Hope you guys enjoy this double-edition Two Year Anniversary Special! My parody is first - with the song paying homage to the Disney movie that started this ball rolling - Mulan! And in the same grand tradition, have a laugh with CT's homage to Pokemon with his own comical twist on the song, which is immediately followed by my nod to the Satanic Succubus! 😄
JP: Happy 2-Year Anniversary to Singing In The Courtroom! Thanks to all you amazing readers for all your love and support and making the years literally fly by! You're Debeste!❤
Poor Doug Swallows recently returned from his trip to the University Campus Free Clinic only to discover that as a result of his doomed shagging with the minge of a certain Satanic Succubus, he's now got fiery tallywacker syndrome! Ergo, he feels it privy to meet up with a certain Weenie in a pink sweater to give him a warning that his perfect Dollie not only poops, but she is literally… la grande merde!
I guess this is further proof Nick is unbreakable… my headcanon about his brief one-time dipping of his Penix Wright into her Devil's Ditch in the woods behind Ivy University the one time they met (to seal the necklace deal) still managed to leave him unscathed, despite, to quote my hysterical partner CT, Dollie's no-no canyon being dirtier than Larry's mind in Gumshoe's apartment!😆
P.S. I used the lyrics song version – about 4:15 minutes long. bit. l y/ 2TGh4hJ
P. P.S. This is dedicated as a birthday gift to a Pisces baby who had a recent birthday, my friend and Dahlstoph collab writer, Peoplepersonsof DooM! Happy Birthday, Lyn! 😊
"The Girl Is A Tart
Sung to the tune of
"True To Your Heart"
by 98 Degrees & Stevie Wonder
from Disney's Mulan
Soundtrack
"What do you want, Doug?" Feenie asked warily, barely stifling a sniffle as he popped another Coldkiller X into his mouth. "I can't imagine what was so urgent that you'd want to meet with me on campus today, considering I don't know you from Adam…"
The redhaired boy eyed the spiky-haired gamin solemnly.
"You're dating a thief, you know."
"You mean because she's stolen my heart?" The art student asked dreamily, not noticing the other boy's eyes rolling so hard, Doug could have probably seen down his back. "Then I guess she's guilty as charged!"
"Noooo, you daft twit!" The pharmacology major facepalmed. "I mean literally, a thief! Eight months ago, the poison was stolen from the pharmacology labs, and the previous day, the same event occurred again! I'm positive Dahlia is the culprit. That girl is bad news. She's been lying low since we split, but I heard through the grapevine that you had been dating her the last eight months, and so I reckoned you had a right to know that your girl is nowhere near as innocent as she seems."
"Of all the nerve!" Feenie snapped indignantly. "Where do you get off talking about my Dollie like that?!"
"I'm your girlfriend's ex, not that I imagine she told you a thing about me," he returned coolly. "And trust me, stealing poisonous chemicals isn't the only wrongdoing she's committed! Listen up, boy…"
[Doug Swallow]
Dollie she's not all that, mate! Why just can't you see?
Truth here is my goal boy, now listen to me!
That soul ain't pure
It's all black inside
Poisonous touch
She'll take you for a ride!
Buddy don't trust that girl she spouts fibs all the time!
Her looks are a lie, she wears white but she's not benign
There's a dark side there
Which you don't know
Be real afraid
Need to dump that ho!
[Chorus]
The girl is a tart
Spreads her legs right from the start
Trust your gut not man parts!
She's from hell not the skies above!
Open those eyes
It's time to realize
That Dahlia is a tart
She'll lead you to your death or STD's!
(She gave me Herpes! Now it burns when I go pee!)
[Feenie]
Shut that foul trap, you stuck-up British wannabe!
A loving, trusting man is all you'll find with me
Walk away now, or we will fight!
Jealous upstart! Get the hell away from my sight!
[Chorus]
The girl is a tart
Spreads her legs right from the start
Trust your gut not man parts!
She's from hell not the skies above!
