A/N: Characters and world property of JK Rowling. No copyright infringement intended.
Beta Love: ambiguousgoldfish, the best beta in the world. Brit-picked by JacqP, my favorite Northern Lass!
Of Blacks and Boarhounds
By Zorak23
"What was that?" Poppy demanded.
"It's a song," Severus managed through his laughter. "From a muggle musical in the late sixties. And Sybill thinks…" he broke off laughing.
"I didn't think she'd take it seriously!" Lulabelle exclaimed. "I figured everyone knew that song; it's a classic! Oh I feel just horrible," she finished, and Severus wrapped her in his arms. She pressed her face to his chest in shame, then smacked him twice in the arm. "And quit laughin'! I told ya not to be a dick!"
Chapter Sixty
July 8, 1992
Poppy clapped her hands together and said, "Alright, who else do you think you recognize, dear?"
Lulabelle pulled away from Severus and looked at the curious faces around the room. Everyone hoped to be recognized, equally curious about what this tiny witch could tell them about each other.
"Well, there's my new best friend, Professor Filius Flitwick," Lulabelle said, gesturing towards the shortest person in the room.
"Me?" squeaked the small man, while at the same time Severus drawled, "New best friend?" with a sardonically raised brow.
Looking up at her boyfriend, she said, "Well, of course! Who else is gonna understand when I bitch about ya doin' weirdo tall people things?" Looking at Filius, she added, "Did ya know he," she jerked her thumb in Severus' direction, "keeps his pots and pans on the top shelf of his kitchen cabinets? I mean, really. Who does that?"
Filius grinned in complete understanding at Lulabelle. Minerva, quite a tall woman herself, asked quietly, "Where should one keep them?"
In tandem, Lulabelle and Filius replied, "On the bottom!"
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Severus said, "You can always use magic to get them down if you can't reach—"
"You could still drop them on your head," Pomona pointed out, winking at the tiny witch. Severus only grunted in reply.
Filius stepped forward to shake Lulabelle's hand, then caught sight of her insignia and froze, hand halfway outstretched. Dropping immediately onto one knee in a low bow before her, fist to his chest, he stated, "May your gold ever increase, and may the blood of your enemies flow freely, Friend to the Goblin Nation."
While jaws dropped around the room at the never-before-seen sight of their coworker displaying formal goblin behaviour, Lulabelle muttered, "Sweet baby Jesus, again?" before saying aloud, "May your vaults overflow and your enemies cower before ya, Professor. Please, don't make a fuss, though!"
Filius stood, eyes flickering over the witch in abject curiosity. He did a double-take when he noticed Severus' insignia, as well.
"Congratulations, Severus," he said. "Quite a boon to be made Esquire," reaching out to grasp the man's forearm.
"Yes, well, it was… unexpected, to say the least," Severus replied, making Lulabelle snort.
"He was scared half to death the whole time," Lulabelle stage-whispered to Filius, who grinned widely at her, picturing the scene.
"You—you hugged the King of the Goblins, Lulabelle!" Severus exclaimed, completely exasperated. "After you had laughed at him, told him of what you'd Seen, and denied his request!"
Lulabelle waved a dismissive hand. "King Ragnuk is a sweetie pie, Lou. We're friends now."
Severus pinched the bridge of his long nose, drawing in a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself. Filius was torn between laughter and amazement, choosing instead to simply pat Severus on the arm in commiseration.
"Will ya show me your dancin' cupcakes later, please?" Lulabelle asked Filius with a smile.
"Certainly!" he replied, thrilled to be able to grant her request. "I've brought some with me to have as a treat whilst I go over my lesson plans after the meeting. Just have Severus bring you by my office; I assume he'll be giving you a tour?" Severus nodded curtly, and Filius beamed. "Delightful! Now, who else do you recognize, my dear?"
"Well…" Lulabelle's eyes moved over the eager faces before focusing on one and lighting up. "Oh! You're Argus Filch!" she said excitedly. "I brought ya somethin'!"
"You did?" a creaky voice answered, suspicion evident.
"I guess not really," Lulabelle said as she started digging through her purse. "It's more for Mrs Norris. Is she around?"
Surprised, Argus said, "You brought a gift for Mrs Norris?"
"Ha! Found it! Didn't even need my wand," Lulabelle muttered, causing Severus to roll his eyes. She walked towards the hunched over man and offered him a small package. "They're toy mice, made with real fur and stuffed with catnip. Mama's cats just can't seem to get enough of 'em. Lemme know if she likes 'em; I'm not real sure where Kritter found 'em here, but if Mrs Norris likes 'em I'll be happy to have her get some more."
