Tadfield. The kitchen in the old farm house at Crowley's Croll Farm. The three angels Uriel, Ammun, and Hekla and the disposable demon Eric are seated around the battered old table. Eric is distinctly nervous about being in the presence of the two powerful angels, and is holding Hekla's hand. Crowley blows in, tosses a small carrying case into the refrigerator, turns a chair around and sits with his arms folded atop the chair back.
The refrigerator is probably overkill. The carrying case blocks the microphones.
Ammun murmurs:
You think someone will be listening in?
That's a definite "Yes." And location tracking, always.
Hekla is puzzled.
Is my Heaven phone in that case?
Yep. It's inside a Faraday pouch that blocks radio waves so it can't receive and transmit. But the microphones can pick up speech unless the phone is soundproofed. Hence the special case.
Ammun growls:
We do the same thing with Hekla's phone that we do with mine and Uriel's right?
Yep. She already has another phone. Eric's gone over the security drill with her. Keep the Heaven phone in its box in a drawer. Out of the box, assume it's always listening and reporting everything.
Hekla is no dope.
Reporting to Hell as well as Heaven?
Yep. Heaven loaded some cheap off-the-rack spyware onto it. We loaded something far more capable. But enough about the damned phone. Have you three come up with some sort of story for your head office?
Uriel replies:
We think so. Georgia took Hekla and Eric with her today when she went to her riding lesson in the Cotswolds. She said she oughtn't to be surprised any more by how horses react to supernatural beings. But she was astonished when a little stallion there apparently became your instant biffle, Hekla.
Biffle?
Bee ef ef el. Best friend for life.
Oh yes! He is so pretty. His name is "Angel" – isn't that funny?
Eric, Georgia tells me that you rode Crowley's big black stallion around?
Yes. I've never ridden a horse before. But we just walked around. So I didn't fall off. Hekla had fun performing tricks with Angel.
Georgia says you ride bareback just like a circus performer, Hekla. Sitting backward, jumping on and off?
She stood up on his rump while he was going fast!
Angel has very smooth gaits. I used to ride horses like him when I . . . when I was on Earth the last time.
Crowley snarls:
And all this charming fun relates to Hekla's story for the head office how, exactly?
Patience, Crowley. I'm getting to that.
Crowley dangles his arms and rolls his hands as if to say, "Well, go on, go on."
Hekla asked the stable owner if she and Eric could work there. To learn modern stable management and horsemanship.
I thought if I had a job, that might convince Michael I could stay on Earth.
And it's fairly close to Tadfield, so she could be considered to be under my supervision. But without a redundant duplication of postings to a single small village.
Ammun growls:
And no more jobs in London, seeing as how it's now supposedly crawling with demons. We get Hekla safely stashed in the countryside where the demons won't get at her. But where she can continue an Earth monitoring post. Have someone on the ground under Adam's earth observation cloud. Get back into practice dealing with humans.
It would be much less boring than a receptionist at a tailor's shop. And my employer wouldn't always be glaring at Eric for intruding on my time.
Eric and Hekla smile lovingly at one another. Crowley raises his chin and studies them with half-closed eyelids behind his dark glasses, then murmurs to Uriel:
I take it that Alexis agreed to this proposal?
Alexis is the stable owner?
Yep. Did she agree? I'm guessing Eric and Hekla would be easy keepers, not requiring groceries and all.
Uriel replies:
Not that Alexis knows they're an angel and a demon, of course. She asked if they would require a stipend. Georgia told her no, that they had an independent income.
Did she agree?
Not yet. Said she would have to consider the matter more carefully.
Crowley gets out his phone, taps and swipes to make a call.
Alexis? Crowley here. How's Boris? . . . Glad to hear it. . . . Say, Alexis, my friend Georgia tells me a young couple named Hekla and Eric have approached you about an internship at your stable? . . . I have farm property in Tadfield. Been thinking of putting a few horses on it. But I'd need a stable manager. If you could train those two up, I can provide a stipend for their room and board. . . . Couple of years is fine. . . . Can they start tomorrow morning? . . . Well, just consider them guest riders until the contract papers are ready. Put them up in the barn if you need to, haha. . . . Yep. You're sharp, Alexis. That's indeed the situation. . . . Aha. I had no idea. So you two know what we're up against. . . . Good. I'll bring them round mid-morning . . . Um, Alexis? My role in this is strictly confidential, agreed? Not so much as a whisper to anyone? . . . Excellent. Give Boris a dram for me. Ciao.
