March 18th, 2013
In a move that is uncharacteristic of her, Ashley had awoken early. She had been awake for an hour now and she was still in her sleepwear, a tank top and shorts. She hadn't woken early to get ready for school. Oh no. She wanted to practice, one more time, before school started. From the corner of her room, she got it out of its case her guitar. She had the instrument for years and at one point was very proficient with it. But, since that time she got in trouble during her middle school talent show, her desire to perform was killed. Yet, thanks to Heather's persistence, she is about to perform again, for an audience of one. So, for the past few days, she had been refamiliarizing herself with her guitar. Even after seemingly forever since she last played it, it only took playing a few chords to get back into the groove. Ashley's guitar was an acoustic one, and also a modern one. It had the capability to be plugged into an amplifier, which she had done. However, as it was the early morning, she plugged in headphones as well so that only she would hear the sounds. With everything set up, she sat on her bed and began to play. She had a song in mind, one that she played loads of times before. It wasn't long before muscle memory kicked in.
The notes that were being played were solemn. They weren't upbeat. The song wasn't one that people danced too, rather, it was one they just listened too. Just under her breath, Ashley was singing. If anyone else was in the room, they would just barely hear it, and if they could, they would have to listen real closely to make out the words. The lyrics matched the tone of the notes being played. This song she was playing impacted her much more than any of the countless times she has played it before. Why? She didn't know. Could it be that she was performing for Heather, and only Heather, later today? Possibly. She practiced the song, playing it in its entirety, several more times. As her room became brighter as a result of the rising sun, she had become satisfied with her progress. Ashley stowed away her guitar and now got ready for school. She had this anxious feeling, a type of anxiousness she only felt before she was about to perform. It was a feeling that she dearly missed.
The sun had risen fully and Buchanan was wide awake. Her morning wasn't great. The proposed rule change regarding instructors was gnawing at her. If this was approved by the rules committee, it would mean that she could no longer be an instructor, something that she loved to do. This was retaliation, she was convinced of that. Buchanan won't take this lying down, it will be fought. She looked for a pen and paper and got to organizing her thoughts and formed the beginnings of an argument against the proposal. Ultimately, though, it wouldn't be her who would officially air the objection. It would be Valarie, and currently, her position on the team was tenuous. If Valarie fails to bring up her grades in time, she would have to miss the convention which meant that the team couldn't object to the proposal. Worse, she may even miss out on the upcoming match which would surely mess with her mentally. Buchanan rubbed her temple, head aching over the predicaments facing them. As of now, her focus must be on Valarie. Her dreams can't be allowed to die as her's was. But how? She wasn't a chemistry tutor by any stretch of the imagination. Her fingers tapped methodically against the table as she pondered, eyes closed as she did. She sat there for a few minutes contemplating for a few minutes when her eyes opened. She now knew what to do. Buchanan glanced at the time.
11:35 AM
It was almost time to join Valarie for lunch.
Just before the lunch break, Heather received a text from Ashley to meet her at the school's music room. Reading the message caused her to smile and generated some excitement. When class ended and lunch began, she made her way straight to the music room at the far end of the school. As she walked, the density of students diminished as they all went to lunch. It got quieter and the sound was soon reduced to a gentle ambiance. She arrived at the music room and saw Ashley, tuning one of the guitars.
"I thought you played the piano?" Heather questioned
"I do. But also the guitar."
"Impressive."
Ashley tuned the guitar to her liking and played a few notes. She then looked again at Heather.
"No one else is coming, right?"
"While I believe it'll be more fun to have a bigger audience…it's just me as we agreed. And…to make sure…."
Heather turned and locked the door. There will be no more arrivals. Pleased, Ashley got ready to start.
"You ever heard of Kansas, Heather?"
"I'm aware of the state, yes."
"No, not the state but the band."
Heather shook her head.
"Well, time to get introduced to them. This is one of their more somber songs and a personal favorite. Ah…uh…here it goes."
Ashley began her performance the instance she stopped talking. The notes being played from the guitar were ones that calmed the soul, a feeling that affected them both. When she began to sing, Heather was starstruck as she found her voice heavenly.
I close my eyes.
Only for a moment and the moments gone.
All my dreams.
Pass before my eyes, a curiosity.
Dust in the wind. All they are is dust in the wind.