"I…" Argus seemed to be at a loss for words. Minerva leaned over to look at the toys.
"I've never seen the like before," she said. "How clever!"
"I'm not surprised. They're muggle," Severus stated dryly. "I believe Kritter said she found them at Tesco."
"My elf went to Tesco?" Lulabelle said in amazement. "How the hell did she manage that?"
"I'm sure I've no idea," Severus replied with a snort.
"Huh. Well, guess that's good to know," she said thoughtfully as Severus smirked down at her.
"Thank you, Miss Black," Argus finally replied, still slightly shocked.
"It's Blackburn, actually, but just call me Lulabelle, please. Y'all can all just call me Lulabelle," she said with a grin.
"Thank you, Lulabelle," Argus repeated, offering her a weak smile, and she beamed at him.
"I've been wonderin', Mr Filch; do ya really miss the days where ya could chain up the students as a punishment, or is that just somethin' ya say?"
"Of course I do," Argus started to say with a wicked smirk, but Severus cut him off.
"Corporal punishment hasn't been allowed at Hogwarts in over three hundred years, Argus."
"Ha! I knew it," Lulabelle said brightly. "Mama used to say stuff like she was gonna string me up by my toenails from the ceilin' fan or rip off my arm and beat me over the head with the bloody end, but she didn't really mean it; they were just empty threats 'cause she was frustrated."
"We may need to have a chat, then," Argus suggested, stroking his chin. "Could be time to update my repertoire."
"Sure thing," Lulabelle laughed. "Hmm, I don't see Professor Binns anywhere."
"He has his own meeting with the other ghosts at this time," Severus explained, and Lulabelle nodded.
"Well, maybe next time I can meet him. Let's see, you must be Silvanus Kettleburn, the Care of Magical Creatures Professor," she said to a relatively tall man with a prosthetic arm and leg. "You've got a Mastery in Magizoology, a house in Hogsmeade, and I think a dozen nifflers?"
The older man grinned at her. "You'd be correct, lassie! And I want twelve more of the wee beasties, as well!" he boomed. "I just don't have the time to train them up at the moment."
"Aren't ya plannin' on retirin' after this year, though?" Lulabelle asked curiously. "Maybe ya could get more then."
"I had considered that," Silvanus said, not surprised in the least that she had known. As far as he was concerned, it was par for the course with a Seer. "Don't start with me, Minerva," he said, heading off the pleas he knew were coming. "I want to spend as much time as I can with my remaining limbs. I've already given an arm and one and a half legs to this job, woman!"
"But who will take over for you?" the Deputy Headmistress spluttered. "Couldn't we just hire you an assistant for the more dangerous aspects?"
"I'd been thinking about asking Hagrid to shadow me this term, get him trained up to take over," Silvanus admitted.
Hagrid's face broke out into a wide grin. "Me, Professor? Yeh want me to take over fer yeh?"
He stood up to go shake the man's hand, but stopped when Lulabelle exclaimed, "Oh, but ya can't!" Hagrid's face fell. "No no, don't be sad, Hagrid! When Lucius took the proposal to the Board to get me approved as a student, Lou and I made sure he used specific wording. The Board didn't approve just me. They approved any adult witch or wizard who had been denied their rightful Magical education to attend Hogwarts. You're gonna be a student with me next term!"
"Wha'?" Hagrid asked, barely daring to hope.
"I am sorry, Miss Black—burn," Minerva said, correcting her address. "But Hagrid… had his wand snapped by the Ministry. He isn't eligible for what the Board has approved," she finished regretfully.
Lulabelle waved her hand dismissively. "I already talked to Amelia Bones 'bout it. Hagrid was framed, and all of y'all know it. They're gonna take the new evidence before the Wizengamot next month; I have it all worked out."
Hagrid sat down so heavily that his chair collapsed underneath him upon hearing her words. "I'll get me wand back?"
"'Course ya will," Lulabelle said, grinning at the large man. "And ya won't even have to hide it in your umbrella to use it," she added with a wink.
"I'm sorry, but what new evidence?" Minerva asked.
Ticking off with her fingers, Lulabelle replied, "The fact that his pet Acromantula was determined to be cause of death when the body showed no visible signs of trauma, the fact that no one bothered to question the deceased's ghost, who coulda told y'all she wasn't killed by a giant spider, the fact that the spider in question can fuckin' talk and tell ya himself he didn't kill Myrtle…"
"Language, sweet witch," Severus murmured, and Lulabelle flushed.
