The Pivotal Moment
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A/N-thank you for reviewing this story!
Chapter Twenty-Two-Luke Skywalker
Ben's tension communicated itself to Rey. He was ambivalent about facing his uncle. The last time hadn't gone so well. He could remind himself a hundred times that this was a different universe, that this Ben's experiences with Skywalker were going to be completely different. The Luke from this world was sharing the burden of leading the resistance with Leia. He hadn't run off and gone into self-isolation like his counterpart.
"You need to separate the two of them." Rey counselled him.
"I know you're right in here." Ben said, tapping his forefinger on the side of his head. "But I can't in here." He used the same finger to stab himself in the heart.
Rey sighed and shifted closer to him, resting her head on his broad shoulder tiredly. "I understand you feel conflicted about him. And you have every right to." She replied. "But you can't let bitterness cloud your judgement. You have to face him with an open mind."
Ben's expression softened as he kissed the top of her head. He knew that everything Rey was saying was right. It was his old fears of rejection making him apprehensive. He had to choose to be brave and instead of letting his fear push him back down the dark path of regret. He was going to make the right choice this time, he wanted to be the man that Rey believed he could be.
"I'm ready for this." He reassured her, breathing deeply.
Rey sat up straighter and looked at him. To her relief he seemed more resolved now, more focused on navigating his way through this difficult meeting. She felt his confidence flowing through their bond and it eased her own nerves. Her concerns were different to his, but she still had them. She had been secretly fretting about Leia's cryptic comment and what it could mean. There had been no time to ask her what she meant as one of the resistance pilots claimed Leia's attention with an urgent update. Han had disappeared at the same time as his wife, probably to contact Luke.
"Rey, you're not alone." Ben was the one comforting her now. As much as she tried to hide her reservations from him, he always seemed able to break through the barriers she put up to hide behind. "We're in this together."
"I know." Rey rested her head on his shoulder again and closed her eyes.
She was just so tired. Their souls had been bouncing around from one uncomfortable place to another. They had shifted from one dimension into another, with no room to breathe. For her, she could see an opportunity to be brave or move forward with the least of her fears like a leaf in a fast-flowing river. Sometimes she did flow like the leaf, but she felt most comfortable when she could just stop and take control. Then she could direct her own course when her fears threatened to drag her under. But right now, she wasn't in control. All she could do was cling to Ben and hope for the best.
Rey felt someone nudge her awake. She sat up, feeling slightly disorientated. She hadn't even realised she had fallen into an uneasy doze. She took a deep breath, glancing upwards to find Ben looking down at her in concern. He was the one who had woken her up. He had a glass of water in his hand. Rey took it from him gratefully and drank the cool liquid greedily, enjoying the feel of it sliding down her parched throat. When she was finished, she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth.
"Thanks." She murmured as she passed the empty glass back to Ben.
"I didn't want to wake you but Finn was just here." Ben informed her tensely. "Skywalker has just landed."
"Oh." Rey felt her stomach begin to churn. She ran her fingers through her hair, finding that some of it had come undone from its bindings. She tried to pull it up again but found the fastenings had snapped. "Damn." Easy tears welled in her eyes and she threw the fastener away angrily. "I must look a mess."
Ben's eyes were soft with love as he gazed down at her. "You look beautiful."
There was such sincerity in his voice that Rey couldn't help but believe him. "You're biased." She muttered as she felt her cheeks grow warm at his compliment.
Ben regarded her thoughtfully as he held out his hand to help her to rise. He was still feeling apprehensive, yet no longer afraid to face his uncle. Rey's words had given him the jolt he needed to cope with the storm coming his way. The feel of her small fingers curling around his gave him courage. "Ready?" He asked.
"Yes." Rey's smile was fleeting as she stood steadfastly by his side while they waited for Luke to arrive.
Luke walked toward them, in all his grandeur. His tailored white robes, marking him as a Jedi master, swirled gently around him as he moved. His chiselled jaw lifted with a proud, pleasant smile of greeting. His eyes were a sparkling blue. They brimmed with life and were unmarked by the bitterness of his counterpart. His soft, feather like grey hair was swept back from his brow.
"You must be Rey. I've been waiting a long time to meet you." He said warmly as he reached out and took both her hands in his. "I'm Luke."
Rey was taken aback by the warmth of his greeting. "I…" She fumbled for something to say and failed miserably.
Luke didn't seem to mind. His smile only increased in warmth as he let go of her hands and gestured for her to sit. "Ben." He said, nodding at his nephew.
Ben's brown eyes flickered with confusion. Like Rey he was rendered speechless by this different version of Luke. He was almost unrecognisable as the bitter old man they had both come to know.