Heather was totally captivated by her singing. Her choice of song showed a side of her that Heather hasn't seen nor anticipated even existed. She loved it. As she processed the lyrics being said, it made her think deeply about herself.
Same old song.
Just a drop of water in an endless sea.
All we do.
Crumbles to the ground but we refuse to see.
Dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind.
Heather and Ashley were looking right at each other, eyes locked. Ashley never had this much intimacy in all the times she had performed. Then again, she never had an audience this small. She would have never thought she'd do this before, but now, actually doing it, she was pleasantly surprised how good it made her feel. Very good. She'd love to do this again.
Now, don't hang on.
Nothing lasts forever but the Earth and Sky.
It slips away and all your money, won't another minute buy.
Dust in the wind.
All we are is dust in the wind.
Everything is dust in the wind.
The performance was brief yet blissful. Upon its ending, Heather didn't let out yells of admiration nor did she clap as if her life depended on it. The only expression on her face was a proud smile. It wasn't in her nature to be so expressive, other than the rare and obvious exception when she is angry. Ashley understood that and knew that even though Heather didn't clap, it didn't mean that she didn't enjoy what she did. Heather didn't need to be loud to show her appreciation. Ashley could feel it. There was a silence in the room as she put away the guitar. Heather stepped closer to her.
"That was beautiful." she complimented.
Ashley scratched the back of her head.
"Thanks…you know…it's been so long since I performed."
"You haven't lost an ounce of your talent. This is your calling, I believe that."
Ashley blushed.
"Ha…maybe. Hey…uh…a bit random but you ever been to a concert before?"
"Just have."
"Huh?"
"I've just attended a concert, with you as the star performance. Thanks for making my first concert one to remember."
Ashley took a deep breath as she briefly looked away.
"I'm…your first concert? Geez…Heather…are you trying to make me cry?"
"If you cry, I'll cry."
Ashley wiped her eyes.
"I'm okay…I'm okay."
"That song you played. I liked it. A lot. It made me think."
"Oh yeah, how so?"
"It made me think about how everything is temporary. How everything anything does will one day be reduced to nothing and be forgotten."
'That's ah…uh…a depressing point of view on the song."
"It's just how I see it. Nothing lasts forever. Not even the earth or sky, despite what the song says. One day, the planet will be destroyed by the sun in the super far future. Then the sun will die, and later, the universe itself. All reduced to cosmic dust."
"So, do you think we just stop doing things because in the future it'll all crumble away anyway?" Ashley asked.
"No. The inevitable can't be stopped or fought, just accepted. It makes the temporary, which is everything, something that can be that more appreciated."
Heather picked up her backpack and wore it on.
"In all, the song tells me to live the only life I got to the fullest. To have fun."
"Amen to that."
Ashley grabbed her things as well.
"Let's grab lunch. It's on me." Ashley said as both girls left the music room to the outside cafeteria.
The Courtyard
"You've been going through the flashcards, yeah?" Emma asked.
"Of course I have. They're helping. Genuinely helping." Valarie responded.
The two girls were where they were always at. Under the palm tree. As they ate and chatted about their day, the sound of approaching footsteps was heard. This would've been dismissed had the maker of those sounds not stand right beside them.
"Valarie." Buchanan said.
"Oh, hello Miss Buchanan. Um. Why are you at school so early?" Valarie questioned.
"I've been thinking about your situation and thought of something of what I could do to help."
"I thought you weren't a chemistry tutor."
"True. The last time I was in a chemistry class was in 1988, so, no help in that regard. But I can help, in a more mental way."
"I'll take any help I can get."
"Great. You both follow me to Room 34. We need someplace quiet."
The trio traveled to Room 34. At this time of day, the area of the school was totally devoid of students. An ideal place for what Buchanan wanted to teach to the girls. They entered the room. All the desks were all neat and organized, the whiteboard wiped clean. The room was cool and blocked nearly all the sound from the outside. Buchanan set down the bag she brought and took it the contents within. Candles and incense.
"What…are we doing?" Valarie inquired.
"Meditation." Buchanan answered.
"I…meditation huh?" Emma said.
Buchanan began to lit up the candles and the incense. The room soon filled with pleasant aromas.
"I learned to mediate not too long after my last tankery match, some weeks after I was discharged from the hospital. I had my doubts about it but once I got into it, the benefits were real. On my worse days, mediating helped, even if it was just a little." Buchanan then sat on the floor, legs crossed.
