Karma was in a bad mood.
Well, a worse mood than usual, at least. He wasn't sulking or anything like that. He just didn't… feel much like talking to people. Karma wasn't that keen on the whole 'socialising' thing as it was, anyway, so this really wasn't out of character for him. He was fine, even if he'd lost much of the desire to even leave his bed for the last few days.
The discussions had been energetic and purposeful, but it was hard to feel any of that. Of course, the air of sadness hung over them all still. Karma was trying not to care too much, but his eyes always found themselves moving over to Nagisa. By every means, he knew Nagisa shouldn't be okay. They might not have known each other for that long, but he knew how much he cared about Yuu. Kayano? She looked completely lost. She was putting on a brave face of course, Karma could see that. But Nagisa was a blank slate.
Amongst some of the others, he was one of the most vocal about planning their next actions. He hadn't taken even a step back to think about it, and it didn't feel like usual him. It wasn't like Karma had never seen Nagisa switch off and attempt not to address what was bothering him before, but usually he could tell beneath the surface when that was happening. But Nagisa… his smile felt real, as he focused on suggesting their strategies.
A position in leadership didn't suit him so well.
He was almost ashamed to admit to himself that he didn't know. He'd been in love with Nagisa for almost a decade, at this point he should know him better than he knew himself. But maybe he was just jilted. The words Nagisa said… they dug deep. It was like something out of an insecure nightmare. But nothing Karma had really worried about for a long time.
Nagisa was acting crazy, but weren't they all?
Stuff like that didn't come out of being stuck in a small space with a bunch of your teenage classmates, though. So something was up with him, but he didn't know what it was. Given what Nagisa had told him about his whole ordeal, it wasn't out of the question that he wouldn't feel like himself, but Karma didn't think it would be expressed like that.
Shouldn't Nagisa be huddling in the corner and crying or something? To be honest, Karma didn't have much experience with traumatic situations. Mostly he just felt weirdly angry that he couldn't do anything about it. Well, not with Nagisa acting like that and practically refusing to talk to him. He wasn't his keeper… and Nagisa was right. They weren't actually obligated to each other. Though that didn't stop Karma's urge to do something.
Which left one choice, since he was out of his depth. Kayano was out of it too, which meant that the only other person who really knew Nagisa was Sugino. Ugh. Karma really didn't want to. It wasn't that he actually disliked him, in fact he was fine to spend time around him. But that was because of Nagisa. Without him in the room, they didn't really have a lot in common.
Perhaps he could admit to himself that he felt a little ashamed, anyway, that he couldn't protect him. It was an emotion he didn't really understand within himself. He wanted to be angry, he knew that, but really he was sitting on the edge of it. That was why he was driven to do something, maybe, even though he definitely didn't like it.
The problem with Sugino in particular was the guy radiated friendship. He was very rarely on his own, which meant Karma would have to actually have to cut in a conversation to get him on his own. As much as he wanted to get an answer, he decided to wait it out for a while, until Sugino eventually got up to use the bathroom. It was the perfect opportunity to follow him and wait outside the door for his ambush.
"Sugino," he said, the moment he exited.
He physically jumped. "J-jeez Karma!"
Karma didn't want to waste more time on small talk. He looked Sugino up and down, before pointing with his thumb. "Come with me."
"Y-you could ask normally, you know."
He didn't feel much like asking at all. Thankfully, he didn't need to draw it out for much longer, because Sugino did actually follow him. Perhaps out of fear or concern, or perhaps curiosity. It didn't really matter. Just so long as he could answer Karma's questions. There wasn't a lot of privacy, but nobody was in the dorm room, so it was good enough.
"Something's up with Nagisa," he stated. "Do you know what it is?"
Sugino's eyes narrowed. "Aren't you dating him?"
His face fell. "Not exactly."
"Well," Sugino shifted, "as Nagisa's friend what I care about is seeing him happy. He went through a lot, clearly. But he doesn't really talk to me about how he feels."
"You've noticed it, though."
Sugino swallowed. "He'd probably be more willing to talk to you about that kind of thing anyway."
"That ship has sailed," Karma said flatly. "Just… try and distract him, I don't think any of this is good for him."
His eyes widened. "Sure. But what are you planning to do?"
A hand slammed around the door, though, before Karma could answer. "Anyone in he- oh, hi guys."
Sugino stood up. "What's going on, Maehara?"
He grimaced. "The plans have been fully analysed… everyone needs to meet now. C'mon, Karma. We need your strategy skills in this."
That redirected his mind just a bit, then. It was the reason they were even in this place, after all. The sooner they could get out of it, the better. Even when Karma had finally agreed to it, he hadn't factored in how long it would actually take. Deep down to his core, he'd known this didn't feel right, and he wanted to hate himself for it. Though, he knew that didn't solve anything, so trying to get this over with was the only option he had.
