A/N: Well, it's a little later than I usually post, but A) it's not like most of us have anywhere to go tomorrow anyway and B) I just finished watching the This Is Us season finale and let me tell you, I am typing this through tears. Anyway, I'm hoping you're all staying safe, staying at home, and staying healthy. I know that this social isolation thing is rough, but I want you all to know that, if you're struggling, you can reach out to me. My PM box is a safe space to vent.

Thanks to BrokenKestral, waitingforAslan, Colby's girl, and shadowhuntingdauntlessdemigod for the reviews. They were much appreciated. This chapter is tagged to episode 10x20, Dark Dynasty. This one and the next two were tough to write, but I'm hoping I did this triumvirate of finale episodes justice.

Disclaimer: Nothing recognizable belongs to me.


Hidden Truths

Sam couldn't shake the ache in his gut. It felt like he had just gone six rounds with a supremely pissed off archangel, where said pissed off archangel had solely gone for gut punches instead of their usually preferred head shots.

He had said it before and he would repeat it til the end of his days: He hated lying to Dean.

Lying to Dean usually meant one of three things.

One: he was doing something Dean wouldn't approve of, like drinking demon blood or jumpstarting the Apocalypse.

Two: he and Dean were arguing something nasty and Sam didn't feel like talking to him. About anything. At these moments, they weren't lies. They were more like withheld truths, but, even with his anger, Sam couldn't help the blackhole that would take over his stomach and make him feel awful.

Three: Dean was compromised. Something was fundamentally wrong with his brother either emotionally, physically, or mentally, and Sam just couldn't trust him.

Usually they were all summed up by one overarching, umbrella reason: Sam was protecting Dean and Dean didn't like it.

When Sam drank demon blood, it was because his desperation to save his brother from Hell outweighed everything. His logic, his morals, his intelligence, even his humanity. All gone because he couldn't bear to live when his brother was being tortured for saving his life.

The whole demon blood debacle led to a lot of arguing. Once Dean figured it out, they were at it like cats and dogs. Sam just wanting to protect his big brother from the constant threat of being thrown back into Hell or dying or having to say yes to Michael. Dean wanting to protect Sam from Ruby and losing his humanity. Sam wanting to protect Dean from Castiel. Dean wanting to protect Sam from Ruby. So they fought and they fought and they fought some more, which led to secrets being kept and the Apocalypse happening anyway.

And when Dean was compromised? Like when he got out of Hell or out of Purgatory or now that he had the Mark of Cain? Sam would lie to his brother to keep him out of the field, to keep him safe, to keep his sanity in check. When Dean first got out of Hell, he was so angry that he was almost suicidal, throwing himself into hunts with little to no regard for his own well-being. Same with Purgatory. And now, with the Mark of Cain, Dean's anger issues were so off the charts that Sam didn't know if he could even trust him on hunts, which led to the lying.

Sam didn't like it. He knew he always felt betrayed when he found out that Dean had been lying to him or keeping secrets, and Dean had a habit of feeling things ten times deeper than he did, so Sam knew that when this came out, his brother would be devastated and furious, which, fueled by the Mark, would make things even worse.

But Sam had learned long ago that you couldn't save someone who didn't want to be saved. And Dean, for all the right reasons, didn't want to be saved. Which meant that, if he found out what Sam was up to, he would dig his heels in and fight like hell against their whole plan.

So, despite Charlie and Cas and even Rowena telling him it was a bad idea to keep secrets from Dean, Sam would not…could not…tell Dean what they were up to. Because he could not…would not…lose his brother. Not again. Even if he had to overturn Heaven and Hell and make a(nother) deal with the Devil himself, he would not let Dean die or get turned into a demon or transport himself to another plane of existence. He. Would. Not. Lose. Dean. Not like this, not ever.

But when Charlie went missing, Sam knew he had to tell Dean. Dean didn't like secrets and lies, sure. But he hated not knowing when his family was in danger even more. And Charlie, out there on her own with the Book of the Damned and the Stein family on the loose, was in danger. Because of Sam. Because Sam couldn't lose Dean.

"Ch—" Sam took a deep breath in a feeble attempt to calm his racing heart. "Charlie is missing."

"Okay…" Dean stretched the word out, knowing when he was being given the run around by his little brother. "And?"

"Charlie is missing and she's in danger."

"And?"

Sam could sense Dean's temper rising.

"Charlie's in danger because she's been helping Rowena and I decode the Book of the Damned." Dean took a deep shuddery breath that Sam could hear clear across the room. Sam sunk into the chair at the War Room table and cradled his head in his hands. He knew he had screwed up. He knew it in his bones. Losing Charlie…that would push Dean clear over the edge. Charlie was…Charlie. Sweet and kind and funny and the little sister Dean never wanted but had adopted anyway. And yet… "Dean, she wanted to help. She knows what the Mark did to you and she didn't want it to happen again!"

"So, she just offered to join the team and help out? How the hell did she even know about the Book of the Damned, when it was supposed to be burned? When we all saw it burn?" Dean seethed.

Sam winced. "I…I called her. I—"

"I don't freakin' believe it!" Dean raged, looming over him like an angry spectre. "You got Charlie involved with this again, and now she's missing?!"

Sam was about to respond (with what, he did not know) when his phone buzzed with Charlie's name flashing across the screen.

Sam lunged for it, pressing the answer button before the phone was even halfway to his ear. "Charlie, where are you?"

Sam's heart broke at the sound of Charlie's usually confident voice trembling through the speaker. "Um, a…a motel…t—t—the Blackbird. Sam, someone is here. T—t—they think I have the Book."

"If you have the book, give it to them," Sam replied desperately. He knew the only people who could possibly be attacking Charlie were the Steins, and he had seen what kind of damage they could do. He did not want Charlie to become their next victim.

"Charlie has the damn Book of the Damned?!"

Sam winced at the loud roar that now echoed in his ears. Apparently, Dean's rage was loud enough to hear over the phone.

"No, I don't have it. I just…I—I just…I have my notes."

"Then give them your notes, Charlie!" Sam cried. "Give them the Code…whatever they want!"

Dean wrenched the phone away from Sam and brought it up to his ear, his voice calming ever so slightly. "Charlie, I don't know what the hell is going on, but you need to listen to me. Give whoever that is whatever they want. You understand? Charlie?!"

Sam heard a loud sniffle come through the phone speaker and the words "I can't do that, Dean," whispered by the girl they had both loved as one of their own before there was a loud beep, signalling that the call had been disconnected.

If Sam had known that was the last time he would talk to Charlie, hear her voice, and speak geek with her, he would have apologized. For bringing her into this world of hunting, for begging for her help with Dean, for adopting her as an honourary Winchester.

Staring down at her bloodied body in the bathtub, he wanted to scream and cry and beg for forgiveness from whatever being was listening, but especially from his brother.

Especially from his brother because he couldn't apologize to Dean. Not for wanting to save his life. Not for doing whatever was necessary to remove the Mark from Dean's forearm. Not for bringing Charlie and Rowena into this. He couldn't. Because apologizing meant he was wrong for trying to save Dean. And, no matter what he said, he couldn't bring Charlie back. He would have to live with that guilt for the rest of his life. But he could do that, he could shoulder that burden, if he had his brother by his side.


A/N: Well, I hope you all enjoyed that! Please let me know what you thought! Stay safe, stay healthy, and I will see you at some point this week for another chapter! God bless!