AN: The world right now, huh? I hope everybody's safe and is following their Governments instructions. Stay safe guys, that's sometimes the best thing that we can do. Enjoy!
Lavender
Flower Meaning: Distrust, Devotion
When she's bored, Kazuko likes to play a game to amuse herself.
It's called: Spot The Lie.
It goes a little something like this:
Kazuko's favourite colour is violet.
(True)
Kazuko doesn't like roses.
(True)
Kazuko is human.
(True)
Kazuko is perfectly sane and stable, everything is okay. Why wouldn't it be okay?
(Lie)
The only problem was, Kazuko was still trying to figure out exactly why that last one was a lie.
The large halls of the CCG are empty.
Everybody's gone, even Arima.
She failed.
Kazuko isn't completely accustomed to failure.
In the back of her mind, she registers that she should probably be crying, or at least mildly upset by the days events.
But she isn't.
She should care that millions of people, both human and ghoul could die today, maybe even the people she knows and cares about, on both sides.
But she doesn't.
Instead, Kazuko walks into the staff bathroom of the highest floor of the CCG building and leans against the granite counter and stares into the large mirror in front of her.
The bathroom is sparkling clean, the cleaners have only just left after all, rows of neat grey and black colour coordination.
It's perfect, and Kazuko aches to tear it to shreds.
She aches to rip it apart and destroy the very foundations because how dare it?
Her hands as shaking as she folds into herself, her sky blue eyes pulling away from the wide mirror in front of her.
In the corner of her eye, almost unnoticeable, something moves in the reflection of the glass.
But she looks up and nothing is there.
Instead, something twisted and darks looms over her, and while it is not reflected in the mirror before her, she knows it is there. It breaths steadily against her ear and gently runs its finger through her dark hair, cooing softly as if she was it's child.
Oh, hello darling... It says, it's voice is as dark as it is.
She knows it, even though she'll do anything not to.
"Where were you?" She whispers brokenly. "You left me, for a moment you left me, that wasn't very nice."
The cooing stopped and she could feel it grin against her hair, its head tilting slightly.
Oh I'm sorry darling, I was only in your reflection.
"What do you want from me?" She whispers again, the grey countertop caught in her tight grip as she stares into her own cold blue eyes.
They're empty.
Everything.
Kazuko aches to cry.
She can't, no matter how hard she tries.
She spins around, lashing her hand out to collide with the venomous, retched thing. A short gasp leaves her mouth as she stumbled forward, her hand coming into contact with nothing.
I want to go home. A small part of her whispers, growing smaller by the day but still separate from the darkness. I don't want to do this anymore.
Kazuko only brought the shaking hand to her chest and took in a deep breath.
"Be brave, Kazuko." She whispered to herself, staring at her empty blue eyes in the bathroom mirror while the darkness only hummed in agreement, curling itself up to her side. "Be brave, but don't be stupid."
She tells herself that it's all going to be okay.
Kazuko is a liar.
(True)
...
By the time she reaches the fourth ward, it's all over.
Itori dances around her happily, grabbing her hand and dragging her back on the train towards the fourteenth ward. She chatted mindlessly, recounting her epic battles with the CCG as Kazuko only payed her half an ear.
In the fourteenth ward, there is a bar, and in the bar is a group of ghouls and one measly human.
Kazuko... doesn't particularly like the clowns.
They are loud, obnoxious, and slightly too outlandish and slightly too prone to violence for her tastes.
Uta had only laughed and called her slightly hypocritical when she mentioned this to him.
"Kaneki Ken is dead." Uta said, approaching her in the corner of the bar, passing her a wine glass, his voice low and a shine to his eyes that Kazuko would almost mistake for tears if she didn't know him well enough.
Kazuko stared down at the liquid in the glass in front of her, contemplating for a few seconds.
"Long live Kaneki Ken." Kazuko whispered into her wine glass, taking a small sip as her empty blue eyes stared across the skyline, taking in the view of the fourteenth ward from the window.
She feels hollow, a strange emptiness where there should be pain, nothing where there should be something.
She takes another sip of her wine glass.
And another.
"Aw," a shrill voice cooed right next to Kazuko's ear, a smaller figure latching themselves onto her arm. "Did darling 'Zuko get attached to the baby half ghoul?"
"Let go of me if you wish to end this evening with all of your appendages." Kazuko hissed at the female, Roma letting go of her with a dramatic squeak, her eyes widening dramatically as she jumped to get away from the human. Pulling exaggerated faces of sadness and dismay as she did.
"You're no fun, 'Zuko." Nico tutted, shaking his head lightly as Roma collapsed against him, wailing dramatically. "Well, it's a good thing your so beautifully broken isn't it? Or else what would we do with you?"
She didn't really want to know.
"Kill me?" She offered flatly instead.
"Don't tempt me." Nico winked teasingly, draping next to her dramatically as he continued. "How'd that boy die anyway? Did he die saving Yoshimura-san? Or something else equally and maybe even more dramatically enticing?"
