It Was Yoshimo I Loved

Sarevok had never been to Elturel before. The city was atop a cliff dominating the River Chionthar, giving it an excellent strategic location. It was reputed to be the most efficient and peaceful trading and farming community in the Western Heartlands, run by a paladin of Helm and his army of warriors called Hellriders.

- "Funny name for goody-two-shoeses warriors," Imoen said. "It sounds like a bandit company. I'm sure Tazok would have approved."

- "Was a nicenicenice female imp old girly-friend of me'se ride hellhounds in Carceri, yes?" Cespenar said, and Imoen nodded encouragingly.

- "She call herself Heloise the Hellrider, did she..." Cespenar's voice was wistful now.

- "So what happened to Heloise?" Imoen asked.

- "Me know's not. Is a familiar, perhaps? Is gone..." Cespenar sighed.

- "Absent friends, lost loves, seasons of mists... not even imps avoid the heartaches," Sarevok mused.

- "And let the devils always get their due," Cespenar concluded, referring to an old toast speech Sarevok had quoted.

- "It is generally a wise policy," Winski nodded. "They are not known for being lenient about things like that."

- "Perhaps it is a mistake, though," Peri suggested. "Perhaps Lord Dhelt is not so hot at writing and he meant to call the company Helmriders. So he writes it up and makes an error and no-one dares to mention that to him."

Imoen sniggered.

- "If Ano is anything to go by, Helmites don't exactly encourage independent thought and questioning silly orders," she said.

Peri laughed, but managed to look a bit reproachful.

- "Immy, don't make fun of Ano. He was so sad and bitter when I saw him last time..." she said.

- "I still wonder about your relationship with him," Sarevok said. "I realize that my own dislike of him clouds my judgement, but he hardly seems like a man... well, worthy of you, or compatible with you."

- "He is worthier than you know," Peri said. "He can be an insufferable ass, brag and whine and act so pompous... but he has passion and loyalty. He thinks I betrayed him, because I didn't love him back. Now I realize that I never did."

- "You can not force yourself to love," Jelena said.

- "Or not to love, for that matter," Winski added.

- "It was Yoshimo I loved... all the way," Peri continued, and Imoen shot her a half-surprised look. "And I almost told him... that I suspected it was so, as I thought he felt so too. But every time we were so close he... retreated, somehow, and was in pain, and I thought it was because he doesn't care for me that way. Perhaps it was... I do not know. Or it was because of the geas, and because he was leading me to a trap all the time."

Peri sighed, dark clouds passing her eyes.

- "And then... when I found out... when I was forced to cut his heart out of his chest to take it to the Ilmatari... to see his life fade, the fear, shame and despair the last living look in his eyes..." she sobbed, then continued, "Anomen started to court me. He was so... innocent somehow. So ready to make himself vulnerable, so devoted. It seemed to heal the pain a bit. It seemed pure and true. In the end, it was not. He did not accept or understand me, I did not care enough."

- "Peri... you never told me, properly, how you felt about Yoshimo," Imoen said. "I met him only briefly before the Cowled Wizards took me, but I felt the attraction you had for each other. I did not know about your feelings..."

- "I could not dwell on it," Peri said. "I was the leader, we had to fight. If I was not strong, then no-one else could have saved us. It had to be I. Talking about it would have made it more true. Acknowledging things gives them more substance."

- "I understand your need to be strong," Sarevok said. "I admired you for it so much. You understand what being a leader means. But no-one is made of stone. I hope you will trust us enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable with us. You don't have to bear the burden of leadership anymore. We travel together because we want to."

Peri nodded.

- "I am not used to... being open," she said.

- "You never were," Imoen said. "You were ashamed of your darkness, and hid it inside. Gorion tried to make you talk, but he only partially succeeded."

Suddenly they were approached by a mounted warrior wearing the Hellriders insignia.

- "Hello, travelers," the man said. "I have been sent by Lord Dhelt. He wishes to meet you in his castle, and I would be pleased if you followed me."

- "Is this an order?" Peri asked coldly, Sarevok touching her arm.

- "Not at all. Just a polite request," the man smiled. The group eyed each other and shrugged, following him.