Chapter 16: A Bunny & Her Tank


"One person's craziness is another person's reality."

Tim Burton

As oblivion continues to devour all of reality, our heroes plan their assault upon Nottingham. Evil turns out to be a pain in the tail.


The hare god hid in the deepest part of his temple surrounded by many of his children and their mothers, with ears plastered against his back and with a wide stare he magically watched beyond his warren as the darkness consumed all around him. It rolled across his dimension leaving nothing in its wake, with a whimper Manabozho held his paws before his body as if he could stop it and then oblivion claimed yet another god and his followers, for they were no more. Mindlessly and unstoppable, it continued its inevitable path across eternity.

Ra stood on the ruins of the old temple as he watched with his all-knowing eyes up into the heavens above him. He had spent a millennium battling with Apep, the serpent god of chaos, but he knew there was no battling this latest threat. Besides the king of the gods was another father god, the Olympian Zeus and he too knew that they were powerless. Below them, a mortal fennec fox whimpered with fear as he was cradled in the arms of his god, Set. Standing next to the serpent god of the desert was Anubis the jackal god of death and clutching his arm was a young girl who was once a Timeless, a being more powerful than any god, but now somehow the once all-powerful personification of Death was mortal. Now that death was no more, she now knew a new feeling she never had before...fear.

Despite the creeping approach of oblivion, these four gods still had a spark of hope in the form of a now-dead fox and a small, yet courageous little rabbit.


Nottingham 1215

The small rabbit's sobs would have torn at the dead fox's heart, if he still had one. Nick Wilde was dead and he was now a spirit, a ghost that was haunting a large military battle tank. "Judy…" he called out over the radio. "I'm still here, look Carrots it could be worse."

"Worse?" the rabbit named Judy sniffled. "You're dead!"

"Well I'm still here and we can at least talk."

"But I can never touch you again, hold your paw…you're this metal thing now!"

"This reminds me of the movie, what was it called…oh yes, Ghost! You know where he possessed that psychic," the dead fox commented. In times of stress, Nick had always turned to humor as a coping mechanism and with his long life on the street, that was much too often. "Maybe not, this seems to be like that really old television show I once watched in reruns called My Mother the Car. Wait, that show sucked! Anyways, give my muzzle a kiss!" He wiggled the tank's turret a little to highlight the long cannon's muzzle.

"Nick please," Judy actually smiled as she put a loving paw against the cold metal below her. "Even dead you're trying to cheer me up."

"In all seriousness Carrots, the gods must have had some reason to send me here," Nick spoke through the radio. "It seems that our supposed son has lost control…"

"Nick, I saw him!" Judy cried out. "He was so powerful…so angry…so hurt! I don't think he recognized me and just lashed out in blind rage. The goddess I was with, her spirit sent me and Marian, you know Robin Hood's vixen, and Sue on a quest."

"Wait, who is Sue?"

"The T-Rex standing over there watching us."

"You're now all buddies with a dinosaur? That is weird, even for you Fluff."

"Well, I am talking to a tank. Don't you think that is just as strange?"

"Okay, you might have a teeny weeny point there!" the tank chuckled.

Not far from where the rabbit and the tank were having their conversation, five very lost humans had gathered together. "That is Robin Hood," the human named Tony said as he pointed toward the dashing fox in the green tunic holding a vixen's paws. "Yes, that is Maid Marian, and the wolf apparently is the Sheriff of Nottingham."

"Crap, now we're living in a Disney cartoon!" Leroy sighed. "Where's the singing rooster?"

"No roosters, but now we've got a dinosaur," the time traveler chuckled. "Plus, you've brought us a haunted tank."

The tank's commander shook his head as he watched everyone around him. "One minute we were crossing the border into Iraq and the next we were in the middle of what looked like the Second World War, but with animals in tanks shooting at us. Then there were flesh-eating scorpions and finally what appeared to be ancient Egyptian gods," Matterson sighed out. "So what's your story, how you did you get here in this weird place?"

"That is classified!" Tony began to say and then he hesitated. "We went to war with Iraq? That didn't happen where I come from."

"They invaded Kuwait and President Bush has organized an international force to drive them out."

"President Bush? Who's that?"

"George H Bush is president. He was VP under Ronald Regan and beat…"

"Ronald Regan wasn't president! He ran against Jimmy Carter and lost, Carter had two terms in office. Walter Mondale was then elected and he lost his second term to President McCain, Iraq is our ally against Iran. "

"Yeah, I don't think we're from the same place!" Terry snapped as the tank's gunner watched the rabbit on top of the tank. "Carter didn't come close to beating Regan, just what year is it where you come from?"

"2020 and what is the year where you come from?" Tony answered.

"1991," Terry quickly answered. "So we are not from the same place or time, how do we get home?"

"There might not be a home to go back to," Tony answered. "After listening to the rabbit, it seems that her son is a fox and rabbit hybrid god who has damaged the timeline and much more."

"What about your associates, do they know where you are?" Sam grimly asked. "Can they get to you?"

"I don't know," Tony sadly replied as he shook his head. "But something else must be going on, for some reason you are here."

"We were sent here by those so-called gods for a reason and maybe it's time to figure this out?" Sam said as he began to walk towards the gathered animals. "You say the fox is Robin Hood?" he called back to the other human. "He seems to be busy with that vixen, who's the wolf in armor again?"

"That is the Sheriff of Nottingham," Tony answered.

