Chapter VII
After that moment between Tommy and I, things began to change. During the day, he would come out of his way to find me. Wherever I was, he would join me and we would talk for some time. We never talked about his nightmares or Uncle Joe but it was there. In the air. Last week, the Shelby Limited Company bought the Garrison. Harry was still working there and was still my superior but the pub was now owned by Arthur Shelby. No disrespect to him, but at least Harry wasn't drunk or high when he was working, which made it less complicated. Arthur would often come in high and would make a mess. It was then up to me or Harry to clean up after him. He also had the tendency of offering free drinks to customers, which wasn't necessarily good for business, but the books never seemed to suffer… It seemed the more I spent time with Tommy, the more my writing was improving and I didn't know what to do with this information. It made me… uncomfortable. Jonah was always the one fueling my writing. But he's not there anymore.
"I think this one would be great on you!"
I am brought back in the moment by Celeste's cheery voice. She was showing me a dropped-waist dress in a deep purple silk.
"And where exactly would I wear this? I can't really wear that to work. God knows it wouldn't last an hour."
"I don't know, maybe a special occasion?"
"I don't have any special occasion."
She looks at me unconvinced.
"Maybe on a date?" she insisted.
I squint my eyes at her.
"What is it, Cil?"
She sighs.
"I am trying to be supportive here, ok? But when is he taking you on a real date, Em? It's been weeks."
I shrug trying to act casual, but I was wondering the same. Even if something had shifted in Tommy and I's relationship, I couldn't really call it a… relationship. He never asked me out or alluded to wanting to.
"Is everything ok between you two?" She asked worried.
"It's fine, Cil. He's just… non conventional."
"What does that mean?"
I smile.
"I don't know."
She rolls her eyes.
"Well I think you should just get it anyways. He has to ask you out at some point, right?"
And she goes right to the cashier and buy it for me. We leave the store, our bags in our hands, and head to an underwear store. We look around for a bit, before Celeste gets it out of her chest.
"I need more sex."
"Celeste!" I whisper, embarrassed.
"You know I love you, sis, but, since you arrived, James has been more than careful and I am sick of it!"
I look at her and laugh.
"I'm sorry, Cil. It wasn't my intention… is that why you want some new undies?"
Her smile was devious.
"Yes. I want him to fall to his knees."
I shake my head and let her choose her pick. I look around, not really looking for something and then I see a flash of deep green satin. I look at it and discover a bra and tap pants. The tap pants were made of almost just lace with a little satin to hide your private bits and the bra was entirely made of intricate lace. I love it. I bit my lip looking out the grand front window and see Thomas Shelby looking directly at me, smoking his everlasting cigarettes. I freeze, embarrassed. I saw his eyes observing the piece of lingerie I was holding, and my breath got stuck. He looks back into my eyes and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He put out his cigarette, tip his cap at me and leaves. Did that just happen?
"Oh, that is gorgeous!"
Cil was suddenly beside me admiring the lingerie.
"You should get it."
And she leaves to go pay for her purchase. I hesitate a bit and then follow her to the cashier.
I didn't know what had possessed me to buy the lingerie. I wasn't married, it's not like I could show it to someone, but Cil kept reminding me that sometimes, a woman needed this to feel better. So I tried to believe her, but Thomas' eyes kept flashing in my mind. And as I was finishing my shift at the Garrison I tried to erase his eyes from my mind. He hadn't made a move, Emma. He doesn't take this seriously. And I tried not to let it hurt, but it did. And the walk home was interrupted by a sudden sound. I slowed my walk to try to see if I would hear it again. I did, and it was definitely someone in need of help. It was coming from the alley, just a bit further down the street. I slowly made my way there, and peaked my head to see. On the floor was the silhouette of a man. I could see blood everywhere.
"Sir?"
"Mmm"
The sound was pained, but he was alive. If I was fast enough, maybe Celeste could help him out. She was a nurse after all! I hurried to his side and kneel beside him. That's when my heart stopped. I could see the peaky hairstyle and the highest cheekbones I'd ever seen.
"Tommy?"
He opens his eyes, well the one that wasn't swollen. When he saw it was me he let out a relieved sigh.
