Chapter 74: Sanctuaries

In times of hardship and pain
At times we wander and roam
In times of darkness and hurt
Our only sanctuary is home

The clatter of things being biotic-thrown and the sound of angry shouts could be heard from two decks away. The last time Terra had heard anything like that coming from the engineering deck was when Grunt was first coming to grips with his blood rage, so she couldn't be blamed for running down there at top speed.

She might've guessed it was Javik being insensitive to an already upset Liara.

"You're wrong!" Liara was practically screaming at him, "We earned our place in the galaxy!"

"Admit it, asari!" Javik snapped back, "Your people stole knowledge from mine and passed it off as their own."

"I have a name! It's Liara T'Soni! I'd appreciate you using it from now on!" She said this so forcefully that the blue glow of her biotics sparked to life all around her.

Terra quickly raced in to pull her friend back before she did something they'd all regret. "Enough!" Once Liara was restrained, she turned to Javik. "If I were you, I'd apologize now!"

Javik scoffed. "For telling the truth?"

"For not doing more!" Liara snapped, "The Protheans were supposed to have all the answers! Why didn't you do something to stop this?!"

Before Terra could work up the patience to tell Liara that wasn't exactly fair, Javik resignedly stated "We had hoped you would."

Confused, Liara released her tension, letting her biotics fade.

"Even in my time, we saw potential in your people. So you were…guided, when necessary."

"…and it wasn't enough."

Javik looked at her in a way that couldn't be described as warm but seemed to come as close as a Prothean could. "Despair is the enemy's greatest weapon. Do not let them wield it…Liara T'Soni."

Liara gave him a look that was almost grateful before nodding to Terra and leaving the room.

Once it was just the two of them, Terra turned to Javik. "Was that true?"

Javik gave her a curious look. "Does it matter?"

Terra did her best not to glare at him. "Liara is one of my best friends. I think it matters."

"Then I will tell you what you want to hear. I said the truth."

That wasn't an answer, but Terra could tell pressing him wouldn't change it. Since it was clear Liara needed her more than she needed to hear more from the Prothean, she left the room and headed back up to the crew deck. She wasn't alone in her thinking, apparently, since Tali was already there worrying about her, clearly not sure what she would say if she'd gone in to talk to the asari. Terra could understand the hesitation, since Tali had just regained her home-world where Liara had lost hers, and promised she would take the front for this one, heading straight into Liara's room.

Liara was sprawled on her bed, trying her hardest not to weep as she looked down at images of how Thessia used to be. "Is this what it felt like? Looking down from Menae?"

Terra nodded sadly. "Yeah."

"I should've known. Somewhere, someone knew about that beacon, and I—"

"Liara, you can't blame yourself. This wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't it?! I told those people on Thessia we'd save them! How many asari died because I asked for their help?"

Terra quickly leaned over and faced Liara down. "None."

Liara looked at her. "Terra, that isn't true."

"Isn't it? You've been trying to warn your people for three years. It's not your fault they weren't ready. You did everything you could. And it isn't over. Not as long as there's one asari left standing who remembers Thessia." She reached into her pack and pulled out her sketchbook, flipping back to a drawing she'd made almost 16 years ago now of the Thessia horizon. "Not as long as you can rebuild. …not as long as you don't give up."

Liara took comfort in the image as much as in her commander's words. She finally nodded and pulled herself to her feet. "Helping the refugees. That's something I can do."

Terra nodded as she paced her sketchbook back in her pack. "Good. And you?"

"…I need some time. But I'll be fine. Thank you."

Terra gave her friend a small smile before turning to leave the room.

Liara turned to her console and set to work. She'd been at it for less than two minutes before she heard her door open again. She sighed. "Terra, I told you, I just need some time—" She then turned to see who had walked in. She froze, utterly stunned. "Violet?"

Violet stood there, minding her distance as she entered the room enough for the door to close behind her. "I heard what happened."