Open those eyes
It's time to realize
That Dahlia is a tart
She'll lead you to your death or STD's!
[Feenie]
(It's all untrue)
Don't know her like I do
(We don't just screw!)
We make love not roll in the hay
(It's all untrue)
I see right through you!
(It can't be true, my Dollie's no tart)
[Doug Swallow]
I'm so sorry that it seems like I've gone too far
Tried to spare you She-Devil's claws and future scars
But you're too far whipped
Tossed your brains aside
You'll be a mess
Once she's done with her use of you
[Chorus]
The girl is a tart
Spreads her legs right from the start
Trust your gut not man parts!
She's from hell not the skies above!
Open those eyes
It's time to realize
That Dahlia is a tart
She'll lead you to your death or STD's!
The girl is a tart
Spreads her legs right from the start
Trust your gut not man parts!
She's from hell not the skies above!
Open those eyes
It's time to realize
That Dahlia is a tart
She'll lead you to your death or STD's!
[Doug Swallow]
I know this all seems crazy
For such a naïve heart
I've been where you are buddy
Believe me she's a tart!
The facts are ugly but true
It's tearing you apart
I've been where you are buddy
Believe me she's a tart!
(It's all true she's a tart!)
(It's all true she's a tart!)
(It's all true she's a tart!)
"I'm not going to listen to another word of this vindictive slander!" Feenie shouted, nearly in tears from enduring such heinous defamation, (both in verse and now song!) about his precious Dollie. "Don't talk about my Dollie like that!"
"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, mates, but it's all of it true!" Doug insisted vehemently. "That girl is bad news – in every way! I've tested positive for Herpes and am now awaiting the results on seeing if I test positive for Hep B and C…if you don't want your John Thomas to fall off, you'd be wise to stay away from that slag!"
"How dare you?!" The pink-sweater wearing college student bellowed. "You shut your damn mouth!"
In a crazy moment of uncharacteristic rage, the pacifist young man shoved the Anglophile as hard as he could in the chest, sending Dahlia's ex hurtling to the ground.
There was a loud, snapping sound as the slender boy fell atop his umbrella as he landed, but the art student was too incensed to give it a second thought. Spinning on his heel, Feenie stormed off, still fuming to himself.
He never looked back once at the victim.
If only he'd turned around – even once – then perhaps things would have turned out differently.
But he didn't.
Thence, that one brash action of fighting for the honor of the girl he loved would be something that would come back to haunt the future Ace Attorney for the rest of his days…
CT: Another year, another Pokémon parody involving a prosecutor. This year, everyone's favorite sports-obsessed prosecutor/ smuggling ring mole who deals out deadly shots both on the basketball court and in Edgeworth's office gets his time in the spotlight as we make our way to the Johto Region.
Though speaking of which, one of the reasons why I made Jacques the star of this parody is because he always reminds me of Johto. I don't know why, but I can just picture Jacques walking around Goldenrod City with his Bayleef that he nicknamed "Jim" before doing what he did to the real Jim to Whitney's Miltank.
I would like to give a big shout out to all our readers, both new and old, who have supported us over the last two years. You guys are the reason why we make these parodies and have so much fun in the process!
"Prosecutor Jacques"
Sung to the tune of the Season 3
Extended theme version
"Pokémon Anime - Pokémon Johto"
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Prosecutor Jacques!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Everyone wants to be the champion,
Everyone wants to bring home the gold,
Everyone works for some kind of reason,
And knows they just can't fold!
That's why,
I try,
To win each case before it begins!
Each guilty,
I get,
Scores me points with my kingpin!
That's the kind of world I live in!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
That's the way I play the game!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
I'm a skilled athlete,
With a Grade-A attitude,
But I still gotta convict 'em all,
So my group can avoid all blame!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Prosecutor Jacques!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Everyone wants to score the winning point,
Everyone wants to hear the crowd's cheers,
To beat your foe to the top of the hill,
And learn to live life without fear!
My skills,
So hot,
They're why my group can run around free!
