Hux was sitting on the couch and watched Ren preparing the food and tea. It was odd to see him do something so trivial like using a re-heat unit. A Dark Lord of the Sith staring in a heater wasn't something he thought he would ever see. He almost scoffed. Hux stared at his hands, at least they weren't trembling anymore. Weak, he really was weak. He pulled the corner of his mouth down. All it took was the sight of Ren with a belt in his hand to pierce his carefully constructed walls.

'You will always be a coward, boy.'

He pushed the memory away. No coward could have killed Colonel Ho-Pi during a 30 second lift ride with a blade and still gotten away. No coward could have manipulated kriffing Supreme Leader Snoke into punishing Pryde. He straightened himself. Only a slip, and Ren was perhaps soft enough not to take advantage of this knowledge.

Yes, he was soft. Not only his boyish face and his thick black hair were soft… if Hux was being truthful he had suspected that in the moment, Kylo might've suggested they could just lay next to each other. No wonder that he wore that stupid mask - at least that way he could pretend that he wasn't as straightforward as he was.

Ren put the cup of tea in front of him. "Thank you," Hux said in a quiet voice. No, no, this wasn't how it was supposed to be. He shouldn't thank him.

Ren sat down across from him with the food. Hux stared at the steaming plate with bogweed noodles. The table was too low for Ren so he had to sit on the floor to be able to shove the food in his mouth.

Hux stared at the mug, his chest was feeling tight. It was unfair… Ren could afford to be direct, to be honest because he was powerful. Because he was special, despite Hux's attempts to marginalize his gifts. Whereas he couldn't afford it, because he would be ripped to pieces to moment he thought he was safe. It was what had killed his father in the end. Brendol Hux had thought that he had broken his son thoroughly but in the end the cur bit back.

"These are great," said Ren with a quick grin. "I really was hungry."

"Well, you're lucky that there were still leftovers," lied Hux. He had ordered the food a couple of hours before… specifically for Ren. He wasn't sure why he had done it, despite not knowing if he would even show up.

Hux took a gulp of his tea and grimaced, Ren had added sweeteners. "I prefer my tea undiluted by sugar," he said and put the mug back on the table.

"Ah, sorry. Didn't know." Ren ate the last forkful and let the fork clatter on the empty plate. He chewed and looked at Hux from head to toe. There was something tender in his gaze, it wasn't at all like the ones he was used to - scrutinizing, calculating, cold. Hux could feel how an iron grip took hold of his heart.

"Mind if we lay a bit in the bed?" Ren asked, unable to hold Hux's gaze.

"It's part of the package, isn't it?" replied Hux with as much coldness as he could muster. He wasn't weak and he couldn't let Ren think that he was.

He got up and went into the bedroom, making an effort not to look at Ren when he did. He crawled under the cool shimmersilk sheets and waited for Ren to join him. Moments later he could feel the mattress weigh down, Ren scooted up to him hesitantly reaching around him, pulling him closer.

Feeling Ren's heat on his back made him feel uneasy… no, not uneasy. It wasn't the warmth, it was the odd feeling spreading in his chest, making it hard to breathe. Ren's finger caressed his upper chest, Hux wished that he would soon kiss his neck. When the soft kiss came he closed his eyes to take in the sensation, so this is what it felt like to have someone who actually... His eyes snapped open. It was unfair. So unfair that he had given a taste of something he could never have.

His life depended on his ability to keep the upper hand against smart and powerful enemies. And yet he had fallen for a man who would most certainly prove to be his downfall if he wasn't careful.

Another kiss on his nape made a shiver run down his spine. Stars, if only it wouldn't feel so good. If only his lips weren't so soft, his brown eyes not so dark that he could lose himself in them.

The hand on his chest became limp and the deep breath behind him suggested that Ren had fallen asleep. It was tempting not to wake him, just stay like this the whole night… no, he had already shown too much weakness today.

With a rather rough jerk he pulled away from Ren, the other man grunted and propped himself up on an elbow. "Huh?"

"Time is up," said Hux in a firm voice.