"And…this might too personal, but, I believe if I never started mediating, I wouldn't be here right now."
It took a few moments before what Buchanan meant by that statement really sunk in for the girls. It was an aspect of Buchanan's life that she didn't have to share at all. It was an indication for both of them that she was comfortable with sharing her vulnerabilities. It meant that Buchanan not only saw them as her students, but also her friends.
"So, what do we do?" Valarie asked.
"Firstly, lets put on the blinds and turn off the lights."
What Buchanan requested was done. The room was now darkened. Valarie and Emma then mimicked what Buchanan was doing by sitting with their legs crossed. By now, the aroma from the candles and incense was grown in strength and was in every breath they all took. The room wasn't totally pitch black as the gaps in the blinds, combined from the small flames from the candles and incense, provided a minuscule amount of light. It all made for an ideal atmosphere to do some meditation.
"Alright. Close you eyes and breathe naturally. Pay attention to your breathing. Feel how your body reacts. How your chest moves. Your shoulders. Your rib cage. Clear you mind. Just observe your breathing." Buchanan instructed with a gentle voice.
There was this feeling of tranquility that existed in all of them. Minutes of serene silence transpired that they all enjoyed. The stress, the pressure, Valarie now felt none of them. Previously, the only thing in her life that could clear her mind and wipe away her worries was being with Emma. Be it talking with her, laughing or being held by her. Valarie felt to be at perfect harmony when she was with her best friend. Now, through medication, she can achieve something close to that. For the remainder of the lunch period, the three women meditated. They opened their eyes when the bell rang, to them, just an echo.
"How do you both feel?" Buchanan asked.
"Relaxed…" Emma said, voice soft.
"I feel lighter." Valarie responded, satisfied.
"Good. Do this regularly and the benefits will grow."
Buchanan reached into her bag and got out some spare candles and incense. She handed them to Valarie.
"Use them while you're studying and all your anxieties will melt away."
Valarie took them and stored them in her backpack.
"Thanks. I'll do that."
"Well, it's time for class now. Bye Valarie, Miss Buchanan." Emma said as she left the room.
Valarie was about to do the same when Buchanan told her to wait a moment.
"I believe Heather could benefit from this too.
"Yeah, she could, but she found her own way of finding that inner peace."
That Evening
"This room smells way better than normal." Redwood noted.
"Sure does. Strange." Buchanan playfully said.
"Did you do this?"
"I'll tell you later."
The meeting for that day was underway. Originally, the team was to finally go over the map of the battlefield for their next match in Montana. There was something new about it. However with Valarie essentially on leave, Buchanan felt that it wasn't right to do that without her. So, alternatively, the team was furthering their understanding of navigation and map reading. Busy work, basically. As they worked, Redwood and Buchanan continued to converse.
"This room is at capacity. If we get one more crew, they won't have a place to sit. Also, the fire marshal is pretty darn strict around here." Redwood explained
"We'll just meet in the garage from now on. It has the space for a small army so its more than good for us. We'll use the room solely for commander's meetings. "
"Good idea. And since we're talking about the garage…why not head on over there? The team would like much more than doing this."
"…I agree."
The team went to the garage where they had a much more enjoyable time tending to their vehicles. At the T-44, its crew worked on regular maintenance. Emma, as she did her regular duties, found the fighting compartment roomier than usual. The commander's position was empty. Valarie was currently at home, continuing her studying. Emma had only just seen her a few hours before and yet she already missed and longed for her. She wanted to see her back in her position, both as tank commander and team captain. In time, she will, Emma thought to herself. And, in time, she will ask the question that has been bouncing around her head for years. A question that merely thinking about made her nervous. All those feelings, all bottled up and maturing inside her. Thinking about it made her blush and hum as she fantasized about what she wanted to do. She then remembered what happened on Sunday, when the two were in bed and inching closer to each other. Valarie's hands were so soft on her cheeks, an action that made her feel electric. She thought this was the moment. That this is where their relationship would be changed forever. But nothing happened. They both just fell asleep, her arms around her. Was Valarie just teasing her? Or did in the last possible moment was she overwhelmed with nervousness and didn't go any further. Emma couldn't figure which theory was correct. Emma then felt a tinge of regret. She wished she had the courage to do what she wanted to do. Oh, how she wished on that Sunday evening she pulled Valarie closer and gave her the most—
"Emma."