Really, his biggest priority was being able to see Daichi again. Not even being able to talk to him was driving him insane. Sure, he trusted Nagisa's parents to take good care of him, but he didn't know he was okay. And Daichi… he was a lot. Shiota Hiromi definitely didn't make pancakes as good as him, anyway, so he knew Daichi was definitely suffering to an extent.
Karma hadn't known it was possible to miss someone this much. Even when he was in university, he got to speak to him every day. If Ohno's crazy plans didn't end up killing him, missing Daichi just might. At least, as motivations went, it was a pretty strong one. Honestly the idea of going back home to him was the only thing that really kept him going, and was what lead him to the others so quickly.
Isogai was stood over a map, rolled out neatly over the table, a leader as always. "Ritsu has analysed the plans Yuu was able to access."
"Sleepy," Ritsu mumbled from one of the intercom speakers, which honestly was a little creepy.
"Ohno's main development lab is located in northern South Korea, about an hour away from Seoul," Isogai started. "It appears that he's doing everything he can to avoid the Japanese authorities. But, once we break in, take his samples and whatever else we can find as evidence, and it should be enough to arrest him officially. It's just getting in there that's the hard part."
Nagisa cleared his throat. "Along with the plans, we also have detail for their entire security. Now that we were able to get inside the system, Ritsu can understand it enough to affect the cameras and alarms. If we can just slip ourselves in between physical guard schedules, we won't need to use much force for the most part. It's-"
"-A terrible idea," Karma cut in, unable to hold himself back. "Ohno didn't have a hard time kidnapping you because you walked straight in and underestimated him. Don't make the same mistake twice."
He glared. Usually, when Nagisa glared at him, Karma couldn't help but find it kind of adorable. Sure, he knew Nagisa could mostly hold his own, but he wasn't that threatening to Karma. Unless he was using his blood lust, anyway. So his glares usually made Karma want to sigh and wrap his arms around him, pulling him in until he yielded. But that wasn't going to happen right then.
"And your plan is?"
Karma stared down at the map. "We're not going to be able to group together for this. This place… looks more like a labyrinth. We should split into small groups, and take it from different directions. The quicker we can cover ground the better. If one patrol ends up dealing with a group, then we have more chances."
He didn't mean to get so swept up in the actual planning. But once he started looking at it, and his brain started to tick along, ideas sprung out at him. The more effective this was, though, the quicker he could finally return home. It did feel a little more grounding, as he got into it, but once his time to speak wound to an end, he just felt kind of empty.
"Okay," Isogai cleared his throat, "then we'll figure out who would be the best pairing, so we can prepare with what little time we have. Nagisa, Karma, you can be the first pairing."
Karma looked up. "Nagisa?"
Nagisa stepped towards him. "Maybe you didn't get the message."
"I heard you loud and clear." He felt himself heat up.
Maehara looked between them. "Cool it down guys, whatever's going on here."
"Nagisa," Isogai said, "you and Karma have always worked well together."
Some weird look washed over Nagisa's face, and he just shrugged. "Fine."
Kama's eyes raked up and around the group, and he locked on with Sugino. Just as he thought, Sugino looked a little confused and taken aback and Nagisa's actions. He even shot a nod in Karma's direction, just a subtle one, but it was enough to reassure him. At the same time, though, Karma's heart sunk down. Maybe it wasn't his responsibility, but he wanted to do something regardless.
He found himself stowing away from their group subtly, as soon as he was able. Nagisa wasn't going to talk to him, so that meant Karma didn't have the power to stop anything. It wasn't really like him, but Karma had no choice. Maybe, for once, he needed to bring this to someone who did have the powers to stop it.
It wasn't like he could just dramatically burst in to Karasuma's office, though, as much as he was in the mood to do so. Karma didn't really feel like this was something that could wait, but he knew to choose his battles. So, he parked himself outside the office, whilst Karasuma was busy with whatever he was doing, and he thought about what to say.
"Got sent to the teacher's office?"
Karma looked up, only to find Nakamura leaning against the door. "And you?"
"What?" She sauntered over and sat down beside him. "I can't walk around the administration? The protective custody is nice and all but I'm starting to get cabin fever. You're not ratting Nagisa out, are you?"
"He's not acting like himself. I don't have another choice."
Nakamura tilted her head. "Why? You two seem to weirdly understand each other, anyway. Aside from Chiba and Hayami maybe, you're the most grossly loved up."
"Hah," Karma huffed, "I don't think so. He told me as much, anyway."
Her eyes dropped into almost perfect narrow lines. "You really think Nagisa's not in love with you?"
