In the 1967-68 school year, Charles, Drew, and Melinda are in fifth grade. Meanwhile, Betty is in third grade, and she soon begins to bother a fourth-grade boy named Howard DeVille. For the next two months, she does so on a regular basis. It's up to Melinda and Stu to figure out why.
Inspired by the "Rugrats" episode "Angelica's in Love" (where Betty mentions how she used to pick on Howard when they were in grade school), the "Recess" episode "The Pest," and the "Loud House" episode "Heavy Meddle"
In September 1967, school started again. This time, Chas, Drew, and Melinda were in fifth grade, Howard and Charlotte were in fourth grade, Stu and Betty, the latter now wearing a tie-dye shirt, were in third grade, and Didi was in second grade.
Surprisingly, however, Betty Giselle and Howard DeVille were in the same classroom, because their teacher, Mrs. Gunderson, was teaching a third-and-fourth-grade class. Therefore, they also shared the classroom with Bob Spinelli, Sam Detweiler, and quite a few other eight-or-nine-year-olds. As for Stu, he was in a different third-grade classroom, while Charlotte was in a different fourth-grade classroom.
Therefore, during class, as Mrs. Gunderson was teaching her students math, Betty was seated behind Howard in class. Betty was reading from her third-grade math book, and Howard was reading from his fourth-grade math book.
Howard was concentrating on his studies when he felt something poking him in the back.
"Ow!" he cried as he turned to Betty, who smiled innocently.
But once he turned back to his studies, Betty again poked him with her index finger.
"Quit it, Betty!" cried Howard.
"Quit what?" asked Betty.
"You know what! Just quit it!"
Mrs. Gunderson asked, "Howard, is there anything wrong?"
Howard sheepishly replied, "Um, no, Mrs. Gunderson. Everything's fine."
"Good. Then, why don't you solve a problem?"
Howard sighed, then he went up to the blackboard to solve the problem. As this was a third-grade review problem, Howard found it easy: "10 x 10 = 100."
But as he went back to his desk to sit down, Betty slapped his back, causing him to fall to his desk with a wearied expression on his face.
"I'm okay," groaned Howard, but he wasn't really okay. He didn't know why Betty was treating him like this.
By Friday, Howard began to feel uncomfortable about Betty's prodding him with her index finger. So, while he was playing tetherball with Chas, Melinda, Stu, Drew, and Charlotte, he noticed Betty coming his way with Didi, and he cried out, "I can't take it anymore!"
"What's the matter, Howard?" asked Stu.
"Did you see what's been happening in our classroom? I just don't know what to do! All week long, I've been kicked, poked, slapped, and had my hair pulled! Just look at the gum in my hair!"
"So, you're being picked on, huh? Maybe you should just ignore this bully."
"Tried it, and it didn't work! The immature attacks continue."
"Of course, you're being picked on," said Charlotte. "You're a total wimp, even wimpier than Chas here, and that's all you'll ever be!"
Poor Howard burst into tears at Charlotte's abrasive comment, which made her realize how much of a jerk she had been, so she, Chas, Melinda, Stu, and even Drew showed sympathy for him.
"I'm sorry, Howard!" said Charlotte. "I didn't mean to make you cry!"
"Don't cry, Howard," said Chas as he stroked Howard's shoulders.
Drew added, "Yeah, DeVille. As long as we're here, that bully wouldn't dare bug ya!"
Drying his tears, Howard asked, "You sure?"
"Positive."
But soon, at last, Howard was hit in the head with a kickball, which stuck to the gum in his hair.
Upon seeing this, Drew cried out, "Whoever did this, let's cream him!"
"I'll go tell the principal!" cried Chas.
"Forget that, Chas," said Charlotte. "I'll dig up dirt on him… I'll find an embarrassing photo of him as a baby, maybe as late as kindergarten, and share it with all his friends."
Stu added, "I'll deliver unto him a delicious insult that will leave him in tears!"
"Better yet," said Melinda, "I'll kick him in a mud puddle for everyone to see!"
"Let's get him!" cried Chas, Melinda, Stu, Drew, and Charlotte together.
And no sooner had they said that than they ran off to find the kid they believed was picking on Howard. Soon enough, they found a fourth grader named Leonard Weems, who shouted to some first graders, "Stop trying to outrun me, or I'll make up something to tell on you!"