"Of course he'd have to be," the tank commander muttered.

The Sheriff of Nottingham eyed the approaching human with suspicion and he was startled when the creature came to attention and put his paw to his forehead, he wondered if this was some type of military greeting? But, the knight could recognize that another warrior stood in front of him and so the black wolf lifted his paw to match the gesture.

"Sam Worthington, United States Army," the human stated as he offered his pale hairless paw forward in another seeming manner of greeting. Slowly the wolf released his sword's hilt and carefully seized his paw. Sam was surprised at the size and strength of the wolf's grip. "You seem to be the guy in charge, I'm told you're the local law officer…ah, a sheriff." The wolf in chainmail and metal plates was slightly taller than the six-foot-tall human.

"These are my lands," the wolf replied as he released the puny pale paw and rested his own paw back of his sword's hilt. "You are not from around here."

Sam knew that this was a statement of fact and not a question. "No, we were sent here by two gods," he replied. "They said something about us being needed here to stop something bad which is happening."

"Well that's really helpful," a tall black bear in a green tunic growled as he loomed over both the human and the wolf. Turning to the wolf he added. "Rob wants you, he has a plan."

"Wait," the wolf commanded as he held his paw up towards the bear. The larger bear frowned at the wolf's tone but did as he was ordered. Then turning back to the human the Sheriff asked. "That self-moving chariot of yours is made from iron, is that long pipe some type of a battering ram?"

"No, it's a called a cannon," Sam quickly replied. "It can fire a…well shoot a projectile…" He hesitated trying to explain to the wolf, how could he get someone from a medieval era to understand more modern weapons?

"My question should have been if it can bring down a fortress door?"

"It can bring down the whole door and the walls if needed."

"Then you and your fellow strangers may be the answer to our prayers," the wolf grinned as he put his large paw on Sam's shoulder. Then turning to the bear he added, "There appears to be another way into Nottingham than just by stealth, but first let us figure out how we can first get my daughter our of harm way."

So Sam found himself beside the fire as the fox and wolf discussed their plans. Robin was much more animated in his manner than that of the wolf, who was calm and professional in an aristocratic manner.

"Verily, so doth agree that my friend Alan shalt enter the fair town as a wandering mistral," Robin proclaimed. "Once inside he shalt lower a rope so that I and Skippy might climb up and then we shalt free thy daughter from her cage."

"When she is safe, then we will use our friend's…ah…what did you call it again?" the wolf asked as he leaned over the rough drawing of the town of Nottingham he had sketched in the dirt.

"It's called a tank," Sam answered. "But there is no way it is going to be able to cross that draw bridge into the castle itself."

"All you need to do is create a hole large enough for us to enter the town and once inside, with the dragon's fearsome aid, we can force the king's troops to either surrender or retreat. Can you use your, ah tank, to bring down the castle's wall?" the Sheriff said.

"Easily, but can we get down the town's streets?" Sam asked.

"That we shalt find out good sir!" Robin said with a grin as he slapped the wolf on his shoulder. "Now come! The morning has yet to dawn and it tis time to free thy daughter!"

"Do you know where to find the Holy Cup?" the Sheriff asked as he looked towards the vixen.

"It must surely be within the chapel," Marian answered in a not too confident manner. "But the goddess said it was hidden inside of the town."

"There art many places one could hide such a relic," Robin added. "Nottingham doth have many places indeed, both within and under."

"What do you mean by under?" Sam asked. The tank commander sat back onto the ground.

"During the time of Arthur the village which became Nottingham was called Tig Guocobauc which means Place of Caves," the wolf answered. "There are many caverns below its ancient foundations."

"Then we must trust the goddess will guide us," Marian firmly stated as she looked into the flames.


Zootopia: 1925

"Well, look at all of you stuck in a tree!" a human-looking creature in what appeared to look like a blood-red hoodie with the numbers 666 printed on the back in black.

"That's a new look for you!" Randall called back down.

"Who's that?" Ricky asked as he looked over at another of the rats clinging to a nearby branch.

"Evil," the rat named Fidget answered. "He's the Evil Genius and well, he's evil."

"Thank makes no sense," the hybrid sighed.

"I'm trying a more modern look," Evil answered Randall's question as he gave a small twirl. "This makes me look much more hip…no, that's not the word. Oh yes, rad! I look much more rad like this."

"If you say so," Vermin grunted out, trying not to laugh.

"So you are the cause for all this commotion?" Evil asked as he looked up at Ricky. "What are you some kind of dog? Never mind, it doesn't matter. You are a very troublesome little fellow. I think I should teach you one of my special lessons? What do you think, Robert? Benson? What would look nice? Half-warthog? Half-donkey? Half-oyster? Half-carrot?" There was no answer and the personification of evil turned to find that his minions had fled. "Where did everyone go?"

There was a hissing sound behind the creature known as Evil and he turned to face the very large alligator charging at him. "Noooo!" he yelled as he tried to shoot lightning from his hands, but nothing happened. "Let me go!" he screamed as the large lizard snapped at him and caught his pants in its jaws. With a resounding rip, Evil jumped up and frantically pulled himself into the tree's limbs.

"Maybe we should have warned you about that alligator?" Vermin chuckled.

The being who called himself the Evil Genius just frowned back at the rat.


The quote that Evil makes about being a troublesome little fellow is from the movie Time Bandits.

NEXT CHAPTER: THE BATTLE FOR NOTTINGHAM