them a piece of her mind and jabbing a finger at the gorilla's chest when Joanne Buckley herself stepped out of the shop. Built like a tank, the baker rivaled Team Go's leader in size. The two active heroes were in uniform. There was no way Buckley didn't recognize them as she butted in between the boys and her tiny superpowered employee, ready to go toe to toe with the herculean hero.

Drakken sank down behind the wheel, chuckling under his breath as he anticipated a brawl to break out. He wished he had popcorn on hand.

He was only a little disappointed things remained civil.

With Buckley barring the door like a bouncer, Shego ducked inside, escaping the verbal dispute before it could escalate to physical. The strapping young man and spindly boy exchanged looks, and it would seem they had little choice but to surrender and let their sister go. The burly baker glared at their backs as they retreated. If looks could kill, the young heroes would have been lying face-down on the sidewalk.

Disappointment aside, Drakken relaxed and let his grip on the wheel loosen, though he was still wary as they came trudging his way. He was pleasantly reminded how convenient tinted windows were as he watched the superheroes, both utterly oblivious that the man responsible for whisking away their dear sister was right under their noses. He smirked smugly to himself, undeniably getting a small thrill out of flirting with danger. Should the purple one recognize him, he was done for.

Through the cracked window on the passenger side, he just barely overheard the lavender teen utter, "I don't like it either, man, but maybe we should leave her alone? She's doing better than any of us thought."

"This can't last though," said the giant sulking brother in exasperation. "She needs to come home."

Fat chance, Drakken thought to himself, his brow knitting as he watched them from the corner of his eye. He'd like to avoid a confrontation if possible and she'd made it clear she didn't want her family hurt, but he might just break his promise and fight to keep her if she needed the backup.

"And I'm sure she will," the small one consoled, slapping the blue gorilla on the back as they passed perilously close to the Beetle. "Eventually. Once she sees things can be worse, she'll be back."

"I hope so," said the apathetic giant in defeat, and Drakken couldn't make out the rest of their conversation.