Chapter 22 Just Another Roadblock
The next morning came with a couple of hangovers. Nonetheless, they needed to get up and start the day. Regina was still processing the words Emma admitted to her last night when she thought she was asleep. She didn't know how to deal with this. She was afraid, but yet she wanted to just give in and tell her she feels the same. Her fear and her desires were making her head spin and the hangover didn't help.
Emma sensed the other woman was in a foul mood the moment they woke up and headed to Grannies to meet Henry and Mary Margaret for a Sunday breakfast. They walked hand in hand to the diner. Regina had been quiet the whole way. She could barely even look Emma in the eye.
Just as they approached the fence of the diner, Emma stopped her from taking another step. Regina looked at her impatiently.
"What?" she snapped rudely and Emma flinched at the harshness of her words. Regina's hard gaze softened at the impact her tone had.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. Emma looked into her eyes and after seeing the sincerity, she nodded in acceptance.
"What's going on?" The sheriff asked.
"I have a headache," she avoided the truth. Well partially. She did have a pounding headache from last night.
Emma looked right through her. She knew there was more, however she wasn't going to push it right now. She didn't want to push the short tempered brunette over the edge.
Regina took a deep breath to calm her nerves and then proceeded to head inside, leaving Emma feeling even more confused. The blonde followed her without another word, the tension growing even thicker between them.
Regina's face brightened the moment she saw Henry. He looked up and saw her as she and Emma came over to the booth that he and his older adoptive sister were sitting at.
"Mom!" He exclaimed excitedly as he got up and hugged her. "I missed you."
"You did?" She asked as if she couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth. He hugged Emma and then took his adoptive mother's hand and led her into the booth beside him.
"Of course," he grinned and Regina felt like her heart just melted in her chest.
"So how did it go?" Mary Margaret asked as they all settled in. Emma sat next to her roommate while Regina sat with Henry across from her.
"Not well and I don't want to talk about it," Regina bristled. She wouldn't even look her stepdaughter in the eye.
Mary Margaret dropped it, assuming her father didn't cooperate. She wasn't surprised.
As their food arrived, they dug in and talked mostly about their plans for the day and about school and work. It looked as if they were just a normal family without the weight of the trial looming around the corner.
Regina was quiet, leaving the other three to their conversation. She was sulking over Emma's words last night. She couldn't help but fall into a dark mood. She couldn't even eat. She only took a few bites and mostly moved her food around with her fork.
Emma kept glancing at her. Something was going on and she wasn't sure what. Maybe it was just the events from yesterday paired with a hangover. Although, she had a feeling it was more than that.
After breakfast, Mary Margaret went to go meet David, leaving Emma and Regina to spend some time with Henry alone. They decided to take a walk at the lake. Emma figured maybe she can get the moody brunette to open up about what's bothering her.
Henry was running ahead, feeding the ducks and geese as both his mothers walked behind him at a leisurely pace. Emma took Regina's hand and was surprised when she didn't pull away.
"What's going on?" she asked, glancing at the other woman.
"Nothing," Regina grumbled.
"You've barely said two words since we left the diner," Emma said as they came to a stop.
Emma watched as Regina anxiously folded her arms, her gaze on Henry where he was standing by the lake and throwing bread into the water for the ducks. She then finally shifted her eyes to the younger woman and could see the deep concern in those green eyes.
"With everything that's going on, don't you think this is going a bit too fast?" Regina asked, hating herself for pushing away the only one besides Henry she has ever truly loved. She just couldn't bring herself to open her heart all the way. She was afraid.
"What are you trying to say?" Emma asked, a slight tinge of panic in her voice.
Regina took a shaky breath as if embracing herself for impact. She looked at Emma with soft teary eyes. "I'm saying maybe we should slow down."
"Ok, fine," Emma said curtly, dropping Regina's hand.
"Emma…"
"We're already going slow, Regina. If we take a step back then that means breaking up and dating."
"That's not such a bad idea…" Regina murmured under her breath. Her heart suddenly felt heavy with regret. She swallowed, holding in the urge to cry. Green devastated eyes bore into her and she had to look away. Her eyes landed on her son who was still by the lake.
"I don't know what happened between last night and now. Whatever is going on, you could tell me. We don't have to end our relationship over it."
"We're just taking a step back," Regina whispered, meeting her gaze slowly. Emma's eyes were shining with unshed tears.
"Is this what you really want?"
Regina didn't answer and Emma shook her head in disbelief.
"Ok, fine," she sounded close to tears and Regina hated herself for it. For being a coward and running from her feelings. "I guess I'll get a room at Grannies."
"No, I'll get a room. I'm not putting you out."
"Are you crazy? After what your psycho husband pulled in class, we're not leaving you and Henry alone."
"I don't need a babysitter!" She snapped.
"That's not what I'm saying and you know it."
"I'll take the couch and give you your space," Emma growled out. "When you want to talk about what's really going on, I'll be waiting."
She didn't even give Regina a chance to say anything back. She turned and walked away with tears streaming down her face.
For the whole week leading up to the trial, the two women barely said more than a few words to each other. Regina was quiet and brooding. She felt guilty, but at the same time terrified to even acknowledge her feelings for Emma. She just couldn't bring herself to admit them after everything she has been through. Emma was moping around, her heart heavy with grief as she gave Regina space. Mary Margaret and Henry weren't exactly sure what was going on, but they could see how miserable they both were.
The night before the trial finally came and as much as she tried to hide it, Regina was a wreck. Emma could see she has been off all day. She wished Regina could just open up to her and let her be there for her. She didn't want to push her.
It wasn't until the middle of the night did Regina finally come to her.
