A/N: I hope you're all staying safe during this pandemic. I know things are tough right now, but I hope all of you stay safe and find something to entertain you and keep you going! Enjoy the new chapter!
X
It was the morning of the custody hearing, and Dean was using all of his willpower to remain calm as he got dressed. His stomach was in knots, and he felt the panic he'd been suppressing for weeks rising in his throat like bile. He swallowed carefully, knowing his effort was pointless, but not really knowing what else to do.
He wasn't looking forward to seeing John Winchester again, and he especially wasn't looking forward to having to open up and tell the judge what his father did to him. He preferred not to think about the beatings that gave him unrelenting nightmares.
Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly, focusing on his reflection in the mirror as he attempted to tie his tie. He paused, seeing the look on his face and the already forming sweat on his forehead. He looked like a panicked little kid, lost and frantically looking for his mother, and he hated it. He hated the way he looked and felt, and hated that John was the one who did this to him.
He thought about his mother, Mary, who'd been gone for fourteen years now. What would she be like today? Would she be proud of Dean? Would she be supportive of his bisexuality? Would she have stopped John from abusing them in the first place? Would John have even started abusing them if Mary were still around?
Dean felt his anger bubbling to the surface, causing him to grit his teeth. He hated that they lost Mary when he was so young. He hated that it led to this life, to him and Sam getting targeted by John. Why do bad things always happen to good people?
After a few minutes of fumbling, Dean quickly ripped his tie off and tossed it on the bed, cursing as he watched it hit the edge and land on the floor. He was too worked up to deal with ties. He grabbed his phone from his end table and shot a text to Castiel - I'll be there in 20 minutes - before slipping it in his pocket and walking out of his room.
When Dean reached the living room he found Bobby and Sam already there. Bobby was currently working on Sam's tie, cursing under his breath as he failed over and over. Sam watched, trying to stifle a giggle.
"A house full of guys and not one of us can tie a damn tie," Dean remarked, flashing a smirk at Sam.
Sam laughed and Bobby sighed, taking the tie from around Sam's neck and tossing it on the couch.
"Forget the tie. You look fine enough anyhow," Bobby grumbled as he turned to face Dean. "Ready to go, Sleeping Beauty?"
Dean rolled his eyes. "I'm not a morning person, alright?"
"That's an understatement," Sam said under his breath. Dean shot him a look which earned another giggle from the younger Winchester.
"Anyways," Dean continued, "Yeah, I'm ready to go. But I'll be meeting you guys there. I have to pick someone up."
"Oh yeah? Who?" Bobby asked, his eyes zeroing in on Dean.
Dean cleared his throat and looked away. He was hoping they wouldn't hit him with too many questions. "You remember my date on Saturday?" Bobby nodded and Dean continued, "Well, that's who I'm picking up."
"Dean has a girlfriend," Sam sang, a huge grin forming on his face.
"Alright, that's enough from you," Dean said, giving Sam a stern, but amused look.
Bobby rolled his eyes at the two before saying, "Are you gonna tell us her name?"
Dean coughed awkwardly, looking everywhere but at Sam and Bobby. "His name is Castiel."
"Castiel?" Sam said, wrinkling his nose. "That's a weird name."
"Yeah, and you have a weird face," Dean pointed out, which earned him a glare from Sam.
"Settle down, ya idjits," Bobby interjected. "Dean, I didn't know you were gay."
"Bisexual, actually," Dean corrected, still unable to meet Bobby's eyes. "And neither did I until...what, a couple months ago?"
Bobby watched Dean carefully before saying, "Well, as long as you're happy that's what matters, right?"
Dean let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. "Yeah."
"Well alright. Can't wait to meet him."
Dean finally looked up at Bobby to find a small smile on his face. He blinked and smiled softly, silently thanking Bobby for not being homophobic or giving him a hard time, especially after what they went through with John.
"Are ya gonna keep starin' at me like I'm an art piece at a museum, or are ya gonna get your ass in gear?" Bobby asked, his voice breaking Dean's thoughts.
"Right, sorry," Dean replied, moving towards the key rack on the wall and grabbing his keys. "I'll see you guys at the courthouse."
X
Dean made it to Castiel's house in record time - fifteen minutes. His late start and extended conversation made him late for the hearing. When he pulled up, he honked his horn, and shortly after was joined by Castiel.
"So, is Michael flipping his shit?" Dean asked when the dark haired boy had settled in his seat and shut the door.