"I"ll get you some help Tommy, ok? I'll… try to…"
I was trying to lift him up. He was heavy, but I managed to balance his weight and dragged him home. It took me ten more minutes then usually, but I finally made it! I open the door and cry out to Celeste.
"Celeste, Celeste! Please, hurry up!"
I finally am able to drop Thomas on the couch and I can hear him groan in pain. Celeste arrives followed by James panicked and they see Thomas laying on the couch.
"What happened?" Asked James while he helped me to settle Thomas in a more comfortable position.
"I don't know. I was walking home from work and just heard grunting. When I got closer I saw him and… you need to help him, Cil."
She nods and get her tools from her room. While she does that I free Thomas from his coat and vest and he winces in pain.
"I'm so sorry Tommy. So sorry. Cil will take care of you ok? She will make it feel better."
At that moment, Cil comes back and is holding a syringe.
"The morphine will numb the pain Thomas-"
"No!" He says painfully.
Cil looks at me shocked.
"Thomas, if you don't take it it will be very painful-"
"No" he interrupts me.
Celeste rolls her eyes and then preceded with her magic. She rips open his shirt with scissors and James places all her tools on the coffee table. She tasks me with cleaning the blood on his face so she can see what she needs to attend first. With my warm cloth filled with alcohol I tap it on Tommy's face. His jaw tenses but I keep going, knowing that we needed to act fast in case something was really bad. Once I was finished, we could see the damage. His lower lip was cut open, his left cheekbone was starting to turn a deep purple and his left eye as well. He had a deep cut on his right cheek also.
"Not too bad. I will need to attend to his ribs, I think some are broken. Could you clean his wounds on his face, Em? I'll be working on his ribs. James, honey, hand me the stethoscope, please."
I jump in action trying not to think that it was Tommy we were working on right now. But it was really hard not to when his right eyes was looking directly at me. I tried to smile at him but it was so forced that it was painful. He finally closed his eyes, but not before holding my left hand. My heart squeezed and I kept cleaning his wound as well as I could with only my right hand. After an hour of working, Cil announced that it was all we could do. Now, he needed to rest. So, James went to call the Shelbys and John, Arthur and James hurried back to carry him to his room. I followed behind, holding his coat, vest and destroyed shirt. Inside the Shelby home it was chaos. His Aunt Polly was trying to shush the younger Shelby who was crying, confused to see his strong older brother unconscious. Once they settled Tommy and the little Finn, the Shelby brothers thanked James and the latter went back home. Not before he threw me one last glance. The Shelbys were looking at me.
"How did you find him?" Asked Aunt Polly.
I explained everything and once I was finished Arthur hit the table real hard angrier than I'd ever seen him. He disappeared in the kitchen.
"I need to go back home Pol. The kids…"
"Go Johnny, go. Come back in the morning. Family meeting." She said.
He nods and stands up.
"Thank you Miss Thompson. For bringing him back."
I nodded, not knowing what to say and he left.
"You can bring that to his room, hon." Said aunt Polly pointing at Tommy's clothes.
I nodded and went upstairs. His room was the one furthest to the left and I entered as quietly as I could. It did no good because he was awake. I closed the door behind me and we looked at each other for some time.
"Who did this, Thomas?"
He didn't reply but looked at me some more. He looked on his bed table. He was looking for his cigarettes.
"Celeste said you aren't allowed to smoke during your recovery." I state.
He looks me dead in the eyes, not amused. I sighed and put his clothes on the chair of his desk and look back at him.
"Come."
His voice was raspy and I frown. I walk to him and sit on the bed, trying not to move him.
"Don't waste your strength on me, Tommy. Save it."
He takes my hand and pull it towards him, to force me to get closer. I do, still trying to not disturb him. He puts his hand on my cheek and look at me. I try not to cry from the intensity of his stare and look down at our joined hands.
"Beautiful." He says with his raspy voice.
I look at him, shocked. He doesn't say anything more but tries to lay down. I help him and eventually he finds a comfortable position on his back. I was about to stand up, but he pulls me down with him. I obliged not wanting to cause him more distress. He holds me close to his side and I bury my face in his chest trying to hold the sobs that are pushing to get out. He caresses my back with his fingers and I can't hold my sobs anymore. It was too much. Seeing him lying in his own blood, so close to death. He held me even tighter and I felt his lips in my hair, kissing me tenderly.