Uriel regards Crowley intently.
Crowley, just what sort of hold do you have over Alexis?
Georgia told me she was having some cash flow problems. I tided her over.
Ah. You do put your tentacles out, don't you.
Tentacles? What the fuck? I'm a snake, if you will recall.
Don't get shirty. It was a metaphor only.
Incubi are heavily into tentacle porn. They're considered the scum of Hell's low rent district.
Eric nods.
Yes. Saying someone has tentacles is a nasty insult.
Uriel grimaces.
Well of course I didn't know that. But I apologize anyway, Crowley. Don't get wound up.
I'll get wound up if I feel like it, dammit.
Hekla's soft voice interjects:
Ammun, do you think I should call Michael myself? Or would it be better for you to do so?
Me. Michael would pull details out of you like unwinding a silkworm. I'll simply tell her you're safe with Uriel tonight. Heading off tomorrow to the Cotswolds to start a job you wangled. Fine show of enterprise on your part, etcetera.
Ammun, impress upon Michael that Hekla's employer believes she's the victim of a stalker, and will consider her employment confidential.
Is that true?
Yep. Alexis is no fool. She was suspicious as to why I was so anxious to get them started immediately, money no object. Asked if Hekla was being stalked. Turns out one of her grooms had a bad experience with a psycho ex. At any rate, we sure as Hell don't want Michael phoning up to verify employment and discovering that Eric is part of the package.
Shit, no.
So you'd damn well better convince Michael you and Uriel have the situation safely in hand, Ammun. So she doesn't start snooping around. Simply tell her that the stable owner needed help, Hekla is already expert around horses, it's a match made in Heaven. Haha.
Crowley smirks. Ammun rolls his eyes. But Hekla is somber.
Demon Crowley, I'm scared. I . . . I know what Gabriel did to you and Aziraphale. Are Eric and I . . .
In the same sort of danger from the Heavenly Host? Dunno. The Twins told Uriel that Gabriel got a spanking from The Almighty for being an asshole about things. Right, Uriel?
Yes. And of course, the head office does not know that you have a demon lover, Hekla. They have no reason to pursue you if . . .
Uriel falls silent. The words "demon lover" have triggered an upwelling of emotional poison in Hekla. She can't control crying. Covers her face with her hands. Eric leaps up and hugs her shoulders, fixes Crowley with an appealing gaze.
Hekla gasps between sobs:
If I hadn't . . . let myself be . . . be seduced by the Demon Daji . . . none of this trouble . . . would . . . would have happened. I nearly got Eric killed. I'm so ashamed.
Crowley snarls:
For fuck's sake, Hekla. You were lonely and seeking love. Vulnerable. A right beacon to a predator like Daji.
I fell!
No. You didn't. Being tricked isn't the same as falling. I'm telling you, you had no chance against Daji.
Really?
Consider me a fucking expert on temptation and falling. You found the love you need in Eric. He found the same. You saved each other from discorporation. You're going to a swell hideout. So stop feeling sorry for yourself. Buck the fuck up, Hekla.
Crowley snorts in exasperation:
Enough of this angelic soap opera. I gotta go.
He rises from his chair, heads for the door. Eric leaps up and races to open it for him. Hekla follows Eric. They catch up with Crowley by the Bentley.
You two need a ride back to the manor?
Could you? We came in Uriel's car.
Crowley regards Eric closely.
By the way, Eric, I've been meaning to ask. When did you get the ear decoration?
Eric feels his ears. There's a rough spot on his right earlobe.
Is it this?
Take a selfie and have a closer look.
Eric does so. Expands the picture.
It's a little gold star!
Crowley turns his head so Eric gets the full view of his cheek with the satanic tattoo.
Whoa! It's like yours!
You don't remember getting it? No beam of blue light?
No. What does it mean?
It's a mark from The Almighty. If you were sporting it during your interview with Beelzebub, she undoubtedly noticed it.
Crowley stands silent and thoughtful for a moment.
Hekla, if Beelzebub appears before you two, do not draw your sword. It will be useless against her. Do whatever Eric tells you.
Is she going to come for us?
Maybe. Don't be too worried. She came for Angel. He's still here. Get in.
Crowley drives off with a squeal of tires.
Inside the house, Ammun raises his eyebrows, grins at Uriel.
Bit tetchy today, wasn't he?