Liara sighed. "Your sister already talked to me."

"I know. I saw her leave." She sighed sympathetically. "I know what it's like. I wouldn't want to talk either."

Liara gave her a curious look. "Then why are you here?"

Violet answered by sitting down and holding out her flute. Before Liara could tell her it wasn't necessary, she started playing.

Liara almost started crying again. It was an asari tune. She'd heard it before, but it had never sounded so beautiful. Whether that was because of the light recent events had shed on it or because of Violet's skillful melody on an instrument the song hadn't even been composed for, it struck her. Her eyes met Violet's briefly between notes, just long enough for her to give a grateful, touched look, then they both turned to their work with the song their only communication.

Terra could hear her sister playing from the other room. She smiled to herself before heading into the battery. It made things seem a little less upside-down to find Garrus at his station. But she started losing that sense of rightness when she noticed how he was sulking against the console on the wall. "What's wrong?"

He didn't even look at her. He waited until she stepped closer, letting the door close behind her, before taking a deep breath to steel himself and tell her the last thing he ever wanted to say to her: "The fleet's falling back from Palaven."

She recoiled as if the words were a punch in the gut. "…what?"

"The Primarch called me. Our forces were being decimated. The evacuations already made it past—all the ones that were ever going to, anyway—so I advised him to…to cease all offensive operations against the Reapers."

She felt like everything was unraveling around her. It was only because Garrus was clearly just as distraught as she was that she didn't lose it right in front of him and instead sat down to withstand the force of the news. "There was…there was no other way?"

He sighed, sitting down beside her. "If there was, I couldn't see it. And now, if I'm wrong, we lose Palaven…and all the turian families that were left behind won't be as lucky as ours."

This couldn't be happening. Palaven, the heart of turian civilization, lost? Another home falling to invaders? After all they had done to save it? She'd let herself get her hopes up that with the krogan helping, they could fix this. But now… "…I failed."

Garrus immediately turned to her. "Terra, no. This one is on me—"

"No! I'm supposed to be the one uniting the galaxy so that things like this don't happen! First Thessia, now this?! What's next?! Anderson fails and we lose Earth forever?!"

He finally took her by the shoulders and forced her to face him. "Terra! It's war. Things like this happen. It doesn't mean it's too late. And it especially doesn't make it your fault."

She shook her head. "Tell that to Kaidan, Mordin, Thane, and Legion."

"That's different. They chose it. They knew what they were doing. They gave their lives to help us win this. They wouldn't want you to fall apart before it was over. We still need you."

"What good am I to any of them when I can't even stop Cerberus?"

"You will. And I'll be right there with you when you do."

She would usually have taken comfort in that thought. But right now, she was so overcome with the devastation of genuinely losing her home that she couldn't avoid the fears invading her mind. "What if it comes down to it again?"

He gave her a confused look. "Down to what?"

"Down to the ruthless calculus of war. What if I have to make some impossible choice, lose everything just to win this?"

Now Garrus thought about it, he realized he'd been dreading the same thing. In a way, that's what he'd done when he advised the retreat. But it also wasn't the first time he'd thought of facing a lose-lose decision. He smirked as he remembered his answer for it. "I'm sure you'll do what I usually try." He took her hand. "Find a way out of making it."

She smiled for a split second. It was nice to know he had such confidence in her cleverness, but she didn't know if she'd be able to live up to it. She didn't know what she was going to do. Looking down at the hand tight in his grip, her eyes drifted to the finger on her left hand that now carried a silver ring with a sapphire bird on it, a metal and jewel symbol of her bond to him and the promise they'd made for after this was all over. "…just promise you'll still be waiting on the other side of it."

He leaned closer to her, drawing her to lay her head on his shoulder so he could nuzzle softly against her. "Always."