"Don't you ever do that to me again, Thomas Shelby."
He kisses my forehead and I let out a long sigh.
The morning light woke me up. I was in an unknown room with a dark wallpaper. I was warm, very warm and could feel someone's breathe on my neck. That's when I remembered what happened yesterday. I bit my lip thinking of the warmth of Tommy's body. I felt good, safe and butterflies were flying like crazy in my stomach. I took a deep breath to calm down, but it didn't help. As if he could hear my thoughts, I felt Tommy's hand slide up from my waist. It glide on my body touching every curve, every valley of my body and finally landed on my breast. My breathing got shallow as his hand rested there for some time before he lightly squeezed it. A slight moan escaped my lips without me realising it. What are you doing, Em. this is not ok! I try to get up from the bed, but Thomas holds me tighter.
"Thomas." I say as I push his hand away from my breast.
I hear him grunt and look behind him at his sleepy face. That's when I realised he was asleep the whole time. It took sometime for him to wake up, but then he looked directly at me. Something was different, though. His eyes were… more open. So clear and honest. He finally smiled at me… like a real smile and my stomach clenched. He let his head fall back on the pillow and held me even closer to him. That's when I felt it. I mean his… erection. I didn't know what to do. I felt a chill run down my spine and couldn't move.
"Good morning." Tommy whispered in my ear.
At my lack of response he lifted his head and looked at me, frowning.
"Is everything alright?"
I don't look at him, embarrassed.
"I… your…"
He looked perplexe for a moment and then understanding flashed in his eyes. He allowed some distance between us and I let out a sigh.
"I didn't want to embarrass you, Emma."
I look at him. He is still frowning but I can see his concern in his eyes. I timidly smile at him and sit down. I need some distance to clear my head.
"It's ok…"
"But you're not."
He tries to sit down, but I can see in his eyes how painful it is.
"No, Thomas. You will make more damage. Just… stay on your back."
With my help, he reluctantly lay back down. He is frustrated. I can see that. His jaw is locked and he glares at the ceiling as if it had committed the most terrible deed. I caress his hair softly.
"You'll get better, Tommy. But first you need to rest-"
"I can't."
All tenderness was lost in his voice.
"You don't have a choice, Tommy."
He looks me dead in the eyes.
"I always have a choice."
I look at him confused by his changing mood. I let out a frustrated breath and get up. My dress was all wrinkly and it didn't help my sudden sour mood.
"You always do that." I whisper to myself.
"What was that?"
I turn around to find Thomas looking at me with murder in his eyes.
"I said, you always do that."
He squints his eyes.
"And what is that?"
"You pull me in. No, you lulle me in and then punch me out."
He looks at me and says nothing.
"No response, Mr Shelby?"
He still looks at me, dead in the eyes. I approach him and stand just beside the bed, towering him.
"But this time, I won't allow you to do it. Tell me, Tommy. What is it?"
He looks at the ceiling not answering. But I could see it. He felt weak and he didn't want me to see him like that. I get on the bed on all fours and stand just above his body. My legs and arms on each side of his body and my face just above his. I search his eyes, trying to get him out of the hole he slid in.
"It has worked for you so far, this persona. Tough and strong Thomas Shelby. Tommy the gang leader… but you are just a man, Tommy and you have a body that sometimes can't follow your genius brain and it's ok. You need to take care of it and you need to understand that it doesn't make you weak or less of the strong man that you are."
His eyes are humid and he can't look at you.
"If you want, I can come and change your bandages, so that no one else sees you like that. What do you think?"
He nods, looking at the ceiling. I nod.
"Ok, I can do that for you."
He looks at me. His eyes are back to their usual state, but I can see how grateful he is. I stand back up and straighten my clothes.
"I need to go, Tommy. I'll be back tomorrow to check on you. Rest, Thomas."
He nods and look back at the ceiling. I exited his room with a heavy heart. Was that a glimpse of the broken man Thomas Shelby really is?
