Kylo waited for the Knights of Ren in hangar 34. It had been a long time since he had last trained with them, he was curious if he had made any progress in the past months.
When the shuttle had landed the Knights marched down the ramp, their clothes were dirty, their shoes covered in mud, leaving a trail on the polished floor of the Finalizer.
There was something very satisfying in seeing polished, proper things get dirty. He knew that some First Order officer looked down on the Knight because of their rugged looks but he enjoyed it - at least they looked like they were fighting in a war.
They didn't speak as they marched down the corridor to the sparring room, there was no need. They had nothing to tell and Kylo had no questions, all that mattered was the fight.
-o-
Kylo ignited his lightsaber and reached out to the Force to feel his opponents. The first Knight charged him head on with his heavy axe, Kylo knew from experience that it was difficult to block his swings as he had superior strength. He quickly parried and turned just in time to deflect the next Knights spear, she quickly pulled back and started to spin the spear.
He sensed the next attack from the third one and was about to swing his lightsaber around when a shrill beeping rang through the room. Snoke was calling him!
Kylo was distracted for a moment and got cut with the sword of the third Knight. He gritted his teeth and threw them on the floor with one might Force push. Then he disenganged his lightsaber and activated his holo.
"Master."
"You are training with the Knights," Snoke stated.
"Yes, master."
Snoke grimaced, making his misshapen face look even more disfigured. "Judging from the cut on your arm they're besting you again?"
Ren couldn't help but feel annoyed. Was this why he called him in the middle of the training? So that he could nag about things ripped out of context? Hux's words came back to mind 'The point is to teach people that they have to bow to a greater power.'
But he was already bowing to Snoke! What was he supposed to do? Hux would use his sharp wit to deflect Snoke… "Not at all, master. You have taught me well, I was just about to lure them in to take them out in one strike." He gestured towards the Knights scrambling on their feet. "Thank you for your lessons, master."
Snoke's eyes went wide. He clearly hadn't expected this outcome. He blinked. "Of course, apprentice. But you still lack the necessary hatred to defeat me."
Kylo almost snorted. This again. He could feel his anger boiling up in his chest. It would never be enough, would it? He was a Sith, he was supposed to be free! Instead he was reduced to this - running errands for a tyrant.
He could feel the blood roaring in his ears as he reached out to the Force, behind him the Knights of Ren were lifted in the air, clawing at the invisible hands at their throats. Snoke had told him that he was the leader of the Knights of Ren, but it was an empty title. They were nothing compared to him.
"Yes master," he pressed out.
Snoke frowned. "Where does this defiance come from, apprentice?" He leaned forward. "Perhaps I should remind you who why I'm the master and you're the apprentice."
Kylo forced himself to calm down and let go of the Knights, they fell on the floor, coughing and massaging their throats. "You are the master and I am of course nothing." He knelt before Snoke, curious how the old man would adapt to this change in their usual routine.
"Hah, finally you're learning," sneered Snoke.
Kylo raised his head, scanning Snoke's face. Was this all part of his lessons? It didn't feel like it.
"Then I won't keep you any longer - make sure to kill at least one of the Knights," said Snoke with a twisted grin.
Kylo could feel fear emanating from the Knights. "Yes master."
-o-
It was almost midnight when Kylo returned to his quarters. The doors closed behind him and he was alone in the dimly lit room. He took his blood-stained gloves off, the fight had been disappointing - the Knights were too afraid to fight properly and so he had killed one of them with a quick stroke of the lightsaber so that they could continue the training like usual. It hadn't worked.
He felt oddly empty, the silence in the room bothered him.
"I killed a man today, Grandfather."
The mask just sat there in the bright light, its empty eyes staring at Ren.
"It's certainly trivial to such a man like you but I still- I don't know. I still feel the pull of the Light Side, a conscience pulling me down. Even Hux doesn't care about killing as much as I do. He says that people die and that it doesn't matter."
He sighed. "I still think that passion is the key. But despite my best effort he doesn't seem to care about me. Me on the other hand… I like him, I like how his ginger hair shines in the light, like a burning sun. His eyes are like forest lakes, his lips are cool water, soft and firm at the same time. His hands are soft, his cheekbones are so sharp that they could cut glass…"
Stars, he missed him. It had barely been a day and he already missed him. How did this happen? He felt a familiar ache in his chest and glanced in the adjacent room with his bed. His cold bed. Then he grabbed a fresh pair of gloves, his helmet and left.
-o-
Minutes later he stood in front of Hux's quarters. He rang, bracing himself for the sight of his lover. He wasn't in the mood for sex, his limbs felt heavy after all the training. He just wanted to hold Hux for a bit, smell the intoxicating smell from his skin, a mixture of soap, deodorant and leather.
He would pleasure him so that they could go over to the snuggling part. Yes, that seemed like a good plan. That way they both got what they wanted.
Hux opened the door and stepped aside, apparently he had already been expecting him. "You're as insatiable as you're annoying, Ren," he said with a small smile.
"Erm, yes. Yes I am." Crap, he should have thought about what he wanted to do. What now? Hux had mentioned a safe word - that probably meant that he wanted to take it up a notch.
They went into the bedroom and Hux started to undress himself. Kylo watched him, still unsure of what to do when his own desires weren't guiding him.
Finally he had an idea and pulled his belt from his waist, he took the belt buckle in his hand and let the other end smack on the floor. He would be careful of course, just a few light slaps on his butt cheeks - perhaps he-
The horrified expression on Hux's face made him freeze on the spot. He stared at the belt, whatever colour he had had in his face gone. With one quick movement he reached for his blaster training it at Ren. "If you touch me, I'll kill you," Hux hissed, his face twisted in anger and fear.
Kylo let his belt go and lifted his hands in the air.
Hux's hand with the blaster quivered slightly. He blinked. "Onomatophobia." Then he lowered the blaster, making a visible effort to pull himself together. With a trembling hand he ran his hand through his hair, gulping. "You- you surprised me. That is all."
Through the Force Kylo could feel Hux's panic ebbing away. Stupid. He had seen the old scars on Hux's back. He should have known that this isn't something Hux would enjoy.
"Yeah, it- it was rather sudden." He shifted from one leg to another. The best course of action was certainly to pretend nothing had happened. Quick, he had to distract Hux. "I- I just realised that I'm hungry and not in the mood anyway. Do you still have sandwiches?"
Hux shook his head. "No, I- I think there are some noodles left."
"Come on, I'm making you some tea as well."
"Don't you dare pitying me," pressed Hux out. He glared at Ren, for a moment he thought he saw glitterin tears in his eyes. "You are just a stupid oaf, you don't get to pity me!"
Ren felt a small stab in his heart. He had known that Hux didn't exactly think highly of him but it still hurt. "I don't," he said quietly. After a while he added: "I- I killed a man today. I beheaded him with my lightsaber. Did you know that lightsaber wounds get cauterized? It smells like burned fat, iron and shit, most of them defecate themselves when they die." He blinked a few times. "Someone like me couldn't possibly pity anyone, right?"
They both fell silent, then Hux cleared his throat. "A cup of tea would be fine."