"Michael doesn't suspect a thing," Castiel responded casually. "We're in the clear."
Dean shook his head and let out a chuckle. "I can't believe you talked me into letting you skip. You know once Michael finds out he's gonna come for my head, right?"
Castiel waved a hand in the air. "I'll tell him the truth, that it was all my idea." Dean eyed Castiel carefully, lips drawn into a tight line. "What?"
"Nothing," Dean replied, looking back out at the road. "If you end up grounded and I can't see you for a while, I'm gonna be mad."
Castiel let out a laugh as Dean shifted the car into drive and started down the street. They drove in silence for a bit, not even playing the radio. Dean was far too nervous as he felt his stomach doing somersaults. He just wanted to get things done and over with.
Castiel must have sensed Dean's nervousness, because he reached over and took Dean's right hand in his left, lacing their fingers together. Dean looked over at the other boy and received a small smile and a gentle hand squeeze. He couldn't help but smile back.
"As much as I don't approve of you skipping, I am really glad you're here," he said, giving Castiel's hand a gentle squeeze back.
"I'm glad I could be here for you," Castiel replied.
They drove in silence, their hands interlocked and Castiel rubbing the back of Dean's hand with his thumb, every so often giving gentle squeezes. Dean did his best to steady his breathing, which picked up the closer they got to the courthouse.
When they pulled into the lot, they got out and headed for the front doors. Dean's eyes started frantically scanning the area, searching for his father, only calming down momentarily when he would see a person that wasn't him. Castiel must have noticed this, because he grabbed Dean's hand and squeezed it softly, muttering, "It's okay."
Dean nodded and swallowed carefully, Castiel's words echoing in his head. It's okay. No matter how many times he said it to himself, he wasn't sure he could believe it.
They entered the courthouse and walked down the long corridor, slinking past the groups of people gathered outside of the courtrooms as they awaited the start of their hearings. They scanned the crowd, and found Bobby and Sam standing by a door near the end of the hallway. They made their way over, trying to quickly move through the crowd without running into anyone. They were a few minutes late, but Dean hoped the judge wouldn't notice.
"You made it," Bobby said when they walked up.
"Just in time," Dean replied, letting a small smirk appear. He stopped the smirk almost as soon as it came, his stomach dropping at the thought of walking into the courtroom.
"You must be Bobby," Castiel piped up, reaching a hand out to offer to the older man. "I'm Castiel."
"Dean's told us about you. Nice to meet ya," Bobby said, shaking Castiel's hand with a polite smile.
Castiel returned the smile as they dropped their hands. He then turned his attention to the boy standing behind Bobby. "You must be Sam."
"And you're the guy Dean's been fawning over for the past couple of weeks."
Dean shot a look to Sam, eyes narrowed. "Sam," He warned.
Sam raised his hands in surrender, smiling. "No disrespect. It's nice to meet you, Castiel."
Castiel stifled a laugh as Dean rolled his eyes. "You're a pain in my ass."
"Enough, you two. We gotta focus," Bobby pointed out, giving the brothers a stern look. "If y'all don't take this seriously, you could not only lose the case, but lose Sam too."
"What?!" Dean asked.
"You're making this case because John abused you, right?" Dean nodded, and Bobby continued. "You're blowing the whole situation wide open. If the judge doesn't grant you custody, they're gonna order CPS to come and take Sam away and put him in foster care."
Dean's throat went dry. "Wait, really?"
"Yes, you idjit."
Dean let out a sigh and looked to the ceiling. He felt his stomach sink lower into his body, making his nausea worse. I could lose Sam?
"Bobby, that would've been nice to know before today," Dean pointed out with clenched teeth.
"I figured you were smart enough to know that yourself," Bobby snapped back. "You are an adult now, and should learn how to handle things yourself."
"Guys, let's calm down," Castiel interjected. "We can figure this out. What are you planning to tell the judge?"
Dean lifted a hand and rubbed his face. "I was gonna describe what happened, what it was like growing up with Dad. Explain that I've been basically already raising Sam my whole life."
"That's a start," Castiel replied. "What about financially?"
"Financially?"
"Yes. Dean, you have to have an income so you can provide for Sam. If not, they might not grant you custody."
"Son of a bitch," Dean snapped, throwing his hands up in the air. "And no one thought to tell me this sooner?!"
"You didn't exactly talk about the hearing with anyone, Dean," Castiel pointed out, crossing his arms.