"Sorry, I just get so mad when I think about it. Tom Riddle framed poor lil' Hagrid, and Dippet never said a damn word about it. He just saw someone who didn't fit the mold of what he thought a wizard oughta look like, and let 'em throw him away. It pisses me off somethin' fierce, Lou!"
The other professors watched this exchange in wonder. Hagrid was loudly sobbing into his tablecloth-sized handkerchief, Severus was actually smiling, and the Lost Black Child was not only turning their world upside down, she was using foul language to do so.
"I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay ya," Hagrid sobbed.
"I do," Lulabelle said brightly. "Take me to meet Fluffy?"
Severus burst out in laughter. "Hagrid, you and Lulabelle are kindred spirits. She keeps a bonded Cŵn Annwn as a pet."
"Really?" both Hagrid and Silvanus said in tandem. "I'd quite like to see one up close," Silvanus mused.
Lulabelle shrugged, stuck two fingers in her mouth, and gave a sharp whistle. "He's in the Hospital Wing. Wasn't sure he'd be welcome in the Staff Room." Soon, a large black head was nosing the door open and Sinaka swiftly trotted to his mistress' side.
"Good Merlin, it's bigger than Fang!" Pomona whispered in shock. She squeaked when two narrowed chocolate brown eyes swung in her direction.
"He's just lettin' ya know he's a boy," Lulabelle laughed. "Not an 'it'. He's real nice, though, don't worry. Long as you're not hollerin' or hurtin' anyone, he'll be just fine."
"He's a love, isn't he?" Hagrid said to no one's surprise. "What's his name?" he asked as he patted his leg and called the beast to his side.
"Sinaka," Lulabelle replied. "Or Sin, and sometimes lazy mutt-dog." She laughed when Sinaka all but climbed onto the large man's lap. "He thinks he's a lap dog, but I've never seen him actually fit on someone's lap before!"
"Where'd yeh get him?" Hagrid asked.
Lulabelle's face darkened. "I stole him outta some guy's yard. Had him chained up, starvin' him. He was beat up pretty bad, too."
"Chained?" Silvanus asked in surprise. "A Cŵn Annwn was chained?"
"Yeah. Some kinda fancy metal chain, almost looked like steel loggin' chain. It was the strangest thing; the lock just kinda fell apart when I was tryin' to get it undone," she explained.
Severus snorted. "Sounds like you had help, sweet witch. Ask Kritter about it when we return home." Minerva looked up sharply at his use of the word 'home,' then glanced at Poppy in question. Poppy just smirked and nodded at her.
"I'll do that, Lou." To Silvanus, she said, "Ya oughta talk to a Mrs Grubbly-Plank about takin' over for ya, sir. Winnifred, or maybe Willamina. I'm sorry, I don't rightly remember her first name. But she'd be a good choice as your replacement."
Silvanus stroked his beard in thought. "I do believe I remember a student called Wilhelmina Grubbly. She had an affinity for most creatures. I shall definitely be getting in touch with her. Thank you, Lulabelle."
"Sure thing," she replied with a grin for the older man. She snickered when she noticed Sinaka's back leg start kicking. "Ya found his tickle spot, Hagrid!" she laughed.
"He's a good boy," Hagrid grinned up at her. "How is he with other dogs?" he wanted to know.
"Just fine; I'm sure he'd love to play with Fang, if that's what you're askin'."
"We'll have ter introduce them once yer done here," he replied. "Give him a chance to stretch his legs."
Severus sniffed and curled his lip. "The beast much prefers a sofa to running."
"Hush your mouth, Lou," Lulabelle laughed. "You're just still mad that he pushed ya off your own couch."
"He is a good dog," Minerva commented dryly, eliciting laughs from everyone but a sneering Severus.
"I imagine you'll be bringing him with you when school begins," Silvanus said. "Might I borrow him for a class or two on Cŵn Annwn?"
"Sure! Sin just loves kids. He'll be thrilled."
"Wonder if we could get him to transform…" Silvanus mused.
"Have Albus visit as well," Poppy offered, snickering. "That should work."
"Doesn't like the Headmaster, does he?" Hagrid asked in surprise, still rubbing the happy dog's ears.
Severus quickly clamped his hand over Lulabelle's mouth and said, "No. He does not." Poppy burst into laughter, leaving the other professors to look on in bemusement.
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