You don't pull the documents out straight away. You're not sure what you're going to see, after all. Instead, you just sit there a moment, thinking.

You've spent the last ten years thinking – knowing – certain things. Certain truths. But... what if you were wrong?

So, you start with the easy stuff. The stuff that doesn't hurt. All the clinical details provided matter-of-factly by the police and the insurance and the doctors. There are photos; you don't look at them.

The accident happened in the Catskills, at about half-nine in the evening. So... not during the day, like you'd thought. Why had you been up there at that time, anyway? It wasn't like you had any family up there. That was... curious. Was it because you had a dance event, like you'd thought?

Everything was a bit hazy after you came out of the coma and you'd avoided thinking about that day ever since. It's no surprise you can't remember. Shaking your head, you put it to the side for now. The papers have other information in them. Important information, that you'd rather read now.

Information about Elsa.

It doesn't name her, but it has other stuff, and now that you know who it is...

Sucking in a breath, you start to read.

She was sixteen years, eight months old. She had her junior license.

She was half an hour past curfew and wasn't supposed to be on the road. Not there, not at that time.

If she hadn't been there... none of this would have happened. If she'd just... listened to instructions. Followed the rules...

But the most interesting thing is at the bottom of the document, barely a postscript written by the police officer who had responded to the 911 call.

"No fault found."

What was going on?


You put the documents down to go and make lunch. You also want to have a bit of a break to process everything.

Suddenly, you can't remember why you'd avoided looking at the files for so long. Your parents deserve the truth, but more than that... you deserve it, too.

So you go and make a salad sandwich, and you've just taken a giant bite when the phone rings. It's Kristoff, so you don't bother swallowing before answering.

"Wharrooodinggg?"

Kristoff sighs down the line, which gives you ample time to finish chewing.

"Anna? Or am I talking to the purple people-eater?"

It makes you smile. "Anna, now. Dunno who that guy was before."

You hear him sigh again, good-natured exasperation filtering down the line.

"Hey, so, Merry Christmas and all that," he starts. And oh yeah. It's Christmas. "I wasn't sure if you were going to hang with Hans, but Sven and I are gonna watch some movies at home later if you wanted to join? Have a bit of a Christmas dinner?"

You grin, an answer forming on your lips about how Sven had literally just rang you, when your eyes land on the fridge. Any thought of speaking evaporates as your gaze aligns on the present you'd bought for Elsa. It's still hanging there, on the fridge, held up with a few magnets.

A fucking spa trip. Who buys their friend – not just a spa trip – a deluxe spa trip? For two?

A moron. That's who. The idea to give it to Sven flashes through your mind briefly – he seems like the kind of guy who would like a spa treatment – before it vanishes.

It's still... Elsa's present...

"Anna?"

Blinking, you rouse yourself. Swallow before answering, and try to smile because you know he can hear it when you do.

"Yeah, that sounds nice. I... was with Hans last night. Did Christmas then. Do you think we could watch—"

"The Doctor Who special? It's already set to record," Kris finishes for you. It makes you smile.

"I'd love to join you, then. I'll be over for dinner, that okay?"

He assures you that it is – even offers to pick you up. But, it's a little far out of his way. Instead, you just tell him you'll make your own way there and then spend the night. He's always got room for you there.

And, for at least a few short hours, you forget about Elsa and the accident and... you just want to enjoy your Christmas.


Kristoff answers the door as soon as you arrive, bundling you inside. He takes your coat, and even though it's the one Elsa got you, doesn't say anything. Instead, he directs you down the hall and into the kitchen, where dinner is already set up.

There's a roast ham that's clearly Sven's work and enough rolls, mashed sweet potatoes and other sides that you know you'll be taking home several days worth of leftovers. Sven's made rum balls for dessert – Kristoff claims to have helped – and they're almost the most divine thing you've ever tasted.

Almost.

Then you all move to the living room and you sit curled in the armchair, leaving the sofa for the boys while Kristoff sets up some movies. You get through Doctor Who – great episode, and with Christmas, it's a little like tradition – before he puts on Love Actually. Something fun and mindless, and you find your imagination drifting because...

Even though it's been a wonderful day, especially considering how it started, you can't help feeling a bit sad.

It's just... while you hadn't actually made solid plans, you know that before everything, you would have spent it with Elsa. She would have kissed you on the cheek when you arrived, smiled that soft smile. You would have snuggled on the couch together and she would have made sure you were comfortable and warm and fed. She probably would have baked some little treat to share. You would have given her gift and suggested maybe that you could go together, and she would have said she wanted you to come, anyway. Maybe you would have fallen asleep together, wrapped in each other on the couch.

Or maybe you'd have had more. You'd have kissed her again and she'd have kissed back with everything she had. Maybe you would have tasted her, just like she'd tasted you. You'd have brought her as much pleasure, as much love as she'd brought you.

But that's impossible now.

Why did it have to change? Why couldn't she have mentioned something earlier?

But... maybe she'd tried to. The look in her eyes, the nerves and hesitation... you'd believed that it was because she wasn't sure. But it wasn't.

She'd wanted to tell you... something... but you'd just guessed at what it was before she'd even spoken, and she'd let herself be silenced.

For that one night... she'd pretended you could be hers, and maybe... she could be yours, too.

Unbidden, tears build in your eyes. The boys are focussed on the film, and you blink rapidly to stop them falling. How? How can you still be so sad about this? How can you not completely hate her for everything?

The answer is obvious, and always has been.

You loved her.

Past tense, or present? Everything's so weird and complicated. If you loved her, then what were her feelings for you? Were they as fake as you'd first thought?

Why does it all have to be so hard?

The movie finishes entirely unexpectedly, and you're quick to wipe away any traces of your tears as Kristoff gets up to turn the lights on. He catches your eye, but he doesn't say anything. Doesn't draw attention to you at all. He just asks if you want to stay the night. And you don't want to impose but... right now, going home to be on your own sounds like the worst possible plan.

So you just shake your head. "It's late," you say, proud that it doesn't sound like you've been crying. "I'll just stay here tonight."

"Of course. The guest room is already set up."

You shoot him a little smirk, lifting an eyebrow. He doesn't take the bait.

"Merry Christmas, Anna," he says. You give him a little nod, and hug both him and Sven as you begin to make your way down the hall.

You were kind of expecting to see Sven's stuff, before realising that they probably share Kris's bed now. You'd brought some spare clothes, and they're a little more comfortable than the ones you were wearing during the movie. Then all you've gotta do is take your medicine and go to the bathroom.

As you move back down the hall to get a glass of water from the kitchen, you realise that they never followed you up the hallway. You can't hear them talking either, so cautiously, you poke your head around the corner.

They're still on the couch, and your first impression is that they're making out. Which wouldn't be wrong, per se, but it's not quite right. This is too soft. The way they cradle each other, the gentle touches.

You don't get your water. You'll just swallow the tablets dry.

You don't want to interrupt their moment.


there we go. the start of some answers, though there's definitely more to come. Another insight into Kristoff and Sven, and Anna gets to reflect.

thanks for sticking it out so far! Not long now until Elsa comes back :)