For a few precious moments, she could let her sorrows fade away beneath the contentment that was being held by her love as his talons sifted through the hair draped over her left shoulder and his voice whispered turian words meant only for a mate. It was her solace in the chaos and storms of this galaxy-shaking war, a prelude to what she hoped would be the epilogue awaiting them after it all. No, not hoped. Hoped implied there was a chance she would ever let them lose that perfect future. She knew. No matter how this ended, they'd find a way. They'd always be together. At least if she had anything to say about it.

"Commander," EDI came over the PA, "we're approaching Horizon."

Terra was hesitant to leave Garrus' arms now. But she couldn't deny the seething fury beneath her layers of emotion, slowly rising with the need to tear Kai Leng to shreds. She finally stood, determination in her eyes as she started to head down to the armory. "Let's finish this."

Garrus was right behind her as always. Cerberus wasn't responsible for Palaven's fall, but they would pay for Thessia's. If nothing else, they'd be the perfect vector on which to vent his helpless rage. "Oh, we will."

Terra didn't even need to call for a third squad-mate. Tali met them in the armory, already preparing to move out. It occurred to Terra that Tali was probably her first choice to call anyway, since it had long ago been proven that the two of them and Garrus were the perfect team. They flew down to Sanctuary, ready for anything.

Well, that was what they thought, at least.

"Commander!" Cortez called as they started their approach, "There's a message coming in."

"This is Oriana Lawson. Stay away from Sanctuary! It's not what it seems!"

Terra wasn't sure how to take the message itself, but the name was what stuck with her. "Oriana? That's Miranda's sister. If she's here, Miranda can't be far behind."

"We might even be able to catch up to her if we move fast," Garrus commented as they opened the door to drop in.

"Then we'd better move fast." So Terra hopped down, Garrus and Tali just behind her, and led them towards the entrance. They'd been moving all of ten seconds before their COMMs shut off. "Uh…what just happened?"

"There's some kind of jamming system in place," Tali noted, "That must be why the facility isn't sending or responding to any signals."

"I don't think that's a good sign." As always, her instincts were proven right almost immediately when a shuttle attempting to leave the grounds was shot down by…

"A HARVESTER?!" Tali jumped, drawing her shotgun even as the creature flew off.

"Definitely not a good sign!" Terra announced. Just as immediately, Cerberus noticed them. A string of Phantoms and Nemeses came out to block their path. It wasn't a simple matter to take them down, but take them down they did.

Garrus' detective side was at work again, trying to put the pieces together. "This doesn't make sense. Cerberus clearly had this place on lockdown, and now the Reapers are chasing them out?"

Terra sighed, shaking her head as they approached the main door. "About time they started killing each other, if you ask me."

The lobby wasn't exactly a welcome sight. It was completely barren, even trashed in some places. When they made their way downstairs, they found a site of at least three different shuttle crashes, none of which seemed to have had any survivors. They turned a corner to find a few Cerberus troopers, easily removed, surrounded by casualties from both Cerberus and the Reapers. When they finally found a door into the facility itself, the first thing they found was a console carrying a video message.

From Miranda. "This is Miranda Lawson. If you've made it this far, you're either desperate or stupid. Whatever the case, listen to me. Stay away from Sanctuary. This isn't a refugee camp. It's a Cerberus facility run by my father, Henry Lawson."

Terra wasn't sure what to think anymore. "OK, so we've got Cerberus, Reapers, and now Miranda's crazy father? Any ideas?"

Garrus, for once, backed off. "I got nothing."

Tali sighed, unnerved. "This is going to be bad, isn't it?"

It was. They made their way down into a security checkpoint and managed to find footage of what had happened. Cerberus had crossed a lot of lines, but this…

"Those are the refugees, aren't they?" Garrus observed, "They're just rounding them up and killing them?!"

But Terra realized what it was. "…worse." She fast-forwarded to the grim ending: "They're being turned into Husks!"