When they were all comfortably seated, Luke's expression turned serious. "I know this must all be frightening and confusing for you." He directed this comment to Rey. "I'm sorry for that."
"I'm okay." Rey answered carefully.
Luke nodded as he looked at her appraisingly. "You have a tenacity and inner strength that many don't possess. That is something to admire." His gaze moved to Ben, who was sitting rigidly by Rey's side. "I can sense your apprehension, Ben. Why so quiet? I thought you would have a million questions."
Ben's jaw pulsed as he tried to meet Luke's steady gaze. The last thing he wanted to do was give himself away. He cleared his throat, hoping his voice wouldn't betray his seesawing emotions. "I just want everyone to stop being so cryptic and explain what this is all supposed to mean."
Luke's face relaxed into another smile. "Of course, forgive me. I know this must be bringing up painful memories for you, Ben. But I think it would help Rey if we gave her a little insight into the past." He quirked an eyebrow when Ben didn't verbally respond. "Would you like to tell her…or shall I?" He asked hesitantly.
Ben felt like he was naked and all his insecurities were revealed to the world. He tried to maintain an aura of calm to show Skywalker he knew exactly what he was talking about, but he struggled. He didn't think it was safe enough for him to verbalise a response, so he gave a careless shrug of his shoulders to indicate to Luke that he should go ahead.
This seemed to be enough for Luke. He sat back in his seat and templed his fingers together. He concentrated his attention on Rey as he spoke. "What no one knows apart from Leia, Han, and I, is that Ben was the subject of force visions before he was even born. Even when he was in the womb, Leia could feel him through the force. She likened him to a living band of light that occasionally dimmed and was sometimes thrust through with a vein darkness. It concerned her enough for her to seek my counsel. At the time I was training a new group of students in the ways of the jedi." His focus shifted to Ben when he noticed a fine tremor ripple through his nephew's body. "I know this is hard for you to hear, Ben. Would you like me to stop?"
"No." Ben said roughly. He reached for Rey's hand under the table and gripped it tightly for reassurance.
Luke nodded gravely before continuing. "After spending time with my sister, I came to share her concerns. Something was affecting Ben, but we didn't know how or where it was coming from. The only advice I could give Leia was to wait and see. She was monitored carefully throughout the pregnancy, but what was ailing Ben wasn't physical."
Rey drew Ben's hand into her lap under the table as she felt another fine tremor ripple through his body. Luke noticed too and paused in his story, checking again with Ben whether it was okay to proceed. Ben just jerked his head in response.
"During the early months of his life Ben was prone to crying. Leia tried her best to soothe him, but even she, with all the good will in the world, struggled to comfort him. Whatever was plaguing him was only something she could sense through the force, but couldn't see." Luke sighed as he cast a compassionate glance in Ben's direction. "Surprisingly enough it was Han who had seemed able to soothe him the most. I remember on one of my many visits, waking up in the night to find Han walking up and down telling his son about his latest adventure." A soft smile lit up Luke's face at the memory.
Ben's lips parted in a small gasp when he heard this. The memory may be a happy one for Luke, but for Ben it was the complete opposite. He sucked in a deep breath in an attempt to compose himself.
"I remember being there when Ben took his first few steps and said his first words." Luke told Rey with a wistful smile. "Those were happy times."
Rey glanced at Ben in concern when he clenched her hand too tightly. His own childhood memories were anything but. To hear that his counterpart experienced the opposite had to hurt.
Luke's smile disappeared and his face became grave again as he carried on talking. "As Ben grew his powers began to manifest themselves. I remember when he first sent a toy flying across the room, instinctively harnessing the power of the Force through the rage of a small toddler." He frowned slightly. "His sleeping patterns became more erratic the older he grew. Even Han was struggling to comfort him now. Sometimes he didn't sleep properly for days. It was beginning to affect his wellbeing and we were all deeply worried. Leia and I were of the same mind-although Han took some convincing-an evil presence was tormenting Ben. The darkness we sensed building inside him was not coming from him. Something or someone was invading his dreams and tormenting him."
Rey was horrified. It was her grandfather. Palpatine-or to give him his Sith name-Darth Sidious. The Luke and Leia in her world had never even considered this possibility. Instead they had mistakenly assumed the darkness building in Ben was of his own making. Their past history with Vader had clouded their judgement and had closed their eyes to what was happening right in front of them. But this Luke, this Leia, even Han had seen beyond their familial history. Instead of believing that Ben was another Anakin, they had taken the time to nurture and care for Ben instead of coming to fear that he was destined to follow in the footsteps of his grandfather. One glance at Ben showed her he was thinking the same thing. His eyes were wet with tears.