Dean looked over at him and sighed, feeling guilty for having snapped at him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"It's okay," Castiel cut him off, not meeting the other boy's eyes.
Dean watched Castiel for a moment, feeling his anger bubbling inside his chest. He felt like his father, constantly getting angry over little things and lashing out to those closest to him. He clenched his fists, trying to contain his anger as best as he could. "So what do I do?"
"You could ask for the judge to give you time to find a job. In the meantime, I can tell them that I'm fine housing you two for the time being," Bobby said.
Dean nodded, letting his hands relax a bit. "Do you think it'll work?"
"It's worth a shot."
Just as Dean was going to reply, they noticed two figures approaching them. One was a tall man with short, blonde hair, who was dressed in a black suit and carrying a briefcase; the other was John Winchester.
Dean felt a knot in his stomach form. His breathing stopped for a moment, his eyes wide. Suddenly he could hear nothing else around him, just the sound of his heart beating and a voice in his head telling him to turn and run. He found he was frozen where he stood. As John and the other man - presumably his lawyer - approached, he cocked a knowing smile, noticing Dean's fear. The two said nothing as they walked passed the group and headed for the courtroom door. John, however, flashed a wink at Dean before they disappeared inside the courtroom.
When the two were gone, Dean let out a deep breath and closed his eyes. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. He tried to steady his breathing, but felt like the whole room was spinning.
"Dean..." Castiel started hesitantly.
"I'm okay," Dean breathed. He opened his eyes and settled them on Bobby and Sam. "Let's get this over with."
"I'll be right out here, okay?" Castiel said.
Dean nodded and stepped forward, pulling Castiel into a tight hug. Castiel gasped softly, surprised by the sudden action, but soon after he wrapped his arms around Dean. They stayed like that for a few moments, until Dean finally pulled away and flashed a weak smile. Castiel smiled back softly, as Dean turned and followed Sam and Bobby into the courtroom.
X
The hearing went just as expected. Sam, Bobby, and Dean all gave their testimonies, while John tried to defend his actions. Dean then made his case on why he felt he would be a better guardian for Sam. Throughout the entire hearing, Dean did everything he could to remain calm and steady his breathing, but it proved to be difficult. There were several times where he thought he might pass out because he couldn't breathe properly, but somehow he made it through.
In the end, the judge decided to grant Dean some time to not only get a proper lawyer, but to also get a job and show that he was looking for a place for him and Sam to move into. He gave Dean two months. He also ordered a restraining order be made against John to ensure the safety of both Sam and Dean.
When the court adjourned, Dean let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. He was glad the judge was going to give him more time, and that they had some sort of protection from John, at least for the time being.
Bobby and Sam walked up to him, Sam throwing his arms around Dean in a hug, which pulled him from his thoughts. He sighed and hugged Sam back, trying to avoid looking in his father's direction.
"You just bought yourself some time," Bobby said with a nod.
"Yeah," Dean replied, his voice shaky. "But how the hell am I gonna find a job before May?"
Bobby shook his head. "I'm sure we can find something for you to do at the shop."
Dean nodded. He forgot that Bobby ran the auto shop in town, and could easily get him a job there. Before Dean could say anything, he saw a figure approaching them out of the corner of his eye, and felt his breath hitch when he realized it was John. Sam instinctively pulled away from Dean and took a step back, hiding behind Bobby. Dean sighed and pursed his lips, looking over at his father. "What do you want?"
"Is that any way to talk to your father?" John responded.
Dean scoffed and looked away, his lower lip trembling. "There's a restraining order against you now."
"Yeah, the exception being when we're here at the courthouse, which we are right now." Dean said nothing, still not meeting his father's eyes as John continued. "Besides, I was curious as to why the man I called my friend for years decided to betray me and entertain your outrageous stories."
"Stories?!" Bobby snapped, stepping closer. "You call me havin' to pick your bloody and broken kid off the ground just stories?"
Dean clenched his fists, the knot in his stomach growing tighter.
"What happens between me and my kids is none of your business."
"So I'm just supposed to let you beat your kids near to death and do nothin' about it?"
Dean looked up to find John and Bobby inches from each other, staring each other down, the tension in the air palpable. He swallowed as he felt his heart hammer against his chest, his breathing growing unsteady again.
"Guys...stop," Dean choked out.
Bobby glanced at Dean for a moment, then took a step back, letting his shoulders relax. "You stay away from these boys, you hear me? I won't ask again."