Ren got up and dressed himself properly. Hux stood next to the bed, awaiting the goodbye-kiss that he always gave him before he left.

Just as he calculated, Ren leaned in and gave him a quick peck before he turned on his heel and left. Hux reached up to where Ren had kissed him and traced the spot with this fingertips. Why, why did it have to feel so nice?

-o-

The next day he buried himself in work, even though he could feel a heachache coming up in the late afternoon. The lack of sleep and his negligence of physical exercise finally caught up to him.

He took a few stims and continued to work until dinner. He ordered food into his quarters and ate the salad and about half of the meal before stopping. He put the rest in the conservator and continued to work until 22:14, then he decided to go to the gym.

On his way there he quickly though about Ren - would he be there? No, that was improbable, he usually showed up a bit later.

To his surprise, there were two other officers working out. He gave them a polite nod and started with his training. He felt uncomfortable that his subordinates could see him like this but at the same time he was under no illusion that they were gossiping about him and his lack of fitness anyway. Retreating now would be even more awkward.

About an hour later he finished his exercises and returned to his quarters. The chronometer showed 23:41 when he had finished polishing his boots. Knowing Ren he probably would show up again, like a touch-starved Loth-cat.

He put the boots in their place and went over to the desk, checking new messages. Then he turned in his chair to look out of the small viewport into space. Should he turn Ren down for the sake of his own vulnerability? He sighed. He shouldn't kid himself - his resolve in refusing to have sex with Ren was about as strong as a Hutt's restraint at a buffet.

Yes, now that he thought about it - what better way was there to keep control of his desires than giving in? It was smart to keep Ren close, perhaps he could gain some advantage from him… like having his dick sucked, a little traitorous voice in his mind added.

The doorbell rang and Hux checked the time: 23:51. Ren really was true to his modus operandi. How could he have thought that the man was unpredictable?

It turned out that Ren was still fascinated by Hux's toys, he had headed straight to the drawer and had taken out a dildo. Hux crawled on the bed and waited for Ren. Moments later he was pressed down by Ren's kisses.

Ren fingered him while kissing and sucking his nipples. Hux enjoyed both ministrations - he hadn't known that his nipples were so sensitive. Nobody had care before to touch him like that. Ren put a large amount of lube on the dildo and started to push it in, making Hux groan and grabbing his own dick to jerk off. Suddenly the dildo was pulled out, making Hux protest.

"Kriff! I can't wait that long," huffed Ren and positioned himself between his legs.

He entered and Hux bit his lip. Ren was bigger than the dilo, feeling his pulsating dick inside him was bliss. In a matter of moments he rode him to climax.

Ren gave him a kiss while still panting. Hux laughed. "You really aren't a patient one, are you?"

"It's just- seeing you lying there… it's so hot that I can't hold back." He let himself fall next to Hux. "Sorry, I guess I'm not good with elaborate sex."

"It doesn't have to be elaborate," said Hux.

"Yeah, I know - it's just the last time was so intense that I kind of wanted to repay you."

Hux smiled. It was endearing how considerate Ren was… truly not something he had encountered often with other lovers. "I thought that you would like it."

"Why did you think so?"

"You said that you wanted something to 'take the edge off'. It sounded like you wanted something intense."

Ren turned on his side to face him. "Do you know this feeling… like your skin is too tight? Like you want to rip your clothes off and hit something so hard that your knuckles start to bleed?"

Hux wiped over his face. "No, not like that. For me it's more of a feeling like a knot inside me, it gets tighter and tighter until I have this urge to run until I'm exhausted."

"I used to burn myself with my lightsaber sometimes, or work out until my muscles were sore. But now I come to you. You make me feel at home in my own body," said Ren in a low voice.

Hux gulped. Ren had no business to be so vulnerable, he had no right to make him feel so- so loved. Stars, he wanted to tell him- he didn't know what. He wanted to try to articulate how it felt like, being touched with so much affection, being looked at with so much gentleness. No, no he couldn't - he had to stay on guard.

"It's just physical," he replied. "That's all."

Ren fell silent, then he got up and went into the refresher.