Take your,
Best shot,
Because you will never beat me!
That's the kind of world I live in!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
That's the way I play the game!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
I'm a skilled athlete,
With a Grade-A attitude,
But I still gotta convict 'em all,
So my group can avoid all blame!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Prosecutor Jacques!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
That's the kind of world I live in…!
(Live in, live in, live in...!)
That's the way I play the game…!
(The game, the game, the game...!)
I'm a skilled athlete,
With a Grade-A attitude…!
(Attitude, attitude, attitude...!)
But I still gotta convict 'em all,
So my group can avoid all blame!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Prosecutor Jacques!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
(Oh, yeah!)
That's the kind of world I live in!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
That's the way I play the game!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
I'm a skilled athlete,
With a Grade-A attitude,
But I still gotta convict 'em all,
So my group can avoid all blame!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Prosecutor Jacques!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
(Oh, yeah!)
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Prosecutor Jacques!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
(C'mon, Jim!)
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
Prosecutor Jacques!
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
(Let's shake!)
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
(Seal the deal!)
Ob-ob-ob,
Objection!
PROSECUTOR JACQUES!
Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!
Chapter 92
Gothicwolfdragon
CT: I'm glad to see that you're enjoying our parodies! As you can see, JP and I have a lot of fun writing these and we have no plans of stopping any time soon.
JP: Always a delight to see we have a new reader! Welcome to the crazy train… and enjoy the ride! Also, we still accept requests! 😊
chloemcg
CT: Personally, when it comes to "Mayhem of the Music Meister", I love all of the songs from that episode. Neil Patrick Harris just brought so much energy to all of those musical portions and made them all such earworms. Heck, one of the reasons why I wrote this parody when I did was because I had "Drives Us Bats" stuck in my head after watching it when it popped up in my recommended YouTube videos.
JP: Batman was my main boy until Deadpool's wisecracking, unfiltered Canadian arse came along… but he's still up there. I'm even more compelled to see this elusive show which readers seem to know and like so much – an enigma to me it was until CT produced this gem, but alas, work and life, the same reasons I cannot write/post as much as I used to/would love to, so Ima put it on my 'to-do' list… right after I watch Castlevania Season 3! (Alucard is Dracula's son and Belmont is a superhero sort too…although their love/hate relationship truly makes them the Odd Couple!)
Always a pleasure, Milady. I promise to check out your work soon… alas I've fallen behind on reading and writing but I will always make time for loyal friends and readers… and I consider you to be both! ❤
DJJ680
CT: In regards to "Brave and the Bold", if you like superhero shows that don't take themselves too seriously, then you'll love it. Not to mention, "Brave and the Bold" is one of those shows that isn't afraid to completely shatter the fourth wall from time to time. Heck, the show's finale essentially consisted of Bat-Mite (the "Batman" equivalent of yzptlk) trying to cancel the show by throwing a bunch of infamous jumping the shark tropes- giving Batman an absurd costume and vehicle to advertise for toy companies, giving Batman a sidekick that was essentially Scrappy-Doo in a Batman costume, replacing one of the character's voice actor with Ted McGinley, etc.- in the hopes of the network replacing it with a grittier, darker "Batman" cartoon.
Fortunately for the other prisoners, even if Lance was allowed to perform, it would probably be over within ten seconds thanks to either Dogen stealthily making his way onstage an shanking him in the throat with a toothbrush or Tigre rushing up on stage and breaking his back over his knee like something you'd see Bane do.