A devilish smile crossed John's face as he muttered, "We'll see about that." He winked at Dean before turning and walking out of the room.
Dean closed his eyes. He tried to take deep breaths, but was unsuccessful. His heart was hammering louder, the knot in his stomach tighter than ever, and all he could think about was John's face and how terrified he was of running into him outside of the courthouse. Dean's breath became more shallow and his eyes snapped open in panic.
"Dean?" Bobby asked, concern etched on his face.
Dean tried to answer, but couldn't catch his breath long enough to do so. He felt his chest grow tight. Bobby made a step toward him, but before Dean even knew what was happening, he was running out of the room and down the hall of the courthouse. He ran out the front door and down the steps, all the way to his car. When he got there, we leaned against the driver's door and sat, his breaths still coming out quickly.
Dean couldn't stop thinking about everything that's happened. He tried desperately to think of anything else - school, his brother, Cas - but his mind just kept circling back to John, remembering what happened on Christmas eve. At some point, he noticed that his cheeks were wet, wondering when he even started crying. Dean was so caught up in what was happening, he didn't notice when Castiel had run up.
"Dean, are you okay?"
Dean looked over and saw Castiel's icy blue eyes clouded with worry. He tried to respond, but couldn't catch his breath. His eyes moved frantically from the ground to Castiel as he felt himself grow lightheaded. What's happening to me?! He shouted in his head, but no words came out.
"Dean, you're having a panic attack," Castiel pointed out. "I need you to focus on me for a second, okay?"
Dean nodded briefly, still hyperventilating. Castiel kneeled down in front of Dean and looked him in the eyes.
"Dean, focus on my breathing. Follow me, okay?" When Dean nodded again, Castiel continued. "We're gonna take a really deep breath together, okay? Breathe in as long as you can."
Castiel took in a loud breath, and Dean followed, his own breath shaky. He watched as Castiel's chest heaved.
"Good. Now out." Castiel let out a loud, long breath, and Dean followed.
They continued like this for a few minutes - Castiel instructing Dean to breathe with him and Dean following to the best of his ability - until Dean's breathing was steady again. At that point, Castiel sat next to Dean, placing a hand over Dean's. They stayed there for a few minutes, no words passing between them, before they got up and got in the car, starting their drive towards Castiel's house, a silence hanging in the air between them.
It wasn't until they were a few blocks away that Castiel said, "Dean...what's going on?"
Dean's breath hitched in his throat and he swallowed around it. "I could ask you the same thing?"
"What?"
"You never skip school. You've had perfect attendance all throughout high school. Now you suddenly don't care about school and don't care about pissing off Michael?" Dean glanced over at the other boy. "I feel like you're not telling me something."
Castiel scoffed. "Right, because you've been telling me everything?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I know you've been having nightmares, Dean."
Dean felt his stomach jump. He gripped the steering wheel tighter, his knuckles starting to turn white. "Who told you?"
"No one, Dean," Castiel replied. "I used to have them all the time, remember? It didn't take me long to figure it out."
"Yeah? Anything else you want to tell me about myself?" Dean muttered between gritted teeth.
There was a sigh and a pause before Castiel continued, "You're starting to show symptoms of PTSD."
Dean let out a chuckle. "No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are," Castiel repeated sternly. "You're showing all the same signs I was."
"No, I'm not." Dean "And don't change the subject."
"I'm not," Castiel said. "I'm just concerned."
"Yeah, and I'm concerned about you."
They pulled up in front of Castiel's house, neither of them paying attention to the fact that Michael's car was in the driveway. Dean put the car in park and looked at his hands on the steering wheel.
"I just care about you. I want to help."
Dean laughed dryly. "I don't need help. I'm fine."
"Dean..."
"I'm fine," Dean snapped, looking Castiel in the eyes. "Some people might be weak and get easily fucked up from that kinda stuff, but not me."
Castiel's brows furrowed. "You think I'm weak?"
Dean's shoulders slumped as he realized what he said. "What? No..."
But before he could correct himself, Castiel was already opening the passenger door of the Impala and stepping out.
"Cas, wait!" Dean called after him.
Castiel's face appeared in the open door for a moment, his eyes misty. "It's Castiel," he corrected before slamming the door and turning around, rushing down the path to his front door.
"Dammit," Dean muttered, hitting his hands on the steering wheel. He closed his eyes as he heard his father's words echoing in his head.
Useless fuckup.