Sure enough, the facility beyond was overrun. This whole place made Terra sick—abusing the promise of refuge for those with nowhere left to go just to force on them the same fate they'd narrowly escaped—and she was determined to tear it down brick by brick if necessary. They fought their way in deeper and deeper, following Miranda's trail of breadcrumb vids until they were had a route through to the tower at the heart of the facility. They moved faster and more anxiously the deeper in they got, a desperation that was not helped when Miranda's last message ended with her being blindsided by Kai Leng himself. Terra didn't let them so much as slow down until they were at their destination, the sound of biotics and gunshots on the other side proving that Miranda was still putting up a fight. If the door wasn't automatic, she would've kicked it down to get to the other side.

All the same, her entrance was forceful enough that Miranda, hiding wounded behind a desk, took note of it. "Shepard!"

Unfortunately, that meant that Henry Lawson himself also had warning, immediately taking Oriana hostage and aiming a gun at Terra's head. "Commander Shepard."

"Spare me the pleasantries," Terra sneered, "Where's Kai Leng?"

"I don't know. Gone. He took the data and left us to die."

Just like Cerberus to turn its back on its own people. Still, if Kai Leng was already gone, that meant there wasn't a reason to risk rushing this anymore. "Miranda, are you OK?"

Miranda struggled back to her feet, too weak to actually give an affirmative answer.

"That's close enough!" Lawson snapped, "Both of you!"

"Shepard…" Miranda pleaded, "…don't let him take her."

Terra had no intention of that. She had seen months ago that Oriana was Miranda's Violet. She wasn't letting a crewmate lose the last of her family. "This doesn't have to go that way. I just want Oriana."

"You want a lot," Lawson sneered.

"Would you rather I shoot you now?" She could do it. She didn't have a clear shot, but she could risk a ricochet or draw attention to give Garrus or Tali a line of fire. It was dicey, sure, but she could do it. And he knew that.

So he relented. "Alright, take her." He pushed Oriana aside, still holding the gun at the ready. "But I want out alive. Deal?"

Terra didn't get a chance to respond before Miranda fired up her biotics and threw everything she had at him, sending him tumbling through the window and down the tower to his death. "…no deal."

Terra quickly stowed her gun and raced over to help Miranda stay on her feet. "Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine," Miranda waved her off, stumbling over to help Oriana up, "Ori! Are you OK?"

"I'm OK," Oriana assured her.

Miranda sighed with relief, hugging her sister close. "It's over. We'll be alright. It's finally over."

Oriana nodded. "I wanna go home."

"We will." Miranda turned back to Terra, who was patiently waiting for the sisters to finish. "Give me a minute, OK?" After Oriana had agreed and stepped back, she went over to Terra. "It's a good thing you were here, Shepard. With perfect timing, as usual."

"I don't know," Terra shook her head, "I think I should've gotten here a few minutes earlier. Miranda, why didn't you call me? We could've gone in together. Who would be taking care of Oriana if something had happened to you?!"

"I had to risk it. Would you have done less for your sister?"

"…no." She sighed, realizing that Miranda was right and she really wouldn't have been thinking any clearer had it been Violet in danger. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It worked out." She glanced at the shattered window. "I'm glad he's gone. I'm sorry if that sounds cold."

"No, this one I think I can understand. But you should get out of here, take Oriana somewhere safe."

"I will. And then I think it's time I give you a hand."

"You don't have to—"

"She's not any safer from the Reapers than she would've been from Cerberus. I have to."

Terra nodded. "Alright. Just get some medical attention first?"

Miranda winced as she cradled her injury. "Right."

With that settled, Terra turned to Garrus and Tali, finding them sifting through a console. "Got anything?"

"Not much," Tali answered, "but there's records of shuttles going in and out. Cerberus included."

"Take it. EDI can—"

"I can do better," Miranda stepped back in, handing her a device, "Before Kai Leng escaped, I planted a tracking device on him. Have EDI cross-reference his coordinates and it'll take you right to the Illusive Man."

Terra smiled. "Miranda, that's…exactly what we need. You really do think of everything."

Miranda shrugged. "Not everything. But nobody's perfect."