And when they immediately dogpiled him, Leonard cried out, "Hey! What's the big idea?! What are you doing to me?!"
"Drop the innocent act, Weems!" exclaimed Drew. "We're onto your game!"
"Yeah! Why are you picking on Howard?!" asked Melinda.
"Howard?" asked Leonard in confusion. "Who's he?"
"Don't play dumb with us!" cried Stu. "You hit him on the head with a kickball!"
"What?! No, I didn't!"
"Yes, you did!" cried Chas. "You oughta have gum in your hair for putting some in Howard's!"
"I didn't do it!"
"Yes, you did!" said Charlotte.
"Look, guys," snapped Leonard, "I may be a snitch, but I would never pick on anyone!"
"Guys!" groaned Howard. "This guy isn't my enemy, although he'll probably end up yours."
As Chas, Melinda, Stu, Drew, and Charlotte let Leonard go, he glared at them for what they put him through, and he said, "Boy, your feet are sore from jumping to conclusions."
And Drew kicked him out as he said, "Scram, you dumb fourth grader."
He then said to Howard, "I'll go get another boy."
Howard replied, "Drew, stop. It's not even a boy. It's a girl. Her name is Betty."
This got Melinda grinning ear-to-ear as she said to Howard, "You mean, you… and Betty…"
And finally, she squealed with delight!
"Oh, boy," groaned Howard.
"I think Betty has a thing for you!" said Melinda.
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't you see? When a girl picks on you, that can only mean one thing: she likes you, but she doesn't have the guts to say it!"
"Easy for you to say! You're a girl, and you haven't been bullied all week!"
Little did any of them realize that, at a distance, Betty was watching Howard…
For the next two months, Betty would pick on Howard and laugh at his expense. In September, she tied his shoelaces together so he'd trip as everyone else ran for the playground.
"Oh, real original!" growled Howard.
And she would put a whoopie cushion on his cafeteria seat during lunch break.
"That's real mature, Betty!" snarled Howard as Betty laughed out loud.
In October, she filled his locker with garbage so it would fall on top of him as he opened the locker.
"Really?" groaned Howard.
But Betty's favorite tactic was poking Howard with her index finger during class.
"I thought I told you to stop it," said Howard as he glanced at her, annoyed.
"Why don't ya make me?" said Betty as she continued poking him.
By November, Howard was fed up with Betty's antics, and during recess, he told Chas, Stu, and Melinda all about it:
"I don't see how Betty could love me if she's constantly picking on me! I mean, just yesterday, she put a sloppy Joe on my head! And I know why: she hates me! Next time I see her, I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind!"
Melinda replied, "I'm gonna give her a piece of your heart instead."
"What?! Have you lost your mind, Melinda?! You seriously think Betty likes me?!"
Chas replied, "I don't know, Howard. Maybe she's right. Then again, what do I know?"
Howard shrugged, then he went to the boys' restroom to hide from Betty.
"You know, guys," said Stu. "Maybe we should go to Betty and find out once and for all why she keeps picking on Howard."
"I already told you," Melinda said, "she has a crush on him."
"That's what they all say. Next thing you know, he's got a shiner!"
"You're right, Stu," said Chas. "We gotta find Betty and find out why she keeps bugging him."
And after Stu and Chas ran off, Melinda rolled her eyes and decided to follow them too.
Meanwhile, Betty and Didi watched this, the former with agitation…
That day, during lunch, Howard was eating lunch, minding his own business, when Betty, seeing him, refusing to say a single word, snuck up on him unseen and dumped a serving of chocolate pudding on his head, and she ran off laughing, much to his annoyance.
"Now, I've lost control of my life," groaned Howard.
The next day, during recess, Betty and Didi were playing with a kickball, while Chas, Stu, and Melinda noticed that Howard was hiding out in the cheese block.
"What's the matter, Howard?" asked Stu. "Why are you hiding?"
Howard, afraid to tell his friends the truth, replied, "Uh, I'm playing hide-and-seek with Drew and Charlotte."
"It's okay to hate being picked on," said Chas. "Heck, I hate it when Drew calls me by my last name."
"But every time I go out there, Betty pokes me and throws balls at me."
And to prove his point, Howard stuck his head out of the cheese block, and Betty threw the kickball at his head.
