My dearest and sincerest apologies for such a long delay. Hopefully a longer chapter will make up for it.
Hope you are all doing well during these tough times.


[You are receiving a video call from ASANTIAGO.]

*Accept*

JAKE: Rosa, Rosa Rosa Rooooosaaa-

ROSA: Sing that song again and I will reach through this screen and shove the broken glass down your throat.

JAKE: Why do I somehow think that is actually a physical possibility?

AMY: Come on, you two, you haven't seen each other in forever and this is how you greet each other?

ROSA: I think you misjudged the nature of our relationship.

JAKE: Fine. Rosa, it's simply lovely to see your face during this bleak time in our lives.

ROSA: Likewise.

AMY: Now you're making fun of me.

JAKE: Look, Amy, she's smiling.

ROSA: No I'm not.

JAKE: Yes you are.

AMY: Oh my god, you are.

ROSA: You're seeing things. It must be the lighting.

JAKE: I can hear it in your voice.

ROSA: Fine. I miss you. That's all. I'm going to hang up now.

AMY: Please don't! We miss you too.

JAKE: Yes. I miss being around you.

ROSA: You miss me fighting your battles for you.

JAKE: No. Yes. Okay. I admit here are several butts in here I'd love for you to kick. Not that I couldn't do it myself. I've just been busy doing other badass-y things so I don't have time to waste kicking other people's butts.

ROSA: Right.

AMY: I think you both need to chill out and just lie low for a little while. You're drawing too much attention to yourselves.

JAKE: Says the one who continually crossed the line during her stint in the clink.

AMY: That was an undercover operation. I was drawing people out. I could abort at any time.

JAKE: Poor choice of words since you were carrying my fake child.

AMY: Who says it was your child?

JAKE: You cheated on me?

ROSA: This is better than watching the kids across the hall make out.

AMY: Ew.

JAKE: What, are you against girl-on-girl action?

AMY: No, I think prison sex is inappropriate.

ROSA: There's a lot of inappropriate stuff here.

JAKE: Right on.

ROSA: It's jail, so.

AMY: I'm sorry.

ROSA: I told you to stop saying sorry.

JAKE: How's the food at your place, Rosa?

ROSA: Terrible.

JAKE: Is your mush brown or grey?

ROSA: Tan.

JAKE: I can't imagine that flavor.

ROSA: Yours has flavor?

JAKE: Is it flavor if it has no scent but makes you gag?

ROSA: Pro tip: when you're on kitchen duty, replace the skim milk with almond.

JAKE: Charles taught you well.

ROSA: Take that back.

JAKE: I don't think my place has almond milk. Too many nut allergies.

ROSA: We had a kid go into anaphylactic shock because there was turmeric in the meat sauce. Who is allergic to turmeric?

JAKE: At least you get turmeric.

AMY: Are you two seriously comparing the grossness of your food?

ROSA: There's not much else to talk about.

AMY: You were both in solitary.

JAKE: Solitaire buddies! What did you do?

ROSA: I started a riot. What did you do?

JAKE: I spat a lemon cookie in a guard's face.

ROSA: Right on.

AMY: Stop. This isn't funny.

ROSA: You're right, it isn't funny. This is one of the most miserable situations I've ever been in, and I went on a fake Jamaican-themed date with Boyle.

JAKE: Rough.

AMY: I just wish there was something I could do for you guys.

JAKE: Babe, you've been there for me this entire time. Even when we're not talking or in the same room together, you've been with me in my heart.

AMY: Aww, babe.

ROSA: I think I just threw up in my mouth.

JAKE: Killjoy.

ROSA: Funny, the girl I beat up was named Joy.

AMY: Did you kill her?

ROSA: No.

JAKE: You sound disappointed.

ROSA: Prison gets to you.

JAKE: Don't I know it.

AMY: I feel so bad.

ROSA: Amy, like Jake said, you've been here for us. You could have been a stickler like you always are and refused to be in contact with a couple of inmates, but instead you decided to break the rules for like the first time in your life and keep in touch with us to make this sucky time in our lives a little less sucky.

JAKE: I wish I was recording this.

AMY: Rosa, that's so nice.

ROSA: Okay I'm hanging up now.

AMY and JAKE: No!

ROSA: Fine.

AMY: I'll just have you know I do break the rules sometimes. In kindergarten I made my tree orange instead of green when we were in the middle of our spring unit.

ROSA: Your kindergarten had units?

AMY: Well, we had themes.

JAKE: You're adorable.

AMY: You're adorable.

ROSA: Barf.

AMY: Stop it.

ROSA: Fine.

JAKE: You're just jealous because Pimento hasn't called you.

AMY: Jake, uncalled for.

ROSA: It's fine. We don't have that kind of relationship.

AMY: You're okay going weeks without talking?

ROSA: No, we have a psychic connection that allows us to mentally bone each other.

JAKE: That's amazing.

ROSA: I was joking.

JAKE: I knew that. But that would be totally awesome.

AMY: It kind of would.

ROSA: You two are weird.

JAKE: Damn, I think I have to go now. I hear someone coming.

AMY: Okay. Be safe. Love you.

JAKE: Love you more.

AMY: Love you mostest.

ROSA: Bye Jake.

JAKE: It was great seeing your face again, Rosa.

ROSA: Same.

JAKE: Title of your sex tape.

ROSA: The title of my sex tape is "same"?

JAKE: I don't know, I just wanted to fit it in somehow. So far there haven't been any openings.

ROSA: Try harder next time.

JAKE: Yes, ma'am.

[Jake has left the conversation]

ROSA: I should go too.

AMY: Okay. I'm glad we could make this work.

ROSA: It was a good idea.

AMY: Risky, but good.

ROSA: Bye, Amy.

AMY: Bye. Take care.

ROSA: Sure.

[Video call end]