Emma turned to Ashley, who was looking right at her with an amused expression.
"Man, you zoned out. Big time."
"Oh, sorry. I was thinking."
"About Valarie, I bet."
"Yeah."
"Ah, she'll be back with us in no time."
"Obviously…"
Ashley then grinned and leaned closer, her mouth mere inches away from her ear.
"Of course, when you were thinking of her, it wasn't of her studying." she whispered.
Emma's face was in a deep shape of red.
"Ah…ah…I don't understand what you mean."
"Yes you do." Ashley said wryly.
"N-no…I don't"
"Don't act dumb. You want to be more than friends with Valarie."
Emma couldn't form a sentence.
"It's plain as day to me that you have strong feelings for her. I was convinced of that when you took her in when she was homeless. Admit it, Emma. You love her."
Emma couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Yes, you're right! I love her! I love her so much!"
"There ya go. Now that you've said it aloud, it's time to make you guys official."
"How? I'm just so nervous and I always hesitate. God…whenever I'm near her I'm a nervous wreck."
"Don't worry, I'll help you out. Now, I've been thinking that you—"
"Hey Ashley, can we have a word outside real quick?" Heather interrupted.
"Sure thing." Ashley said.
The two girls hopped out the T-44. Heather didn't look pleased.
"What do you think you're doing?" she questioned
"What else does it look like? I'm being cupid."
"Did you forget about our bet?"
"I was precisely thinking about the bet when I was talking to her."
"What you are doing goes against the spirit of competition. We're supposed to let things play out naturally."
"Oh, c'mon, I don't see it that way."
"If you bet money on a horse and another gambler pumped steroids in a different horse, you'd be upset. I can guarantee that."
Ashley rubbed her face.
"Let me offer one piece of advice. Just one. And I'll won't give anymore and let the cards fall where they may."
Heather thought about the proposal then nodded. Ashley re-entered the T-44 and rejoined Emma.
"Alright, Emma. It's simple. Just follow your heart. This is the only life you got to live."
Emma took a deep breath.
"Okay, I will. God…I need fresh air."
Emma got out of the tank and went to take a break outside the garage. Heather shot a look at Ashley, arms crossed.
"Hey, I only told her something that she was going to do anyway." Ashley said.
Heather rolled her eyes and the pair resumed maintenance when then they were the sound of someone climbing on their tank. It was assumed to be Emma but when the hatch opened, it revealed to be Ray.
"Hello." he greeted,
"Hi. What's up?" Ashley said
"I've been going around and asking people about practice and how I managed it."
"It was different. I liked it and I'm sure Valarie would say the same." Ashley shared.
"It was great except the part where we were bombarded by artillery." Heather added.
Ray shrugged.
"In this sport, that's just gonna happen. Thanks guys."
Ray hopped off the T-44 and headed to the next vehicle. The Jagdpanzer IV. There, Natalie just stood just beside the machine. Her crew didn't have much to do and were just lounging around. Hands behind his back, he approached her, who took notice of his arrival.
"Yeah?"
"Hello to you too. I'm just going around to ask people about practice. Your thoughts?"
"It was alright. Kept us active and all."
"Good, good. So…uh…hey, how'd you do on your essay? Has it been graded yet?"
A tiny smile formed on her face.
"I…we got an A. Thanks for your help."
"You're welcome. If you need ever need help with more essays, feel free to ask."
"I'll think about it."
"Alright then…uh…see you around."
With his departure, Natalie returned to looking to her Jagdpanzer IV. No doubt will there be more essays in the future and his willingness to help was something she'll most definitely be taking up on. It would be foolish of her to squander an opportunity to get better grades.
Wednesday
Valarie's tutoring continues. With Emma, the two girls were at the library each at a computer. On Valarie's screen was an online slideshow of chemistry material posted on the internet by her chemistry teacher. As she went through the slides, she rubbed her temple. It was barely noon and already did she feel exhausted.
"Anything sinking, Val?" Emma asked
"Sinking in like they're in jelly. But, oh yeah, they're getting there. Bit by bit." she answered.
Some more minutes of studying gone by when Emma decided to strike up a different topic if conversation.