"See what I mean?" he said with a scowl.
Melinda then said, "I keep telling you, Howard, Betty's fallen in love with you."
"How's that possible?!" asked Howard. "I mean, come on, Melinda! Betty's rude and gross and totally annoying. I'd rather eat sand than kiss her!"
But Howard didn't know that Betty had overheard what he said, and she ran into the girls' bathroom.
"Don't you think that was a little harsh?" asked Melinda. "I think you may have hurt Betty's feelings."
Howard replied, "Come on, Melinda. Betty's the toughest girl in school. She can handle it."
But when Melinda entered the girls' bathroom, she saw that Betty was crying her eyes out.
Melinda frowned as she said to herself, "I can't believe Howard made Betty cry!"
She then said to Betty, "Look, Betty. Howard didn't mean it."
Nevertheless, Betty cried and cried.
It was then when, after Melinda led Betty out of the girls' room, they encountered Stu and Chas.
Stu said, "Betty, the time has come for you to come clean."
"Yeah," added Chas. "For the past two months, you've been bugging Howard, and we wanna know why! Why?"
"Well…" muttered Betty.
"Is it his face?"
"Uh…"
"His hair?"
"Uh…"
"Is it 'cause he's cute?" asked Melinda.
Pressed for answers, Betty couldn't take it anymore, and she heard herself blurt it out: "Yes! Yes! It's all of those things! I like him, okay?"
Stu and Chas gazed first at Betty, then at each other in confusion.
"I like Howard," said Betty. "There, I said it. Just don't tell anyone. You three are the only ones who should know."
"Wow," said Chas, feeling very guilty. "Too bad Howard doesn't know about this."
"Yeah," said Stu. "He doesn't think you like him."
"Don't tell him especially!" cried Betty. "I'm so much in love with Howard I can't bear to tell him, and I can't even bear it! Love hurts!"
And she started crying again. But Melinda gently stroked her shoulder and whispered, "Sh. Sh. Don't cry, Betty. We'll think of something to do about your crush. Maybe if Stu, Chas, and I arranged for you and Howard to meet each other in secret, tomorrow at dawn, with only the three of us as your witnesses."
Betty dried her tears and, in her shock, gasped, "What?"
And on the playground, Chas whispered to Howard, "You must meet Betty in secret, tomorrow at dawn, with only Stu, Melinda, and me as your witnesses."
Howard was equally shocked. "What?"
So, the next day, at dawn, Chas, Melinda, and Stu all secretly followed Betty to the DeVille's place. They had all hoped that Howard and Betty would kiss each other, but neither Howard nor Betty felt easy about what was going to happen.
The next thing they knew, Howard and Betty were standing face to face with each other, Betty with a blank stare and Howard with an anxious look, all while Chas, Melinda, and Stu were watching.
Howard simply said, "Hi, Betty."
And, in full view of Chas, Melinda, and Stu, Betty punched Howard in the face and went to school in a huff.
Chas, Melinda, and Stu all felt sorry for Howard, and they approached him.
"Tough luck, Howard," said Stu.
"We didn't mean for this to happen," said Melinda.
"It's just that Betty told us that…" Chas was going to say before Melinda shushed him.
But Howard, now sporting a black eye, said to the others, "I knew it all along. Betty hates me!"
And he too stormed off to school, followed by Chas, Melinda, and Stu.
During recess that day, Drew couldn't help but notice Howard sulking at the bottom of the jungle gym. Upon closer inspection, Drew found out why. "Whoa, DeVille! Where did you get that shiner?!" he exclaimed.
"Don't ask," huffed Howard.
And so, Drew shrugged his shoulders and went away.
As soon as Drew had gone, however, Howard saw a raw steak fall upon his lap. Upon placing the steak over his shiner, he smiled and said to himself, "Gee, whoever did this must really like me."
And he went to the boys' bathroom, unaware that Betty and Melinda were watching him.
"Like I said," Betty said to Melinda, "I like Howard. I just don't want to admit it. After all, I'm a tomboy, and besides, don't tell Howard that I love him either. He's got too much goin' on in his head."
Melinda smiled and replied, "My lips are sealed, Betty."
Poor Howard. Because Betty couldn't say that she was in love with him, it would take him nearly twenty years for him to figure out that her teasing was just her way of saying "I love you."