She felt her presence hovering before her where she slept on the couch. She opened her eyes to see Regina on her knees beside her.
"I'm sorry," the brunette whispered shakily and Emma could hear the tears in her voice. She scooched back against the couch and opened her blanket, inviting her in. Regina hesitated, not sure if Emma really wanted her to cuddle after the way she hurt her.
"It's ok," she assured her and Regina got in under the blanket and snuggled up with her back against her. Emma wrapped her arms around her, holding her close. "What's going on?" Emma whispered into her ear.
Regina took in a shaky breath, willing herself to have courage. She turned in Emma's arms and placed a sweet kiss on her lips. "I heard you that night when we spent the night at Katherine's house," she whispered. "I heard you say you loved me."
"I thought you were asleep."
"I'm sorry," Regina met her gaze even through the darkness of the living room. "I got scared and I pushed you away. I couldn't accept that I can be loved. I was afraid to let my guard down. To completely open my heart again and to admit how I really feel about you too."
"And what's that?" Emma asked, her voice slightly trembling at Regina's confession.
"I love you too."
Emma might have stopped breathing for a second. She was so shocked she couldn't even form a coherent thought.
"Emma?"
The shocked sheriff answered her with a kiss. Regina was caught off guard, expecting to be turned away. She let herself melt into the feel of her lips and her hand combing through her dark hair. When they finally pulled away, she rested her forehead against Regina's and smiled when the shorter woman placed a kiss on her nose.
"Thank you for telling me," she whispered. "Please don't push me away again."
"I can't promise you that, love," Regina confessed. "But I can try my hardest to always find my way back to you."
Emma accepted that answer just like she accepted all the dark and grey areas of her past. She knew the road ahead of them wasn't going to be easy, but they were worth it. This was just one of the many roadblocks they would face.
She pulled Regina into another heated kiss and then started trailing them down her neck. God, she's missed her.
Regina leaned into them, quickly feeling a certain fire in her belly that only Emma ever made her feel. Emma moved a thigh up between her legs and Regina gasped at the pressure.
"Are you ok, baby?" Emma whispered between kisses. Regina nodded, wanting that release more than anything at this point. They've held out for too long.
"Nothing inside," she requested, looking away in embarrassment. Emma frowned at that, lifting her chin with her hand and rubbing her cheek with her thumb.
"Look at me Gina," she said and nervous brown eyes slowly met hers through the moonlight shining in through the curtains of the loft. It was quiet except for their heavy breaths and Henry snoring away upstairs. Mary Margaret was spending the night with David. "Don't be ashamed after what that bastard forced you to do. You have every right to make any kind of request. You let me know your limits and I'll stop right away."
Regina nodded, feeling so loved and so respected. She's never felt this with Leopold. He took what he wanted when he wanted and never once cared for her.
"Can I take your shirt off?" Emma whispered.
Regina suddenly got goosebumps and nodded her permission. She appreciated Emma going slow and making her feel safe and comfortable.
Emma pulled her night shirt over her head and was delighted to see the brunette wasn't wearing a bra.
"You're so beautiful." Regina blushed at those words and bit back a moan when Emma softly squeezed a breast. She latched on to the other with her mouth. It felt so good she didn't even realize she started grinding her center on Emma's thigh. The blonde only chuckled. It was like she awakened something within her, a certain kind of desire she's only ever felt with Daniel.
Regina's hand slid under the other woman's shirt, eliciting a moan from Emma as she palmed a perky breast, her thumb pressing against a hard nipple.
Emma pulled away then and Regina nearly cried out in frustration. The blonde tore off her giant sleep shirt, revealing her naked breasts and boy shorts. Regina scanned her body appreciately as much as she can through the dark. She wished she could turn the lamp on but didn't want to risk Henry seeing and walking in on them.
She froze when she suddenly felt Emma sliding off her own pants.
"Can I take your panties off?" The sheriff asked before going further.
It suddenly felt like cold water had been poured over her. She was suddenly trembling at the thought of being completely naked and vulnerable. "Regina?"
Images of Leopold tearing her clothes off, his heavy body on top of hers as he forced himself inside her flashed through her mind. She couldn't breath and Emma could see the panic attack happening before it barely began. She pulled the brunette into her arms and right away removed her thigh from between Regina's legs.
"Breathe," she told her. "You're safe."
"I'm sorry," she cried, burying her face into her chest. Emma held her tightly under the warm blankets.
"No, don't be sorry," Emma said. "We just reached your limit, that's all."
Regina didn't answer as sobs continued to rack her body. Emma rubbed soothing circles on her back, encouraging her to breathe. She'd pressed little kisses in her hair every now and then, while reminding her she was safe and she was loved.
When the tears had stopped and she could finally breathe, she could feel the deep bone exhaustion that usually came after a panic attack. Emma sensed this and leaned over to grab their pajamas from the floor.
"Don't fall asleep just yet unless you want to traumatize the kid in the morning."
Once they got dressed and were cuddling once more, Emma asked, "Do you want to talk about him…"
Regina took a breath, grounding herself with the feel of Emma's arms around her and the feel of her body against her back as she spooned her from behind. She felt safe. She kissed the hand she was hugging against her chest.
"He'd force me to have sex with him whenever he was in the mood. It was always rough and painful. He didn't care. He just took what he wanted."
"He had no right," Emma practically growled. "He'll get what's coming."
Regina turned in her arms and snuggled against her chest. She inhaled her scent, a sweet vanilla that made her feel safe.
"I love you," she whispered. "Thank you for being so patient. For not taking what I'm not ready to fully give."
"I love you too and you know I would never push you if you're not ready."
Just before sleep could claim her, Regina placed a sweet kiss on Emma's chest right over her beating heart.