JP: OK, I feel a bit better that 1) I'm not the only one who hates the bagpipes – even the accordion can be used to make TV trope dork gags so it's got comedic appeal if not musical! – they played them my junior high graduation and it blasted our poor tween ears as we walked past… the ear pain it caused me still haunts me years later, and makes Winston's screechy ass seem like a pip by comparison… and 2)that I wasn't the only one not in the know of this clearly awesome show with the catchy tune…although I still think the brooding, orphaned, wealthy Edgy is more Batman (he can afford the gadgets with those deep pockets and already has a sweet ride… just paint it black to make it a posh Batmobile!) as he's clearly an alpha male to boot… his DILF BFF is an unbreakable boy scout with a heart of gold and pure beta male… and his kryptonite is Lois – er Maya. So he's definitely Superman! (For Maya's sake though let's hope Nick isn't faster than a speeding bullet!) 😉
Peoplepersonsof DooM
CT: Frankly, if the staff running Central Prison was evil enough to allow Armstrong within a 100-feet radius of a kitchen, I think that would classify as very, very cruel and unusual punishment. Heck, maybe that's why Dahlia was so nonchalant when talking about how she was hanged in "Bridge to the Turnabout"- when it was time for her execution, she was given two choices: either get hanged, or eat one of Jean's meals. So if that was the case, then Dahlia went with the lesser of two evils.
As for Kristoph, even if he had the ability to give his violin an electric flare, I feel that he would be against it for two reasons: One, he's the kind of guy who would view it as obnoxious and an insult to music; and two, he's probably had to deal with the irritation of people mistaking him for Klavier on countless occasions due to how similar they look and as such, wouldn't want to add additional fuel to that fire.
JP: Funny you mentioned electric and string instruments… I'm all about the badass side of strings and wood…one of my fave bands is Apocalyptica, who play metal stuff like Metallica… on CELLOS! It's some awesome shizz! However, even though when he unbraids that drill and probably has the headbanging hair, I just can't see him being cool enough. Now, Sharknado, on the other hand, had the hair, and the attitude to be a Rockstar, since bad boys/musicians and the gals who love them are an unfortunate but inevitable combo… not unlike Trump and Twitter! 😉 Even bullet-haired dicks (cuz he was a detective, so in this case in the other sense!) can clearly create the frothing desire amongst the female masses, despite being a homicidal maniac and literal 🍆 head. Power to Daryan for his baffling ability to still make women be able to drown a toddler in their panties! 😆
Joeclone
CT: Same here. The fight scenes were pretty solid, the storylines were engaging while managing to maintain the campiness that the "Batman" series was built on, and the music was pretty catchy. My only complaint is that despite doing an excellent job with the Joker's character (especially in the episodes "Emperor Joker!" and "Joker: The Vile and the Villainous!"), he's criminally overused. Heck, in the former episode, Joker gets his own epic musical number that may or may not be featured in this fanfic.
JP: I feel like the uncool kid on the block! Does everyone know this series but me?! My latest Batman info is Twilight dude playing the caped crusader in the next installment… but now it's even more on my to-do list than ever – the song was catchy AF! Always nice to hear from you, sweetie!
Muhammad Sban
CT: Personally, I feel that if Phoenix was in L.A. during the events of "Magical Turnabout", he wouldn't resort to violence. Sure, Phoenix could probably easily get himself acquitted thanks to the combination of Edgeworth pulling some strings to assign Winston to the case and Apollo being more than happy to pull out all the stops to save his boss who was only standing up for Trucy, but that would be too merciful. Instead, Phoenix would don his beanie, stop shaving, slip on his hoodie, and would proceed to bend the legal world to his will in order to ensure that Roger is not only arrested, but also executed via electric chair and that his baby girl's the one pulling the lever. I mean, considering the lengths Phoenix went to in order to take Kristoph down for being the one who caused his disbarment, I can only imagine what he'd do for the daughter who filled his life with hope and light when there was nothing but despair and darkness. Though if you want to read a satisfying fanfic which features Phoenix giving Roger his just desserts, I would highly suggest checking out Boo2020's "And in the Blue Corner".