"He said so-"
"He's lying," Nakamura said firmly. "I didn't spend days of my time dealing with your emotional constipation for 'he doesn't really love me'. Trust me, he does, the reason is beyond me, but he does."
Karma's face screwed up. "Maybe this just made him more blunt. He's always been hot and cold. And he's right… Maybe it's time I accept that it's never going to be like that."
Nakamura shot him a look. "That might be the stupidest thing that's ever come out of your mouth. It's always been you, Karma."
"He literally agreed to marry someone else."
"The only reason he started dating him is because you were screwing around with some girl," she sounded exasperated. "It's not like you were paying attention."
Karma tilted his head. "What?"
"There's clearly something up with Nagisa," she said, "if he really said something like that." She sighed, then. "You're both the absolute worst, you know that? If you ever get to the marriage stage in seventy years don't bother inviting me, I'm already dead from emotional exhaustion."
Karma's mind was spiralling, though. He knew there was a time and place, but Nakamura's words had hit him weirdly. Had Nagisa really talked about feelings and stuff with her? But if Nagisa really loved him back then, why would he act so much like he didn't. Sure, the feelings had been there for Karma too for a super long time… but it didn't seem right. That would mean Nagisa was lying to hurt him, or something, but that felt just as wrong.
He didn't dwell on it for too long, though, because then someone exited Karasuma's office, shooting him a look. Karma didn't say anything to Nakamura, and she didn't make like she was going to move out of her spot, so he accepted it as just that. Whether that was advice or something, he didn't know, but somehow he did feel like it had helped.
Karasuma shifted when he saw him. "What's the problem, Karma?"
He slammed his hands down on his desk. "You can't let Nagisa take part in this raid. He's a danger to us and a danger to himself."
Meeting his eyes, Karasuma swallowed. "Nagisa's one of our best players in this."
"Not right now," the heat rose within him. "He told me he killed someone."
"I'm aware of that."
Karma's gaze narrowed. "Nagisa might 'talk the talk', but he's no killer, Karasuma. He's never used his blood lust for more than knocking a person out briefly. That… I know him. He's not himself right now. Whether he's just gone crazy or what… sending him into this situation isn't safe. Maybe he needs help or something."
Before Karasuma could respond, Irina swung the door open, apparently not so caring about whether he was busy or not. Huh. He shouldn't let her one up him. Maybe that was wife privileges or something. She looked at him, though, and the air in the room changed. Somehow… maybe she would get it more than him.
"You can't send Nagisa," Karma repeated again.
A strange look crossed over Karasuma's face. "I can have him talk to someone, before the mission."
"It's not like I haven't noticed he's been a little unhinged since he came back." Irina's lips pressed together. "Taking a life, for real, is a burden you don't understand. I saw all kinds of horrors before I ever picked up a knife for myself, but it does change you. It would change anyone. But I had to keep going on."
Karma glared. "Have you ever killed someone, Karasuma san?"
"Not personally," he said straightly. "I do understand your feelings, though. But this is important, we're too close to a major break through here. According to Yaiba san, his training has been just fine, and she hasn't marked any red flags."
"But she doesn't know him like I do."
Irina winced. "The sooner this is over, the sooner you'll be able to go home and get him the help if he needs it. You know Nagisa is talented."
"That doesn't mean he's well enough to do something like this."
"Thank you," Karasuma said, "for your concern. I'm not taking this lightly, but I have to make difficult decisions. If Nagisa pulls out, then it's his decision. For now we go on as planned."
There was a lot that Karma wanted to say right then. He wanted to rip into Karasuma, to tear him to shreds for everything that was wrong with what he was saying. Karma didn't like it in the slightest, but what could he really do? None of this was his call and frustrating as it was, he did know when he was out of his depth.
Maybe, if he just managed to keep Nagisa safe on his own… He nodded, turning to leave the office, but he froze outside the door, unable to bring himself to close it fully. Whether it was a kind of rage or fear, he didn't know, but his hand was trembling. It was all he could do to restrain himself from bursting back in and demanding a different answer.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Irina's voice leaked through the slight gap.
Karasuma's voice followed. "You know now how vital this is."
"You should have told them. You would want to know-"
"The situation is bad enough as it is," he almost sounded like he'd lost his composure. "Let everyone focus on their mission for now. I'm doing my best, Irina. A distraction is the worst thing we can throw into the mix."
Karma closed the door fully, something not sitting right with him at all. So Karasuma was keeping secrets from them, huh? Whatever the case, Karma knew for certain that if they needed to go through with it, keeping an eye on Nagisa would be absolutely vital. Just so long as he was able to keep up with the actual mission too… His legs felt heavy as he returned to their facility, alone since Nakamura was long gone off somewhere, and the dread started to feel like a crushing weight.