"I took it upon myself to harness Ben's powers. He had a pure raw force I had never seen before. When he was around eight, I started training him properly. He needed to learn how to manage those powers. It was also then that Leia and I decided to tell him the truth about his lineage. He needed to know about Vader." Luke closed his briefly. "It was the most difficult conversation I've ever had. It brought up many painful memories of my own, but he had to know."
Rey blinked as she realised her own face was wet with tears. She looked at Ben again. His focus was solely on his uncle. He was looking at Luke like he'd never seen him before.
Luke pulled himself together enough to continue. "It may have been a difficult conversation, but it led to Ben opening up to me about a lot of things he had been keeping to himself. The voices invading his dreams had gotten stronger. He was afraid. The conflict was already beginning to build in him. As a consequence, I taught him to meditate, to find a place within himself where the bad dreams couldn't follow."
There was a short silence as Ben and Rey took a few moments to absorb all this new information.
"Would you like me to stop?" Luke asked Ben directly after a while. "Or would you like to tell her?"
Ben shook his head again. "You do it." He said gruffly.
"Okay, if you're sure." Luke gave his nephew another compassionate smile before resuming talking. "The meditating worked to a degree. It gave Ben a sense of control, which he sorely needed. Han was also teaching him to fly, which was also proved a good distraction. Leia wondered whether Ben should come and join me and my students full time, but I was against this idea. He had shown no interest in becoming a jedi. He wanted to be a pilot like his father. And he proved to be a damn good one, too!" A proud smile lit up Luke's face before it became shadowed. "But then things took a downward turn. Due to Han and Leia's busy lives, they couldn't always be there for their son. So, after a long discussion, it was decided that Ben would come to me after all."
Ben's eyes turned bleak when his uncle revealed this. He hung his head, swallowing thickly as he braced himself for the worst.
"It proved to be a good thing." Luke continued. "Now I was able to give Ben my full attention. On the outside, he was just like Han. The other students gravitated toward him right away. But his roguish charm was just an act to cover up the conflict he was battling inside. I monitored him closely, and he trusted me enough to confide in me."
Ben's head shot up at this revelation. His own experiences had been completely different. Through Skywalker's training, Ben developed a strong sense of devotion to the ways of the Jedi. He had kept a calligraphy set filled with Jedi insights in his quarters during his time with his uncle. As master and apprentice, they travelled across the galaxy accumulating artefacts and learning more about the ancient Jedi in their quest to restore the Order to its former glory. But the Luke he knew had tried to shield Ben from the secrets of their family. However, his efforts to protect his nephew from the dark side left Ben feeling isolated from those around him, and in his isolation the dark voices twisted his fears into reality. It was during this period in Ben's life that he came into contact with Snoke, a mysterious Force user who possessed a powerful connection to the dark side. It had been the beginning of his unravelling.
Luke was unaware of the thoughts floating around Ben's head as he carried on with the story. "It was around this time that Ben started talking about the girl."
A cold ripple sent shivers down Rey's spine as she turned to lock eyes with Ben. Luke watched them with a knowing look. "And there it is." He said, nodding as if their intense look had confirmed something for him. "I remember finding him wandering around in the middle of the night once, half asleep and walking like he was in a dream- "What are you doing up so late?" I asked. "She's freezing," He said. "She needs a blanket. Its cold at night in the desert."
Rey felt like the air had been sucked from her lungs. How could she have forgotten? It was one of her first nights alone on Jakku after her parents abandoned her. She had been so frightened, so alone. There was no shelter. No warmth. She remembered pressing her back against a hard rock, her frail arms wrapped around her body as cold tremors wracked her body. Somehow, she had fallen into a fitful doze, her anguished tears frozen on her cheeks. The next morning, she had woken up with a thick blanket wrapped around her with no idea of where it had come from.
A solitary tear dribbled out of the corner of her eye as she stared at Ben. Their connection had been there from the beginning. How could she not have known that? "That was you." She whispered to him.
"I thought it was just a dream…just like all the others." Ben said thickly. "But the ones of you were like a light among the darkness."
"Yes." Luke said, directing their attention back to him. "You were his light, the one thing keeping the darkness at bay. I encouraged him to focus on those intermittent dreams of you, to hold them close to his heart." His face relaxed into a warm smile as he looked at Rey with something akin to affection. "I looked into his heart and knew then that one day he would find you. And now it has come to pass."
A/N-thanks for reading! There is more to this chapter. I had to cut it in half. It was going on so long, LOL I didn't want to flood everyone with too much information all at once. I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Please review.