"Have you watched any tankery matches? I haven't the time to do that. Hell, the last one I watched was the one we watched, you know, the one with the Japanese team."
"It was the Japanese finals and no, I haven't either. I never really have much free time ever since the team got started. Especially not now will all this studying." Valarie said.
She sighed.
"Ah well. That's just the way of things. Besides, it's better to be in a watch rather than watch them.
"You got that right."
Valarie then just remembered something and reached into her bag, pulling out a worksheet.
"Help me with Lewis structures. They are of the devil."
Lunchtime was usually the time the loaders of the team would be in the weight room to get their strength up. It wasn't a requirement however and Ashley wanted to take a break from lifting weights. So, she elected to have a stroll around the campus. She walked around the courtyard at first but soon grew bored just doing laps and changed direction to the other areas of the school. The landscape become more open, the activity of students an ambiance. Ashley was presented to a large building, two stories in height. It was the science building, filled with students whose lunch would take place later. Her eyes then looked to a large plot of land not too far from the building. There was something about that land that piqued her curiosity. The land was a different colored compared to the surrounding natural ground. There was this gray to it, nearly powdery. Ashley approached closer to the land and noticed more. Just barely sticking out in the ground were steel rebar, its endpoint looking like they were cut. They were covered with rust, telling her that it was old. Thinking about it more, she made the realization. This is where the old science building one stood, as Redwood had told her the other day. Comparing the size of the plot to the new building also revealed that the old building was much larger than the current on. Ashley stepped on the former foundations and was very perplexed over the sound of her walking on it. She took a few more steps, listening closely to the sound that was being produced.
"Is this…" she pondered.
Ashley hopped in place and heard something akin to an echo.
"It is…it's hollow."
Ashley then turned and jumped as she noticed Heather, who has been watching her for the past minute.
"Heather! Do you just stare at people all quiet like?" she questioned
"Yes." Heather responded.
Heather walked over to her.
"Shouldn't you be at the weight room with the other loaders?"
"I don't have to be there. Can't I have a day just to do what I want?"
"I see."
"Shouldn't you be…um…I don't actually know what you do for lunch normally"
"Lunch is the time of day where I like to be alone. I sit under staircases and enjoy my lunch and the solitude. For today, I wanted to stretch my legs and which led me to finding you. Acting weird."
Ashley was taken aback.
"Oh, I'm weird? The girl who loves to learn about alien abductions, poltergeists, and parallel dimensions is calling me weird?"
Heather looked directly at her pupils, smile gone, with a blank expression.
"Are you mocking me, Ashley Holiday?" she asked emotionless.
Ashley put on a smile and let a laugh, which had a tinge of nervousness.
"No…no…Heather. Man, it's all in good fun."
Heather can be real threatening when she wants to be. Ashley has met her fair share of people who try too hard to be threatening to a point where they are wince-inducing. For Heather, she didn't need to try. Ashley knew full well that she was capable of being violent. Her disciplinary records proved that. It might have been ages since the last time Heather fought someone, but that doesn't mean she wasn't more than willing to start one.
"So…what are you doing here?" Heather inquired.
"This ground I'm stepping on is odd. It's hollow."
"Hollow huh?"
Heather slammed her foot into the ground, producing the same echo-like effect.
"Oh, I remember now. It's the old bomb shelter."
"Yeah right, good joke Heather. C'mon, tell me what it really is."
"No really. It's a bomb shelter."
Ashley looked at the ground then back at her.
"Bomb. Shelter. Okay…why?"
"This school was built in the 1960s, an era filled with scientific progress, social change, and the ever-present fear of nuclear annihilation."
"That makes sense, I guess."
"Every place in America around that time had a bomb shelter out of sheer fear of nuclear war. The school's shelter is a huge one as it was meant to house to entire student body and staff."
Ashley scratched her chin.
"And since there isn't a cold war anymore, there isn't a need for shelters like this anymore?"
"Exactly. The shelter was then used storage facility. Now, it's all sealed up when the old science building got demolished."
They both looked at the ground.
"I want to go into the shelter." Heather remarked
"Me too, but how?"
Heather looked thoughtfully up at the sky then quickly returned her gaze back at Ashley.
"Historical preservation."
"Ah…what?"