While Blaise would consider Phoenix a potential threat to his operations, he wouldn't make the spiky-haired attorney disappear unless absolutely necessary. As seen in "Investigations 2", while Blaise loves to bully people and crush them under his boot, he won't make someone disappear unless they become a direct thorn in his side and start sticking their nose where it doesn't belong. After all, why would Blaise go out of his way to make the defense attorney who took down Manfred and Gant disappear if the guy doesn't even know he exists? But if Edgeworth would have failed to take Blaise down and Phoenix took up the mantle to save Kay, he wouldn't stand a chance on account of Blaise manipulating the evidence to the point where Phoenix would have no argument. Plus, if push came to shove, Blaise could easily use his connections with the Bar Association to have Phoenix disbarred- a task that would be made even easier on account of how Kristoph is a Bar member.
If a case ever involves Nahyuta being killed, the second I see that lavender saltine's corpse, I'm turning the game off and not playing beyond that point because as far as I'm concerned, that's my happy ending for the game. Actually, on second thought, I'd keep playing the case in order to see what character will rise up into my "Top Five 'Ace Attorney' Characters" list and is worthy of three parades and a pony.
JP: First of all, dear loyal and wonderful reader, I wanted to let you know that I have not (intentionally) shirked (only temporarily delayed!) my co-writing duties on me and Lyn's Dahlstoph collaboration… I've been working doctors' hours this month because is a reason they say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb but I'm hoping to have more time to go back to feeding my creative soul writing -wise near month and/next month! I'm pretty excited to for the next chapter I have some really unexpected twists and turns planned that are sure to keep readers guessing! 😉
Yes, Herr Dildo aka He Of Many Names, is one of the best villains in the series… And yet has the worst motives! Also, if you've checked out my hilarious copilot's works, a lot which feature Herr Drill Head The Second, it seems he shares my theory that a lot of his driving force and madness over the seven years was also fueled by a not so latent hate boner for Phoenix… But in his slight defence, Phoenix's naivety and Pollyanna ideologies probably have incensed a lot of people. I'm sure even the secret cinnamon roll but still skeptical due to occupational prosecutorial hazard Edgeworth has rolled his eyes at his best friend's jejune paragon ways over the years as well!
I suppose people see Robert Downey Depp a sympathetic character for the same reason people like Kristoph Gavin (and even worse! Ship him with Phoenix!_… Because neither are entirely unfortunate looking?
I cried shamelessly during a lot of Spirit of Justice… But case two was where it began. Seeing Trucy cry was like seeing rain clouds in front of the sun…😪 I know some people seem to prefer sprites vs. the 3D models but I highly doubt the original trilogy animations of her sobbing her heart out could have hit fans in the feels quite as hard!
Miles Edgeworth is a formidable opponent under any circumstances and Phoenix is the only man he has ever lost to… I'd like to think that Batman couldn't take down the pyromaniac of crocodile tear claim that Phoenix could as done the job since he is Superman! And everyone knows while Superman and Batman together make for a crappy movie nevertheless united they would be pretty unstoppable force! As for Trucy disappearing… No doubt she has the ability to do so but she also has such a mixed bag of tricks and those mysterious magic panties of her as I'd like to think she probably whip out some nun-chucks or some other awesome kind of kick ass weapon (a tire iron? Metal playing cards used as ninja stars?) And cause some damage by channeling her inner Zak Gramarye biological violent streak before making disappearing tracks… So she wouldn't have to answer for any assault charges!
Thank you for pointing out that not so Mommy dearest is no better than her father or late husband when it comes to being a new frontier in total assholology. Sure, SOJ tried to redeem her with the whole rat con of Apollo's back story and make it seem like she just happened to have briefly left baby Apollo within her doomed husband's care… What kind of mother would leave an infant that young alone with his meandering father when he is that young anyway?!
The only thing that keeps me personally from seeing Gumshoe, with his sycophantic devotion to Mr. Edgeworth as a legit gay ship is the fact that he is also canon in love with Maggey. Also I'm wondering how much of a raise it was that the poor man got… Was he back up to where his salary started before all the cruel and uncalled for pay cuts? Or did Edgeworth go beyond all of that and actually allow the poor man to afford Eldoon noodles instead of instant ramen?
It is now officially our two-year anniversary dear reader… thank you so much for having joined us on this long an incredible journey!😊
Cheers,
JP