"That's so lame." Roma huffed. "He can't just go out like that. It had to be something far more epic. Engaged in a historical battle of strength and wills."
"According to my sources," Itori hummed, all heads turning to hear as she took a sip of the fermented blood in her glass. "The CCG's policy this time around was complete eradication, zero detainment in the Cochela Prison."
"Shame." Roma drawled out, resting her head in her hands as Kazuko shoved Nico off of her with a low hiss of frustration. "I wouldn't to see him suffer some more."
"Tragedies aren't popular nowadays, anyway." Uta announced, a human eye hovering over his lips as he made eye contact with Kazuko from across the room. "We need to have some more fun."
Cheers of agreement filled the bar, the ghouls bouncing off each other as Kazuko leaned further into the corner.
"After all," Itori called out over the noise, her glass raised high in the air. "The last laugh must always belong to the clowns."
Kazuko takes another deep drink from her wine glass and tries to block out the noise.
"To the broken, and that includes you Kaneki." She whispers into the rim of her glass, her voice masked by the hoots and hollers, pouring herself another drink. "Wherever you are."
...
When the parties over and Kazuko has drank two more glasses of red wine, they board the midnight train to the twentieth ward.
Because she has just enough CCG status to have a high level of clearance, Kazuko drags them into the torn streets of the twentieth ward as soon as they get off of the train.
With soft steps on the dark cobblestone streets they come face to face with the ruined Anteiku. It's large, street facing glass windows were shattered, the door blown of its hinges and smouldering slightly next to them. The once clean brick and timber lay scattered around them on the cobblestones, and Kazuko could still make out the charred remained of a few tables and chairs inside.
"Odd, isn't it?" A coworker hums next to her. Namayo if she remembers correctly, head of collateral damage division, late thirties, has a two year old and a five year old. He is nice and smiles to her whenever he passes her desk. A sucker for small talk. "Couldn't believe it myself when I heard. I used to come here a lot while I was in college, praised it for its coffee even. Shame it had to be run by ghouls."
Uta is hidden in the shadow of the trees only a few steps away but Kazuko can still feel his red and black eyes drilling into the back of her head.
"Yeah." Kazuko nodded in agreement, feeling like a hand was wrapped around her throat. "A shame."
Because that's all it was in the end.
A shame.
Ghouls weren't beings to these people, as human as the monsters under their bed. They were just shadows that lived with them, something to fear and something to get rid off as quickly and efficiently as possible.
A shame.
Kazuko aches for the ability to cry.
"Come to an office party sometime Kazuko," Namayo grins, turning to her with his clipboard in hand. "I'll finally get to introduce you to my wife and kids, the eldest is nine now, can you believe?"
Ah, she was a few years off with the ages then.
Her smile is tense but believable as they exchange pleasantries and goodbyes, Namayo writing something on his clipboard with a mutter as he walked away, taking note of a shattered window next to the torn down Anteiku.
Kazuko took one last look at the destroyed home of the ghouls in the twentieth ward and sighed.
"Uta. Uta, I want to go home now."
Uta is never one to deny her anything.
...
The apartment above the shop is strangely still as Kazuko fumbles forward, collapsing into her vanity chair, breathing heavily and slumped forwards as she grips the wooden edge of the vanity, her eyes focused on something on the floor.
"Kazuko." Uta's deep baritone cuts through the silence. "Are you okay?"
"Fine." She muttered in reply, gripping the edge of the vanity slightly tighter.
He eyed her for several seconds more before coming to kneel in front of her, gently prying her fingers off of the balcony.
"'Zuko..." He started lowly, her blue eyes lifting slightly to meet his red ones before darting back to the floor. "'Zuko, tell me what's going on."
"I'm fine."
"And I'm not prepared to stand here and believe that."
She wanted to lash out, to grab him by his shoulders and shake violently, she wanted to crawl out those deep red and black eyes, to tear at his tattoos until all that remained was the marks she had made. She wanted to yell, to dig her nails in his shoulders and demand he take back everything he has given her, demand that he take her home to the slums so she can leave all this behind.
She never asked for this.
Never wanted it.
She had just wanted to be free, and then she had just wanted him.
And now...
And now people are dead.
His loose shirt slipped slightly as he crouched down, revealing the sun rays on his chest and though small writing tattooed between two of them, located right over where his heart should be. Kazuko.
She reached out with trembling fingers, the darkness leaning forward as she traced the kanji.
Be brave, darling, but don't be stupid.
"Hey." A tattooed hand resting on her cheek, gently tracing over her scars, snapped her out of the daze.
Her eyes darted up once more, meeting his. His eyes are red. Red like roses, red like cherries, red like wine, red like blood.
(There's blood on her hands, a man bleeding out on the floor, and she just wants it all to stop.)
"It's not safe anymore." Kazuko whispered, Arima's words haunting her even hours later. "None of this is safe anymore.
Uta doesn't try to deny it, doesn't try to placate her with empty words of security and prosperity.
It never was safe.