"People love history, especially when it involves nuclear armageddon. We can try to convince the school to make the shelter into a museum or something like that. That way, we can get a look inside the thing." Heather explained
"Amazing! I love it!"
"Though…who do we go to propose this?" Heather mused, tapping her fingers against her thigh.
Ashley grinned.
"I know just the man to talk too."
Sunday
Barstow Medical Plaza
A cloudless day. Exiting from a car, Heather looked toward her mother.
"I'll be waiting. Like always." she said.
"Yeah." Heather responded in a monotone voice.
"Look, sweetheart, I know therapy can be a struggle but—"
"It is a struggle but I understand it's important for me to do it."
Her mother squeezed her hand.
"Okay. I'm glad you get it. Go on now. He's waiting for you."
Heather walked off and ascended stairs to the second level of a building, a place that provides all manner of medical services. At the far end was her therapist's office. She stood before the door for a few brief moments, and took a deep breath. She opened the door and walked in Sat at a chair was her therapist, patiently waiting for her.
"Hello, Miss Sloan." he greeted.
"Doctor Gagarin."
"Take your seat, please."
Heather seated herself on a soft velvet long chair. Her therapist just beside her.
"I've said this before but I'm glad you gotten Sundays free. Your participation in the tankery has interfered with our schedule."
Doctor Gagarin was from, immigrating to the United States sometime after the collapse of the Soviet Union. After all these years, he still has his thick Russian accent. That was an aspect of him that Heather liked.
"Yeah, it's all normalized now. I'm here now."
"Always happy to see you. Now, Miss Sloan, have you ever had moments of rage lately?"
"No, doctor. Sure, I have my frustrations but so does everyone else going through high school."
"I'm sure. Now, regarding tankery, have you had any episodes? I'd imagine a sport like that has its share of intense and stressful situations."
"It does. But I'm just a driver. I just go place to place. That's not a hard thing to do."
"So, no episodes then?"
Heather remained silenced for just a second.
"No, none to report."
Doctor Gagarin looked at her with some doubt but decided to move on.
"This tank of yours. How much do you like it?"
Heather placed her hands on her stomach.
"I treat it like my car. And I like my car."
"Miss Sloan, reviewing your history, I understand that you form strong, perhaps too strong, attachments to certain objects. Tell me, are you attached to your tank?"
Heather hesitated. Knowing that by doing makes her therapist know the truth, she might as well be honest about it.
"…Yes."
"Do you like it when people touch your tank without you knowing?"
"No."
"How do you feel when your tank gets damaged?"
"I hate it."
"Do you worry about your tank when you're not with it?"
"Sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
She sighed.
"…Always."
Gagarin wrote in his notes.
"The crew you are with. They treat you well."
"They do. We're friends in fact."
"Friends? I'm happy for you, Miss Sloan. It's about time you had friends your own age.
"Friends my own age…" Heather repeated.
"That is what I wanted for so long. Now that I have them…I'm terrified of losing them. I'm scared that I'll get irrationally angry with them and ruin our relationship."
"Acknowledging that fear will go a long way in ensuring it never becomes reality. Remain determined, Miss Sloan."
Gagarin stroked his beard, bushy, and gray with age.
"Tell me about your friends." he said
"There's Valarie, so nice, and Emma, so kind. Then there's Ashley. She's alternative but that's what I like about her. And she has this beautiful voice…so beautiful in many ways."
"Friendship is a treasure, do you agree Miss Sloan?"
"It sure is doctor. It's corny, but it's true."
Gagarin looked at the time and finished his notes.
"Our time has concluded for today. Very good day, very good. Here, I insist that you read my notes before you leave."
He handed over the notes which Heather immediately began to read. A visible smile grew on her face.
"You're…retracting your recommendation that I should stop being in tankery?"
"I still have some concerns but I now believe it is for the best for you to continue. So you can be with your friends who, I bet, will help you should any issue arises."
Elation is all that she felt in her.
"Thank you doctor. See you next time."
Heather left the office and felt refreshed. Looking up to the sky, she saw it was cloudless no more. It was all so pleasant. The air she breathed tasted sweet and all her worries and anxieties, for the time being, were nonexistent. She descended the stairs and entered her mother's car and they drove home. The voice in her head, her tormentor, was aware of all this. Of her happiness. It schemed. Her mental torture will continue and it will savor every moment of it. She'll suffer alone.
For now.