Under different circumstances, Terra probably would've laughed. Right now, they had bigger things to worry about. "You can follow us out. We'll find you a safe transport." As Miranda went over to help Oriana out, Terra turned to Garrus. "We need to make sure everyone knows about this place."

Garrus nodded, pressing few buttons to disable the jammers and then transmitting Miranda's warning message to every COMM buoy that was still active.

Terra, with apologies to Traynor, made a mental note not to come to Horizon again.

EDI was able to make use of the tracking signal. She promised she'd have a location for them to hit soon enough and that Hackett was already taking measures to ensure the fleets and the Crucible would be ready for the final assault (striking at Cerberus, he claimed, would be the last step before they had to devote everything to taking down the Reapers, so they had to be prepared). In the meantime, all they could do was keep an eye on the scanners for any signs of danger and wait.

Which was what gave Terra the idea to talk to Solana. She found her adopted sister on the way out of the mess. "Sol, can we talk?"

Solana sighed. "Terra, I heard what happened down there. I understand if you—"

"Not about that." Terra pulled her aside. "I found you something. I think you can help EDI and Traynor with the scanners."

Solana gave her a curious look. "What makes you think that?"

Terra smirked, whispering the explanation. "You found the Karahven Falls in the middle of a Palaven forest. You've got keen eyes, a good sense of direction, and a better sense of danger. And you might not be Garrus' level with the tech stuff, but you're not exactly as clueless with it as I am. You'll be fine." She shrugged. "Though I wish we'd had you there before the war was almost over."

"Which is either wishful thinking or just a minor issue. I can do it, if nobody minds."

"Your dad's already going through top clearance war data for us and nobody's complained, so I don't think anyone's gonna care if you spend some time at the navigation terminal."

Solana nodded. "Right. And…about Sanctuary?"

Terra tensed at the word now. "What Cerberus did there…" She shook her head, just barely keeping from clenching her fists so hard that her nails cut into her palm. "They're going to pay."

"I don't doubt it. In the meantime, you might make sure everyone else is taking it as well as you are."

"I wouldn't call what's going through my head right now 'taking it well.'"

"…I've seen you worse, Terra."

Terra wasn't sure she agreed with that either, but she didn't argue even as Solana turned to head up to the CIC and familiarize herself with her new station. She just followed through on Solana's advice and went around checking on her crew. Joker wasn't doing well, having heard that the colony his family was on was lost. EDI was better, coming to terms with the idea of being alive and independent and part of the crew. Traynor was rightly ticked that her home colony had been the site of another massacre. James was furious about what Cerberus had been doing and eager to take them out so they could focus on retaking Earth. Liara was shaken by the very idea of what they'd seen. Violet was quiet about the whole thing, finally saying that it was too much like her nightmares and she'd rather pretend it hadn't happened until such time as they fixed it. And Tali…well…suffice to say, she had seen fit to drown her sorrows and mask it as celebrating Miranda's victory, which ended with her practically collapsing so Terra and Ashley had to drag her down to her bunk on the engineering deck. Ashley elected to take a similar approach to Violet and not talk about what had happened until they were ready to punish the Illusive Man for it, heading back up to her station and waiting until her rifle was needed. That just left Javik.

She smirked when she walked into his foggy room and saw a blueprint she knew quite well on the console. "Looks familiar."

"I've been doing some research," Javik explained, "There was another Normandy before this one. It was attacked…and you were killed."

Terra nodded. "I got better."

He didn't smirk like any of the others would. "You and I have something in common. We were not allowed to rest until the Reapers were defeated."

"I'd like to think it's not that cut and dry. You're here to fulfill your purpose, take vengeance, correct what your people couldn't save. I'm here to prevent that from happening to my people. All of them."

"Yes. Your crew, your family, your turian…is that why you fight? For their affection?"

"We have each other regardless. I fight to keep it that way. I fight not to lose them. If I did…I wouldn't have anything in my life but death."