Not for them.
Instead, he presses a soft kiss to her knuckles and stares up at her with a strange look of seriousness set in his pale features.
"Nothing in this world will harm you Kazuko." His voice is firm and his grip on her hand tightens slightly as he speaks. "Nothing. Not while I'm here. Do you understand me?"
She's just foolish enough to believe him.
Kazuko nodded slowly, her blue eyes never leaving his red ones. Pressing a short kiss on his forehead she turned away, facing her mirror and taking in a deep breath. Alongside her, Uta rises to his feet, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly and moving out of their bedroom to give her some space.
She seeks him out later, curling up next to him on the bed and tracing his tattoos with her long fingers, despite her cold touch, Uta doesn't complain once.
"It's a shame." She repeats the words from earlier, tracing another nonsensical pattern on Uta's arm.
"It's more than a shame." Uta disagrees calmly, his fingers running up and down her spine at a slow, languid, pace. "It's a tragedy of epic proportions."
"I thought you didn't like tragedies?" She asks softly, her hand curving slowly round his wrist as she follows the flow of the dark pattern.
"Some of them are an exception." He considers for a moment. "Like you."
"I'm not a tragedy."
"Of course, my darling." He agrees, a small bubble of laughter in his voice as she openly pouts at him. "You are far too beautiful to be a tragedy."
...
The guards scan both of their identity badges as they walk through the white and glass entrance doors of the Cochlea, a fingerprint and eye scanner is roughly shoved at Kazuko before she could take another step in or fully survey her surroundings. The human female obeying with a small sigh, pulling off her standard issue white gloves as another guard put the other scanner closer to her right eye.
A small beep.
A green light.
And they were through.
"Thank you." Kazuko smiled tensely at the guard as he handed her back her white coat.
Arima was a few step ahead of her, shrugging his own coat back on and picking up his briefcase. They hadn't spoken of the incident for the last few weeks.
Kazuko didn't know if she appreciated that or not.
They enter the elevator silently, Arima pushing the button for the lowest floor.
Kazuko openly flinched at the sound of the muffled screeching that surrounded them as they passed some of the floors.
"I-" Kazuko cut herself off, sighing as they continued to descend. "Don't you think this is slightly inhumane, I know tat they've kilked people, many people even... but even death row prisons are nicer than this."
"Careful, Kazuko." Arima warned, his voice low as he continued to stare blankly at the elevator doors. "Some might accuses you of a sympathiser."
"I'm playing devils advocate at best." Kazuko bit her tongue to stop her voice from raising. "There are children in some of these cells Arima, children. No child, no matter their species deserves to suffer." She knows that all too well. They both do. "What if it was us in here Arima? What if my Okaa-san just threw me in here as punishment one-"
"That wouldn't happen." Arima refuted calmly, his eyes still not moving from the elevator doors. "You're as human as they come Kazuko, anyone could see that. Stop trying to project empathy and compassion where you will get nothing in return."
"Arima." She sighed heavily, running a hand across her face as they descended into the lower levels of the prison. "Sometimes I don't understand what you want from me."
"Loyalty, mainly." Arima stated, his eyes unmoving and his stance unwavering as the elevator doors chimed open in front of them. "We've come this far together, don't betray me to your empathy now Kazuko."
For the briefest of moments, Kazuko considers sinking her teeth into his neck and tearing out his vocal cords with her bare hands just so he would shut up.
But just for a moment.
"Hello number 240." Arima greeted as they stepped off the elevator and walked towards the temporary holding cell.
Walking to stop next to Arima, Kazuko let her blue eyes flicker across the shadows of the dark holding cell, she couldn't see anyone, but it was obvious Arima knew someone was here.
"I've come to make you an offer." Arima continued, seemingly unperturbed by the silence that had greeted them. "The head of the CCG and myself have an agreement that you can do some good for the world. You can work under the CCG under mine and several colleagues supervision, and we will overlook the basis of your unfortunate heritage." Something moved in the shadows of the holding cell.
Kazuko didn't know what was going on, the clipboard in her hands was tight in her grip as she quickly skimmed over the context of the paperwork and file in front of her, one she had overlooked out of boredom and grief that very morning.
"Or," Arima was still talking next to her, not looking at anything but the slight movement in the shadows. "We can leave you here to rot. I'm sure you can recognise the better option."
A name change form, some legal citizenship documents, an employee contract.
What was going on?
"Fine." The stranger stated. "I'll help you."
They stepped out of the shadows, and Kazuko's grip on her notepad tightened, a scream bubbling into her throat. Arima didn't glance at her, only nodding at the strangers words and continuing to speak for a moment. Her hand was still shaking slightly as she signed her name onto the black line in the required areas. Her blue eyes still wide as she and Arima both walked back into the elevator.
Oh Kami.
Long live Kaneki Ken indeed, Kazuko considered staring at the new glossy ID photo of the figure before her, handing the file to Arima so that he could approve it.
Long live Kaneki Ken indeed.
End Of Part II