He watched her. "I see."

She wasn't sure how to take this. She finally saw fit to change the subject, turning to take note of the one possession of his they had found on Eden Prime. "You never told us what this is."

He glanced at it as briefly as he could. "It's called the Echo Shard. It carries memories."

"Memories of your cycle?"

"Yes."

"Why haven't you used it?"

He faced her firmly. "Imagine you had lost everyone you knew. You couldn't remember their names or their faces or even the color of the sky above your home-world. But you also couldn't remember the pain. Is that not a trade you would make?"

The very insinuation hurt her. "Not on my life. Never seeing Palaven or Mindoir or Earth…it's bad enough without not having the sight of their skies to hold onto. I'll never see my parents or my brother or Garrus' mom or my lost crewmen again, but I'd rather take the pain than never have known them. Even if the memories and the pain go hand in hand…taking neither leaves you hollow. That's no way to live, Javik."

He kept his eyes on her, silent and thoughtful. Finally, he stepped past her and took the Echo Shard in hand. He told her what he was seeing, looking back on icy horizons and star-filled skies. He was struck by horror when the memories came to the Reapers' arrival.

Terra acted on instinct, knocking the Shard from his hands. "Are you OK?"

He gasped for breath. "I once commanded a ship like this one. I lost it in an assault. My entire crew was captured and indoctrinated, sent to kill me. …so I cornered them and slit their throats. I watched them bleed out just to be sure."

She had heard a lot of terrible things in her time. This was one of the worst. "That's…I didn't…"

He merely turned away from her, retaking his place by the console. "I wish to be left alone."

She consented, leaving the room without another word. As she made her way to the elevator, the story stayed with her. With every passing second, it sunk in and her thoughts turned unbidden to the thought of history repeating itself, to her rivalry with Harbinger branding the Normandy a target and her crew being turned against her until she had to…had to—

She didn't realize she was running across the crew deck until she was already pounding on the button to open the battery doors.

Garrus quickly noticed, the sound of her frantic entry drawing him to face her with concern. "Terra, what's—?"

She didn't even let him finish the question before she'd thrown herself at him, kissing him like she couldn't breathe without him and hoping it would drive the nightmare away.

He went along with it for a few seconds before he realized how she was shaking and pushed her away. "Terra, what's going on?"

She didn't want to even say it out loud, as if she was afraid it would be tempting fate to admit she harbored the fear of the very possibility, but it was Garrus asking, so she brought herself to tell him what Javik had said and how it had affected her.

He felt the irrational desire to punch the stupid Prothean in the face until he suppressed it in favor of consoling his mate. Getting mad at Javik for something that, for once, wasn't even his fault wasn't going to help her. Being there for her would. "Terra, it's not going to happen. We're almost through this."

She nodded, but the horror vid in her head wasn't going away. "I just don't know what I'd do if it came down to that. I couldn't…"

"I know. And I know it's not exactly a comfort to hear, but you know none of us would ever be taken alive."

"So I don't worry about it because you'll all die before I get there? Yeah, thanks."

He rolled his eyes (as best any turian could, at least). "Alright, that does it. EDI! How's the scan going?"

"We have it narrowed down to the Horsehead Nebula," EDI answered, "but Cerberus defenses are making it difficult to pinpoint the exact coordinates. Hackett also reports that the fleets will not be in position for at least another two days."

"Found anything else for us?"

"Hackett also suggested we take the Normandy back to the Citadel for repairs before we commit to any sort of frontal assault."

"Then we're taking a break. Get us back there."

Terra gave him a look. "We're not going on shore leave at the height of the war!"

"A war you're no good to like this," Garrus retorted, "We all need to take some time for ourselves or we'll go down too easy."

She knew better than to argue with him when he was this adamant about something. Especially when he was right and it was for her own good, whether she liked it or not. "Fine. But you're stuck with me while we're out."

He smirked. "That much I can deal with."